ivanoff-第4章

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the　direct　ancestor　of　auction　bridge；　with　which　it　is　almost
identical。　＇translator's　note＇

AVDOTIA。　＇Interrupting　him＇　No；　I　said　one　in　no…trumps；　you　said
two　in　no…trumps…

KOSICH。　This　is　unbearable！　Allow　meyou　hadI　hadyou　had
＇To　LEBEDIEFF＇　But　you　shall　decide　it；　Paul：　I　had　the　ace；
king；　queen；　and　eight　of　diamonds…

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Puts　his　fingers　into　his　ears＇　Stop；　for　heaven's
sake；　stop！

AVDOTIA。　＇Yelling＇　I　said　no…trumps；　and　not　he！

KOSICH。　＇Furiously＇　I'll　be　damned　if　I　ever　sit　down　to　another
game　of　cards　with　that　old　cat！

He　rushes　into　the　garden。　The　SECOND　GUEST　follows　him。　GEORGE
is　left　alone　at　the　table。

AVDOTIA。　Whew！　He　makes　my　blood　boil！　Old　cat；　indeed！　You're　an
old　cat　yourself！

MARTHA。　How　angry　you　are；　aunty！

AVDOTIA。　＇Sees　MARTHA　and　claps　her　hands＇　Are　you　here；　my
darling？　My　beauty！　And　was　I　blind　as　a　bat；　and　didn't　see　you？
Darling　child！　＇She　kisses　her　and　sits　down　beside　her＇　How
happy　this　makes　me！　Let　me　feast　my　eyes　on　you；　my　milk…white
swan！　Oh；　oh；　you　have　bewitched　me！

LEBEDIEFF。　Why　don't　you　find　her　a　husband　instead　of　singing
her　praises？

AVDOTIA。　He　shall　be　found。　I　shall　not　go　to　my　grave　before　I
have　found　a　husband　for　her；　and　one　for　Sasha　too。　I　shall　not
go　to　my　grave　＇She　sighs＇　But　where　to　find　these　husbands
nowadays？　There　sit　some　possible　bridegrooms　now；　huddled
together　like　a　lot　of　half…drowned　rats！

THIRD　GUEST。　A　most　unfortunate　comparison！　It　is　my　belief；
ladies；　that　if　the　young　men　of　our　day　prefer　to　remain　single；
the　fault　lies　not　with　them；　but　with　the　existing；　social
conditions！

LEBEDIEFF。　Come；　enough　of　that！　Don't　give　us　any　mo　re
philosophy；　I　don't　like　it！

Enter　SASHA。　She　goes　up　to　her　father。

SASHA。　How　can　you　endure　the　stuffy　air　of　this　room　when　the
weather　is　so　beautiful？

ZINAIDA。　My　dear　Sasha；　don't　you　see　that　Martha　is　here？

SASHA。　I　beg　your　pardon。

＇She　goes　up　to　MARTHA　and　shakes　hands。＇

MARTHA。　Yes；　here　I　am；　my　dear　little　Sasha；　and　proud　to
congratulate　you。　＇They　kiss　each　other＇　Many　happy　returns　of
the　day；　dear！

SASHA。　Thank　you！　＇She　goes　and　sits　down　by　her　father。＇

LEBEDIEFF。　As　you　were　saying；　Avdotia　Nazarovna；　husbands　are
hard　to　find。　I　don't　want　to　be　rude；　but　I　must　say　that　the
young　men　of　the　present　are　a　dull　and　poky　lot；　poor　fellows！
They　can't　dance　or　talk　or　drink　as　they　should　do。

AVDOTIA。　Oh；　as　far　as　drinking　goes；　they　are　all　experts。　Just
give　themgive　them…

LEBEDIEFF。　Simply　to　drink　is　no　art。　A　horse　can　drink。　No；　it
must　be　done　in　the　right　way。　In　my　young　days　we　used　to　sit
and　cudgel　our　brains　all　day　over　our　lessons；　but　as　soon　as
evening　came　we　would　fly　off　on　some　spree　and　keep　it　up　till
dawn。　How　we　used　to　dance　and　flirt；　and　drink；　too！　Or
sometimes　we　would　sit　and　chatter　and　discuss　everything　under
the　sun　until　we　almost　wagged　our　tongues　off。　But　now　＇He
waves　his　hand＇　Boys　are　a　puzzle　to　me。　They　are　not　willing
either　to　give　a　candle　to　God　or　a　pitchfork　to　the　devil！　There
is　only　one　young　fellow　in　the　country　who　is　worth　a　penny；　and
he　is　married。　＇Sighs＇　They　say；　too；　that　he　is　going　crazy。

MARTHA。　Who　is　he？

LEBEDIEFF。　Nicholas　Ivanoff。

MARTHA。　Yes；　he　is　a　fine　fellow；　only　＇Makes　a　face＇　he　is　very
unhappy。

ZINAIDA。　How　could　he　be　otherwise；　poor　boy！　＇She　sighs＇　He　made
such　a　bad　mistake。　When　he　married　that　Jewess　of　his　he　thought
of　course　that　her　parents　would　give　away　whole　mountains　of
gold　with　her；　but；　on　the　contrary；　on　the　day　she　became　a
Christian　they　disowned　her；　and　Ivanoff　has　never　seen　a　penny
of　the　money。　He　has　repented　of　his　folly　now；　but　it　is　too
late。

SASHA。　Mother；　that　is　not　true！

MARTHA。　How　can　you　say　it　is　not　true；　Sasha；　when　we　all　know
it　to　be　a　fact？　Why　did　he　have　to　marry　a　Jewess？　He　must　have
had　some　reason　for　doing　it。　Are　Russian　girls　so　scarce？　No；　he
made　a　mistake；　poor　fellow；　a　sad　mistake。　＇Excitedly＇　And　what
on　earth　can　he　do　with　her　now？　Where　could　she　go　if　he　were　to
come　home　some　day　and　say：　〃Your　parents　have　deceived　me；　leave
my　house　at　once！〃　Her　parents　wouldn't　take　her　back。　She　might
find　a　place　as　a　house…maid　if　she　had　ever　learned　to　work；
which　she　hasn't。　He　worries　and　worries　her　now；　but　the　Count
interferes。　If　it　had　not　been　for　the　Count；　he　would　have
worried　her　to　death　long　ago。

AVDOTIA。　They　say　he　shuts　her　up　in　a　cellar　and　stuffs　her　with
garlic；　and　she　eats　and　eats　until　her　very　soul　reeks　of　it。
＇Laughter。＇

SASHA。　But；　father；　you　know　that　isn't　true！

LEBEDIEFF。　What　if　it　isn't；　Sasha？　Let　them　spin　yarns　if　it
amuses　them。　＇He　calls＇　Gabriel！

GABRIEL　brings　him　another　glass　of　vodka　and　a　glass　of　water。

ZINAIDA。　His　misfortunes　have　almost　ruined　him；　poor　man。　His
affairs　are　in　a　frightful　condition。　If　Borkin　did　not　take　such
good　charge　of　his　estate　he　and　his　Jewess　would　soon　be
starving　to　death。　＇She　sighs＇　And　what　anxiety　he　has　caused　us！
Heaven　only　knows　how　we　have　suffered。　Do　you　realise；　my　dear；
that　for　three　years　he　has　owed　us　nine　thousand　roubles？

MARTHA。　＇Horrified＇　Nine　thousand！

ZINAIDA。　Yes；　that　is　the　sum　that　my　dear　Paul　has　undertaken　to
lend　him。　He　never　knows　to　whom　it　is　safe　to　lend　money　and　to
whom　it　is　not。　I　don't　worry　about　the　principal；　but　he　ought
to　pay　the　interest　on　his　debt。

SASHA。　＇Hotly＇　Mamma；　you　have　already　discussed　this　subject　at
least　a　thousand　times！

ZINAIDA。　What　difference　does　it　make　to　you？　Why　should　you
interfere？

SASHA。　What　is　this　mania　you　all　have　for　gossiping　about　a　man
who　has　never　done　any　of　you　any　harm？　Tell　me；　what　harm　has　he
done　you？

THIRD　GUEST。　Let　me　say　two　words；　Miss　Sasha。　I　esteem　Ivanoff；
and　have　always　found　him　an　honourable　man；　but；　between
ourselves；　I　also　consider　him　an　adventurer。

SASHA。　I　congratulate　you　on　your　opinion！

THIRD　GUEST。　In　proof　of　its　truth；　permit　me　to　present　to　you
the　following　facts；　as　they　were　communicated　to　me　by　his
secretary；　or　shall　I　say　rather；　by　his　factotum；　Borkin。　Two
years　ago；　at　the　time　of　the　cattle　plague；　he　bought　some
cattle　and　had　them　insured

ZINAIDA。　Yes；　I　remember　hearing'　of　that。

THIRD　GUEST。　He　had　them　insured；　as　you　understand；　and　then
inoculated　them　with　the　disease　and　claimed　the　insurance。

SASHA。　Oh；　what　nonsense；　nonsense；　nonsense！　No　one　bought　or
inoculated　any　cattle！　The　story　was　invented　by　Borkin；　who　then
went　about　boasting　of　his　clever　plan。　Ivanoff　would　not　forgive
Borkin　for　two　weeks　after　he　heard　of　it。　He　is　only　guilty　of　a
weak　character　and　too　great　faith　in　humanity。　He　can't　make　up
his　mind　to　get　rid　of　that　Borkin；　and　so　all　his　possessions
have　been　tricked　and　stolen　from　him。　Every　one　who　has　had
anything　to　do　with　Ivanoff　has　taken　advantage　of　his　generosity
to　grow　rich。

LEBEDIEFF。　Sasha；　you　little　firebrand；　that　will　do！

SASHA。　Why　do　you　all　talk　like　this？　This　eternal　subject　of
Ivanoff；　Ivanoff；　and　always　Ivanoff　has　grown　insufferable；　and
yet　you　never　speak　of　anything　else。　＇She　goes　toward　the　door；
then　stops　and　comes　back＇　I　am　surprised；　＇To　the　young　men＇　and
utterly　astonished　at　your　patience；　young　men！　How　can　you　sit
there　like　that？　Aren't　you　bored？　Why；　the　very　air　is　as　dull
as　ditchwater！　Do；　for　heaven's　sake　say　something；　try　to　amuse
the　girls　a　little；　move　about！　Or　if　you　can't　talk　of　anything
except　Ivanoff；　you　might　laugh　or　sing　or　dance…

LEBEDIEFF。　＇Laughing＇　That's　right；　Sasha！　Give　them　a　good
scolding。

SASHA。　Look　here；　will　you　do　me　a　favour？　If　you　refuse　to　dance
or　sing　or　laugh；　if　all　that　is　tedious；　then　let　me　beg　you；
implore　you；　to　summon　all　your　powers；　if　only　for　this　once；
and　make　one　witty　or　clever　remark。　Let　it　be　as　impertinent　and
malicious　as　you　like；　so　long　as　it　is　funny　and　original。　Won't
you　perform　this　miracle；　just　once；　to　surprise　us　and　make　us
laugh？　Or　else　you　might　think　of　some　little　thing　which　you
could　all　do　together；　something　to　make　you　stir　about。　Let　the
girls　admire　you　for　once　in　their　lives！　Listen　to　me！　I　suppose
you　want　them　to　like　you？　Then　why　don't　try　to　make　them　do　it？
Oh；　dear！　There　is　something　wrong　with　you　all！　You　are　a　lot　of
sleepy　stick…in…the…muds！　I　have　told　you　so　a　thousand　times　and
shall　always　go　on　repeating　it；　there　is　something　wrong　with
every　one　of　you；　something　wrong；　wrong；　wrong！

Enter　IVANOFF　and　SHABELSKI　through　the　door　on　the　right。

SHABELSKI。　Who　is　making　a　speech　here？　Is　it　you；　Sasha？　＇He
laughs　and　shakes　hands　with　her＇　Many　happy　returns　of　the　day；
my　dear　child。　May　you　live　as　long　as　possible　in　this　life；　but
never　be　born　again！

ZINAIDA。　＇Joyfully＇　My　dear　Count！

LEBEDIEFF。　Who　can　this　be？　Not　you；　Count？

SHABELSKI。　＇Sees　ZINAIDA　and　MARTHA　sitting　side　by　side＇　Two
gold　mines　side　by　side！　What　a　pleasant　picture　it　makes！　＇He
shakes　hands　with　ZINAIDA＇　Good　evening；　Zuzu！　＇Shakes　hands　with
MARTHA＇　Good　evening；　Birdie！

ZINAIDA。　I　am　charmed　to　see　you；　Count。　You　are　a　rare　visitor
here　now。　＇Calls＇　Gabriel；　bring　some　tea！　Please　sit　down。

She　gets　up　and　goes　to　the　door　and　back；　evidently　much
preoccupied。　SASHA　sits　down　in　her　former　place。　IVANOFF
silently　shakes　hands　with　every　one。

LEBEDIEFF。　＇To　SHABELSKI＇　What　miracle　has　brought　you　here？　You
have　given　us　a　great　surprise。　Why；　Count；　you're　a　rascal；　you
haven't　been　treating　us　right　at　all。　＇Leads　him　forward　by　the
hand＇　Tell　me；　why　don't　you　ever　come　to　see　us　now？　Are　you
offended？

SHABELSKI。　How　can　I　get　here　to　see　you？　Astride　a　broomstick？　I
have　no　horses　of　my　own；　and　Nicholas　won't　take　me　with　him
when　he　goes　out。　He　says　I　must　stay　at　home　to　amuse　Sarah。
Send　your　horses　for　me　and　I　shall　come　with　pleasure。

LEBE　DIEFF。　＇With　a　wave　of　the　hand＇　Oh；　that　is　easy　to　say！
But　Zuzu　would　rather　have　a　fit　than　lend　the　horses　to　any　one。
My　dear；　dear　old　friend；　you　are　more　to　me　than　any　one　I　know！
You　and　I　are　survivors　of　those　good　old　days　that　are　gone
forever；　and　you　alone　bring　back　to　my　mind　the　love　and
longings　of　my　lost　youth。　Of　course　I　am　only　joking；　and　yet；
do　you　know；　I　am　almost　in　tears？

SHABELSKI。　Stop；　stop！　You　smell　like　the　air　of　a　wine　cellar。

LEBEDIEFF。　Dear　friend；　you　cannot　imagine　how　lonely　I　am
without　my　old　companions！　I　could　hang　myself！　＇Whispers＇　Zuzu
has　frightened　all　the　decent　men　away　with　her　stingy　ways；　and
now　we　have　only　this　riff…raff；　as　you　see：　Tom；　Dick；　and
Harry。　However；　drink　your　tea。

ZINAIDA。　＇Anxiously；　to　GABRIEL＇　Don't　bring　it　in　like　that！　Go
fetch　some　jam　to　eat　with　it！

SHABELSKI。　＇Laughing　loudly；　to　IVANOFF＇　Didn't　I　tell　you　so　？
＇To　LEBEDIEFF＇　I　bet　him　driving　over；　that　as　soon　as　we　arrived
Zuzu　would　want　to　feed　us　with　jam！

ZINAIDA。　Still　joking；　Count！　＇She　sits　down。＇

LEBEDIEFF。　She　made　twenty　jars　of　it　this　year；　and　how　else　do
you　expect　her　to　get　rid　of　it？

SHABELSKI。　＇Sits　down　near　the　table＇　Are　you　still　adding　to