ivanoff-第8章

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and　drive　over　to　visit　us。　Sasha　loves　and　understands　you。　She
is　a　sweet；　honest；　lovely　girl；　too　good　to　be　the　child　of　her
mother　and　me！　Sometimes；　when　I　look　at　her；　I　cannot　believe
that　such　a　treasure　could　belong　to　a　fat　old　drunkard　like　me。
Go　to　her；　talk　to　her；　and　let　her　cheer　you。　She　is　a　good；
true…hearted　girl。

IVANOFF。　Paul；　my　dear　friend；　please　go；　and　leave　me　alone。

LEBEDIEFF。　I　understand；　I　understand！　＇He　glances　at　his　watch＇
Yes；　I　understand。　＇He　kisses　IVANOFF＇　Good…bye；　I　must　go　to　the
blessing　of　the　school　now。　＇He　goes　as　far　as　the　door；　then
stops＇　She　is　so　clever！　Sasha　and　I　were　talking　about　gossiping
yesterday；　and　she　flashed　out　this　epigram：　〃Father；〃　she　said；
〃fire…flies　shine　at　night　so　that　the　night…birds　may　make　them
their　prey；　and　good　people　are　made　to　be　preyed　upon　by　gossips
and　slanderers。〃　What　do　you　think　of　that？　She　is　a　genius；
another　George　Sand！

IVANOFF。　＇Stopping　him　as　he　goes　out＇　Paul；　what　is　the　matter
with　me？

LEBEDIEFF。　I　have　wanted　to　ask　you　that　myself；　but　I　must
confess　I　was　ashamed　to。　I　don't　know；　old　chap。　Sometimes　I
think　your　troubles　have　been　too　heavy　for　you；　and　yet　I　know
you　are　not　the　kind　to　give　in　to　them；　you　would　not　be
overcome　by　misfortune。　It　must　be　something　else；　Nicholas；　but
what　it　may　be　I　can't　imagine。

IVANOFF。　I　can't　imagine　either　what　the　matter　is；　unlessand
yet　no　＇A　pause＇　Well；　do　you　see；　this　is　what　I　wanted　to
say。　I　used　to　have　a　workman　called　Simon；　you　remember　him。
Once；　at　threshing…time；　to　show　the　girls　how　strong　he　was；　he
loaded　himself　with　two　sacks　of　rye；　and　broke　his　back。　He　died
soon　after。　I　think　I　have　broken　my　back　also。　First　I　went　to
school；　then　to　the　university；　then　came　the　cares　of　this
estate；　all　my　plansI　did　not　believe　what　others　did；　did　not
marry　as　others　did；　I　worked　passionately；　risked　everything；　no
one　else；　as　you　know；　threw　their　money　away　to　right　and　left
as　I　did。　So　I　heaped　the　burdens　on　my　back；　and　it　broke。　We
are　all　heroes　at　twenty；　ready　to　attack　anything；　to　do
everything；　and　at　thirty　are　worn…out；　useless　men。　How；　oh；　how
do　you　account　for　this　weariness？　However；　I　may　be　quite　wrong；
go　away；　Paul；　I　am　boring　you。

LEBEDIEFF。　I　know　what　is　the　matter　with　you；　old　man：　you　got
out　of　bed　on　the　wrong　side　this　morning。

IVANOFF。　That　is　stupid；　Paul；　and　stale。　Go　away！

LEBEDIEFF。　It　is　stupid；　certainly。　I　see　that　myself　now。　I　am
going　at　once。　＇LEBEDIEFF　goes　out。

IVANOFF。　＇Alone＇　I　am　a　worthless；　miserable；　useless　man。　Only　a
man　equally　miserable　and　suffering；　as　Paul　is；　could　love　or
esteem　me　now。　Good　God！　How　I　loathe　myself！　How　bitterly　I　hate
my　voice；　my　hands；　my　thoughts；　these　clothes；　each　step　I　take！
How　ridiculous　it　is；　how　disgusting！　Less　than　a　year　ago　I　was
healthy　and　strong；　full　of　pride　and　energy　and　enthusiasm。　I
worked　with　these　hands　here；　and　my　words　could　move　the　dullest
man　to　tears。　I　could　weep　with　sorrow；　and　grow　indignant　at　the
sight　of　wrong。　I　could　feel　the　glow　of　inspiration；　and
understand　the　beauty　and　romance　of　the　silent　nights　which　I
used　to　watch　through　from　evening　until　dawn；　sitting　at　my
worktable；　and　giving　up　my　soul　to　dreams。　I　believed　in　a
bright　future　then；　and　looked　into　it　as　trustfully　as　a　child
looks　into　its　mother's　eyes。　And　now；　oh；　it　is　terrible！　I　am
tired　and　without　hope；　I　spend　my　days　and　nights　in　idleness；　I
have　no　control　over　my　feet　or　brain。　My　estate　is　ruined；　my
woods　are　falling　under　the　blows　of　the　axe。　＇He　weeps＇　My
neglected　land　looks　up　at　me　as　reproachfully　as　an　orphan。　I
expect　nothing；　am　sorry　for　nothing；　my　whole　soul　trembles　at
the　thought　of　each　new　day。　And　what　can　I　think　of　my　treatment
of　Sarah？　I　promised　her　love　and　happiness　forever；　I　opened　her
eyes　to　the　promise　of　a　future　such　as　she　had　never　even
dreamed　of。　She　believed　me；　and　though　for　five　years　I　have
seen　her　sinking　under　the　weight　of　her　sacrifices　to　me；　and
losing　her　strength　in　her　struggles　with　her　conscience；　God
knows　she　has　never　given　me　one　angry　look；　or　uttered　one　word
of　reproach。　What　is　the　result？　That　I　don't　love　her！　Why？　Is
it　possible？　Can　it　be　true？　I　can't　understand。　She　is
suffering；　her　days　are　numbered；　yet　I　fly　like　a　contemptible
coward　from　her　white　face；　her　sunken　chest；　her　pleading　eyes。
Oh；　I　am　ashamed；　ashamed！　＇A　pause＇　Sasha；　a　young　girl；　is
sorry　for　me　in　my　misery。　She　confesses　to　me　that　she　loves　me；
me；　almost　an　old　man！　Whereupon　I　lose　my　head；　and　exalted　as
if　by　music；　I　yell：　〃Hurrah　for　a　new　life　and　new　happiness！〃
Next　day　I　believe　in　this　new　life　and　happiness　as　little　as　I
believe　in　my　happiness　at　home。　What　is　the　matter　with　me？　What
is　this　pit　I　am　wallowing　in？　What　is　the　cause　of　this
weakness？　What　does　this　nervousness　come　from？　If　my　sick　wife
wounds　my　pride；　if　a　servant　makes　a　mistake；　if　my　gun　misses
fire；　I　lose　my　temper　and　get　violent　and　altogether　unlike
myself。　I　can't；　I　can't　understand　it；　the　easiest　way　out　would
be　a　bullet　through　the　head！

Enter　LVOFF。

LVOFF。　I　must　have　an　explanation　with　you；　Ivanoff。

IVANOFF。　If　we　are　going　to　have　an　explanation　every　day；
doctor；　we　shall　neither　of　us　have　the　strength　to　stand　it。

LVOFF。　Will　you　be　good　enough　to　hear　me？

IVANOFF。　I　have　heard　all　you　have　told　me　every　day；　and　have
failed　to　discover　yet　what　you　want　me　to　do。

LVOFF。　I　have　always　spoken　plainly　enough；　and　only　an　utterly
heartless　and　cruel　man　could　fail　to　understand　me。

IVANOFF。　I　know　that　my　wife　is　dying；　I　know　that　I　have　sinned
irreparably；　I　know　that　you　are　an　honest　man。　What　more　can　you
tell　me？

LVOFF。　The　sight　of　human　cruelty　maddens　me。　The　woman　is　dying
and　she　has　a　mother　and　father　whom　she　loves；　and　longs　to　see
once　more　before　she　dies。　They　know　that　she　is　dying　and　that
she　loves　them　still；　but　with　diabolical　cruelty；　as　if　to
flaunt　their　religious　zeal；　they　refuse　to　see　her　and　forgive
her。　You　are　the　man　for　whom　she　has　sacrificed　her　home；　her
peace　of　mind；　everything。　Yet　you　unblushingly　go　gadding　to　the
Lebedieffs'　every　evening；　for　reasons　that　are　absolutely
unmistakable！

IVANOFF。　Ah　me；　it　is　two　weeks　since　I　was　there！

LVOFF。　＇Not　listening　to　him＇　To　men　like　yourself　one　must　speak
plainly；　and　if　you　don't　want　to　hear　what　I　have　to　say；　you
need　not　listen。　I　always　call　a　spade　a　spade；　the　truth　is；　you
want　her　to　die　so　that　the　way　may　be　cleared　for　your　other
schemes。　Be　it　so；　but　can't　you　wait？　If；　instead　of　crushing
the　life　out　of　your　wife　by　your　heartless　egoism；　you　let　her
die　naturally；　do　you　think　you　would　lose　Sasha　and　Sasha's
money？　Such　an　absolute　Tartuffe　as　you　are　could　turn　the　girl's
　head　and　get　her　money　a　year　from　now　as　easily　as　you　can
to…day。　Why　are　you　in　such　a　hurry？　Why　do　you　want　your　wife　to
die　now；　instead　of　in　a　month's　time；　or　a　year's？

IVANOFF。　This　is　torture！　You　are　a　very　bad　doctor　if　you　think
a　man　can　control　himself　forever。　It　is　all　I　can　do　not　to
answer　your　insults。

LVOFF。　Look　here；　whom　are　you　trying　to　deceive？　Throw　off　this
disguise！

IVANOFF。　You　who　are　so　clever；　you　think　that　nothing　in　the
world　is　easier　than　to　understand　me；　do　you？　I　married　Annie
for　her　money；　did　I？　And　when　her　parents　wouldn't　give　it　to
me；　I　changed　my　plans；　and　am　now　hustling　her　out　of　the　world
so　that　I　may　marry　another　woman；　who　will　bring　me　what　I　want？
You　think　so；　do　you？　Oh；　how　easy　and　simple　it　all　is！　But　you
are　mistaken；　doctor；　in　each　one　of　us　there　are　too　many
springs；　too　many　wheels　and　cogs　for　us　to　judge　each　other　by
first　impressions　or　by　two　or　three　external　indications。　I　can
not　understand　you；　you　cannot　understand　me；　and　neither　of　us
can　understand　himself。　A　man　may　be　a　splendid　doctor；　and　at
the　same　time　a　very　bad　judge　of　human　nature；　you　will　admit
that；　unless　you　are　too　self…confident。

LVOFF。　Do　you　really　think　that　your　character　is　so　mysterious；
and　that　I　am　too　stupid　to　tell　vice　from　virtue？

IVANOFF。　It　is　clear　that　we　shall　never　agree；　so　let　me　beg　you
to　answer　me　now　without　any　more　preamble：　exactly　what　do　you
want　me　to　do？　＇Angrily＇　What　are　you　after　anyway？　And　with　whom
have　I　the　honour　of　speaking？　With　my　lawyer；　or　with　my　wife's
doctor？

LVOFF。　I　am　a　doctor；　and　as　such　I　demand　that　you　change　your
conduct　toward　your　wife；　it　is　killing　her。

IVANOFF。　What　shall　I　do？　Tell　me！　If　you　understand　me　so　much
better　than　I　understand　myself；　for　heaven's　sake　tell　me
exactly　what　to　do！

LVOFF。　In　the　first　place；　don't　be　so　unguarded　in　your
behaviour。

IVANOFF。　Heaven　help　me；　do　you　mean　to　say　that　you　understand
yourself？　＇He　drinks　some　water＇　Now　go　away；　I　am　guilty　a
thousand　times　over；　I　shall　answer　for　my　sins　before　God；　but
nothing　has　given　you　the　right　to　torture　me　daily　as　you　do。

LVOFF。　Who　has　given　you　the　right　to　insult　my　sense　of　honour？
You　have　maddened　and　poisoned　my　soul。　Before　I　came　to　this
place　I　knew　that　stupid；　crazy；　deluded　people　existed；　but　I
never　imagined　that　any　one　could　be　so　criminal　as　to　turn　his
mind　deliberately　in　the　direction　of　wickedness。　I　loved　and
esteemed　humanity　then；　but　since　I　have　known　you

IVANOFF。　I　have　heard　all　that　before。

LVOFF。　You　have；　have　you？

He　goes　out；　shrugging　his　shoulders。　He　sees　SASHA；　who　comes　in
at　this　moment　dressed　for　riding。

LVOFF。　Now；　however；　I　hope　that　we　can　understand　one　another！

IVANOFF。　＇Startled＇　Oh；　Sasha；　is　that　you？

SASHA。　Yes；　it　is　I。　How　are　you？　You　didn't　expect　me；　did　you？
Why　haven't　you　been　to　see　us？

IVANOFF。　Sasha；　this　is　really　imprudent　of　you！　Your　coming　will
have　a　terrible　effect　on　my　wife！

SASHA。　She　won't　see　me；　I　came　in　by　the　back　entrance；　I　shall
go　in　a　minute。　I　am　so　anxious　about　you。　Tell　me；　are　you　well？
Why　haven't　you　been　to　see　us　for　such　a　long　time？

IVANOFF。　My　wife　is　offended　already；　and　almost　dying；　and　now
you　come　here；　Sasha；　Sasha；　this　is　thoughtless　and　unkind　of
you。

SASHA。　How　could　I　help　coming？　It　is　two　weeks　since　you　were　at
our　house；　and　you　have　not　answered　my　letters。　I　imagined　you
suffering　dreadfully；　or　ill；　or　dead。　I　have　not　slept　for
nights。　I　am　going　now；　but　first　tell　me　that　you　are　well。

IVANOFF。　No；　I　am　not　well。　I　am　a　torment　to　myself；　and　every
one　torments　me　without　end。　I　can't　stand　it！　And　now　you　come
here。　How　morbid　and　unnatural　it　all　is；　Sasha。　I　am　terribly
guilty。

SASHA。　What　dreadful；　pitiful　speeches　you　make！　So　you　are
guilty；　are　you？　Tell　me；　then；　what　is　it　you　have　done？

IVANOFF　I　don't　know；　I　don't　know！

SASHA。　That　is　no　answer。　Every　sinner　should　know　what　he　is
guilty　of。　Perhaps　you　have　been　forging　money？

IVANOFF。　That　is　stupid。

SASHA。　Or　are　you　guilty　because　you　no　longer　love　your　wife？
Perhaps　you　are；　but　no　one　is　master　of　his　feelings；　and　you
did　not　mean　to　stop　loving　her。　Do　you　feel　guilty　because　she
sa