the darrow enigma(达罗之迷)-第21章
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better begin at the beginning。 You remember well my being rescued by
an English gentleman； a Mr。 John Darrow。 I afterward became well
acquainted； … in fact we were to be married。 To this union my parents
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strongly objected。 They had promised me to Rama Ragobah； and were
horrified at my seeking to outrage the laws of caste by bestowing my hand
not only outside of my station but upon a foreigner and Christian as well。
This had only the effect of causing me to meet the Sahib secretly。 We
chose for our meeting…place the great banyan on the top of Malabar Hill；
where I passed the happiest moments I have ever known。 Everything went
well until the night on which we had planned to run away。 We were to
meet at the usual place and hour； take the night train for Matheron Station；
and there be married。
〃My heart bounded with joy as I climbed Malabar Hill on that fatal
evening； but my delight was of short duration。 In my fear lest I should
keep my lover waiting I must have arrived fully fifteen minutes before the
appointed time。 I was standing with my back against the banyan tree；
awaiting the first sound of his approach； when my attention was attracted
by what seemed to be two little balls of fire shining from a clump of
bushes almost directly in front of me。 They seemed to burn with a lurid
and wicked glare； and； as my gaze became entangled by them； a tremor
ran through my frame and a cold sweat bathed my entire body。
Overcome by an unspeakable dread I made one last frantic effort to
withdraw my eyes； but could not。 Then gradually； by slow degrees； my
terror was succeeded by an over…whelming fascination。 I felt myself
drawn irresistibly toward the thicket。 Then came a vague sense of falling；
falling； falling； and I knew no more； at least for some little time。
〃The next thing I remember is seeing my lover stretch out his arms to
me； while I was inspired with an unaccountable hatred of him so bitter that
it left me mute and transfixed。 Then he sought to embrace me； and I
threw a young cobra； which； coiled in a wicker basket； had been placed in
my hand； full in his face。 I think； also； that I struck him； and then ran
down the hill and straight to the house of Ragobah。 What happened
during the next few months I know not。 I seemed to have been in a
continual sleep full of dreams。 When I awoke I seemed conscious that I
had dreamt； but could not tell of what。 You can imagine my horror； my
despair； when I was first addressed as Ragobah's wife。 I denied the
relation； but everyone told me the same story … I was Ragobah Sahibah。
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This shock； coming as it did with the memory of my conduct that terrible
night on Malabar Hill； nearly killed me； and was followed by another long
period of the dream existence。 I began to think I was a sufferer from
some terrible brain disease； and to doubt which was my real existence； the
dreams or the waking moments。
〃One day when； for the first time in several weeks； I was in possession
of my normal faculties； Ragobah came into my room and sat down beside
me。 I arose instantly and fled to the farther corner of the apartment。 He
pursued me and sought to conquer my all too apparent aversion for him by
terms of endearment； but the more he pressed his suit the more my
loathing grew until； maddened by references made to Darrow Sahib； I lost
all self…control and permitted him to learn my detestation of him。 He
heard me through in silence； his face growing darker with every word； and
when I had finished said with slow and studied malice：
〃'You forget that you are my wife and that I can follow my entreaty by
command。 You spurn my love。 You are not yet weaned from that
English cur whose life； let me tell you； is in my hands。 Fool； can you not
see how powerless you are？ I have but to will you to kill him and your
first cursed failure on Malabar Hill will be washed out with his infidel
blood。 You will do well to yield peaceably。 The thread of your very
existence passes through my hands； to cut or tangle it as I list … yield you
must！' With this he strode frantically from the room； leaving me more
dead than alive。 As he disclosed his fiendish secret something about my
heart kept tightening with every word till； at length； it seemed as if it must
burst； so terrible was the pressure。 I could not breathe。 My lungs
seemed filled with molten lead。 How long this agony continued I do not
know； for the thread of consciousness broke under its terrible tension and I
fell senseless upon the floor。
〃When I recovered from my swoon the inexpressible horror of my
situation again descended upon my spirit like a snuffer upon a candle。 I
was Ragobah's wife； his slave； his tool； as powerless to resist his will as if
I were one of his limbs。 All was now clear。 The long sleep； crowded with
unremembered dreams； represented the period when I was under
Ragobah's control； … the horrible night on Malabar Hill being one of them；
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… and the waking moments； those periods when my feeble； overridden
consciousness flickered back to dimly light for a time the gloom of this
intellectual night。 There was no hope for me。 Already had I been so
dominated by his will and inspired by his malice as to attempt the life of
my lover。 What might I not be made to do in future？ As I thought of
this； Ragobah's last threat rang with a sinister warning upon my ears till it
seemed as if it would drive me into madness。 The suspicion grew to be a
certainty from which there was but one means of escape … death … and I
determined at once to embrace it before I could be made the instrument for
the infliction of further injury upon my lover。 I seized a little dagger
which in my normal moments I always kept concealed about me； and was
about to plunge it into my bosom when I was smitten by the thought； … and
it cut me as the steel could not have done； … that Darrow Sahib would
never know the truth； and that his love for me would be forever buried
beneath a mass of black misgivings。 The certainty of this conviction
paralysed my will； and my arm dropped nervelessly at my side。 It would
be a simple matter； I thought； to find some way of confiding my story to
you and pledging you to explain everything to Darrow Sahib； after which I
could die in peace； if not without regret。 But it was not so easy to
communicate with you as I had expected。 Days passed before I had a
chance to make the attempt； and the only result of it was to show me how
closely I was watched。 If Ragobah were absent； there was always
someone in his employ who made it his business to acquaint himself with
my every movement。 I dare not take the time to tell you how I succeeded
in obtaining this interview further than to say that I was able to win to my
cause the man who bore my message to you … a servant in whom Ragobah
has the utmost confidence。 When my husband departed this morning
Kandia was left in charge of me； and so your visit was made possible。
〃You are now acquainted with the trust I would impose upon you：
swear to me； Moro； that you will make this explanation for me to John
Darrow and to no other human being！ Swear it by the love you once said
you bore me！〃 She sank back exhausted and awaited my response。 For a
moment I dared not trust myself to speak； yet something must be said。
As I noted her impatience I replied： 〃Lona； you have lifted a great weight
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from my heart and placed a lesser one upon it。 Forgive me that I have ever
doubted you。 Even as you have been true to yourself； I swear by the love
I still bear you to deliver your message to Darrow Sahib and to no other
human being。 I shall commit your words at once to writing that nothing
may be lost through the failure of my memory。〃
She reached her hand out feebly to me； and never shall I forget the
look of gratitude which accompanied its tremulous pressure as she
murmured： 〃After John； Moro； you are dearest。 I shall not try to thank
you。 May the ineffable peace which you bring my aching heart return a
thousand…fold into your own。 Farewell。 Ragobah may return at any
moment。 Let us not needlessly imperil your safety。 Once more good…
bye。 The dew…drop now may freely fall into the shining sea。〃 Poor
distraught child！ She had tried to adopt her lover's religion without
abandoning her own。 I bent over and kissed her。 It was my first and last
kiss and she gave it with a sweet sadness； the memory of which； through
all these years； has dwelt in the better part of me； like a fragrance in the
vesture of the soul。 One long； lingering look and I departed； never to see
again this woman I had so fondly； so hopelessly loved。
You now know the exact nature of the covenant I have felt constrained
to violate。 I have told you her story in her own words。 I wrote it out
immediately after my interview with her and have read it so many times；
during the last twenty years； that I have comm
