crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第26章
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was his heart。 A gloomy sensation of agonising； everlasting solitude
and remoteness； took conscious form in his soul。 It was not the
meanness of his sentimental effusions before Ilya Petrovitch； nor
the meanness of the latter's triumph over him that had caused this
sudden revulsion in his heart。 Oh； what had he to do now with his
own baseness； with all these petty vanities； officers； German women；
debts； police offices？ If he had been sentenced to be burnt at that
moment； he would not have stirred； would hardly have heard the
sentence to the end。 Something was happening to him entirely new；
sudden and unknown。 It was not that he understood； but he felt clearly
with all the intensity of sensation that he could never more appeal to
these people in the police office with sentimental effusion like his
recent outburst； or with anything whatever； and that if they had
been his own brothers and sisters and not police officers； it would
have been utterly out of the question to appeal to them in any
circumstance of life。 He had never experienced such a strange and
awful sensation。 And what was most agonising… it was more a
sensation than a conception or idea； a direct sensation； the most
agonising of all the sensations he had known in his life。
The head clerk began dictating to him the usual form of declaration；
that he could not pay； that he undertook to do so at a future date；
that he would not leave the town； nor sell his property； and so on。
〃But you can't write； you can hardly hold the pen；〃 observed the
head clerk； looking with curiosity at Raskolnikov。 〃Are you ill？〃
〃Yes； I am giddy。 Go on！〃
〃That's all。 Sign it。〃
The head clerk took the paper； and turned to attend to others。
Raskolnikov gave back the pen； but instead of getting up and going
away； he put his elbows on the table and pressed his head in his
hands。 He felt as if a nail were being driven into his skull。 A
strange idea suddenly occurred to him； to get up at once； to go up
to Nikodim Fomitch； and tell him everything that had happened
yesterday； and then to go with him to his lodgings and to show him the
things in the hole in the corner。 The impulse was so strong that he
got up from his seat to carry it out。 〃Hadn't I better think a
minute？〃 flashed through his mind。 〃No； better cast off the burden
without thinking。〃 But all at once he stood still； rooted to the spot。
Nikodim Fomitch was talking eagerly with Ilya Petrovitch； and the
words reached him：
〃It's impossible； they'll both be released。 To begin with； the whole
story contradicts itself。 Why should they have called the porter； if
it had been their doing？ To inform against themselves？ Or as a
blind？ No； that would be too cunning！ Besides； Pestryakov； the
student； was seen at the gate by both the porters and a woman as he
went in。 He was walking with three friends； who left him only at the
gate； and he asked the porters to direct him； in the presence of the
friends。 Now； would he have asked his way if he had been going with
such an object？ As for Koch； he spent half an hour at the
silversmith's below； before he went up to the old woman and he left
him at exactly a quarter to eight。 Now just consider。。。〃
〃But excuse me； how do you explain this contradiction？ They state
themselves that they knocked and the door was locked； yet three
minutes later when they went up with the porter； it turned out the
door was unfastened。〃
〃That's just it； the murderer must have been there and bolted
himself in； and they'd have caught him for a certainty if Koch had not
been an ass and gone to look for the porter too。 He must have seized
the interval to get downstairs and slip by them somehow。 Koch keeps
crossing himself and saying： 〃If I had been there； he would have
jumped out and killed me with his axe。' He is going to have a
thanksgiving service… ha； ha！〃
〃And no one saw the murderer？〃
〃They might well not see him； the house is a regular Noah's Ark；〃
said the head clerk； who was listening。
〃It's clear； quite clear；〃 Nikodim Fomitch repeated warmly。
〃No； it is anything but clear；〃 Ilya Petrovitch maintained。
Raskolnikov picked up his hat and walked towards the door； but he
did not reach it。。。。
When he recovered consciousness； he found himself sitting in a
chair； supported by some one on the right side； while some one else
was standing on the left； holding a yellowish glass filled with yellow
water； and Nikodim Fomitch standing before him； looking intently at
him。 He got up from the chair。
〃What's this？ Are you ill？〃 Nikodim Fomitch asked； rather sharply。
〃He could hardly hold his pen when he was signing；〃 said the head
clerk； settling back in his place； and taking up his work again。
〃Have you been ill long？〃 cried Ilya Petrovitch from his place；
where he； too； was looking through papers。 He had； of course； come
to look at the sick man when he fainted； but retired at once when he
recovered。
〃Since yesterday；〃 muttered Raskolnikov in reply。
〃Did you go out yesterday？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Though you were ill？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃At what time？〃
〃About seven。〃
〃And where did you go； my I ask？〃
〃Along the street。〃
〃Short and clear。〃
Raskolnikov； white as a handkerchief； had answered sharply； jerkily；
without dropping his black feverish eyes before Ilya Petrovitch's
stare。
〃He can scarcely stand upright。 And you。。。〃 Nikodim Fomitch was
beginning。
〃No matter；〃 Ilya Petrovitch pronounced rather peculiarly。
Nikodim Fomitch would have made some further protest； but glancing
at the head clerk who was looking very hard at him； he did not
speak。 There was a sudden silence。 It was strange。
〃Very well； then；〃 concluded Ilya Petrovitch； 〃we will not detain
you。〃
Raskolnikov went out。 He caught the sound of eager conversation on
his departure； and above the rest rose the questioning voice of
Nikodim Fomitch。 In the street； his faintness passed off completely。
〃A search… there will be a search at once；〃 he repeated to
himself； hurrying home。 〃The brutes！ they suspect。〃
His former terror mastered him completely again。
Chapter Two
〃AND WHAT if there has been a search already？ What if I find them in
my room？〃
But here was his room。 Nothing and no one in it。 No one had peeped
in。 Even Nastasya had not touched it。 But heavens！ how could he have
left all those things in the hole？
He rushed to the corner； slipped his hand under the paper； pulled
the things out and lined his pockets with them。 There were eight
articles in all： two little boxes with ear…rings or something of the
sort； he hardly looked to see； then four small leather cases。 There
was a chain； too； merely wrapped in newspaper and something else in
newspaper； that looked like a decoration。。。。 He put them all in the
different pockets of his overcoat； and the remaining pocket of his
trousers； trying to conceal them as much as possible。 He took the
purse； too。 Then he went out of his room； leaving the door open。 He
walked quickly and resolutely； and though he felt shattered； he had
his senses about him。 He was afraid of pursuit； he was afraid that
in another half…hour； another quarter of an hour perhaps； instructions
would be issued for his pursuit； and so at all costs； he must hide all
traces before then。 He must clear everything up while he still had
some strength； some reasoning power left him。。。。 Where was he to go？
That had long been settled： 〃Fling them into the canal； and all
traces hidden in the water； the thing would be at an end。〃 So he had
decided in the night of his delirium when several times he had had the
impulse to get up and go away； to make haste； and get rid of it all。
But to get rid of it； turned out to be a very difficult task。 He
wandered along the bank of the Ekaterininsky Canal for half an hour or
more and looked several times at the steps running down to the
water； but he could not think of carrying out his plan； either rafts
stood at the steps' edge； and women were washing clothes on them； or
boats were moored there； and people were swarming everywhere。 Moreover
he could be seen and noticed from the banks on all sides； it would
look suspicious for a man to go down on purpose； stop； and throw
something into the water。 And what if the boxes were to float
instead of sinking？ And of course they would。 Even as it was； every
one he met seemed to stare and look round； as if they had nothing to
do but to watch him。 〃Why is it； or can it be my fan
