crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第79章
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Jesus said； Take ye away the stone。 Martha； the sister of him that
was dead； saith unto Him； Lord by this time he stinketh： for he hath
been dead four days。〃
She laid emphasis on the word four。
〃Jesus saith unto her； Said I not unto thee that if thou wouldest
believe； thou shouldest see the glory of God？
Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was
laid。 And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said； Father； I thank Thee that
Thou hast heard Me。
And I knew that Thou hearest Me always； but because of the people
which stand by I said it； that they may believe that Thou hast sent
Me。
And when He thus had spoken； He cried with a loud voice； Lazarus；
come forth。
And he that was dead came forth。〃
（She read loudly； cold and trembling with ecstasy； as though she
were seeing it before her eyes。）
〃Bound hand and foot with graveclothes； and his face was bound about
with a napkin。 Jesus saith unto them； Loose him and let him go。
Then many of the Jews which came to Mary and had seen the things
which Jesus did believed on Him。〃
She could read no more； closed the book and got up from her chair
quickly。
〃That is all about the raising of Lazarus；〃 she whispered severely
and abruptly； and turning away she stood motionless； not daring to
raise her eyes to him。 She still trembled feverishly。 The candle…end
was flickering out in the battered candlestick； dimly lighting up in
the poverty…stricken room the murderer and the harlot who had so
strangely been reading together the eternal book。 Five minutes or more
passed。
〃I came to speak of something；〃 Raskolnikov said aloud； frowning。 He
got up and went to Sonia。 She lifted her eyes to him in silence。 His
face was particularly stern and there was a sort of savage
determination in it。
〃I have abandoned my family to…day；〃 he said； 〃my mother and sister。
I am not going to see them。 I've broken with them completely。〃
〃What for？〃 asked Sonia amazed。 Her recent meeting with his mother
and sister had left a great impression which she could not analyse。
She heard his news almost with horror。
〃I have only you now；〃 he added。 〃Let us go together。。。。 I've come
to you； we are both accursed； let us go our way together！〃
His eyes glittered 〃as though he were mad；〃 Sonia thought； in her
turn。
〃Go where？〃 she asked in alarm and she involuntarily stepped back。
〃How do I know？ I only know it's the same road； I know that and
nothing more。 It's the same goal！〃
She looked at him and understood nothing。 She knew only that he
was terribly； infinitely unhappy。
〃No one of them will understand； if you tell them； but I have
understood。 I need you； that is why I have come to you。〃
〃I don't understand；〃 whispered Sonia。
〃You'll understand later。 Haven't you done the same？ You； too；
have transgressed。。。 have had the strength to transgress。 You have
laid hands on yourself； you have destroyed a life。。。 your own （it's
all the same！）。 You might have lived in spirit and understanding；
but you'll end in the Hay Market。。。。 But you won't be able to stand
it； and if you remain alone you'll go out of your mind like me。 You
are like a mad creature already。 So we must go together on the same
road！ Let us go！〃
〃What for？ What's all this for？〃 said Sonia； strangely and violently
agitated by his words。
〃What for？ Because you can't remain like this； that's why！ You
must look things straight in the face at last； and not weep like a
child and cry that God won't allow it。 What will happen； if you should
really be taken to the hospital to…morrow？ She is mad and in
consumption； she'll soon die； and the children？ Do you mean to tell me
Polenka won't come to grief？ Haven't you seen children here at the
street corners sent out by their mothers to beg？ I've found out
where those mothers live and in what surroundings。 Children can't
remain children there！ At seven the child is vicious and a thief。
Yet children； you know； are the image of Christ： 'theirs is the
kingdom of Heaven。' He bade us honour and love them； they are the
humanity of the future。。。。〃
〃What's to be done； what's to be done？〃 repeated Sonia； weeping
hysterically and wringing her hands。
〃What's to be done？ Break what must be broken； once for all；
that's all； and take the suffering on oneself。 What； you don't
understand？ You'll understand later。。。。 Freedom and power； and above
all； power！ Over all trembling creation and all the antheap！。。。 That's
the goal； remember that！ That's my farewell message。 Perhaps it's
the last time I shall speak to you。 If I don't come to…morrow；
you'll hear of it all； and then remember these words。 And some day
later on； in years to come； you'll understand perhaps what they meant。
If I come to…morrow； I'll tell you who killed Lizaveta。。。。 Good…bye。〃
Sonia started with terror。
〃Why； do you know who killed her？〃 she asked； chilled with horror；
looking wildly at him。
〃I know and will tell。。。 you； only you。 I have chosen you out。 I'm
not coming to you to ask forgiveness； but simply to tell you。 I
chose you out long ago to hear this； when your father talked of you
and when Lizaveta was alive； I thought of it。 Good…bye； don't shake
hands。 To…morrow！〃
He went out。 Sonia gazed at him as at a madman。 But she herself
was like one insane and felt it。 Her head was going round。
〃Good heavens； how does he know who killed Lizaveta？ What did
those words mean？ It's awful！〃 But at the same time the idea did not
enter her head； not for a moment！ 〃Oh； he must be terribly unhappy！。。。
He has abandoned his mother and sister。。。。 What for？ What has
happened？ And what had he in his mind？ What did he say to her？ He
had kissed her foot and said。。。 said （yes； he had said it clearly）
that he could not live without her。。。。 Oh； merciful heavens！〃
Sonia spent the whole night feverish and delirious。 She jumped up
from time to time； wept and wrung her hands； then sank again into
feverish sleep and dreamt of Polenka； Katerina Ivanovna and
Lizaveta； of reading the gospel and him。。。 him with pale face； with
burning eyes。。。 kissing her feet； weeping。
On the other side of the door on the right； which divided Sonia's
room from Madame Resslich's flat； was a room which long stood empty。 A
card was fixed on the gate and a notice stuck in the windows over
the canal advertising it to let。 Sonia had long been accustomed to the
room's being uninhabited。 But all that time Mr。 Svidrigailov had
been standing； listening at the door of the empty room。 When
Raskolnikov went out he stood still； thought a moment； went on
tiptoe to his own room which adjoined the empty one； brought a chair
and noiselessly carried it to the door that led to Sonia's room。 The
conversation had struck him as interesting and remarkable； and he
had greatly enjoyed it… so much so that he brought a chair that he
might not in the future； to…morrow； for instance； have to endure the
inconvenience of standing a whole hour； but might listen in comfort。
Chapter Five
WHEN NEXT morning at eleven o'clock punctually Raskolnikov went into
the department of the investigation of criminal causes and sent his
name in to Porfiry Petrovitch； he was surprised at being kept
waiting so long： it was at least ten minutes before he was summoned。
He had expected that they would pounce upon him。 But he stood in the
waiting…room； and people； who apparently had nothing to do with him；
were continually passing to and fro before him。 In the next room which
looked like an office； several clerks were sitting writing and
obviously they had no notion who or what Raskolnikov might be。 He
looked uneasily and suspiciously about him to see whether there was
not some guard； some mysterious watch being kept on him to prevent his
escape。 But there was nothing of the sort： he saw only the faces of
clerks absorbed in petty details； then other people； no one seemed
to have any concern with him。 He might go where he liked for them。 The
conviction grew stronger in him that if that enigmatic man of
yesterday； that phantom sprung out of the earth； had seen
everything； they would not have let him stand and wait like that。
And would they have waited till he elected to appear at eleven？ Either
the man had not yet given information； or。。。 or simply he knew
nothing； had seen nothing （and how could he have seen anything？） and
so all that had happened to him the day before was again a phantom
exaggerated by his sick and overstrained imagination。 This
conjecture had begun to grow strong the day before； in the midst of
all his alarm and despair。 Thinking it all over now
