part 6-第16章

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draw　to　what？　　What　do　you　want？〃







　　　　　Fred　shrugged。　　〃I　might　ask　you；　What　have　I　got？



I　want　things　that　wouldn't　interest　you；　that　you　prob…



ably　wouldn't　understand。　　For　one　thing；　I　want　a　son



to　bring　up。〃







　　　　　〃I　can　understand　that。　　It　seems　to　me　reasonable。



Have　you　also　found　somebody　you　want　to　marry？〃







　　　　　〃Not　particularly。〃　　They　turned　another　curve；　which



brought　the　wind　to　their　backs；　and　they　walked　on　in



comparative　calm；　with　the　snow　blowing　past　them。　　〃It's



not　your　fault；　Thea；　but　I've　had　you　too　much　in　my



mind。　　I've　not　given　myself　a　fair　chance　in　other　direc…



tions。　　I　was　in　Rome　when　you　and　Nordquist　were　there。



If　that　had　kept　up；　it　might　have　cured　me。〃







　　　　　〃It　might　have　cured　a　good　many　things；〃　remarked



Thea　grimly。







　　　　　Fred　nodded　sympathetically　and　went　on。　　〃In　my



library　in　St。　Louis；　over　the　fireplace；　I　have　a　property



spear　I　had　copied　from　one　in　Venice；oh；　years　ago；



after　you　first　went　abroad；　while　you　were　studying。



You'll　probably　be　singing　BRUNNHILDE　pretty　soon　now；



and　I'll　send　it　on　to　you；　if　I　may。　　You　can　take　it　and



its　history　for　what　they're　worth。　　But　I'm　nearly　forty



years　old；　and　I've　served　my　turn。　　You've　done　what



I　hoped　for　you；　what　I　was　honestly　willing　to　lose　you



forthen。　　I'm　older　now；　and　I　think　I　was　an　ass。　　I



wouldn't　do　it　again　if　I　had　the　chance；　not　much！　　But



I'm　not　sorry。　　It　takes　a　great　many　people　to　make



oneBRUNNHILDE。〃







　　　　　Thea　stopped　by　the　fence　and　looked　over　into　the















black　choppiness　on　which　the　snowflakes　fell　and　dis…



appeared　with　magical　rapidity。　　Her　face　was　both　angry



and　troubled。　　〃So　you　really　feel　I've　been　ungrateful。



I　thought　you　sent　me　out　to　get　something。　　I　didn't



know　you　wanted　me　to　bring　in　something　easy。　　I



thought　you　wanted　something〃　　She　took　a　deep



breath　and　shrugged　her　shoulders。　　〃But　there！　nobody



on　God's　earth　wants　it；　REALLY！　　If　one　other　person　wanted



it；〃she　thrust　her　hand　out　before　him　and　clenched



it；〃my　God；　what　I　could　do！〃







　　　　　Fred　laughed　dismally。　　〃Even　in　my　ashes　I　feel　my…



self　pushing　you！　　How　can　anybody　help　it？　　My　dear



girl；　can't　you　see　that　anybody　else　who　wanted　it　as　you



do　would　be　your　rival；　your　deadliest　danger？　　Can't　you



see　that　it's　your　great　good　fortune　that　other　people



can't　care　about　it　so　much？〃







　　　　　But　Thea　seemed　not　to　take　in　his　protest　at　all。　　She



went　on　vindicating　herself。　　〃It's　taken　me　a　long　while



to　do　anything；　of　course；　and　I've　only　begun　to　see　day…



light。　　But　anything　good　isexpensive。　　It　hasn't



seemed　long。　　I've　always　felt　responsible　to　you。〃







　　　　　Fred　looked　at　her　face　intently；　through　the　veil　of



snowflakes；　and　shook　his　head。　　〃To　me？　　You　are　a　truth…



ful　woman；　and　you　don't　mean　to　lie　to　me。　　But　after　the



one　responsibility　you　do　feel；　I　doubt　if　you've　enough



left　to　feel　responsible　to　God！　　Still；　if　you've　ever　in　an



idle　hour　fooled　yourself　with　thinking　I　had　anything　to



do　with　it；　Heaven　knows　I'm　grateful。〃







　　　　　〃Even　if　I'd　married　Nordquist；〃　Thea　went　on；　turn…



ing　down　the　path　again；　〃there　would　have　been　some…



thing　left　out。　　There　always　is。　　In　a　way；　I've　always　been



married　to　you。　　I'm　not　very　flexible；　never　was　and　never



shall　be。　　You　caught　me　young。　　I　could　never　have　that



over　again。　　One　can't；　after　one　begins　to　know　anything。



But　I　look　back　on　it。　　My　life　hasn't　been　a　gay　one；　any



more　than　yours。　　If　I　shut　things　out　from　you；　you　shut















them　out　from　me。　　We've　been　a　help　and　a　hindrance　to



each　other。　　I　guess　it's　always　that　way；　the　good　and　the



bad　all　mixed　up。　　There's　only　one　thing　that's　all　beau…



tifuland　always　beautiful！　　That's　why　my　interest　keeps



up。〃







　　　　　〃Yes；　I　know。〃　　Fred　looked　sidewise　at　the　outline　of



her　head　against　the　thickening　atmosphere。　　〃And　you



give　one　the　impression　that　that　is　enough。　　I've　gradu…



ally；　gradually　given　you　up。〃







　　　　　〃See；　the　lights　are　coming　out。〃　　Thea　pointed　to　where



they　flickered；　flashes　of　violet　through　the　gray　tree…tops。



Lower　down　the　globes　along　the　drives　were　becoming　a



pale　lemon　color。　　〃Yes；　I　don't　see　why　anybody　wants



to　marry　an　artist；　anyhow。　　I　remember　Ray　Kennedy



used　to　say　he　didn't　see　how　any　woman　could　marry　a



gambler；　for　she　would　only　be　marrying　what　the　game



left。〃　　She　shook　her　shoulders　impatiently。　　〃Who　marries



who　is　a　small　matter；　after　all。　　But　I　hope　I　can　bring



back　your　interest　in　my　work。　　You've　cared　longer　and



more　than　anybody　else；　and　I'd　like　to　have　somebody



human　to　make　a　report　to　once　in　a　while。　　You　can　send



me　your　spear。　　I'll　do　my　best。　　If　you're　not　interested；



I'll　do　my　best　anyhow。　　I've　only　a　few　friends；　but　I



can　lose　every　one　of　them；　if　it　has　to　be。　　I　learned　how



to　lose　when　my　mother　died。　　We　must　hurry　now。　　My



taxi　must　be　waiting。〃







　　　　　The　blue　light　about　them　was　growing　deeper　and



darker；　and　the　falling　snow　and　the　faint　trees　had　be…



come　violet。　　To　the　south；　over　Broadway；　there　was　an



orange　reflection　in　the　clouds。　　Motors　and　carriage　lights



flashed　by　on　the　drive　below　the　reservoir　path；　and　the



air　was　strident　with　horns　and　shrieks　from　the　whistles



of　the　mounted　policemen。







　　　　　Fred　gave　Thea　his　arm　as　they　descended　from　the



embankment。　　〃I　guess　you'll　never　manage　to　lose　me　or



Archie；　Thea。　　You　do　pick　up　queer　ones。　　But　loving















you　is　a　heroic　discipline。　　It　wears　a　man　out。　　Tell　me



one　thing：　could　I　have　kept　you；　once；　if　I'd　put　on　every



screw？〃







　　　　　Thea　hurried　him　along；　talking　rapidly；　as　if　to　get　it



over。　　〃You　might　have　kept　me　in　misery　for　a　while；



perhaps。　　I　don't　know。　　I　have　to　think　well　of　myself；　to



work。　　You　could　have　made　it　hard。　　I'm　not　ungrateful。



I　was　a　difficult　proposition　to　deal　with。　　I　understand　now；



of　course。　　Since　you　didn't　tell　me　the　truth　in　the　be…



ginning；　you　couldn't　very　well　turn　back　after　I'd　set



my　head。　　At　least；　if　you'd　been　the　sort　who　could；　you



wouldn't　have　had　to；for　I'd　not　have　cared　a　button



for　that　sort；　even　then。〃　　She　stopped　beside　a　car　that



waited　at　the　curb　and　gave　him　her　hand。　　〃There。　　We



part　friends？〃







　　　　　Fred　looked　at　her。　　〃You　know。　　Ten　years。〃







　　　　　〃I'm　not　ungrateful；〃　Thea　repeated　as　she　got　into



her　cab。







　　　　　〃Yes；〃　she　reflected；　as　the　taxi　cut　into　the　Park　carriage



road；　〃we　don't　get　fairy　tales　in　this　world；　and　he　has；



after　all；　cared　more　and　longer　than　anybody　else。〃　　It



was　dark　outside　now；　and　the　light　from　the　lamps　along



the　drive　flashed　into　the　cab。　　The　snowflakes　hovered



like　swarms　of　white　bees　about　the　globes。







　　　　　Thea　sat　motionless　in　one　corner　staring　out　of　the



window　at　the　cab　lights　that　wove　in　and　out　among



the　trees；　all　seeming　to　be　bent　upon　joyous　courses。



Taxicabs　were　still　new　in　New　York；　and　the　theme　of



popular　minstrelsy。　　Landry　had　sung　her　a　ditty　he　heard



in　some　theater　on　Third　Avenue；　about











　　　　　　　　　　〃But　there　passed　him　a　bright…eyed　taxi







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　With　the　girl　of　his　heart　inside。〃







Almost　inaudibly　Thea　began　to　hum　the　air；　though　she



was　thinking　of　something　serious；　something　that　had



touched　her　deeply。　　At　the　beginning　of　the　season；　when















she　was　not　singing　often；　she　had　gone　one　afternoon　to



hear　Paderewski's　recital。　　In　front　of　her　sat　an　old　Ger…



man　couple；　evidently　poor　people　who　had　made　sacri…



fices　to　pay　for　their　excellent　seats。　　Their　intelligent



enjoyment　of　the　music；　and　their　friendliness　with　each



other；　had　interested　her　more　than　anything　on　the　pro…



gramme。　　When　the　pianist　began　a　lovely　melody　in　the



first　movement　of　the　Beethoven　D　minor　sonata；　the



old　lady　put　out　her　plump　hand　and　touched　her　hus…



band's　sleeve　and　they　looked　at　each　other　in　recognition。



They　both　wore　glasses；　but　such　a　look！　　Like　forget…me…



nots；　and　so　full　of　happy　recollections。　　Thea　wanted　to



put　her　arms　around　them　and　ask　them　how　they　had



been　able　to　keep　a　feeling　like　that；　like　a　nosegay　in　a



glass　of　water。



























　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XI











　　　　　DR。　ARCHIE　saw　nothing　of　Thea　during　the　follow…



ing　week。　　After　several　fruitless　efforts；　he　succeeded



in　getting　a　word　with　her　over　the　telephone；　but　she



sounded　so　distracted　and　driven　that　he　was　glad　to　say



good…night　and　hang　up　the　instrument。　　There　were；　she



told　him；　rehearsals　not　only　for　〃Walkure；〃　but　also　for



〃Gotterdammerung；〃　in　which　she　was　to　sing　WALTRAUTE



two　weeks　later。







　　　　　On　Thursday　afternoon　Thea　got　home　late；　after　an



exhausting　rehearsal。　　She　was　in　no　happy　frame　of　mind。



Madame　Necker；　who　had　been　very　gracious　to　her



that　night　when　she　went　on　to　complete　Gloeckler's



performance　of　SIEGLINDE；　had；　since　Thea　was　cast　to　sing



the　part　instead　of　Gloeckler　in　the　production　of　the



〃Ring；〃　been　chilly　and　disapproving；　distinctly　hostile。



Thea　had　always　felt　that　she　and　Necker　stood　for　the



same　sort　of　endeavor；　and　that　Necker　recognized　it　and



had　a　cordial　feeling　for　her。　　In　Germany　she　had　several



times　sung　BRANGAENA　to　Necker's　ISOLDE；　and　the　older



artist　had　let　her　know　that　she　thought　she　sang　it　beau…



tifully。　　It　was　a　bitter　disappointment　to　find　that　the



approval　of　so　honest　an　artist　as　Necker　could　not　stand



the　test　of　any　significant　recognition　by　the　management。



Madame　Necker　was　forty；　and　her　voice　was　failing　just



when　her　powers　were　at　their　height。　　Every　fresh　young



voice　was　an　enemy；　and　this　one　was　accompanied　by



gifts　which　she　could　not　fail　to　recognize。







　　　　　Thea　had　her　dinner　sent　up　to　her　apartment；　and　it



was　a　very　poor　one。　　She　tasted　the　soup　and　then　indig…



nantly　put　on　her　wraps　to　go　out　and　hunt　a　dinner。