the relics of general chasse-第2章

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and　throwing　the　now　hateful　garments　into　a　corner；　and　protecting
himself　from　the　cold　as　best　he　might　by　standing　with　his　knees
together　and　his　body　somewhat　bent　so　as　to　give　the　skirts　of　his
coat　an　opportunity　of　doing　extra　duty；　he　begged　me　to　see　if
those　jabbering　females　were　not　going　to　leave　him　in　peace　to
recover　his　own　property。　　I　accordingly　went　to　the　door；　and
opening　it　to　a　small　extent　I　peeped　through。

Who　shall　describe　my　horror　at　the　sight　which　I　then　saw？　　The
scene；　which　had　hitherto　been　tinted　with　comic　effect；　was　now
becoming　so　decidedly　tragic　that　I　did　not　dare　at　once　to　acquaint
my　worthy　pastor　with　that　which　was　occurring；and；　alas！　had
already　occurred。

Five　country…women　of　our　ownit　was　easy　to　know　them　by　their
dress　and　general　aspectwere　standing　in　the　middle　of　the　room；
and　one　of　them；　the　centre　of　the　group；　the　senior　harpy　of　the
lot；　a　maiden　ladyI　could　have　sworn　to　thatwith　a　red　nose；
held　in　one　hand　a　huge　pair　of　scissors；　and　in　the　otherthe
already　devoted　goods　of　my　most　unfortunate　companion！　　Down　from
the　waistband；　through　that　goodly　expanse；　a　fell　gash　had　already
gone　through　and　through；　and　in　useless；　unbecoming　disorder　the
broadcloth　fell　pendant　from　her　arm　on　this　side　and　on　that。　　At
that　moment　I　confess　that　I　had　not　the　courage　to　speak　to　Mr。
Horne；not　even　to　look　at　him。

I　must　describe　that　group。　　Of　the　figure　next　to　me　I　could　only
see　the　back。　　It　was　a　broad　back　done　up　in　black　silk　not　of　the
newest。　　The　whole　figure；　one　may　say；　was　dumpy。　　The　black　silk
was　not　long；　as　dresses　now　are　worn；　nor　wide　in　its　skirts。　　In
every　way　it　was　skimpy；　considering　the　breadth　it　had　to　cover；
and　below　the　silk　I　saw　the　heels　of　two　thick　shoes；　and　enough　to
swear　by　of　two　woollen　stockings。　　Above　the　silk　was　a　red　and
blue　shawl；　and　above　that　a　ponderous；　elaborate　brown　bonnet；　as
to　the　materials　of　which　I　should　not　wish　to　undergo　an
examination。　　Over　and　beyond　this　I　could　only　see　the　backs　of　her
two　hands。　　They　were　held　up　as　though　in　wonder　at　that　which　the
red…nosed　holder　of　the　scissors　had　dared　to　do。

Opposite　to　this　lady；　and　with　her　face　fully　tamed　to　me；　was　a
kindly…looking；　fat　motherly　woman；　with　light…coloured　hair；　not　in
the　best　order。　　She　was　hot　and　scarlet　with　exercise；　being
perhaps　too　stout　for　the　steep　steps　of　the　fortress；　and　in　one
hand　she　held　a　handkerchief；　with　which　from　time　to　time　she　wiped
her　brow。　　In　the　other　hand　she　held　one　of　the　extremities　of　my
friend's　property；　feelinggood；　careful　soul！what　was　the
texture　of　the　cloth。　　As　she　did　so；　I　could　see　a　glance　of
approbation　pass　across　her　warm　features。　　I　liked　that　lady's
face；　in　spite　of　her　untidy　hair；　and　felt　that　had　she　been　alone
my　friend　would　not　have　been　injured。

On　either　side　of　her　there　stood　a　flaxen…haired　maiden；　with　long
curls；　large　blue　eyes；　fresh　red　cheeks；　an　undefined　lumpy　nose；
and　large　good…humoured　mouth。　　They　were　as　like　as　two　peas；　only
that　one　was　half　an　inch　taller　than　the　other；　and　there　was　no
difficulty　in　discovering；　at　a　moment's　glance；　that　they　were　the
children　of　that　over…heated　matron　who　was　feeling　the　web　of　my
friend's　cloth。

But　the　principal　figure　was　she　who　held　the　centre　place　in　the
group。　　She　was　tall　and　thin；　with　fierce…looking　eyes；　rendered
more　fierce　by　the　spectacles　which　she　wore；　with　a　red　nose　as　I
said　before；　and　about　her　an　undescribable　something　which　quite
convinced　me　that　she　had　never　knowncould　never　knowaught　of
the　comforts　of　married　life。　　It　was　she　who　held　the　scissors　and
the　black　garments。　　It　was　she　who　had　given　that　unkind　cut。　　As　I
looked　at　her　she　whisked　herself　quickly　round　from　one　companion
to　the　other；　triumphing　in　what　she　had　done；　and　ready　to　triumph
further　in　what　she　was　about　to　do。　　I　immediately　conceived　a　deep
hatred　for　that　Queen　of　the　Harpies。

〃Well；　I　suppose　they　can't　be　wanted　again；〃　said　the　mother；
rubbing　her　forehead。

〃Oh　dear　no！〃　said　she　of　the　red　nose。　　〃They　are　relics！〃　　I
thought　to　leap　forth；　but　for　what　purpose　should　I　have　leaped？
The　accursed　scissors　had　already　done　their　work；　and　the　symmetry；
nay；　even　the　utility　of　the　vestment　was　destroyed。

〃General　Chasse　wore　a　very　good　article；I　will　say　that　for　him；〃
continued　the　mother。

〃Of　course　he　did！〃　said　the　Queen　Harpy。　　〃Why　should　he　not；
seeing　that　the　country　paid　for　it　for　him？　　Well；　ladies；　who's
for　having　a　bit？〃

〃Oh　my！　you　won't　go　for　to　cut　them　up；〃　said　the　stout　back。

〃Won't　I；〃　said　the　scissors；　and　she　immediately　made　another
incision。　　〃Who's　for　having　a　bit？　　Don't　all　speak　at　once。〃

〃I　should　like　a　morsel　for　a　pincushion；〃　said　flaxen…haired　Miss
No。　1；　a　young　lady　about　nineteen；　actuated　by　a　general　affection
for　all　sword…bearing；　fire…eating　heroes。　　〃I　should　like　to　have
something　to　make　me　think　of　the　poor　general！〃

Snip；　snip　went　the　scissors　with　professional　rapidity；　and　a　round
piece　was　extracted　from　the　back　of　the　calf　of　the　left　leg。　　I
shuddered　with　horror；　and　so　did　the　Rev。　Augustus　Horne　with　cold。

〃I　hardly　think　it's　proper　to　cut　them　up；〃　said　Miss　No。　2。

〃Oh　isn't　it？〃　said　the　harpy。　　〃Then　I'll　do　what's　improper！〃　　And
she　got　her　finger　and　thumb　well　through　the　holes　in　the　scissors'
handles。　　As　she　spoke　resolution　was　plainly　marked　on　her　brow。

〃Well；　if　they　are　to　be　cut　up；　I　should　certainly　like　a　bit　for　a
pen…wiper；〃　said　No。　2。　　No。　2　was　a　literary　young　lady　with　a
periodical　correspondence；　a　journal；　and　an　album。　　Snip；　snip　went
the　scissors　again；　and　the　broad　part　of　the　upper　right　division
afforded　ample　materials　for　a　pen…wiper。

Then　the　lady　with　the　back；　seeing　that　the　desecration　of　the
article　had　been　completed；　plucked　up　heart　of　courage　and　put　in
her　little　request；　〃I　think　I　might　have　a　needle…case　out　of　it；〃
said　she；　〃just　as　a　suvneer　of　the　poor　general〃and　a　long
fragment　cut　rapidly　out　of　the　waistband　afforded　her　unqualified
delight。

Mamma；　with　the　hot　face　and　untidy　hair；　came　next。　　〃Well；　girls；〃
she　said；　〃as　you　are　all　served；　I　don't　see　why　I'm　to　be　left
out。　　Perhaps；　Miss　Grogram〃she　was　an　old　maid；　you　see
〃perhaps；　Miss　Grogram；　you　could　get　me　as　much　as　would　make　a
decent…sized　reticule。〃

There　was　not　the　slightest　difficulty　in　doing　this。　　The　harpy　in
the　centre　again　went　to　work；　snip；　snip；　and　extracting　from　that
portion　of　the　affairs　which　usually　sustained　the　greater　portion
of　Mr。　Horne's　weight　two　large　round　pieces　of　cloth；　presented
them　to　the　well…pleased　matron。　　〃The　general　knew　well　where　to
get　a　bit　of　good　broadcloth；　certainly；〃　said　she；　again　feeling
the　pieces。

〃And　now　for　No。　1；〃　said　she　whom　I　so　absolutely　hated；　〃I　think
there　is　still　enough　for　a　pair　of　slippers。　　There's　nothing　so
nice　for　the　house　as　good　black　cloth　slippers　that　are　warm　to　the
feet　and　don't　show　the　dirt。〃　　And　so　saying；　she　spread　out　on　the
floor　the　lacerated　remainders。

〃There's　a　nice　bit　there；〃　said　young　lady　No。　2；　poking　at　one　of
the　pockets　with　the　end　of　her　parasol。

〃Yes；〃　said　the　harpy；　contemplating　her　plunder。　　〃But　I'm　thinking
whether　I　couldn't　get　leggings　as　well。　　I　always　wear　leggings　in
the　thick　of　the　winter。〃　　And　so　she　concluded　her　operations；　and
there　was　nothing　left　but　a　melancholy　skeleton　of　seams　and
buttons。

All　this　having　been　achieved；　they　pocketed　their　plunder　and
prepared　to　depart。　　There　are　people　who　have　a　wonderful　appetite
for　relics。　　A　stone　with　which　Washington　had　broken　a　window　when
a　boywith　which　he　had　done　so　or　had　not；　for　there　is　little
difference；　a　button　that　was　on　a　coat　of　Napoleon's；　or　on　that　of
one　of　his　lackeys；　a　bullet　said　to　have　been　picked　up　at　Waterloo
or　Bunker's　Hill；　these；　and　suchlike　things　are　great　treasures。
And　their　most　desirable　characteristic　is　the　ease　with　which　they
are　attained。　　Any　bullet　or　any　button　does　the　work。　　Faith　alone
is　necessary。　　And　now　these　ladies　had　made　themselves　happy　and
glorious　with　〃Relics〃　of　General　Chasse　cut　from　the　ill…used
habiliments　of　an　elderly　English　gentleman！

They　departed　at　last；　and　Mr。　Horne；　for　once　in　an　ill　humour；
followed　me　into　the　bedroom。　　Here　I　must　be　excused　if　I　draw　a
veil　over　his　manly　sorrow　at　discovering　what　fate　had　done　for
him。　　Remember　what　was　his　position；　unclothed　in　the　Castle　of
Antwerp！　　The　nearest　suitable　change　for　those　which　had　been
destroyed　was　locked　up　in　his　portmanteau　at　the　Hotel　de　Belle　Rue
in　Brussels！　　He　had　nothing　left　to　himliterally　nothing；　in　that
Antwerp　world。　　There　was　no　other　wretched　being　wandering　then　in
that　Dutch　town　so　utterly　denuded　of　the　goods　of　life。　　For　what
is　a　man　fit；for　what　can　he　be　fit；when　left　in　such　a
position？　　There　are　some　evils　which　seem　utterly　to　crush　a　man；
and　if　there　be　any　misfortune　to　which　a　man　may　be　allowed　to
succumb　without　imputation　on　his　manliness；　surely　it　is　such　as
this。　　How　was　Mr。　Horne　to　return　to　his　hotel　without　incurring
the　displeasure　of　the　municipality？　　That　was　my　first　thought。

He　had　a　cloak；　but　it　was　at　the　inn；　and　I　found　that　my　friend
was　oppressed　with　a　great　horror　at　the　idea　of　being　left　alone；
so　that　I　could　not　go　in　search　of　it。　　There　is　an　old　saying；
that　no　man　is　a　hero　to　his　valet　de　chambre；　the　reason　doubtless
being　this；　that　it　is　customary　for　his　valet　to　see　the　hero
divested　of　those　trappings　in　which　so　much　of　the　heroic　consists。
Who　reverences　a　clergyman　without　his　gown；　or　a　warrior　without
his　sword　and　sabre…tasche？　　What　would　even　Minerva　be　without　her
helmet？

I　do　not　wish　it　to　be　understood　that　I　no　longer　reverenced　Mr。
Horne　because　he　was　in　an　undress；　but　he　himself　certainly　lost
much　of　his　composed；　well…sustained　dignity　of　demeanour。　　He　was
fearful　and　querulous；　cold；　and　rather　cross。　　When；　forgetting　his
size；　I　offered　him　my　own；　he　thought　that　I　was　laughing　at　him。
He　began　to　be　afraid　that　the　story　would　get　abroad；　and　he　then
and　there　exacted　a　promise　that　I　would　never　tell　it　during　his
lifetime。　　I　have　kept　my　word；　but　now　my　old　friend　has　been
gathered　to　his　fathers；　full　of　years。

At　last　I　got　him　to　the　hotel。　　It　was　long　before　he　would　leave
the　castle；　cloaked　though　he　was；not；　indeed；　till　the　shades　of
evening　had　dimmed　the　outlines　of　men　and　things；　and　made
indistinct　the　outward　garniture　of　those　who　passed　to　and　fro　in
the　streets。　　Then；　wrapped　in　his　cloak；　Mr。　Horne　followed　me
along　the　quays　and　through　the　narrowest　of　the　streets；　and　at
length；　without　venturing　to　return　the　gaze　of　any　one　in　the　hotel
court；　he　made　his　way　up　to　his　own　bedroom。

Dinnerless　and　supperless　he　went　to　his　couch。　　But　when　there　he
did　consent　to　receive　some　consolation　in　the　shape　of　mutton
cutlets　and　fried　potatoes；　a　savory　omelet；　and　a　bottle　of　claret。
The　mutton　cutlets　and　fried　potatoes　at　the　Golden