the pursuit of the house-boat-第5章

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And　he　blinked　again；　as　he　meditated　upon　whether　that　discount　should　be　an　eighth　or　one…quarter　of　one　per　cent。

〃The　Flying　Dutchman；〃　he　pursued；　〃ain't　no　good　for　your　purposes。　She's　too　fast。　　She's　built　to　fly　by；　not　to　stop。　　You'd　catch　up　with　the　House…boat　in　a　minute　with　her；　but　you'd　go　right　on　and　disappear　like　a　visionary；　and　as　for　the　Ark；　she'd　never　dowith　all　respect　to　Mr。　Noah。　　She's　just　about　as　suitable　as　any　other　waterlogged　cattle…steamer'd　be；　and　no　morefirst…rate　for　elephants　and　kangaroos；　but　no　good　for　cruiser…work；　and　so　slow　she　wouldn't　make　a　ripple　high　enough　to　drown　a　gnat　going　at　the　top　of　her　speed。　　Furthermore；　she's　got　a　great　big　hole　in　her　bottom；　where　she　was　stove　in　by　running　afoul　ofMount　Arrus…root；　I　believe　it　was　called　when　Captain　Noah　went　cruising　with　that　menagerie　of　his。〃

〃That's　an　unmitigated　falsehood！〃　cried　Noah；　angrily。　　〃This　man　talks　like　a　professional　amateur　yachtsman。　　He　has　no　regard　for　facts；　but　simply　goes　ahead　and　makes　statements　with　an　utter　disregard　of　the　truth。　　The　Ark　was　not　stove　in。　　We　beached　her　very　successfully。　　I　say　this　in　defence　of　my　seamanship；　which　was　top…notch　for　my　day。〃

〃Couldn't　sail　six　weeks　without　fouling　a　mountain…peak！〃　sneered　Wren；　perceiving　a　chance　to　get　even。

〃The　hole's　there；　just　the　same；〃　said　Charon。　　〃Maybe　she　was　a　centreboard；　sad　that's　where　you　kept　the　board。〃

〃The　hole　is　there　because　it　was　worn　there　by　one　of　the　elephants；〃　retorted　Noah。　　〃You　get　a　beast　like　the　elephant　shuffling　one　of　his　fore…feet　up　and　down；　up　and　down；　a　plank　for　twenty…four　hours　a　day　for　forty　days　in　one　of　your　boats；　and　see　where　your　boat　would　be。〃

〃Thanks；〃　said　Charon；　calmly。　　〃But　the　elephants　don't　patronize　my　line。　　All　the　elephants　I've　ever　seen　in　Hades　waded　over；　except　Jumbo；　and　he　reached　his　trunk　across；　fastened　on　to　a　tree　limb　with　it；　and　swung　himself　over。　　However；　the　Ark　isn't　at　all　what　you　want；　unless　you　are　going　to　man　her　with　a　lot　of　centaurs。　　If　that's　your　intention；　I'd　charter　her；　the　accommodations　are　just　the　thing　for　a　crew　of　that　kind。〃

〃Well；　what　do　you　suggest？〃　asked　Raleigh；　somewhat　impatiently。　〃You've　told　us　what　we　can't　do。　　Now　tell　us　what　we　can　do。〃

〃I'd　stay　right　here；〃　said　Charon；　〃and　let　the　ladies　rescue　themselves。　　That's　what　I'd　do。　　I've　had　the　honor　of　bringing　'em　over　here；　and　I　think　I　know　'em　pretty　well。　　I've　watched　'em　close；　and　it's　my　private　opinion　that　before　many　days　you'll　see　your　club…house　sailing　back　here；　with　Queen　Elizabeth　at　the　hellum；　and　the　other　ladies　on　the　for'ard　deck　knittin'　and　crochetin'；　and　tearin'　each　other　to　pieces　in　a　conversational　way；　as　happy　as　if　there　never　had　been　any　Captain　Kidd　and　his　pirate　crew。〃

〃That　suggestion　is　impossible；〃　said　Blackstone；　rising。　　〃Whether　the　relief　expedition　amounts　to　anything　or　not；　it's　good　to　be　set　going。　　The　ladies　would　never　forgive　us　if　we　sat　here　inactive；　even　if　they　were　capable　of　rescuing　themselves。　　It　is　an　accepted　principle　of　law　that　this　climate　hath　no　fury　like　a　woman　left　to　herself；　and　we've　got　enough　professional　furies　hereabouts　without　our　aiding　in　augmenting　the　ranks。　　We　must　have　a　boat。〃

〃It'll　cost　you　a　thousand　dollars　a　week；〃　said　Charon。

〃I'll　subscribe　fifty；〃　cried　Hamlet。

〃I'll　consult　my　secretary；〃　said　Solomon；　〃and　find　out　how　many　of　my　wives　have　been　abducted；　and　I'll　pay　ten　dollars　apiece　for　their　recovery。〃

〃That's　liberal；〃　said　Hawkshaw。　　〃There　are　sixty…three　of　'em　on　board；　together　with　eighty　of　his　fiancees。　　What's　the　quotation　on　fiancees；　King　Solomon？〃

〃Nothing；〃　said　Solomon。　　〃They're　not　mine　yet；　and　it's　their　father's　business　to　get　'em　back。　　Not　mine。〃

Other　subscriptions　came　pouring　in；　and　it　was　not　long　before　everybody　save　Shylock　had　put　his　name　down　for　something。　　This　some　one　of　the　more　quick…witted　of　the　spirits　soon　observed；　and；　with　reckless　disregard　of　the　feelings　of　the　Merchant　of　Venice；　began　to　call；　〃Shylock！　　Shylock！　　How　much？〃

The　Merchant　tried　to　leave　the　pier；　but　his　path　was　blocked。

〃Subscribe；　subscribe！〃　was　the　cry。　　〃How　much？〃

〃Order；　gentlemen；　order！〃　said　Sir　Walter；　rising　and　holding　a　bottle　aloft。　　〃A　black　person　by　the　name　of　Friday；　a　valet　of　our　friend　Mr。　Crusoe；　has　just　handed　me　this　bottle；　which　he　picked　up　ten　minutes　ago　on　the　bank　of　the　river　a　few　miles　distant。　　It　contains　a　bit　of　paper；　and　may　perhaps　give　us　a　clew　based　upon　something　more　substantial　than　even　the　wonderful　theories　of　our　new　brother　Holmes。〃

A　deathly　silence　followed　the　chairman's　words；　as　Sir　Walter　drew　a　corkscrew　from　his　pocket　and　opened　the　bottle。　　He　extracted　the　paper；　and；　as　he　had　surmised；　it　proved　to　be　a　message　from　the　missing　vessel。　　His　face　brightening　with　a　smile　of　relief；　Sir　Walter　read；　aloud：

〃Have　just　emerged　into　the　Atlantic　Club　in　hands　of　Kidd　and　forty　ruffians。　　One　hundred　and　eighty…three　ladies　on　board。　　Headed　for　the　Azores。　　Send　aid　at　once。　　All　well　except　Xanthippe；　who　is　seasick　in　the　billiard…room。　　（Signed）　Portia。〃

〃Aha！〃　cried　Hawkshaw。　　〃That　shows　how　valuable　the　Holmes　theory　is。〃

〃Precisely；〃　said　Holmes。　　〃No　woman　knows　anything　about　seafaring；　but　Portia　is　right。　　The　ship　is　headed　for　the　Azores；　which　is　the　first　tack　needed　in　a　windward　sail　for　London　under　the　present　conditions。〃

The　reply　was　greeted　with　cheers；　and　when　they　subsided　the　cry　for　Shylock's　subscription　began　again；　but　he　declined。

〃I　had　intended　to　put　up　a　thousand　ducats；〃　he　said；　defiantly；　〃but　with　that　woman　Portia　on　board　I　won't　give　a　red　obolus！〃　and　with　that　he　wrapped　his　cloak　about　him　and　stalked　off　into　the　gathering　shadows　of　the　wood。

And　so　the　funds　were　raised　without　the　aid　of　Shylock；　and　the　shapely　twin…screw　steamer　the　Gehenna　was　chartered　of　Charon；　and　put　under　the　command　of　Mr。　Sherlock　Holmes；　who；　after　he　had　thanked　the　company　for　their　confidence；　walked　abstractedly　away；　observing　in　strictest　confidence　to　himself　that　he　had　done　well　to　prepare　that　bottle　beforehand　and　bribe　Crusoe's　man　to　find　it。

〃For　now；〃　he　said；　with　a　chuckle；　〃I　can　get　back　to　earth　again　free　of　cost　on　my　own　hook；　whether　my　eminent　inventor　wants　me　there　or　not。　　I　never　approved　of　his　killing　me　off　as　he　did　at　the　very　height　of　my　popularity。〃



CHAPTER　IV：　　ON　BOARD　THE　HOUSE…BOAT



Meanwhile　the　ladies　were　not　having　such　a　bad　time；　after　all。　Once　having　gained　possession　of　the　House…boat；　they　were　loath　to　think　of　ever　having　to　give　it　up　again；　and　it　is　an　open　question　in　my　mind　if　they　would　not　have　made　off　with　it　themselves　had　Captain　Kidd　and　his　men　not　done　it　for　them。

〃I'll　never　forgive　these　men　for　their　selfishness　in　monopolizing　all　this；〃　said　Elizabeth；　with　a　vicious　stroke　of　a　billiard…cue；　which　missed　the　cue…ball　and　tore　a　right　angle　in　the　cloth。　　〃It　is　not　right。〃

〃No；〃　said　Portia。　　〃It　is　all　wrong；　and　when　we　get　back　home　I'm　going　to　give　my　beloved　Bassanio　a　piece　of　my　mind；　and　if　he　doesn't　give　in　to　me；　I'LL　reverse　my　decision　in　the　famous　case　of　Shylock　versus　Antonio。〃

〃Then　I　sincerely　hope　he　doesn't　give　in；〃　retorted　Cleopatra；　〃for　I　swear　by　all　my　auburn　locks　that　that　was　the　very　worst　bit　of　injustice　ever　perpetrated。　　Mr。　Shakespeare　confided　to　me　one　night；　at　one　of　Mrs。　Caesar's　card…parties；　that　he　regarded　that　as　the　biggest　joke　he　ever　wrote；　and　Judge　Blackstone　observed　to　Antony　that　the　decision　wouldn't　have　held　in　any　court　of　equity　outside　of　Venice。　　If　you　owe　a　man　a　thousand　ducats；　and　it　costs　you　three　thousand　to　get　them；　that's　your　affair；　not　his。　　If　it　cost　Antonio　every　drop　of　his　bluest　blood　to　pay　the　pound　of　flesh；　it　was　Antonio's　affair；　not　Shylock's。　　However；　the　world　applauds　you　as　a　great　jurist；　when　you　have　nothing　more　than　a　woman's　keen　instinct　for　sentimental　technicalities。〃

〃It　would　have　made　a　horrid　play；　though；　if　it　had　gone　on；〃　shuddered　Elizabeth。

〃That　may　be；　but；　carried　out　realistically；　it　would　have　done　away　with　a　raft　of　bad　actors；〃　said　Cleopatra。　　〃I'm　half　sorry　it　didn't　go　on；　and　I'm　sure　it　wouldn't　have　been　any　worse　than　compelling　Brutus　to　fall　on　his　sword　until　he　resembles　a　chicken　liver　en　brochette；　as　is　done　in　that　Julius　Caesar　play。〃

〃Well；　I'm　very　glad　I　did　it；〃　snapped　Portia。

〃I　should　think　you　would　be；〃　said　Cleopatra。　　〃If　you　hadn't　done　it；　you'd　never　have　been　known。　　What　was　that？〃

The　boat　had　given　a　slight　lurch。

〃Didn't　you　hear　a　shuffling　noise　up　on　deck；　Portia？〃　asked　the　Egyptian　Queen。

〃I　thought　I　did；　and　it　seemed　as　if　the　vessel　had　moved　a　bit；〃　returned　Portia；　nervously；　for；　like　most　women　in　an　advanced　state　of　development；　she　had　become　a　martyr　to　her　nerves。

〃It　was　merely　the　wash　from　one　of　Charon's　new　ferry…boats；　I　fancy；〃　said　Elizabeth；　calmly。　　〃It's　disgusting；　the　way　that　old　fellow　allows　these　modern　innovations　to　be　brought　in　here！　　As　if　the　old　paddle…boats　he　used　to　carry　shades　in　weren't　good　enough　for　the　immigrants　of　this　age！　　Really　this　Styx　River　is　losing　a　great　deal　of　its　charm。　　Sir　Walter　and　I　were　upset；　while　out　rowing　one　day　last　summer；　by　the　waves　kicked　up　by　one　of　Charon's　excursion　steamers　going　up　the　river　with　a　party　of　picnickers　from　the　citythe　Greater　Gehenna　Chowder　Club；　I　believe　it　wason　board　of　her。　　One　might　just　as　well　live　in　the　midst　of　the　turmoil　of　a　great　city　as　try　to　get　uninterrupted　quiet　here　in　the　suburbs　in　these　days。　　Charon　isn't　content　to　get　rich　slowly；　he　must　make　money　by　the　barrelful；　if　he　has　to　sacrifice　all　the　comfort　of　everybody　living　on　this　river。　　Anybody'd　think　he　was　an　American；　the　way　he　goes　on；　and　everybody　else　here　is　the　same　way。　　The　Erebeans　are　getting　to　be　a　race　of　shopkeepers。〃

〃I　think　myself；〃　sighed　Cleopatra；　〃that　Hades　is　being　spoiled　by　the　introduction　of　American　ideasit　is　getting　by　far　too　democratic　for　my　tastes；　and　if　it　isn't　stopped；　it's　my　belief　that　the　best　people　will　stop　coming　here。　　Take　Madame　Recamier's　salon　as　it　is　now　and　compare　it　with　what　it　used　to　be！　　In　the　early　days；　after　her　arrival　here；　everybody　went　because　it　was　the　swell　thing；　and　you'd　be　sure　of　meeting　the　intellectually　elect。　On　the　one　hand　you'd　find　Sophocles；　on　the　other；　Cicero；　across　the　room　would　be　Horace　chatting　gayly　with　some　such　person　as　myself。　　Great　warriors；　from　Alexander　to　Bonaparte；　were　there；　and　glad　of　the　opportunity　to　be　there；　too；　statesmen　like　Macchiavelli；　artists　like　Cellini　or　Tintoretto。　　You　couldn't　move　without　stepping　on　the　toes　of　genius。　　But　now　all　is　different。　The　money…getting　instinct　has　been　aroused　within　them　all；　with　the　result　that　when　I　invited　Mozart　to　meet　a　few　friends　at　dinner　at　my　place　last　autumn；　he　sent　me　a　card　stating　his　terms　for　dinners。　　Let　me　see；　I　think　I　have　it　with　me；　I've　kept　it　by　me　for　fear　of　losing　it；　it　is　such　a　complete　r