the pursuit of the house-boat-第6章

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it；　it　is　such　a　complete　revelation　of　the　actual　condition　of　affairs　in　this　locality。　　Ah！　this　is　it；〃　she　added；　taking　a　small　bit　of　pasteboard　from　her　card…case。　　〃Read　that。〃

The　card　was　passed　about；　and　all　the　ladies　were　much　astonished　and　naturally　so；　for　it　ran　this　wise：


NOTICE　TO　HOSTESSES。

Owing　to　the　very　great；　constantly　growing；　and　at　times　vexatious　demands　upon　his　time　socially；

HERR　WOLFGANG　AMADEUS　MOZART

takes　this　method　of　announcing　to　his　friends　that　on　and　after　January　1；　1897；　his　terms　for　functions　will　be　as　follows：

Dinners　with　conversation　on　the　　　　　　　　　Marks　　　　　Theory　of　Music　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　500　Dinners　with　conversation　on　the　　　　　Theory　of　Music；　illustrated　　　　　　　　　　750　Dinners　without　any　conversation　　　　　　　　　　300　　Receptions；　public；　with　music　　　　　　　　　　　1000　　　　〃　　　　〃　　　private；　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　750　　Encores　（single）　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　100　　Three　encores　for　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　150　　Autographs　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　10

Positively　no　Invitations　for　Five…o'Clock　Teas　or　Morning　Musicales　considered。


〃Well；　I　declare！〃　tittered　Elizabeth；　as　she　read。　　〃Isn't　that　extraordinary？　　He's　got　the　three…name　craze；　too！〃

〃It's　perfectly　ridiculous；〃　said　Cleopatra。　　〃But　it's　fairer　than　Artemus　Ward's　plan。　　Mozart　gives　notice　of　his　intentions　to　charge　you；　but　with　Ward　it's　different。　　He　comes；　and　afterwards　sends　a　bill　for　his　fun。　　Why；　only　last　week　I　got　a　'quarterly　statement'　from　him　showing　a　charge　against　me　of　thirty…eight　dollars　for　humorous　remarks　made　to　my　guests　at　a　little　chafing…dish　party　I　gave　in　honor　of　Balzac；　and；　worst　of　all；　he　had　marked　it　'Please　remit。'　　Even　Antony；　when　he　wrote　a　sonnet　to　my　eyebrow；　wouldn't　let　me　have　it　until　he　had　heard　whether　or　not　Boswell　wanted　it　for　publication　in　the　Gossip。　　With　Rubens　giving　chalk…talks　for　pay；　Phidias　doing　'Five…minute　Masterpieces　in　Putty'　for　suburban　lyceums；　and　all　the　illustrious　in　other　lines　turning　their　genius　to　account　through　the　entertainment　bureaus；　it's　impossible　to　have　a　salon　now。〃

〃You　are　indeed　right；〃　said　Madame　Recamier；　sadly。　　〃Those　were　palmy　days　when　genius　was　satisfied　with　chicken　salad　and　lemonade。　I　shall　never　forget　those　nights　when　the　wit　and　wisdom　of　all　time　wereahwere　on　tap　at　my　house；　if　I　may　so　speak；　at　a　cost　to　me　of　lights　and　supper。　　Now　the　only　people　who　will　come　for　nothing　are　those　we　used　to　think　of　paying　to　stay　away。　　Boswell　is　always　ready；　but　you　can't　run　a　salon　on　Boswell。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Portia；　〃I　sincerely　hope　that　you　won't　give　up　the　functions　altogether；　because　I　have　always　found　them　most　delightful。　　It　is　still　possible　to　have　lights　and　supper。〃

〃I　have　a　plan　for　next　winter；〃　said　Madame　Recamier；　〃but　I　suppose　I　shall　be　accused　of　going　into　the　commercial　side　of　it　if　I　adopt　it。　　The　plan　is；　briefly；　to　incorporate　my　salon。　　That's　an　idea　worthy　of　an　American；　I　admit；　but　if　I　don't　do　it　I'll　have　to　give　it　up　entirely；　which；　as　you　intimate；　would　be　too　bad。　　An　incorporated　salon；　however；　would　be　a　grand　thing；　if　only　because　it　would　perpetuate　the　salon。　　'The　Recamier　Salon　（Limited）'　would　be　a　most　excellent　title；　and；　suitably　capitalized　would　enable　us　to　pay　our　lions　sufficiently。　　Private　enterprise　is　powerless　under　modern　conditions。　　It's　as　much　as　I　can　afford　to　pay　for　a　dinner；　without　running　up　an　expensive　account　for　guests；　and　unless　we　get　up　a　salon…trust；　as　it　were；　the　whole　affair　must　go　to　the　wall。〃

〃How　would　you　make　it　pay？〃　asked　Portia。　　〃I　can't　see　where　your　dividends　would　come　from。〃

〃That　is　simple　enough；〃　said　Madame　Recamier。　　〃We　could　put　up　a　large　reception…hall　with　a　portion　of　our　capital；　and　advertise　a　series　of　nightssay　one　a　week　throughout　the　season。　　These　would　be　Warriors'　Night；　Story…tellers'　Night；　Poets'　Night；　Chafing…dish　Night　under　the　charge　of　Brillat…Savarin；　and　so　on。　　It　would　be　understood　that　on　these　particular　evenings　the　most　interesting　people　in　certain　lines　would　be　present；　and　would　mix　with　outsiders；　who　should　be　admitted　only　on　payment　of　a　certain　sum　of　money。　　The　commonplace　inhabitants　of　this　country　could　thus　meet　the　truly　great；　and　if　I　know　them　well；　as　I　think　I　do；　they'll　pay　readily　for　the　privilege。　　The　obscure　love　to　rub　up　against　the　famous　here　as　well　as　they　do　on　earth。〃

〃You'd　run　a　sort　of　Social　Zoo？〃　suggested　Elizabeth。

〃Precisely；　and　provide　entertainment　for　private　residences　too。　　An　advertisement　in　Boswell's　paper；　which　everybody　buys〃

〃And　which　nobody　reads；〃　said　Portia。

〃They　read　the　advertisements；〃　retorted　Madame　Recamier。　　〃As　I　was　saying；　an　advertisement　could　be　placed　in　Boswell's　paper　as　follows：　　'Are　you　giving　a　Function？　　Do　you　want　Talent？　　Get　your　Genius　at　the　Recamier　Salon　（Limited）。'　　It　would　be　simply　magnificent　as　a　business　enterprise。　　The　common　herd　would　be　tickled　to　death　if　they　could　get　great　people　at　their　homes；　even　if　they　had　to　pay　roundly　for　them。〃

〃It　would　look　well　in　the　society　notes；　wouldn't　it；　if　Mr。　John　Boggs　gave　a　reception；　and　at　the　close　of　the　account　it　said；　'The　supper　was　furnished　by　Calizetti；　and　the　genius　by　the　Recamier　Salon　（Limited）'？〃　suggested　Elizabeth；　scornfully。

〃I　must　admit；〃　replied　the　French　lady；　〃that　you　call　up　an　unpleasant　possibility；　but　I　don't　really　see　what　else　we　can　do　if　we　want　to　preserve　the　salon　idea。　　Somebody　has　told　these　talented　people　that　they　have　a　commercial　value；　and　they　are　availing　themselves　of　the　demand。〃

〃It　is　a　sad　age！〃　sighed　Elizabeth。

〃Well；　all　I've　got　to　say　is　just　this；〃　put　in　Xanthippe：　　〃You　people　who　get　up　functions　have　brought　this　condition　of　affairs　on　yourselves。　　You　were　not　satisfied　to　go　ahead　and　indulge　your　passion　for　lions　in　a　moderate　fashion。　　Take　the　case　of　Demosthenes　last　winter；　for　instance。　　His　wife　told　me　that　he　dined　at　home　three　times　during　the　winter。　　The　rest　of　the　time　he　was　out；　here；　there；　and　everywhere；　making　after…dinner　speeches。　The　saving　on　his　dinner　bills　didn't　pay　his　pebble　account；　much　less　remunerate　him　for　his　time；　and　the　fearful　expense　of　nervous　energy　to　which　he　was　subjected。　　It　was　as　much　as　she　could　do；　she　said；　to　keep　him　from　shaving　one　side　of　his　head；　so　that　he　couldn't　go　out；　the　way　he　used　to　do　in　Athens　when　he　was　afraid　he　would　be　invited　out　and　couldn't　scare　up　a　decent　excuse　for　refusing。〃

〃Did　he　do　that？〃　cried　Elizabeth；　with　a　roar　of　laughter。

〃So　the　cyclopaedias　say。　　It's　a　good　plan；　too；〃　said　Xanthippe。　〃Though　Socrates　never　had　to　do　it。　　When　I　got　the　notion　Socrates　was　going　out　too　much；　I　used　to　hide　his　dress　clothes。　　Then　there　was　the　case　of　Rubens。　　He　gave　a　Carbon　Talk　at　the　Sforza's　Thursday　Night　Club；　merely　to　oblige　Madame　Sforza；　and　three　weeks　later　discovered　that　she　had　sold　his　pictures　to　pay　for　her　gown！　You　people　simply　run　it　into　the　ground。　　You　kill　the　goose　that　when　taken　at　the　flood　leads　on　to　fortune。　　It　advertises　you；　does　the　lion　no　good；　and　he　is　expected　to　be　satisfied　with　confectionery；　material　and　theoretical。　　If　they　are　getting　tired　of　candy　and　compliments；　it's　because　you　have　forced　too　much　of　it　upon　them。〃

〃They　like　it；　just　the　same；〃　retorted　Recamier。　　〃A　genius　likes　nothing　better　than　the　sound　of　his　own　voice；　when　he　feels　that　it　is　falling　on　aristocratic　ears。　　The　social　laurel　rests　pleasantly　on　many　a　noble　brow。〃

〃True；〃　said　Xanthippe。　　〃But　when　a　man　gets　a　pile　of　Christmas　wreaths　a　mile　high　on　his　head；　he　begins　to　wonder　what　they　will　bring　on　the　market。　　An　occasional　wreath　is　very　nice；　but　by　the　ton　they　are　apt　to　weigh　on　his　mind。　　Up　to　a　certain　point　notoriety　is　like　a　woman；　and　a　man　is　apt　to　love　it；　but　when　it　becomes　exacting；　demanding　instead　of　permitting　itself　to　be　courted；　it　loses　its　charm。〃

〃That　is　Socratic　in　its　wisdom；〃　smiled　Portia。

〃But　Xanthippic　in　its　origin；〃　returned　Xanthippe。　　〃No　man　ever　gave　me　my　ideas。〃

As　Xanthippe　spoke；　Lucretia　Borgia　burst　into　the　room。

〃Hurry　and　save　yourselves！〃　she　cried。　　〃The　boat　has　broken　loose　from　her　moorings；　and　is　floating　down　the　stream。　　If　we　don't　hurry　up　and　do　something；　we'll　drift　out　to　sea！〃

〃What！〃　cried　Cleopatra；　dropping　her　cue　in　terror；　and　rushing　for　the　stairs。　　〃I　was　certain　I　felt　a　slight　motion。　　You　said　it　was　the　wash　from　one　of　Charon's　barges；　Elizabeth。〃

〃I　thought　it　was；〃　said　Elizabeth；　following　closely　after。

〃Well；　it　wasn't；〃　moaned　Lucretia　Borgia。　　〃Calpurnia　just　looked　out　of　the　window　and　discovered　that　we　were　in　mid…stream。〃

The　ladies　crowded　anxiously　about　the　stair　and　attempted　to　ascend；　Cleopatra　in　the　van；　but　as　the　Egyptian　Queen　reached　the　doorway　to　the　upper　deck；　the　door　opened；　and　the　hard　features　of　Captain　Kidd　were　thrust　roughly　through；　and　his　strident　voice　rang　out　through　the　gathering　gloom。　　〃Pipe　my　eye　for　a　sardine　if　we　haven't　captured　a　female　seminary！〃　he　cried。

And　one　by　one　the　ladies；　in　terror；　shrank　back　into　the　billiard…　room；　while　Kidd；　overcome　by　surprise；　slammed　the　door　to；　and　retreated　into　the　darkness　of　the　forward　deck　to　consult　with　his　followers　as　to　〃what　next。〃



CHAPTER　V：　　A　CONFERENCE　ON　DECK



〃Here's　a　kettle　of　fish！〃　said　Kidd；　pulling　his　chin　whisker　in　perplexity　as　he　and　his　fellow…pirates　gathered　about　the　captain　to　discuss　the　situation。　　〃I'm　blessed　if　in　all　my　experience　I　ever　sailed　athwart　anything　like　it　afore！　　Pirating　with　a　lot　of　low…　down　ruffians　like　you　gentlemen　is　bad　enough；　but　on　a　craft　loaded　to　the　water's　edge　with　advanced　womenI've　half　a　mind　to　turn　back。〃

〃If　you　do；　you　swimwe'll　not　turn　back　with　you；〃　retorted　Abeuchapeta；　whom；　in　honor　of　his　prowess；　Kidd　had　appointed　executive　officer　of　the　House…boat。　　〃I　have　no　desire　to　be　mutinous；　Captain　Kidd；　but　I　have　not　embarked　upon　this　enterprise　for　a　pleasure　sail　down　the　Styx。　　I　am　out　for　business。　　If　you　had　thirty　thousand　women　on　board；　still　should　I　not　turn　back。〃

〃But　what　shall　we　do　with　'em？〃　pleaded　Kidd。　　〃Where　can　we　go　without　attracting　attention？　　Who's　going　to　feed　'em？　　Who's　going　to　dress　'em？　　Who's　going　to　keep　'em　in　bonnets？　　You　don't　know　anything　about　these　creatures；　my　dear　Abeuchapeta；　and；　by…the…way；　can't　we　arbitrate　that　name　of　yours？　　It　would　be　fearful　to　remember　in　the　excitement　of　a　fight。〃

〃Call　him　Ab；〃　suggested　Sir　Henry　Morgan；　with　an　ill…concealed　sneer；　for　he　was　deeply　jealous　of　Abeuchapeta's　preferral。

〃If　you　do　I'll　call　you　Morgue；　and　change　your　appearance　to　fit；〃　retorted　Abeuchapeta；　angrily。

〃By　the　beards　of　all　my　sainted　Buccaneers；〃　began　Morgan；　springing　angrily　to　his　feet；　〃I'll　have　your　life！〃

〃Gentlemen！　　Gentlemenmy　noble　ruffians！〃　expostulated　Kidd。　〃Come；　come；　this　will　never　do！　　I　must　have　no　quarrelling　among　my　aides。　　This　is　no　time　for　divisions　in　our　councils。　　An　entirely　unexpected　element　has　entered　into　our　affairs；　and