the diary of a nobody-第10章

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Fosselton　again　monopolised　the　conversation　with　his　Irving　talk；　and　both　Carrie　and　I　came　to　the　conclusion　one　can　have　even　too　much　imitation　of　Irving。　　After　supper；　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　got　a　little　too　boisterous　over　his　Irving　imitation；　and　suddenly　seizing　Gowing　by　the　collar　of　his　coat；　dug　his　thumb…nail；　accidentally　of　course；　into　Gowing's　neck　and　took　a　piece　of　flesh　out。　　Gowing　was　rightly　annoyed；　but　that　man　Padge；　who　having　declined　our　modest　supper　in　order　that　he　should　not　lose　his　comfortable　chair；　burst　into　an　uncontrollable　fit　of　laughter　at　the　little　misadventure。　　I　was　so　annoyed　at　the　conduct　of　Padge；　I　said：　〃I　suppose　you　would　have　laughed　if　he　had　poked　Mr。　Gowing's　eye　out？〃　to　which　Padge　replied：　　〃That's　right；〃　and　laughed　more　than　ever。　　I　think　perhaps　the　greatest　surprise　was　when　we　broke　up；　for　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　said：　　〃Good…night；　Mr。　Pooter。　　I'm　glad　you　like　the　imitation；　I'll　bring　THE　OTHER　MAKE…UP　TO…MORROW　NIGHT。〃

November　24。　…　I　went　to　town　without　a　pocket…handkerchief。　　This　is　the　second　time　I　have　done　this　during　the　last　week。　　I　must　be　losing　my　memory。　　Had　it　not　been　for　this　Daisy　Mutlar　business；　I　would　have　written　to　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　and　told　him　I　should　be　out　this　evening；　but　I　fancy　he　is　the　sort　of　young　man　who　would　come　all　the　same。

Dear　old　Cummings　came　in　the　evening；　but　Gowing　sent　round　a　little　note　saying　he　hoped　I　would　excuse　his　not　turning　up；　which　rather　amused　me。　　He　added　that　his　neck　was　still　painful。　Of　course；　Burwin…Fosselton　came；　but　Lupin　never　turned　up；　and　imagine　my　utter　disgust　when　that　man　Padge　actually　came　again；　and　not　even　accompanied　by　Gowing。　　I　was　exasperated；　and　said：　〃Mr。　Padge；　this　is　a　SURPRISE。〃　　Dear　Carrie；　fearing　unpleasantness；　said：　　〃Oh！　I　suppose　Mr。　Padge　has　only　come　to　see　the　other　Irving　make…up。〃　　Mr。　Padge　said：　　〃That's　right；〃　and　took　the　best　chair　again；　from　which　he　never　moved　the　whole　evening。

My　only　consolation　is；　he　takes　no　supper；　so　he　is　not　an　expensive　guest；　but　I　shall　speak　to　Gowing　about　the　matter。　　The　Irving　imitations　and　conversations　occupied　the　whole　evening；　till　I　was　sick　of　it。　　Once　we　had　a　rather　heated　discussion；　which　was　commenced　by　Cummings　saying　that　it　appeared　to　him　that　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　was　not　only　LIKE　Mr。　Irving；　but　was　in　his　judgment　every　way　as　GOOD　or　even　BETTER。　　I　ventured　to　remark　that　after　all　it　was　but　an　imitation　of　an　original。

Cummings　said　surely　some　imitations　were　better　than　the　originals。　　I　made　what　I　considered　a　very　clever　remark：　〃Without　an　original　there　can　be　no　imitation。〃　　Mr。　Burwin…　Fosselton　said　quite　impertinently：　　〃Don't　discuss　me　in　my　presence；　if　you　please；　and；　Mr。　Pooter；　I　should　advise　you　to　talk　about　what　you　understand；〃　to　which　that　cad　Padge　replied：　〃That's　right。〃　　Dear　Carrie　saved　the　whole　thing　by　suddenly　saying：　　〃I'll　be　Ellen　Terry。〃　　Dear　Carrie's　imitation　wasn't　a　bit　liked；　but　she　was　so　spontaneous　and　so　funny　that　the　disagreeable　discussion　passed　off。　　When　they　left；　I　very　pointedly　said　to　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　and　Mr。　Padge　that　we　should　be　engaged　to…morrow　evening。

November　25。　…　Had　a　long　letter　from　Mr。　Fosselton　respecting　last　night's　Irving　discussion。　　I　was　very　angry；　and　I　wrote　and　said　I　knew　little　or　nothing　about　stage　matters；　was　not　in　the　least　interested　in　them　and　positively　declined　to　be　drawn　into　a　discussion　on　the　subject；　even　at　the　risk　of　its　leading　to　a　breach　of　friendship。　　I　never　wrote　a　more　determined　letter。

On　returning　home　at　the　usual　hour　on　Saturday　afternoon　I　met　near　the　Archway　Daisy　Mutlar。　　My　heart　gave　a　leap。　　I　bowed　rather　stiffly；　but　she　affected　not　to　have　seen　me。　　Very　much　annoyed　in　the　evening　by　the　laundress　sending　home　an　odd　sock。　Sarah　said　she　sent　two　pairs；　and　the　laundress　declared　only　a　pair　and　a　half　were　sent。　　I　spoke　to　Carrie　about　it；　but　she　rather　testily　replied：　　〃I　am　tired　of　speaking　to　her；　you　had　better　go　and　speak　to　her　yourself。　　She　is　outside。〃　　I　did　so；　but　the　laundress　declared　that　only　an　odd　sock　was　sent。

Gowing　passed　into　the　passage　at　this　time　and　was　rude　enough　to　listen　to　the　conversation；　and　interrupting；　said：　　〃Don't　waste　the　odd　sock；　old　man；　do　an　act　of　charity　and　give　it　to　some　poor　mar　with　only　one　leg。〃　　The　laundress　giggled　like　an　idiot。　I　was　disgusted　and　walked　upstairs　for　the　purpose　of　pinning　down　my　collar；　as　the　button　had　come　off　the　back　of　my　shirt。

When　I　returned　to　the　parlour；　Gowing　was　retailing　his　idiotic　joke　about　the　odd　sock；　and　Carrie　was　roaring　with　laughter。　　I　suppose　I　am　losing　my　sense　of　humour。　　I　spoke　my　mind　pretty　freely　about　Padge。　　Gowing　said　he　had　met　him　only　once　before　that　evening。　　He　had　been　introduced　by　a　friend；　and　as　he　（Padge）　had　〃stood〃　a　good　dinner；　Gowing　wished　to　show　him　some　little　return。　　Upon　my　word；　Gowing's　coolness　surpasses　all　belief。　　Lupin　came　in　before　I　could　reply；　and　Gowing　unfortunately　inquired　after　Daisy　Mutlar。　　Lupin　shouted：　　〃Mind　your　own　business；　sir！〃　and　bounced　out　of　the　room；　slamming　the　door。　　The　remainder　of　the　night　was　Daisy　Mutlar　…　Daisy　Mutlar　…　Daisy　Mutlar。　　Oh　dear！

November　26；　Sunday。　…　The　curate　preached　a　very　good　sermon　to…　day　…　very　good　indeed。　　His　appearance　is　never　so　impressive　as　our　dear　old　vicar's；　but　I　am　bound　to　say　his　sermons　are　much　more　impressive。　　A　rather　annoying　incident　occurred；　of　which　I　must　make　mention。　　Mrs。　Fernlosse；　who　is　quite　a　grand　lady；　living　in　one　of　those　large　houses　in　the　Camden　Road；　stopped　to　speak　to　me　after　church；　when　we　were　all　coming　out。　　I　must　say　I　felt　flattered；　for　she　is　thought　a　good　deal　of。　　I　suppose　she　knew　me　through　seeing　me　so　often　take　round　the　plate；　especially　as　she　always　occupies　the　corner　seat　of　the　pew。　　She　is　a　very　influential　lady；　and　may　have　had　something　of　the　utmost　importance　to　say；　but　unfortunately；　as　she　commenced　to　speak　a　strong　gust　of　wind　came　and　blew　my　hat　off　into　the　middle　of　the　road。

I　had　to　run　after　it；　and　had　the　greatest　difficulty　in　recovering　it。　　When　I　had　succeeded　in　doing　so；　I　found　Mrs。　Fernlosse　had　walked　on　with　some　swell　friends；　and　I　felt　I　could　not　well　approach　her　now；　especially　as　my　hat　was　smothered　with　mud。　　I　cannot　say　how　disappointed　I　felt。

In　the　evening　（SUNDAY　evening　of　all　others）　I　found　an　impertinent　note　from　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton；　which　ran　as　follows：


〃Dear　Mr。　Pooter；　…　Although　your　junior　by　perhaps　some　twenty　or　thirty　years　…　which　is　sufficient　reason　that　you　ought　to　have　a　longer　record　of　the　things　and　ways　in　this　miniature　of　a　planet　…　I　feel　it　is　just　within　the　bounds　of　possibility　that　the　wheels　of　your　life　don't　travel　so　quickly　round　as　those　of　the　humble　writer　of　these　lines。　　The　dandy　horse　of　past　days　has　been　known　to　overtake　the　SLOW　COACH。

〃Do　I　make　myself　understood？

〃Very　well；　then！　　Permit　me；　Mr。　Pooter；　to　advise　you　to　accept　the　VERB。　SAP。　　Acknowledge　your　defeat；　and　take　your　whipping　gracefully；　for　remember　you　threw　down　the　glove；　and　I　cannot　claim　to　be　either　mentally　or　physically　a　COWARD！

〃REVENONS　E　NOS　MOUTONS。

〃Our　lives　run　in　different　grooves。　　I　live　for　MY　ART　…　THE　STAGE。　　Your　life　is　devoted　to　commercial　pursuits　…　'A　life　among　Ledgers。'　　My　books　are　of　different　metal。　　Your　life　in　the　City　is　honourable；　I　admit。　　BUT　HOW　DIFFERENT！　　Cannot　even　you　see　the　ocean　between　us？　　A　channel　that　prevents　the　meeting　of　our　brains　in　harmonious　accord。　　Ah！　　But　CHACUN　E　SON　GOUT。

〃I　have　registered　a　vow　to　mount　the　steps　of　fame。　　I　may　crawl；　I　may　slip；　I　may　even　falter　（we　are　all　weak）；　but　REACH　THE　TOP　RUNG　OF　THE　LADDER　I　WILL！！！　　When　there；　my　voice　shall　be　heard；　for　I　will　shout　to　the　multitudes　below：　　'VICI！'　　For　the　present　I　am　only　an　amateur；　and　my　work　is　unknown；　forsooth；　save　to　a　party　of　friends；　with　here　and　there　an　enemy。

〃But；　Mr。　Pooter；　let　me　ask　you；　'What　is　the　difference　between　the　amateur　and　the　professional？'

〃None！！！

〃Stay！　　Yes；　there　is　a　difference。　　One　is　PAID　for　doing　what　the　other　does　as　skilfully　for　NOTHING！

〃But　I　will　be　PAID；　too！　　For　I；　contrary　to　the　wishes　of　my　family　and　friends；　have　at　last　elected　to　adopt　the　stage　as　MY　profession。　　And　when　the　FARCE　craze　is　over　…　and；　MARK　YOU；　THAT　WILL　BE　SOON　…　I　will　make　my　power　known；　for　I　feel　…　pardon　my　apparent　conceit　…　that　there　is　no　living　man　who　can　play　the　hump…backed　Richard　as　I　FEEL　and　KNOW　I　can。

〃And　YOU　will　be　the　first　to　come　round　and　bend　your　head　in　submission。　　There　are　many　matters　you　may　understand；　but　knowledge　of　the　fine　art　of　acting　is　to　you　an　UNKNOWN　QUANTITY。

〃Pray　let　this　discussion　cease　with　this　letter。　　VALE！

Yours　truly；

〃Burwin…Fosselton。〃


I　was　disgusted。　　When　Lupin　came　in；　I　handed　him　this　impertinent　letter；　and　said：　　〃My　boy；　in　that　letter　you　can　see　the　true　character　of　your　friend。〃

Lupin；　to　my　surprise；　said：　　〃Oh　yes。　　He　showed　me　the　letter　before　he　sent　it。　　I　think　he　is　right；　and　you　ought　to　apologise。〃



CHAPTER　XII。



A　serious　discussion　concerning　the　use　and　value　of　my　diary。　Lupin's　opinion　of　'Xmas。　　Lupin's　unfortunate　engagement　is　on　again。


December　17。　…　As　I　open　my　scribbling　diary　I　find　the　words　〃Oxford　Michaelmas　Term　ends。〃　　Why　this　should　induce　me　to　indulge　in　retrospective　I　don't　know；　but　it　does。　　The　last　few　weeks　of　my　diary　are　of　minimum　interest。　　The　breaking　off　of　the　engagement　between　Lupin　and　Daisy　Mutlar　has　made　him　a　different　being；　and　Carrie　a　rather　depressing　companion。　　She　was　a　little　dull　last　Saturday；　and　I　thought　to　cheer　her　up　by　reading　some　extracts　from　my　diary；　but　she　walked　out　of　the　room　in　the　middle　of　the　reading；　without　a　word。　　On　her　return；　I　said：　〃Did　my　diary　bore　you；　darling？〃

She　replied；　to　my　surprise：　　〃I　really　wasn't　listening；　dear。　　I　was　obliged　to　leave　to　give　instructions　to　the　laundress。　　In　consequence　of　some　stuff　she　puts　in　the　water；　two　more　of　Lupin's　coloured　shirts　have　run　and　he　says　he　won't　wear　them。〃

I　said：　　〃Everything　is　Lupin。　　It's　all　Lupin；　Lupin；　Lupin。　There　was　not　a　single　button　on　my　shirt　yesterday；　but　I　made　no　complaint。〃

Carrie　simply　replied：　　〃You　should　do　as　all　other　men　do；　and　wear　studs。　　In　fact；　I　never　saw　anyone　but　you　wear　buttons　on　the　shirt…fronts。〃

I　said：　　〃I　certainly　wore　none　yesterday；　for　there　were　none　on。〃

Another　thought　that　strikes　me　is　that　Gowing　seldom　calls　in　the　evening；　and　Cummings　never　does。　　I　fear　they　don't　get　on　well　with　Lupin。

December　18。　…　Yesterday　I　was　in　a　retrospective　vein　…　to…day　it　is　PROSPECTIVE。　　I　see　nothing　but　clouds；　clouds；　clouds。　　Lupin　is　perfectly　intolerable　over　the　Daisy　Mutlar　business。　　He　won't　say　what　is　the　cause　of　the　breach。　　He　is　evidently　condemning　her　conduct；　and　yet；　if　we　venture　to　agree　with　him；　says　he　won't　hear　a　word　against　her。　　So　what　is　one　to　do？　　Another　thing　which　is　disappointing　to　me　is；　that　C