the diary of a nobody-第12章

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esently　Daisy　and　Lupin；　to　my　disgust；　began　throwing　bread…pills　at　each　other。　　Frank　followed　suit；　and　so　did　Cummings　and　Gowing；　to　my　astonishment。　　They　then　commenced　throwing　hard　pieces　of　crust；　one　piece　catching　me　on　the　forehead；　and　making　me　blink。　　I　said：　　〃Steady；　please；　steady！〃　　Frank　jumped　up　and　said：　　〃Tum；　tum；　then　the　band　played。〃

I　did　not　know　what　this　meant；　but　they　all　roared；　and　continued　the　bread…battle。　　Gowing　suddenly　seized　all　the　parsley　off　the　cold　mutton；　and　threw　it　full　in　my　face。　　I　looked　daggers　at　Gowing；　who　replied：　　〃I　say；　it's　no　good　trying　to　look　indignant；　with　your　hair　full　of　parsley。〃　　I　rose　from　the　table；　and　insisted　that　a　stop　should　be　put　to　this　foolery　at　once。　Frank　Mutlar　shouted：　　〃Time；　gentlemen；　please！　time！〃　and　turned　out　the　gas；　leaving　us　in　absolute　darkness。

I　was　feeling　my　way　out　of　the　room；　when　I　suddenly　received　a　hard　intentional　punch　at　the　back　of　my　head。　　I　said　loudly：　〃Who　did　that？〃　　There　was　no　answer；　so　I　repeated　the　question；　with　the　same　result。　　I　struck　a　match；　and　lighted　the　gas。　　They　were　all　talking　and　laughing；　so　I　kept　my　own　counsel；　but；　after　they　had　gone；　I　said　to　Carrie；　〃The　person　who　sent　me　that　insulting　post…card　at　Christmas　was　here　to…night。〃

December　29。　…　I　had　a　most　vivid　dream　last　night。　　I　woke　up；　and　on　falling　asleep；　dreamed　the　same　dream　over　again　precisely。　　I　dreamt　I　heard　Frank　Mutlar　telling　his　sister　that　he　had　not　only　sent　me　the　insulting　Christmas　card；　but　admitted　that　he　was　the　one　who　punched　my　head　last　night　in　the　dark。　　As　fate　would　have　it；　Lupin；　at　breakfast；　was　reading　extracts　from　a　letter　he　had　just　received　from　Frank。

I　asked　him　to　pass　the　envelope；　that　I　might　compare　the　writing。　He　did　so；　and　I　examined　it　by　the　side　of　the　envelope　containing　the　Christmas　card。　　I　detected　a　similarity　in　the　writing；　in　spite　of　the　attempted　disguise。　　I　passed　them　on　to　Carrie；　who　began　to　laugh。　　I　asked　her　what　she　was　laughing　at；　and　she　said　the　card　was　never　directed　to　me　at　all。　　It　was　〃L。　Pooter；〃　not　〃C。　Pooter。〃　　Lupin　asked　to　look　at　the　direction　and　the　card；　and　exclaimed；　with　a　laugh：　　〃Oh　yes；　Guv。；　it's　meant　for　me。〃

I　said：　　〃Are　you　in　the　habit　of　receiving　insulting　Christmas　cards？〃　　He　replied：　　〃Oh　yes；　and　of　SENDING　them；　too。〃

In　the　evening　Gowing　called；　and　said　he　enjoyed　himself　very　much　last　night。　　I　took　the　opportunity　to　confide　in　him；　as　an　old　friend；　about　the　vicious　punch　last　night。　　He　burst　out　laughing；　and　said：　　〃Oh；　it　was　YOUR　HEAD；　was　it？　　I　know　I　accidentally　hit　something；　but　I　thought　it　was　a　brick　wall。〃　　I　told　him　I　felt　hurt；　in　both　senses　of　the　expression。

December　30；　Sunday。　…　Lupin　spent　the　whole　day　with　the　Mutlars。　He　seemed　rather　cheerful　in　the　evening；　so　I　said：　　〃I'm　glad　to　see　you　so　happy；　Lupin。〃　　He　answered：　　〃Well；　Daisy　is　a　splendid　girl；　but　I　was　obliged　to　take　her　old　fool　of　a　father　down　a　peg。　　What　with　his　meanness　over　his　cigars；　his　stinginess　over　his　drinks；　his　farthing　economy　in　turning　down　the　gas　if　you　only　quit　the　room　for　a　second；　writing　to　one　on　half…sheets　of　note…paper；　sticking　the　remnant　of　the　last　cake　of　soap　on　to　the　new　cake；　putting　two　bricks　on　each　side　of　the　fireplace；　and　his　general　'outside…halfpenny…'bus…ness；'　I　was　compelled　to　let　him　have　a　bit　of　my　mind。〃　　I　said：　　〃Lupin；　you　are　not　much　more　than　a　boy；　I　hope　you　won't　repent　it。〃

December　31。　…　The　last　day　of　the　Old　Year。　　I　received　an　extraordinary　letter　from　Mr。　Mutlar；　senior。　　He　writes：　　〃Dear　Sir；　…　For　a　long　time　past　I　have　had　considerable　difficulty　deciding　the　important　question；　'Who　is　the　master　of　my　own　house？　　Myself；　or　YOUR　SON　Lupin？'　　Believe　me；　I　have　no　prejudice　one　way　or　the　other；　but　I　have　been　most　reluctantly　compelled　to　give　judgment　to　the　effect　that　I　am　the　master　of　it。　　Under　the　circumstances；　it　has　become　my　duty　to　forbid　your　son　to　enter　my　house　again。　　I　am　sorry；　because　it　deprives　me　of　the　society　of　one　of　the　most　modest；　unassuming；　and　gentlemanly　persons　I　have　ever　had　the　honour　of　being　acquainted　with。〃

I　did　not　desire　the　last　day　to　wind　up　disagreeably；　so　I　said　nothing　to　either　Carrie　or　Lupin　about　the　letter。

A　most　terrible　fog　came　on；　and　Lupin　would　go　out　in　it；　but　promised　to　be　back　to　drink　out　the　Old　Year　…　a　custom　we　have　always　observed。　　At　a　quarter　to　twelve　Lupin　had　not　returned；　and　the　fog　was　fearful。　　As　time　was　drawing　close；　I　got　out　the　spirits。　　Carrie　and　I　deciding　on　whisky；　I　opened　a　fresh　bottle；　but　Carrie　said　it　smelt　like　brandy。　　As　I　knew　it　to　be　whisky；　I　said　there　was　nothing　to　discuss。　　Carrie；　evidently　vexed　that　Lupin　had　not　come　in；　did　discuss　it　all　the　same；　and　wanted　me　to　have　a　small　wager　with　her　to　decide　by　the　smell。　　I　said　I　could　decide　it　by　the　taste　in　a　moment。　　A　silly　and　unnecessary　argument　followed；　the　result　of　which　was　we　suddenly　saw　it　was　a　quarter…past　twelve；　and；　for　the　first　time　in　our　married　life；　we　missed　welcoming　in　the　New　Year。　　Lupin　got　home　at　a　quarter…　past　two；　having　got　lost　in　the　fog　…　so　he　said。



CHAPTER　XIV。



Begin　the　year　with　an　unexpected　promotion　at　the　office。　　I　make　two　good　jokes。　　I　get　an　enormous　rise　in　my　salary。　　Lupin　speculates　successfully　and　starts　a　pony…trap。　　Have　to　speak　to　Sarah。　　Extraordinary　conduct　of　Gowing's。


January　1。　…　I　had　intended　concluding　my　diary　last　week；　but　a　most　important　event　has　happened；　so　I　shall　continue　for　a　little　while　longer　on　the　fly…leaves　attached　to　the　end　of　my　last　year's　diary。　　It　had　just　struck　half…past　one；　and　I　was　on　the　point　of　leaving　the　office　to　have　my　dinner；　when　I　received　a　message　that　Mr。　Perkupp　desired　to　see　me　at　once。　　I　must　confess　that　my　heart　commenced　to　beat　and　I　had　most　serious　misgivings。

Mr。　Perkupp　was　in　his　room　writing；　and　he　said：　　〃Take　a　seat；　Mr。　Pooter；　I　shall　not　be　moment。〃

I　replied：　　〃No；　thank　you；　sir；　I'll　stand。〃

I　watched　the　clock　on　the　mantelpiece；　and　I　was　waiting　quite　twenty　minutes；　but　it　seemed　hours。　　Mr。　Perkupp　at　last　got　up　himself。

I　said：　　〃I　hope　there　is　nothing　wrong；　sir？〃

He　replied：　　〃Oh　dear；　no！　quite　the　reverse；　I　hope。〃　　What　a　weight　off　my　mind！　　My　breath　seemed　to　come　back　again　in　an　instant。

Mr。　Perkupp　said：　　〃Mr。　Buckling　is　going　to　retire；　and　there　will　be　some　slight　changes　in　the　office。　　You　have　been　with　us　nearly　twenty…one　years；　and；　in　consequence　of　your　conduct　during　that　period；　we　intend　making　a　special　promotion　in　your　favour。　　We　have　not　quite　decided　how　you　will　be　placed；　but　in　any　case　there　will　be　a　considerable　increase　in　your　salary；　which；　it　is　quite　unnecessary　for　me　to　say；　you　fully　deserve。　　I　have　an　appointment　at　two；　but　you　shall　hear　more　to…morrow。〃

He　then　left　the　room　quickly；　and　I　was　not　even　allowed　time　or　thought　to　express　a　single　word　of　grateful　thanks　to　him。　　I　need　not　say　how　dear　Carrie　received　this　joyful　news。　　With　perfect　simplicity　she　said：　　〃At　last　we　shall　be　able　to　have　a　chimney…　glass　for　the　back　drawing…room；　which　we　always　wanted。〃　　I　added：　〃Yes；　and　at　last　you　shall　have　that　little　costume　which　you　saw　at　Peter　Robinson's　so　cheap。〃

January　2。　…　I　was　in　a　great　state　of　suspense　all　day　at　the　office。　　I　did　not　like　to　worry　Mr。　Perkupp；　but　as　he　did　not　send　for　me；　and　mentioned　yesterday　that　he　would　see　me　again　to…　day；　I　thought　it　better；　perhaps；　to　go　to　him。　　I　knocked　at　his　door；　and　on　entering；　Mr。　Perkupp　said：　　〃Oh！　it's　you；　Mr。　Pooter；　do　you　want　to　see　me？〃　　I　said：　　〃No；　sir；　I　thought　you　wanted　to　see　me！〃　　〃Oh！〃　he　replied；　〃I　remember。　　Well；　I　am　very　busy　to…day；　I　will　see　you　to…morrow。〃

January　3。　…　Still　in　a　state　of　anxiety　and　excitement；　which　was　not　alleviated　by　ascertaining　that　Mr。　Perkupp　sent　word　he　should　not　be　at　the　office　to…day。　　In　the　evening；　Lupin；　who　was　busily　engaged　with　a　paper；　said　suddenly　to　me：　　〃Do　you　know　anything　about　CHALK　PITS；　Guv。？〃　　I　said：　　〃No；　my　boy；　not　that　I'm　aware　of。〃　　Lupin　said：　　〃Well；　I　give　you　the　tip；　CHALK　PITS　are　as　safe　as　Consols；　and　pay　six　per　cent。　at　par。〃　　I　said　a　rather　neat　thing；　viz。：　　〃They　may　be　six　per　cent。　at　PAR；　but　your　PA　has　no　money　to　invest。〃　　Carrie　and　I　both　roared　with　laughter。　Lupin　did　not　take　the　slightest　notice　of　the　joke；　although　I　purposely　repeated　it　for　him；　but　continued：　　〃I　give　you　the　tip；　that's　all　…　CHALK　PITS！〃　　I　said　another　funny　thing：　　〃Mind　you　don't　fall　into　them！〃　　Lupin　put　on　a　supercilious　smile；　and　said：　　〃Bravo！　　Joe　Miller。〃

January　4。　…　Mr。　Perkupp　sent　for　me　and　told　me　that　my　position　would　be　that　of　one　of　the　senior　clerks。　　I　was　more　than　overjoyed。　　Mr。　Perkupp　added；　he　would　let　me　know　to…morrow　what　the　salary　would　be。　　This　means　another　day's　anxiety；　I　don't　mind；　for　it　is　anxiety　of　the　right　sort。　　That　reminded　me　that　I　had　forgotten　to　speak　to　Lupin　about　the　letter　I　received　from　Mr。　Mutlar；　senr。　　I　broached　the　subject　to　Lupin　in　the　evening；　having　first　consulted　Carrie。　　Lupin　was　riveted　to　the　FINANCIAL　NEWS；　as　if　he　had　been　a　born　capitalist；　and　I　said：　　〃Pardon　me　a　moment；　Lupin；　how　is　it　you　have　not　been　to　the　Mutlars'　any　day　this　week？〃

Lupin　answered：　　〃I　told　you！　　I　cannot　stand　old　Mutlar。〃

I　said：　　〃Mr。　Mutlar　writes　to　me　to　say　pretty　plainly　that　he　cannot　stand　you！〃

Lupin　said：　　〃Well；　I　like　his　cheek　in　writing　to　YOU。　　I'll　find　out　if　his　father　is　still　alive；　and　I　will　write　HIM　a　note　complaining　of　HIS　son；　and　I'll　state　pretty　clearly　that　his　son　is　a　blithering　idiot！〃

I　said：　　〃Lupin；　please　moderate　your　expressions　in　the　presence　of　your　mother。〃

Lupin　said：　　〃I'm　very　sorry；　but　there　is　no　other　expression　one　can　apply　to　him。　　However；　I'm　determined　not　to　enter　his　place　again。〃

I　said：　　〃You　know；　Lupin；　he　has　forbidden　you　the　house。〃

Lupin　replied：　　〃Well；　we　won't　split　straws　…　it's　all　the　same。　Daisy　is　a　trump；　and　will　wait　for　me　ten　years；　if　necessary。〃

January　5。　…　I　can　scarcely　write　the　news。　　Mr。　Perkupp　told　me　my　salary　would　be　raised　100　pounds！　　I　stood　gaping　for　a　moment　unable　to　realise　it。　　I　annually　get　10　pounds　rise；　and　I　thought　it　might　be　15　pounds　or　even　20　pounds；　but　100　pounds　surpasses　all　belief。　　Carrie　and　I　both　rejoiced　over　our　good　fortune。　Lupin　came　home　in　the　evening　in　the　utmost　good　spirits。　　I　sent　Sarah　quietly　round　to　the　grocer's　for　a　bottle　of　champagne；　the　same　as　we　had　before；　〃Jackson　Freres。〃　　It　was　opened　at　supper；　and　I　said　to　Lupin：　　〃This　is　to　celebrate　some　good　news　I　have　received　to…day。〃　　Lupin　replied：　　〃Hooray；　Guv。！　　And　I　have　some　good　news；　also；　a　double　event；　eh？〃　　I　said：　　〃My　boy；　as　a　result　of　twenty…one　years'　industry　and　strict　attention　to　the　interests　of　my　superiors　in　office；　I　have　been　rewarded　with　promotion　and　a　rise　in　salary　of　100　pounds。〃

Lupin　gave　three　cheers；　and　we　rapped　the　table　furiously；　which　brought　in　Sarah　to　see　what　the　matter　was。　　Lupin　ordered　us