the diary of a nobody-第15章

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o　look　nice；　Lupin。〃　　Lupin　replied：　　〃Yes；　it's　a　good　make…　up；　isn't　it？　　A　regular…downright…respectable…funereal…first…　class…City…firm…junior…clerk。〃　　He　laughed　rather　ironically。

In　the　hall　I　heard　a　great　noise；　and　also　Lupin　shouting　to　Sarah　to　fetch　down　his　old　hat。　　I　went　into　the　passage；　and　found　Lupin　in　a　fury；　kicking　and　smashing　a　new　tall　hat。　　I　said：　〃Lupin；　my　boy；　what　are　you　doing？　　How　wicked　of　you！　　Some　poor　fellow　would　be　glad　to　have　it。〃　　Lupin　replied：　　〃I　would　not　insult　any　poor　fellow　by　giving　it　to　him。〃

When　he　had　gone　outside；　I　picked　up　the　battered　hat；　and　saw　inside　〃Posh's　Patent。〃　　Poor　Lupin！　　I　can　forgive　him。　　It　seemed　hours　before　we　reached　the　office。　　Mr。　Perkupp　sent　for　Lupin；　who　was　with　him　nearly　an　hour。　　He　returned；　as　I　thought；　crestfallen　in　appearance。　　I　said：　　〃Well；　Lupin；　how　about　Mr。　Perkupp？〃　　Lupin　commenced　his　song：　　〃What's　the　matter　with　Perkupp？　　He's　all　right！〃　　I　felt　instinctively　my　boy　was　engaged。　　I　went　to　Mr。　Perkupp；　but　I　could　not　speak。　　He　said：　〃Well；　Mr。　Pooter；　what　is　it？〃　　I　must　have　looked　a　fool；　for　all　I　could　say　was：　　〃Mr。　Perkupp；　you　are　a　good　man。〃　　He　looked　at　me　for　a　moment；　and　said：　　〃No；　Mr。　Pooter；　YOU　are　the　good　man；　and　we'll　see　if　we　cannot　get　your　son　to　follow　such　an　excellent　example。〃　　I　said：　　〃Mr。　Perkupp；　may　I　go　home？　　I　cannot　work　any　more　to…day。〃

My　good　master　shook　my　hand　warmly　as　he　nodded　his　head。　　It　was　as　much　as　I　could　do　to　prevent　myself　from　crying　in　the　'bus；　in　fact；　I　should　have　done　so；　had　my　thoughts　not　been　interrupted　by　Lupin；　who　was　having　a　quarrel　with　a　fat　man　in　the　'bus；　whom　he　accused　of　taking　up　too　much　room。

In　the　evening　Carrie　sent　round　for　dear　old　friend　Cummings　and　his　wife；　and　also　to　Gowing。　　We　all　sat　round　the　fire；　and　in　a　bottle　of　〃Jackson　Freres；〃　which　Sarah　fetched　from　the　grocer's；　drank　Lupin's　health。　　I　lay　awake　for　hours；　thinking　of　the　future。　　My　boy　in　the　same　office　as　myself　…　we　can　go　down　together　by　the　'bus；　come　home　together；　and　who　knows　but　in　the　course　of　time　he　may　take　great　interest　in　our　little　home。　　That　he　may　help　me　to　put　a　nail　in　here　or　a　nail　in　there；　or　help　his　dear　mother　to　hang　a　picture。　　In　the　summer　he　may　help　us　in　our　little　garden　with　the　flowers；　and　assist　us　to　paint　the　stands　and　pots。　　（By…the…by；　I　must　get　in　some　more　enamel　paint。）　　All　this　I　thought　over　and　over　again；　and　a　thousand　happy　thoughts　beside。　　I　heard　the　clock　strike　four；　and　soon　after　fell　asleep；　only　to　dream　of　three　happy　people　…　Lupin；　dear　Carrie；　and　myself。



CHAPTER　XVIII。



Trouble　with　a　stylographic　pen。　　We　go　to　a　Volunteer　Ball；　where　I　am　let　in　for　an　expensive　supper。　　Grossly　insulted　by　a　cabman。　An　odd　invitation　to　Southend。


April　8。　…　No　events　of　any　importance；　except　that　Gowing　strongly　recommended　a　new　patent　stylographic　pen；　which　cost　me　nine…and…　sixpence；　and　which　was　simply　nine…and…sixpence　thrown　in　the　mud。　It　has　caused　me　constant　annoyance　and　irritability　of　temper。　The　ink　oozes　out　of　the　top；　making　a　mess　on　my　hands；　and　once　at　the　office　when　I　was　knocking　the　palm　of　my　hand　on　the　desk　to　jerk　the　ink　down；　Mr。　Perkupp；　who　had　just　entered；　called　out：　　〃Stop　that　knocking！　　I　suppose　that　is　you；　Mr。　Pitt？〃　　That　young　monkey；　Pitt；　took　a　malicious　glee　in　responding　quite　loudly：　　〃No；　sir；　I　beg　pardon；　it　is　Mr。　Pooter　with　his　pen；　it　has　been　going　on　all　the　morning。〃　　To　make　matters　worse；　I　saw　Lupin　laughing　behind　his　desk。　　I　thought　it　wiser　to　say　nothing。　I　took　the　pen　back　to　the　shop　and　asked　them　if　they　would　take　it　back；　as　it　did　not　act。　　I　did　not　expect　the　full　price　returned；　but　was　willing　to　take　half。　　The　man　said　he　could　not　do　that　…　buying　and　selling　were　two　different　things。　　Lupin's　conduct　during　the　period　he　has　been　in　Mr。　Perkupp's　office　has　been　most　exemplary。　　My　only　fear　is；　it　is　too　good　to　last。

April　9。　…　Gowing　called；　bringing　with　him　an　invitation　for　Carrie　and　myself　to　a　ball　given　by　the　East　Acton　Rifle　Brigade；　which　he　thought　would　be　a　swell　affair；　as　the　member　for　East　Acton　（Sir　William　Grime）　had　promised　his　patronage。　　We　accepted　of　his　kindness；　and　he　stayed　to　supper；　an　occasion　I　thought　suitable　for　trying　a　bottle　of　the　sparkling　Algera　that　Mr。　James　（of　Sutton）　had　sent　as　a　present。　　Gowing　sipped　the　wine；　observing　that　he　had　never　tasted　it　before；　and　further　remarked　that　his　policy　was　to　stick　to　more　recognised　brands。　　I　told　him　it　was　a　present　from　a　dear　friend；　and　one　mustn't　look　a　gift…　horse　in　the　mouth。　　Gowing　facetiously　replied：　　〃And　he　didn't　like　putting　it　in　the　mouth　either。〃

I　thought　the　remarks　were　rude　without　being　funny；　but　on　tasting　it　myself；　came　to　the　conclusion　there　was　some　justification　for　them。　　The　sparkling　Algera　is　very　like　cider；　only　more　sour。　　I　suggested　that　perhaps　the　thunder　had　turned　it　a　bit　acid。　　He　merely　replied：　　〃Oh！　I　don't　think　so。〃　　We　had　a　very　pleasant　game　of　cards；　though　I　lost　four　shillings　and　Carrie　lost　one；　and　Gowing　said　he　had　lost　about　sixpence：　　how　he　could　have　lost；　considering　that　Carrie　and　I　were　the　only　other　players；　remains　a　mystery。

April　14；　Sunday。　…　Owing；　I　presume；　to　the　unsettled　weather；　I　awoke　with　a　feeling　that　my　skin　was　drawn　over　my　face　as　tight　as　a　drum。　　Walking　round　the　garden　with　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Treane；　members　of　our　congregation　who　had　walked　back　with　us；　I　was　much　annoyed　to　find　a　large　newspaper　full　of　bones　on　the　gravel…path；　evidently　thrown　over　by　those　young　Griffin　boys　next　door；　who；　whenever　we　have　friends；　climb　up　the　empty　steps　inside　their　conservatory；　tap　at　the　windows；　making　faces；　whistling；　and　imitating　birds。

April　15。　…　Burnt　my　tongue　most　awfully　with　the　Worcester　sauce；　through　that　stupid　girl　Sarah　shaking　the　bottle　violently　before　putting　it　on　the　table。

April　16。　…　The　night　of　the　East　Acton　Volunteer　Ball。　　On　my　advice；　Carrie　put　on　the　same　dress　that　she　looked　so　beautiful　in　at　the　Mansion　House；　for　it　had　occurred　to　me；　being　a　military　ball；　that　Mr。　Perkupp；　who；　I　believe；　is　an　officer　in　the　Honorary　Artillery　Company；　would　in　all　probability　be　present。　　Lupin；　in　his　usual　incomprehensible　language；　remarked　that　he　had　heard　it　was　a　〃bounders'　ball。〃　　I　didn't　ask　him　what　he　meant　though　I　didn't　understand。　　Where　he　gets　these　expressions　from　I　don't　know；　he　certainly　doesn't　learn　them　at　home。

The　invitation　was　for　half…past　eight；　so　I　concluded　if　we　arrived　an　hour　later　we　should　be　in　good　time；　without　being　〃unfashionable；〃　as　Mrs。　James　says。　　It　was　very　difficult　to　find　…　the　cabman　having　to　get　down　several　times　to　inquire　at　different　public…houses　where　the　Drill　Hall　was。　　I　wonder　at　people　living　in　such　out…of…the…way　places。　　No　one　seemed　to　know　it。　　However；　after　going　up　and　down　a　good　many　badly…lighted　streets　we　arrived　at　our　destination。　　I　had　no　idea　it　was　so　far　from　Holloway。　　I　gave　the　cabman　five　shillings；　who　only　grumbled；　saying　it　was　dirt　cheap　at　half…a…sovereign；　and　was　impertinent　enough　to　advise　me　the　next　time　I　went　to　a　ball　to　take　a　'bus。

Captain　Welcut　received　us；　saying　we　were　rather　late；　but　that　it　was　better　late　than　never。　　He　seemed　a　very　good…looking　gentleman　though；　as　Carrie　remarked；　〃rather　short　for　an　officer。〃　　He　begged　to　be　excused　for　leaving　us；　as　he　was　engaged　for　a　dance；　and　hoped　we　should　make　ourselves　at　home。　Carrie　took　my　arm　and　we　walked　round　the　rooms　two　or　three　times　and　watched　the　people　dancing。　　I　couldn't　find　a　single　person　I　knew；　but　attributed　it　to　most　of　them　being　in　uniform。　　As　we　were　entering　the　supper…room　I　received　a　slap　on　the　shoulder；　followed　by　a　welcome　shake　of　the　hand。　　I　said：　　〃Mr。　Padge；　I　believe；〃　he　replied；　〃That's　right。〃

I　gave　Carrie　a　chair；　and　seated　by　her　was　a　lady　who　made　herself　at　home　with　Carrie　at　once。

There　was　a　very　liberal　repast　on　the　tables；　plenty　of　champagne；　claret；　etc。；　and；　in　fact；　everything　seemed　to　be　done　regardless　of　expense。　　Mr。　Padge　is　a　man　that；　I　admit；　I　have　no　particular　liking　for；　but　I　felt　so　glad　to　come　across　someone　I　knew；　that　I　asked　him　to　sit　at　our　table；　and　I　must　say　that　for　a　short　fat　man　he　looked　well　in　uniform；　although　I　think　his　tunic　was　rather　baggy　in　the　back。　　It　was　the　only　supper…room　that　I　have　been　in　that　was　not　over…crowded；　in　fact　we　were　the　only　people　there；　everybody　being　so　busy　dancing。

I　assisted　Carrie　and　her　newly…formed　acquaintance；　who　said　her　name　was　Lupkin；　to　some　champagne；　also　myself；　and　handed　the　bottle　to　Mr。　Padge　to　do　likewise；　saying：　　〃You　must　look　after　yourself。〃　　He　replied：　　〃That's　right；〃　and　poured　out　half　a　tumbler　and　drank　Carrie's　health；　coupled；　as　he　said；　〃with　her　worthy　lord　and　master。〃　　We　all　had　some　splendid　pigeon　pie；　and　ices　to　follow。

The　waiters　were　very　attentive；　and　asked　if　we　would　like　some　more　wine。　　I　assisted　Carrie　and　her　friend　and　Mr。　Padge；　also　some　people　who　had　just　come　from　the　dancing…room；　who　were　very　civil。　　It　occurred　to　me　at　the　time　that　perhaps　some　of　the　gentlemen　knew　me　in　the　City；　as　they　were　so　polite。　　I　made　myself　useful；　and　assisted　several　ladies　to　ices；　remembering　an　old　saying　that　〃There　is　nothing　lost　by　civility。〃

The　band　struck　up　for　the　dance；　and　they　all　went　into　the　ball…　room。　　The　ladies　（Carrie　and　Mrs。　Lupkin）　were　anxious　to　see　the　dancing；　and　as　I　had　not　quite　finished　my　supper；　Mr。　Padge　offered　his　arms　to　them　and　escorted　them　to　the　ball…room；　telling　me　to　follow。　　I　said　to　Mr。　Padge：　　〃It　is　quite　a　West　End　affair；〃　to　which　remark　Mr。　Padge　replied：　　〃That's　right。〃

When　I　had　quite　finished　my　supper；　and　was　leaving；　the　waiter　who　had　been　attending　on　us　arrested　my　attention　by　tapping　me　on　the　shoulder。　　I　thought　it　unusual　for　a　waiter　at　a　private　ball　to　expect　a　tip；　but　nevertheless　gave　a　shilling；　as　he　had　been　very　attentive。　　He　smilingly　replied：　　〃I　beg　your　pardon；　sir；　this　is　no　good；〃　alluding　to　the　shilling。　　〃Your　party's　had　four　suppers　at　5s。　a　head；　five　ices　at　1s。；　three　bottles　of　champagne　at　11s。　6d。；　a　glass　of　claret；　and　a　sixpenny　cigar　for　the　stout　gentleman　…　in　all　3　pounds　0s。　6d。！〃

I　don't　think　I　was　ever　so　surprised　in　my　life；　and　had　only　sufficient　breath　to　inform　him　that　I　had　received　a　private　invitation；　to　which　he　answered　that　he　was　perfectly　well　aware　of　that；　but　that　the　invitation　didn't　include　eatables　and　drinkables。　　A　gentleman　who　was　standing　at　the　bar　corroborated　the　waiter's　statement；　and　assured　me　it　was　quite　correct。

The　waiter　said　he　was　extremely　sorry　if　I　had　been　under　any　misapprehension；　but　it　was　not　his　fault。　　Of　course　there　was　nothing　to　be　done　but　to　pay。　　So；　after　turning　out　my　pockets；　I　just　managed　to　scrape　up　sufficient；　all　but　nine　shillings；　but　the　manager；　on　my　giving　my　card　to　him；　said：　　〃That's　all　right。〃

I　don't　think　I　ever　felt　more　humiliated　in　my　life；　and　I　determined　to　keep　this　misfort