the diary of a nobody-第9章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


seltzer　or　soda　water。　　The　last　syphon　was　empty。　　Carrie　said：　　〃We　have　plenty　of　port　wine　left。〃　　Mr。　Perkupp　said；　with　a　smile：　　〃No；　thank　you。　　I　really　require　nothing；　but　I　am　most　pleased　to　see　you　and　your　husband　in　your　own　home。　　Good…night；　Mrs。　Pooter　…　you　will　excuse　my　very　short　stay；　I　know。〃　　I　went　with　him　to　his　carriage；　and　he　said：　　〃Don't　trouble　to　come　to　the　office　till　twelve　to…morrow。〃

I　felt　despondent　as　I　went　back　to　the　house；　and　I　told　Carrie　I　thought　the　party　was　a　failure。　　Carrie　said　it　was　a　great　success；　and　I　was　only　tired；　and　insisted　on　my　having　some　port　myself。　　I　drank　two　glasses；　and　felt　much　better；　and　we　went　into　the　drawing…room；　where　they　had　commenced　dancing。　　Carrie　and　I　had　a　little　dance；　which　I　said　reminded　me　of　old　days。　She　said　I　was　a　spooney　old　thing。



CHAPTER　X。



Reflections。　　I　make　another　Good　Joke。　　Am　annoyed　at　the　constant　serving…up　of　the　〃Blanc…Mange。〃　　Lupin　expresses　his　opinion　of　Weddings。　　Lupin　falls　out　with　Daisy　Mutlar。


November　16。　…　Woke　about　twenty　times　during　the　night；　with　terrible　thirst。　　Finished　off　all　the　water　in　the　bottle；　as　well　as　half　that　in　the　jug。　　Kept　dreaming　also；　that　last　night's　party　was　a　failure；　and　that　a　lot　of　low　people　came　without　invitation；　and　kept　chaffing　and　throwing　things　at　Mr。　Perkupp；　till　at　last　I　was　obliged　to　hide　him　in　the　box…room　（which　we　had　just　discovered）；　with　a　bath…towel　over　him。　　It　seems　absurd　now；　but　it　was　painfully　real　in　the　dream。　　I　had　the　same　dream　about　a　dozen　times。

Carrie　annoyed　me　by　saying：　　〃You　know　champagne　never　agrees　with　you。〃　　I　told　her　I　had　only　a　couple　of　glasses　of　it；　having　kept　myself　entirely　to　port。　　I　added　that　good　champagne　hurt　nobody；　and　Lupin　told　me　he　had　only　got　it　from　a　traveller　as　a　favour；　as　that　particular　brand　had　been　entirely　bought　up　by　a　West…End　club。

I　think　I　ate　too　heartily　of　the　〃side　dishes；〃　as　the　waiter　called　them。　　I　said　to　Carrie：　　〃I　wish　I　had　put　those　'side　dishes'　ASIDE。〃　　I　repeated　this；　but　Carrie　was　busy；　packing　up　the　teaspoons　we　had　borrowed　of　Mrs。　Cummings　for　the　party。　　It　was　just　half…past　eleven；　and　I　was　starting　for　the　office；　when　Lupin　appeared；　with　a　yellow　complexion；　and　said：　　〃Hulloh！　Guv。；　what　priced　head　have　you　this　morning？〃　　I　told　him　he　might　just　as　well　speak　to　me　in　Dutch。　　He　added：　　〃When　I　woke　this　morning；　my　head　was　as　big　as　Baldwin's　balloon。〃　　On　the　spur　of　the　moment　I　said　the　cleverest　thing　I　think　I　have　ever　said；　viz。：　　〃Perhaps　that　accounts　for　the　paraSHOOTING　pains。〃　　We　roared。

November　17。　…　Still　feel　tired　and　headachy！　　In　the　evening　Gowing　called；　and　was　full　of　praise　about　our　party　last　Wednesday。　　He　said　everything　was　done　beautifully；　and　he　enjoyed　himself　enormously。　　Gowing　can　be　a　very　nice　fellow　when　he　likes；　but　you　never　know　how　long　it　will　last。　　For　instance；　he　stopped　to　supper；　and　seeing　some　BLANC…MANGE　on　the　table；　shouted　out；　while　the　servant　was　in　the　room：　　〃Hulloh！　　The　remains　of　Wednesday？〃

November　18。　…　Woke　up　quite　fresh　after　a　good　night's　rest；　and　feel　quite　myself　again。　　I　am　satisfied　a　life　of　going…out　and　Society　is　not　a　life　for　me；　we　therefore　declined　the　invitation　which　we　received　this　morning　to　Miss　Bird's　wedding。　　We　only　met　her　twice　at　Mrs。　James'；　and　it　means　a　present。　　Lupin　said：　　〃I　am　with　you　for　once。　　To　my　mind　a　wedding's　a　very　poor　play。　There　are　only　two　parts　in　it　…　the　bride　and　bridegroom。　　The　best　man　is　only　a　walking　gentleman。　　With　the　exception　of　a　crying　father　and　a　snivelling　mother；　the　rest　are　SUPERS　who　have　to　dress　well　and　have　to　PAY　for　their　insignificant　parts　in　the　shape　of　costly　presents。〃　　I　did　not　care　for　the　theatrical　slang；　but　thought　it　clever；　though　disrespectful。

I　told　Sarah　not　to　bring　up　the　BLANC…MANGE　again　for　breakfast。　It　seems　to　have　been　placed　on　our　table　at　every　meal　since　Wednesday。　　Cummings　came　round　in　the　evening；　and　congratulated　us　on　the　success　of　our　party。　　He　said　it　was　the　best　party　he　had　been　to　for　many　a　year；　but　he　wished　we　had　let　him　know　it　was　full　dress；　as　he　would　have　turned　up　in　his　swallow…tails。　We　sat　down　to　a　quiet　game　of　dominoes；　and　were　interrupted　by　the　noisy　entrance　of　Lupin　and　Frank　Mutlar。　　Cummings　and　I　asked　them　to　join　us。　　Lupin　said　he　did　not　care　for　dominoes；　and　suggested　a　game　of　〃Spoof。〃　　On　my　asking　if　it　required　counters；　Frank　and　Lupin　in　measured　time　said：　　〃One；　two；　three；　go！　　Have　you　an　estate　in　Greenland？〃　　It　was　simply　Greek　to　me；　but　it　appears　it　is　one　of　the　customs　of　the　〃Holloway　Comedians〃　to　do　this　when　a　member　displays　ignorance。

In　spite　of　my　instructions；　that　BLANC…MANGE　was　brought　up　again　for　supper。　　To　make　matters　worse；　there　had　been　an　attempt　to　disguise　it；　by　placing　it　in　a　glass　dish　with　jam　round　it。　Carrie　asked　Lupin　if　he　would　have　some；　and　he　replied：　　〃No　second…hand　goods　for　me；　thank　you。〃　　I　told　Carrie；　when　we　were　alone；　if　that　BLANC…MANGE　were　placed　on　the　table　again　I　should　walk　out　of　the　house。

November　19；　Sunday。　…　A　delightfully　quiet　day。　　In　the　afternoon　Lupin　was　off　to　spend　the　rest　of　the　day　with　the　Mutlars。　　He　departed　in　the　best　of　spirits；　and　Carrie　said：　　〃Well；　one　advantage　of　Lupin's　engagement　with　Daisy　is　that　the　boy　seems　happy　all　day　long。　　That　quite　reconciles　me　to　what　I　must　confess　seems　an　imprudent　engagement。〃

Carrie　and　I　talked　the　matter　over　during　the　evening；　and　agreed　that　it　did　not　always　follow　that　an　early　engagement　meant　an　unhappy　marriage。　　Dear　Carrie　reminded　me　that　we　married　early；　and；　with　the　exception　of　a　few　trivial　misunderstandings；　we　had　never　had　a　really　serious　word。　　I　could　not　help　thinking　（as　I　told　her）　that　half　the　pleasures　of　life　were　derived　from　the　little　struggles　and　small　privations　that　one　had　to　endure　at　the　beginning　of　one's　married　life。　　Such　struggles　were　generally　occasioned　by　want　of　means；　and　often　helped　to　make　loving　couples　stand　together　all　the　firmer。

Carrie　said　I　had　expressed　myself　wonderfully　well；　and　that　I　was　quite　a　philosopher。

We　are　all　vain　at　times；　and　I　must　confess　I　felt　flattered　by　Carrie's　little　compliment。　　I　don't　pretend　to　be　able　to　express　myself　in　fine　language；　but　I　feel　I　have　the　power　of　expressing　my　thoughts　with　simplicity　and　lucidness。　　About　nine　o'clock；　to　our　surprise。　　Lupin　entered；　with　a　wild；　reckless　look；　and　in　a　hollow　voice；　which　I　must　say　seemed　rather　theatrical；　said：　〃Have　you　any　brandy？〃　　I　said：　　〃No；　but　here　is　some　whisky。〃　Lupin　drank　off　nearly　a　wineglassful　without　water；　to　my　horror。

We　all　three　sat　reading　in　silence　till　ten；　when　Carrie　and　I　rose　to　go　to　bed。　　Carrie　said　to　Lupin：　　〃I　hope　Daisy　is　well？〃

Lupin；　with　a　forced　careless　air　that　he　must　have　picked　up　from　the　〃Holloway　Comedians；〃　replied：　　〃Oh；　Daisy？　　You　mean　Miss　Mutlar。　　I　don't　know　whether　she　is　well　or　not；　but　please　NEVER　TO　MENTION　HER　NAME　AGAIN　IN　MY　PRESENCE。〃



CHAPTER　XI。



We　have　a　dose　of　Irving　imitations。　　Make　the　acquaintance　of　a　Mr。　Padge。　　Don't　care　for　him。　　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　becomes　a　nuisance。


November　20。　…　Have　seen　nothing　of　Lupin　the　whole　day。　　Bought　a　cheap　address…book。　　I　spent　the　evening　copying　in　the　names　and　addresses　of　my　friends　and　acquaintances。　　Left　out　the　Mutlars　of　course。

November　21。　…　Lupin　turned　up　for　a　few　minutes　in　the　evening。　He　asked　for　a　drop　of　brandy　with　a　sort　of　careless　look；　which　to　my　mind　was　theatrical　and　quite　ineffective。　　I　said：　　〃My　boy；　I　have　none；　and　I　don't　think　I　should　give　it　you　if　I　had。〃　Lupin　said：　　〃I'll　go　where　I　can　get　some；〃　and　walked　out　of　the　house。　　Carrie　took　the　boy's　part；　and　the　rest　of　the　evening　was　spent　in　a　disagreeable　discussion；　in　which　the　words　〃Daisy〃　and　〃Mutlar〃　must　have　occurred　a　thousand　times。

November　22。　…　Gowing　and　Cummings　dropped　in　during　the　evening。　Lupin　also　came　in；　bringing　his　friend；　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　…　one　of　the　〃Holloway　Comedians〃　…　who　was　at　our　party　the　other　night；　and　who　cracked　our　little　round　table。　　Happy　to　say　Daisy　Mutlar　was　never　referred　to。　　The　conversation　was　almost　entirely　monopolised　by　the　young　fellow　Fosselton；　who　not　only　looked　rather　like　Mr。　Irving；　but　seemed　to　imagine　that　he　WAS　the　celebrated　actor。　　I　must　say　he　gave　some　capital　imitations　of　him。　　As　he　showed　no　signs　of　moving　at　supper　time；　I　said：　　〃If　you　like　to　stay；　Mr。　Fosselton；　for　our　usual　crust　…　pray　do。〃　He　replied：　　〃Oh！　thanks；　but　please　call　me　Burwin…Fosselton。　　It　is　a　double　name。　　There　are　lots　of　Fosseltons；　but　please　call　me　Burwin…Fosselton。〃

He　began　doing　the　Irving　business　all　through　supper。　　He　sank　so　low　down　in　his　chair　that　his　chin　was　almost　on　a　level　with　the　table；　and　twice　he　kicked　Carrie　under　the　table；　upset　his　wine；　and　flashed　a　knife　uncomfortably　near　Gowing's　face。　　After　supper　he　kept　stretching　out　his　legs　on　the　fender；　indulging　in　scraps　of　quotations　from　plays　which　were　Greek　to　me；　and　more　than　once　knocked　over　the　fire…irons；　making　a　hideous　row　…　poor　Carrie　already　having　a　bad　head…ache。

When　he　went；　he　said；　to　our　surprise：　　〃I　will　come　to…morrow　and　bring　my　Irving　make…up。〃　　Gowing　and　Cummings　said　they　would　like　to　see　it　and　would　come　too。　　I　could　not　help　thinking　they　might　as　well　give　a　party　at　my　house　while　they　are　about　it。　　However；　as　Carrie　sensibly　said：　　〃Do　anything；　dear；　to　make　Lupin　forget　the　Daisy　Mutlar　business。〃

November　23。　…　In　the　evening；　Cummings　came　early。　　Gowing　came　a　little　later　and　brought；　without　asking　permission；　a　fat　and；　I　think；　very　vulgar…looking　man　named　Padge；　who　appeared　to　be　all　moustache。　　Gowing　never　attempted　any　apology　to　either　of　us；　but　said　Padge　wanted　to　see　the　Irving　business；　to　which　Padge　said：　〃That's　right；〃　and　that　is　about　all　he　DID　say　during　the　entire　evening。　　Lupin　came　in　and　seemed　in　much　better　spirits。　　He　had　prepared　a　bit　of　a　surprise。　　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　had　come　in　with　him；　but　had　gone　upstairs　to　get　ready。　　In　half…an…hour　Lupin　retired　from　the　parlour；　and　returning　in　a　few　minutes；　announced　〃Mr。　Henry　Irving。〃

I　must　say　we　were　all　astounded。　　I　never　saw　such　a　resemblance。　It　was　astonishing。　　The　only　person　who　did　not　appear　interested　was　the　man　Padge；　who　had　got　the　best　arm…chair；　and　was　puffing　away　at　a　foul　pipe　into　the　fireplace。　　After　some　little　time　I　said；　〃Why　do　actors　always　wear　their　hair　so　long？〃　　Carrie　in　a　moment　said；　〃Mr。　Hare　doesn't　wear　long　HAIR。〃　　How　we　laughed　except　Mr。　Fosselton；　who　said；　in　a　rather　patronising　kind　of　way；　〃The　joke；　Mrs。　Pooter；　is　extremely　appropriate；　if　not　altogether　new。〃　　Thinking　this　rather　a　snub；　I　said：　　〃Mr。　Fosselton；　I　fancy　…　〃　　He　interrupted　me　by　saying：　　〃Mr。　BURWIN…　Fosselton；　if　you　please；〃　which　made　me　quite　forget　what　I　was　going　to　say　to　him。　　During　the　supper　Mr。　Burwin…Fosselton　again　monopolised　the　conversation　with　his　Irving　talk；　and　both　Carrie　and　I　came　to　the