henry ossian flipper-第16章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


was　borrowed　from　me。　Such　unmanliness；　such　cowardice；　such　baseness　even；　was　most　disgusting；　and　I　felt　very　much　as　if　I　would　like　towell；　I　don't　know　that　I　would。　There　was　no　reason　at　all　for　mutilating　the　book。　If　he　was　not　man　enough　to　use　it　with　my　name　on　it；　why　did　he　borrow　it　and　agree　not　to　injure　it？　On　that　sole　condition　I　lent　it。　Why　did　he　not　borrow　some　one　else's　and　return　mine？

I　have　been　asked；　〃What　is　the　general　feeling　of　the　corps　towards　you？　Is　it　a　kindly　one；　or　is　it　an　unfriendly　one。　Do　they　purposely　ill…treat　you　or　do　they　avoid　you　merely？〃　I　have　found　it　rather　difficult　to　answer　unqualifiedly　such　questions；　and　yet　I　believe；　and　have　always　believed；　that　the　general　feeling　of　the　corps　towards　me　was　a　kindly　one。　This　has　been　manifested　in　multitudes　of　ways；　on　innumerably　occasions；　and　under　the　most　various　circumstances。　And　while　there　are　some　who　treat　me　at　times　in　an　unbecoming　manner；　the　majority　of　the　corps　have　ever　treated　me　as　I　would　desire　to　be　treated。　I　mean；　of　course；　by　this　assertion　that　they　have　treated　me　as　I　expected　and　really　desired　them　to　treat　me；　so　long　as　they　were　prejudiced。　They　have　held　certain　opinions　more　or　less　prejudicial　to　me　and　my　interests；　but　so　long　as　they　have　not　exercised　their　theories　to　my　displeasure　or　discomfort；　or　so　long　as　they　have　〃let　me　severely　alone；〃　I　had　no　just　reason　for　complaint。　Again；　others；　who　have　no　theory　of　their　own；　and　almost　no　manliness；　have　been　accustomed　〃to　pick　quarrels；〃　or　to　endeavor　to　do　so；　to　satisfy　I　don't　know　what；　and　while　they　have　had　no　real　opinions　of　their　own；　they　have　not　respected　those　of　others。　Their　feeling　toward　me　has　been　any　thing　but　one　of　justice；　and　yet　at　times　even　they　have　shown　a　remarkable　tendency　to　recognize　me　as　having　certain　rights　entitled　to　their　respect；　if　not　their　appreciation。

As　I　have　been　practically　isolated　from　the　cadets；　I　have　had　little　or　no　intercourse　with　them。　I　have　therefore　had　but　little　chance　to　know　what　was　really　the　feeling　of　the　corps　as　a　unit　toward　myself。　Judging；　however；　from　such　evidences　as　I　have；　I　am　forced　to　conclude　that　it　is　as　given　above；　viz。；　a　feeling　of　kindness；　restrained　kindness　if　you　please。

Here　are　some　of　the　evidences　which　have　come　under　my　notice。

I　once　heard　a　cadet　make　the　following　unchristian　remark　about　myself　when　a　classmate　had　been　accidentally　hurt　at　light…battery　drill：　〃I　wish　it　had　been　the　nigger；　and　it　had　killed　him。〃　I　couldn't　help　looking　at　him；　and　I　did；　but　that；　and　nothing　more。　Some　time　after　this；　at　cavalry　drill；　we　were　side　by　side；　and　I　had　a　rather　vicious　horse；　one　in　fact　which　I　could　not　manage。　He　gave　a　sudden　jump　unexpectedly　to　me。　I　almost　lost　my　seat　in　the　saddle。　This　cadet　seized　me　by　the　arm；　and　in　a　tone　of　voice　that　was　evidently　kind　and　generous；　said　to　me；　〃For　heaven's　sake　be　careful。　　You'll　be　thrown　and　get　hurt　if　you　don't。〃　How　different　from　that　other　wish　given　above！

Another　evidence；　and　an　important　one；　may　be　given　in　these　words。　It　is　customary　for　the　senior；　or；　as　we　say；　the　first　class；　to　choose；　each　member；　a　horse；　and　ride　him　exclusively　during　the　term。　The　choice　is　usually　made　by　lot；　and　each　man　chooses　according　to　the　number　he　draws。　By　remarkable　good　fortune　I　drew　No。　1；　and　had　therefore　the　first　choice　of　all　the　horses　in　the　stables。

As　soon　as　the　numbers　drawn　were　published；　several　classmates　hastened　to　me　for　the　purpose　of　effecting　an　exchange　of　choice。　It　will　at　once　be　seen　that　any　such　change　would　in　no　manner　benefit　me；　for　if　I　lost　the　first　choice　I　might　also　lose　the　chance　of　selecting　a　good　horse。　With　the　avowed　intention　of　proving　that　I　had　at　least　a　generous　disposition；　and　also　that　I　was　not　disposed　to　consider；　in　my　reciprocal　relations　with　the　cadets；　how　I　had　been；　and　was　even　then　treated　by　them；　I　consented　to　exchange　my　first　choice　for　the　fourteenth。

This　agreement　was　made　with　the　first　that　asked　for　an　exchange。　Several　others　came；　and；　when　informed　of　the　previous　agreement；　of　course　went　their　way。　A　day　or　two　after　this　a　number　of　cadets　were　discussing　the　choice　of　horses；　etc。；　and　reverted　to　the　exchange　which　I　had　made。　One　of　them　suggested　that　if　an　exchange　of　a　choice　higher　than　fourteen　were　suggested　to　me；　I　might　accept　it。

What　an　idea；　he　must　have　had　of　my　character　to　suppose　me　base　enough　to　disregard　an　agreement　I　had　already　made！

However；　all　in　the　crowd　were　not　as　base　as　he　was；　and　one　of　them　was　man　enough　to　say：

〃Oh　no！　that　would　be　imposing　upon　Mr。　Flipper's　good　nature。〃　He　went　on　to　show　how　ungentlemanly　and　unbecoming　in　a　〃cadet　and　gentleman〃　such　an　act　would　be。　The　idea　was　abandoned；　or　at　least　was　never　broached　to　me；　and　if　it　had　been　I　would　never　have　entertained　it。　Such　an　act　on　the　part　of　the　cadet　could　have　arisen　only　from　a　high　sense　of　manly　honor　or　from　a　feeling　of　kindness。

There　are　multitudes　of　little　acts　of　kindness　similar　to　these；　and　even　different　ones。　I　need　notindeed　as　I　do　not　remember　them　all　I　cannot　mention　them　all。　They　all　show；　however；　that　the　cadets　are　not　avowedly　inclined　to　ill…treat　me；　but　rather　to　assist　me　to　make　my　life　under　the　circumstances　as　pleasant　as　can　be。　And　there　may　be　outside　influences；　such　as　relatives　or　friends；　which　bias　their　own　better　judgments　and　keep　them　from　fully　and　openly　recognizing　me。　For　however　hard　either　way　may　be；　it　is　far　easier　to　do　as　friends　wish　than　as　conscience　may　dictate；　when　conscience　and　friends　differ。　　Under　such　conditions　it　would　manifestly　be　unjust　for　me　to　expect　recognition　of　them；　even　though　they　themselves　were　disposed　to　make　it。　I　am　sure　this　is　at　least　a　Christian　view　of　the　case；　and　with　such　view　I　have　ever　kept　aloof　from　the　cadets。　I　have　not　obtruded　myself　upon　them；　nor　in　any　way　attempted　to　force　recognition　from　them。　This　has　proved　itself　to　be　by　far　the　better　way；　and　I　don't　think　it　could　well　be　otherwise。

The　one　principle　which　has　controlled　my　conduct　while　a　cadet；　and　which　is　apparent　throughout　my　narrative；　is　briefly　this：　to　find；　if　possible；　for　every　insult　or　other　offence　a　reason　or　motive　which　is　consistent　with　the　character　of　a　gentleman。　Whenever　I　have　been　insulted；　or　any　thing　has　been　done　or　said　to　me　which　might　have　that　construction；　I　have　endeavored　to　find　some　excuse；　some　reason　for　it；　which　was　not　founded　on　prejudice　or　on　baseness　of　character　or　any　other　ungentlemanly　attribute；　or；　in　other　words；　I　wanted　to　prove　that　it　was　not　done　because　of　my　color。　If　I　could　find　such　a　reasonand　I　have　found　themI　have　been　disposed　not　only　to　overlook　the　offence；　but　to　forgive　and　forget　it。　Thus　there　are　many　cadets　who　would　associate；　etc。；　were　they　not　restrained　by　the　force　of　opinion　of　relatives　and　friends。　This　cringing　dependence；　this　vassalage；　this　mesmerism　we　may　call　it；　we　all　know　exists。　Why；　many　a　cadet　has　openly　confessed　to　me　that　he　did　not　recognize　us　because　he　was　afraid　of　being　〃cut。〃

Again；　I　find　some　too　high…toned；　too　punctilious；　to　recognize　me。　I　attribute　this　not　to　the　loftiness　of　their　highnesses　nor　to　prejudice；　but　to　the　depth　of　their　ignorance；　and　of　course　I　forgive　and　forget。　Others　again　are　so　〃reckless；〃　so　〃don't　care〃　disposed；　that　they　treat　me　as　fancy　dictates；　now　friendly；　now　vacillating；　and　now　inimical。　With　these　I　simply　do　as　the　Romans　do。　If　they　are　friendly；　so　am　I；　if　they　scorn　me；　I　do　not　obtrude　myself　upon　them；　if　they　are　indifferent；　I　am　indifferent　too。

There　is　a　rather　remarkable　case　under　this　subject　which　has　caused　me　no　little　surprise　and　disappointment。　I　refer　to　those　cadets　appointed　by　colored　members　of　Congress。

It　was　quite　natural　to　expect　of　them　better　treatment　than　of　others；　and　yet　if　in　any　thing　at　all　they　differed　from　the　former；　they　were　the　more　reserved　and　discourteous。　They　most　〃severely　let　me　alone。〃　They　never　associated；　nor　did　they　speak；　except　officially；　and　then　they　always　spoke　in　a　haughty　and　insolent　manner　that　was　to　me　most　exasperating。　And　in　one　case　in　particular　was　this　so。　One　of　those　so　appointed　was　the　son　of　the　colored　Congressman　who　sent　him　there；　and　from　him　at　least　good　treatment　was　reasonably　expected。　There　have　been　only　two　such　appointments　to　my　knowledge；　and　it　is　a　singular　fact　that　they　were　both　overbearing；　conceited；　and　by　no　means　popular　with　their　comrades。　The　status　of　one　was　but　little　better　than　my　own；　and　only　in　that　his　comrades　would　speak　and　associate。　He　was　not　〃cut；〃　but　avoided　as　much　as　possible　without　making　the　offence　too　patent。

There　was　a　cadet　in　the　corps　with　myself　who　invariably　dropped　his　head　whenever　our　eyes　met。　His　complexion　was　any　thing　but　white；　his　features　were　rough　and　homely；　and　his　person　almost　entirely　without　symmetry　or　beauty。　From　this　singular　circumstance　and　his　physique；　I　draw　the　conclusion　that　he　was　more　African　than　Anglo…Saxon。　Indeed；　I　once　heard　as　much　insinuated　by　a　fellow…cadet；　to　whom　his　reply　was：　〃It's　an　honor　to　be　black。〃

Near　the　close　of　this　chapter　I　have　occason　to　speak　of　fear。　There　I　mean　by　fear　a　sort　of　shrinking　demeanor　or　disposition　to　accept　insults　and　other　petty　persecutions　as　just　dues；　or　to　leave　them　unpunished　from　actual　cowardice；　to　which　fear　some　have　been　pleased　to　attribute　my　generally　good　treatment。　This　latter　fact　has　been　by　many；　to　my　personal　knowledge；　attributed　to　fear　in　another　quarter；　viz。；　in　the　cadets　themselves。　It　has　many　times　been　said　to　me　by　persons　at　West　Point　and　elsewhere：　〃I　don't　suppose　many　of　those　fellows　would　care　to　encounter　you？〃

This　idea　was　doubtless　founded　upon　my　physical　proportionsI　am　six　feet　one　and　three…quarter　inches　high；　and　weigh　one　hundred　and　seventy…five　pounds。　In　behalf　of　the　corps　of　cadets　I　would　disclaim　any　such　notions　of　fear；

First。　Because　the　conception　of　the　idea　is　not　logical。　I　was　not　the　tallest；　nor　yet　the　largest　man　in　the　corps；　nor　even　did　I　give　any　evidence　of　a　disposition　to　fight　or　bully　others。

Second。　Because　I　did　not　come　to　West　Point　purposely　to　〃go　through　on　my　muscle。〃　I　am　not　a　fighting　character；　as　the　cadetsthose　who　know　mecan　well　testify。

Third。　Because　it　is　ungenerous　to　attribute　what　can　result　from　man's　better　nature　only　to　such　base　causes　as　fear　or　cowardice。　This　seems　to　be　about　the　only　way　in　which　many　have　endeavored　to　explain　the　difference　between　my　life　at　West　Point　and　that　of　other　colored　cadets。　They　seem　to　think　that　my　physique　inspired　a　sort　of　fear　in　the　cadets；　and　forced　them　at　least　to　let　me　alone；　while　the　former　ones；　smaller　in　size；　did　therefore　create　no　such　fear　until　by　persistent　retaliation　it　was　shown　they　were　able　to　defend　themselves。

Now　this；　I　think；　is　the　most　shallow　of　all　reasoning　and　entirely　unworthy　our　further　notice。

Fourth。　I　should　be　grieved　to　suppose　any　one　feared　me。　It　is　not　my　desire