beasts and super-beasts(野兽与超级野兽)-第37章
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Six months later the elk had to be destroyed。 In a fit of exceptional
moroseness it had killed the Bickelbys' German governess。 It was an
irony of its fate that it should achieve popularity in the last moments of
its career； at any rate； it established； the record of being the only living
thing that had permanently thwarted Teresa Thropplestance's plans。
Dora Yonelet broke off her engagement with an Indian civilian； and
married Bertie three months after his grandmother's death … Teresa did
not long survive the German governess fiasco。 At Christmas time
every year young Mrs。 Thropplestance hangs an extra large festoon of
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evergreens on the elk horns that decorate the hall。
〃It was a fearsome beast；〃 she observes to Bertie； 〃but I always feel
that it was instrumental in bringing us together。〃
Which； of course； was true。
〃DOWN PENS〃
〃HAVE you written to thank the Froplinsons for what they sent
us？〃 asked Egbert。
〃No；〃 said Janetta； with a note of tired defiance in her voice； 〃I've
written eleven letters to…day expressing surprise and gratitude for sundry
unmerited gifts； but I haven't written to the Froplinsons。〃
〃Some one will have to write to them；〃 said Egbert。
〃I don't dispute the necessity； but I don't think the some one should
be me；〃 said Janetta。 〃I wouldn't mind writing a letter of angry
recrimination or heartless satire to some suitable recipient； in fact； I
should rather enjoy it； but I've come to the end of my capacity for
expressing servile amiability。 Eleven letters to…day and nine yesterday；
all couched in the same strain of ecstatic thankfulness： really； you can't
expect me to sit down to another。 There is such a thing as writing
oneself out。〃
〃I've written nearly as many；〃 said Egbert； 〃and I've had my usual
business correspondence to get through； too。 Besides； I don't know
what it was that the Froplinsons sent us。〃
〃A William the Conqueror calendar；〃 said Janetta； 〃with a quotation
of one of his great thoughts for every day in the year。〃
〃Impossible；〃 said Egbert； 〃he didn't have three hundred and sixty…
five thoughts in the whole of his life； or； if he did； he kept them to
himself。 He was a man of action； not of introspection。〃
〃Well； it was William Wordsworth； then；〃 said Janetta； 〃I know
William came into it somewhere。〃
〃That sounds more probable；〃 said Egbert； 〃well； let's collaborate on
this letter of thanks and get it done。 I'll dictate； and you can scribble it
down。 'Dear Mrs。 Froplinson … thank you and your husband so much
for the very pretty calendar you sent us。 It was very good of you to
think of us。' 〃
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〃You can't possibly say that；〃 said Janetta； laying down her pen。
〃It's what I always do say； and what every one says to me；〃 protested
Egbert。
〃We sent them something on the twenty…second；〃 said Janetta； 〃so
they simply HAD to think of us。 There was no getting away from it。〃
〃What did we send them？〃 asked Egbert gloomily。
〃Bridge…markers；〃 said Janetta； 〃in a cardboard case； with some
inanity about 'digging for fortune with a royal spade' emblazoned on the
cover。 The moment I saw it in the shop I said to myself 'Froplinsons'
and to the attendant 'How much？' When he said 'Ninepence；' I gave
him their address； jabbed our card in； paid tenpence or elevenpence to
cover the postage； and thanked heaven。 With less sincerity and
infinitely more trouble they eventually thanked me。〃
〃The Froplinsons don't play bridge；〃 said Egbert。
〃One is not supposed to notice social deformities of that sort；〃 said
Janetta； 〃it wouldn't be polite。 Besides； what trouble did they take to
find out whether we read Wordsworth with gladness？ For all they
knew or cared we might be frantically embedded in the belief that all
poetry begins and ends with John Masefield； and it might infuriate or
depress us to have a daily sample of Wordsworthian products flung at
us。〃
〃Well； let's get on with the letter of thanks；〃 said Egbert。
〃Proceed；〃 said Janetta。
〃 'How clever of you to guess that Wordsworth is our favourite poet；'
〃 dictated Egbert。
Again Janetta laid down her pen。
〃Do you realise what that means？〃 she asked； 〃a Wordsworth booklet
next Christmas； and another calendar the Christmas after； with the same
problem of having to write suitable letters of thankfulness。 No； the best
thing to do is to drop all further allusion to the calendar and switch off
on to some other topic。〃
〃But what other topic？〃
〃Oh； something like this： 'What do you think of the New Year
Honours List？ A friend of ours made such a clever remark when he
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read it。' Then you can stick in any remark that comes into your head； it
needn't be clever。 The Froplinsons won't know whether it is or isn't。〃
〃We don't even know on which side they are in politics；〃 objected
Egbert； 〃and anyhow you can't suddenly dismiss the subject of the
calendar。 Surely there must be some intelligent remark that can be
made about it。〃
〃Well； we can't think of one；〃 said Janetta wearily； 〃the fact is； we've
both written ourselves out。 Heavens！ I've just remembered Mrs。
Stephen Ludberry。 I haven't thanked her for what she sent。〃
〃What did she send？〃
〃I forget； I think it was a calendar。〃
There was a long silence； the forlorn silence of those who are bereft
of hope and have almost ceased to care。
Presently Egbert started from his seat with an air of resolution。 The
light of battle was in his eyes。
〃Let me come to the writing…table；〃 he exclaimed。
〃Gladly；〃 said Janetta。 〃Are you going to write to Mrs。 Ludberry or
the Froplinsons？〃
〃To neither；〃 said Egbert； drawing a stack of notepaper towards him；
〃I'm going to write to the editor of every enlightened and influential
newspaper in the Kingdom； I'm going to suggest that there should be a
sort of epistolary Truce of God during the festivities of Christmas and
New Year。 From the twenty…fourth of December to the third or fourth
of January it shall be considered an offence against good sense and good
feeling to write or expect any letter or communication that does not
deal with the necessary events of the moment。 Answers to invitations；
arrangements about trains； renewal of club subscriptions； and； of course；
all the ordinary everyday affairs of business； sickness； engaging new
cooks； and so forth； these will be dealt with in the usual manner as
something inevitable； a legitimate part of our daily life。 But all the
devastating accretions of correspondence； incident to the festive season；
these should be swept away to give the season a chance of being really
festive； a time of untroubled； unpunctuated peace and good will。〃
〃But you would have to make some acknowledgment of presents
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received；〃 objected Janetta； 〃otherwise people would never know
whether they had arrived safely。〃
〃Of course； I have thought of that；〃 said Egbert； 〃every present that
was sent off would be accompanied by a ticket bearing the date of
dispatch and the signature of the sender； and some conventional
hieroglyphic to show that it was intended to be a Christmas or New Year
gift； there would be a counterfoil with space for the recipient's name
and the date of arrival； and all you would have to do would be to sign
and date the counterfoil； add a conventional hieroglyphic indicating
heartfelt thanks and gratified surprise； put the thing into an envelope and
post it。〃
〃It sounds delightfully simple；〃 said Janetta wistfully； 〃but people
would consider it too cut…and… dried； too perfunctory。〃
〃It is not a bit more perfunctory than the present system；〃 said Egbert；
〃I have only the same conventional language of gratitude at my disposal
with which to thank dear old Colonel Chuttle for his perfectly delicious
Stilton； which we shall devour to the last morsel； and the Froplinsons for
their calendar； which we shall never look at。 Colonel Chuttle knows
that we are grateful for the Stilton； without having to be told so； and the
Froplinsons know that we are bored with their calendar； whatever we
may say to the contrary； just as we know that they are bored with the
bridge…markers in spite of their written assurance that they thanked us
for our charming little gift。 What is more； the Colonel knows that even
if we had taken a sudden aversion to Stilton or been forbidden
