agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第34章
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done their duty。'
'True： but is it not strange that persons of experience； who have been
married themselves； should judge so falsely？' Matilda now came panting
back； with the lacerated body of the young hare in her hand。
'Was it your intention to kill that hare； or to save it； Miss Murray？'
asked Mr。 Weston； apparently puzzled at her gleeful countenance。
'I pretended to want to save it；' she answered； honestly enough； 'as it
was so glaringly out of season； but I was better pleased to see it lolled。
However； you can both witness that I couldn't help it： Prince was
determined to have her； and he clutched her by the back； and killed her in
a minute！ Wasn't it a noble chase？'
'Very！ for a young lady after a leveret。'
There was a quiet sarcasm in the tone of his reply which was not lost
upon her； she shrugged her shoulders； and； turning away with a significant
'Humph！' asked me how I had enjoyed the fun。 I replied that I saw no fun
in the matter； but admitted that I had not observed the transaction very
narrowly。
'Didn't you see how it doubled … just like an old hare？ and didn't you
hear it scream？'
'I'm happy to say I did not。'
'It cried out just like a child。'
'Poor little thing！ What will you do with it？'
'Come along … I shall leave it in the first house we come to。 I don't
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want to take it home； for fear papa should scold me for letting the dog kill
it。'
Mr。 Weston was now gone； and we too went on our way； but as we
returned； after having deposited the hare in a farm…house； and demolished
some spice…cake and currant…wine in exchange； we met him returning also
from the execution of his mission； whatever it might be。 He carried in
his hand a cluster of beautiful bluebells； which he offered to me； observing；
with a smile； that though he had seen so little of me for the last two
months； he had not forgotten that blue…bells were numbered among my
favourite flowers。 It was done as a simple act of goodwill； without
compliment or remarkable courtesy； or any look that could be construed
into 'reverential； tender adoration' （VIDE Rosalie Murray）； but still； it was
something to find my unimportant saying so well remembered： it was
something that he had noticed so accurately the time I had ceased to be
visible。
'I was told；' said he； 'that you were a perfect bookworm； Miss Grey：
so completely absorbed in your studies that you were lost to every other
pleasure。'
'Yes； and it's quite true！' cried Matilda。
'No； Mr。 Weston： don't believe it： it's a scandalous libel。 These
young ladies are too fond of making random assertions at the expense of
their friends； and you ought to be careful how you listen to them。'
'I hope THIS assertion is groundless； at any rate。'
'Why？ Do you particularly object to ladies studying？'
'No； but I object to anyone so devoting himself or herself to study； as
to lose sight of everything else。 Except under peculiar circumstances； I
consider very close and constant study as a waste of time； and an injury to
the mind as well as the body。'
'Well； I have neither the time nor the inclination for such
transgressions。'
We parted again。
Well！ what is there remarkable in all this？ Why have I recorded it？
Because； reader； it was important enough to give me a cheerful evening； a
night of pleasing dreams； and a morning of felicitous hopes。 Shallow…
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brained cheerfulness； foolish dreams； unfounded hopes； you would say；
and I will not venture to deny it： suspicions to that effect arose too
frequently in my own mind。 But our wishes are like tinder： the flint
and steel of circumstances are continually striking out sparks； which
vanish immediately； unless they chance to fall upon the tinder of our
wishes； then； they instantly ignite； and the flame of hope is kindled in a
moment。
But alas！ that very morning； my flickering flame of hope was dismally
quenched by a letter from my mother； which spoke so seriously of my
father's increasing illness； that I feared there was little or no chance of his
recovery； and； close at hand as the holidays were； I almost trembled lest
they should come too late for me to meet him in this world。 Two days
after； a letter from Mary told me his life was despaired of； and his end
seemed fast approaching。 Then； immediately； I sought permission to
anticipate the vacation； and go without delay。 Mrs。 Murray stared； and
wondered at the unwonted energy and boldness with which I urged the
request； and thought there was no occasion to hurry； but finally gave me
leave： stating； however； that there was 'no need to be in such agitation
about the matter … it might prove a false alarm after all； and if not … why； it
was only in the common course of nature： we must all die some time；
and I was not to suppose myself the only afflicted person in the world；'
and concluding with saying I might have the phaeton to take me to O…。
'And instead of REPINING； Miss Grey； be thankful for the PRIVILEGES
you enjoy。 There's many a poor clergyman whose family would be
plunged into ruin by the event of his death； but you； you see； have
influential friends ready to continue their patronage； and to show you
every consideration。'
I thanked her for her 'consideration；' and flew to my room to make
some hurried preparations for my departure。 My bonnet and shawl being
on； and a few things hastily crammed into my largest trunk； I descended。
But I might have done the work more leisurely； for no one else was in a
hurry； and I had still a considerable time to wait for the phaeton。 At
length it came to the door； and I was off： but； oh； what a dreary journey
was that！ how utterly different from my former passages homewards！
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Being too late for the last coach to …； I had to hire a cab for ten miles； and
then a car to take me over the rugged hills。
It was half…past ten before I reached home。 They were not in bed。
My mother and sister both met me in the passage … sad … silent … pale！
I was so much shocked and terror…stricken that I could not speak； to ask
the information I so much longed yet dreaded to obtain。
'Agnes！' said my mother； struggling to repress some strong emotion。
'Oh； Agnes！' cried Mary； and burst into tears。
'How is he？' I asked； gasping for the answer。
'Dead！'
It was the reply I had anticipated： but the shock seemed none the less
tremendous。
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CHAPTER XIX … THE LETTER
MY father's mortal remains had been consigned to the tomb； and we；
with sad faces and sombre garments； sat lingering over the frugal
breakfast…table； revolving plans for our future life。 My mother's strong
mind had not given way beneath even this affliction： her spirit； though
crushed； was not broken。 Mary's wish was that I should go back to
Horton Lodge； and that our mother should come and live with her and Mr。
Richardson at the vicarage： she affirmed that he wished it no less than
herself； and that such an arrangement could not fail to benefit all parties；
for my mother's society and experience would be of inestimable value to
them； and they would do all they could to make her happy。 But no
arguments or entreaties could prevail： my mother was determined not to
go。 Not that she questioned； for a moment； the kind wishes and intentions
of her daughter； but she affirmed that so long as God spared her health and
strength； she would make use of them to earn her own livelihood； and be
chargeable to no one； whether her dependence would be felt as a burden or
not。 If she could afford to reside as a lodger in … vicarage； she would
choose that house before all others as the place of her abode； but not being
so circumstanced； she would never come under its roof； except as an
occasional visitor： unless sickness or calamity should render her
assistance really needful； or until age or infirmity made her incapable of
maintaining herself。
'No； Mary；' said she； 'if Richardson and you have anything to spare；
you must lay it aside for your family； and Agnes and I must gather honey
for ourselves。 Thanks to my having had daughters to educate； I have not
forgotten my accomplishments。 God willing； I will check this vain
repining；' she said； while the tears coursed one another down her cheeks in
spite of her efforts； but she wiped them away； and resolutely shaking back
her head； continued； 'I will exert myself； and look out for a small house；
commodiously situated in some populous but healthy district； where we
will take a few young ladies to board and educate … if we can get them …
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and as many day pupils as will come； or as we can manage to instruct。
Your father's relations and old friends will be able to send us some pupils；
or to assist us with their recommendations； no doubt： I shall not apply to
my own。 What say you to it； Agnes？ will you be willing to leave your
present situation and try？'
'Quite willing； mamma； and the money I have saved will do to furnish
