agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第35章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
present situation and try？'
'Quite willing； mamma； and the money I have saved will do to furnish
the house。 It shall be taken from the bank directly。'
'When it is wanted： we must get the house； and settle on
preliminaries first。'
Mary offered to lend the little she possessed； but my mother declined it；
saying that we must begin on an economical plan； and she hoped that the
whole or part of mine； added to what we could get by the sale of the
furniture； and what little our dear papa had contrived to lay aside for her
since the debts were paid； would be sufficient to last us till Christmas；
when； it was hoped； something would accrue from our united labours。 It
was finally settled that this should be our plan； and that inquiries and
preparations should immediately be set on foot； and while my mother
busied herself with these； I should return to Horton Lodge at the close of
my four weeks' vacation； and give notice for my final departure when
things were in train for the speedy commencement of our school。
We were discussing these affairs on the morning I have mentioned；
about a fortnight after my father's death； when a letter was brought in for
my mother； on beholding which the colour mounted to her face … lately
pale enough with anxious watchings and excessive sorrow。 'From my
father！' murmured she； as she hastily tore off the cover。 It was many
years since she had heard from any of her own relations before。
Naturally wondering what the letter might contain； I watched her
countenance while she read it； and was somewhat surprised to see her bite
her lip and knit her brows as if in anger。 When she had done； she
somewhat irreverently cast it on the table； saying with a scornful smile； …
'Your grandpapa has been so kind as to write to me。 He says he has no
doubt I have long repented of my 〃unfortunate marriage；〃 and if I will
only acknowledge this； and confess I was wrong in neglecting his advice；
and that I have justly suffered for it； he will make a lady of me once again
147
… Page 148…
AGNES GREY
… if that be possible after my long degradation … and remember my girls in
his will。 Get my desk； Agnes； and send these things away： I will
answer the letter directly。 But first； as I may be depriving you both of a
legacy； it is just that I should tell you what I mean to say。 I shall say that
he is mistaken in supposing that I can regret the birth of my daughters
（who have been the pride of my life； and are likely to be the comfort of my
old age）； or the thirty years I have passed in the company of my best and
dearest friend； … that； had our misfortunes been three times as great as they
were （unless they had been of my bringing on）； I should still the more
rejoice to have shared them with your father； and administered what
consolation I was able； and； had his sufferings in illness been ten times
what they wore； I could not regret having watched over and laboured to
relieve them； … that； if he had married a richer wife； misfortunes and trials
would no doubt have come upon him still； while I am egotist enough to
imagine that no other woman could have cheered him through them so
well： not that I am superior to the rest； but I was made for him； and he
for me； and I can no more repent the hours； days； years of happiness we
have spent together； and which neither could have had without the other；
than I can the privilege of having been his nurse in sickness； and his
comfort in affliction。
'Will this do； children？ … or shall I say we are all very sorry for what
has happened during the last thirty years； and my daughters wish they had
never been born； but since they have had that misfortune； they will be
thankful for any trifle their grandpapa will be kind enough to bestow？'
Of course； we both applauded our mother's resolution； Mary cleared
away the breakfast things； I brought the desk； the letter was quickly
written and despatched； and； from that day； we heard no more of our
grandfather； till we saw his death announced in the newspaper a
considerable time after … all his worldly possessions； of course； being left
to our wealthy unknown cousins。
148
… Page 149…
AGNES GREY
CHAPTER XX … THE
FAREWELL
A HOUSE in A…； the fashionable watering…place； was hired for our
seminary； and a promise of two or three pupils was obtained to commence
with。 I returned to Horton Lodge about the middle of July； leaving my
mother to conclude the bargain for the house； to obtain more pupils； to sell
off the furniture of our old abode； and to fit out the new one。
We often pity the poor； because they have no leisure to mourn their
departed relatives； and necessity obliges them to labour through their
severest afflictions： but is not active employment the best remedy for
overwhelming sorrow … the surest antidote for despair？ It may be a rough
comforter： it may seem hard to be harassed with the cares of life when
we have no relish for its enjoyments； to be goaded to labour when the
heart is ready to break； and the vexed spirit implores for rest only to weep
in silence： but is not labour better than the rest we covet？ and are not
those petty； tormenting cares less hurtful than a continual brooding over
the great affliction that oppresses us？ Besides； we cannot have cares； and
anxieties； and toil； without hope … if it be but the hope of fulfilling our
joyless task； accomplishing some needful project； or escaping some
further annoyance。 At any rate； I was glad my mother had so much
employment for every faculty of her action…loving frame。 Our kind
neighbours lamented that she； once so exalted in wealth and station；
should be reduced to such extremity in her time of sorrow； but I am
persuaded that she would have suffered thrice as much had she been left in
affluence； with liberty to remain in that house； the scene of her early
happiness and late affliction； and no stern necessity to prevent her from
incessantly brooding over and lamenting her bereavement。
I will not dilate upon the feelings with which I left the old house； the
well…known garden； the little village church … then doubly dear to me；
because my father； who； for thirty years； had taught and prayed within its
149
… Page 150…
AGNES GREY
walls； lay slumbering now beneath its flags … and the old bare hills；
delightful in their very desolation； with the narrow vales between； smiling
in green wood and sparkling water … the house where I was born； the scene
of all my early associations； the place where throughout life my earthly
affections had been centred； … and left them to return no more！ True； I was
going back to Horton Lodge； where； amid many evils； one source of
pleasure yet remained： but it was pleasure mingled with excessive pain；
and my stay； alas！ was limited to six weeks。 And even of that precious
time； day after day slipped by and I did not see him： except at church； I
never saw him for a fortnight after my return。 It seemed a long time to
me： and； as I was often out with my rambling pupil； of course hopes
would keep rising； and disappointments would ensue； and then； I would
say to my own heart； 'Here is a convincing proof … if you would but have
the sense to see it； or the candour to acknowledge it … that he does not care
for you。 If he only thought HALF as much about you as you do about
him； he would have contrived to meet you many times ere this： you must
know that； by consulting your own feelings。 Therefore； have done with
this nonsense： you have no ground for hope： dismiss； at once； these
hurtful thoughts and foolish wishes from your mind； and turn to your own
duty； and the dull blank life that lies before you。 You might have known
such happiness was not for you。'
But I saw him at last。 He came suddenly upon me as I was crossing a
field in returning from a visit to Nancy Brown； which I had taken the
opportunity of paying while Matilda Murray was riding her matchless
mare。 He must have heard of the heavy loss I had sustained： he
expressed no sympathy； offered no condolence： but almost the first
words he uttered were； … 'How is your mother？' And this was no matter…of …
course question； for I never told him that I had a mother： he must have
learned the fact from others； if he knew it at all； and； besides； there was
sincere goodwill； and even deep； touching； unobtrusive sympathy in the
tone and manner of the inquiry。 I thanked him with due civility； and told
him she was as well as could be expected。 'What will she do？' was the
next question。 Many would have deemed it an impertinent one； and
given an evasive reply； but such an idea never entered my head； and I gave
150
… Page 151…
AGNES GREY
a brief but plain statement of my mother's plans and prospects。
'Then you will leave this place shortly？' said he。
'Yes； in a month。'
He paused a minute； as if in thou
