英语听力突破掌上宝reading-第35章

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Simplie　Chwin98　S/N：　K4HVD…Q9TJ9…6CRX9…C9G68…RQ2D3
Identification　card　：　411303750810201
Hidden…Camera：　Name：super；Ps：bowl
　
Joke　Of　The　Day
Section　two
Humor！　Humor！　Humor！
A　little　boy　came　home　from　school　one　day　and　told　his　mother　〃Mom；　today　I　heard　some　older　kids　using　some　words　I　dont　know　the　meaning　of。　Can　you　tell　me　what　they　mean？〃　〃Sure〃　his　mother　said　〃Just　tell　me　what　they　are。〃　The　little　boy　replied　〃Pussy　and　bitch。〃His　mother　said　〃No　problem。　A　pussy　is　a　cat；　like　the　neighbor's　Tabby；　and　a　bitch　is　afemale　dog；　like　our　Sandy。〃　The　boy　thanked　his　mother；　and　then　went　out　to　the　garage；　where　his　father　was　working。　〃Dad〃　he　began　〃Today　I　heard　some　kids　using　some　wordsthat　I　dont　know　the　meaning　of。　I　asked　Mom；　but　I　dont　think　that　she　gave　me　the　right　answer。　Can　you　help　me？〃　〃Sure〃　his　father　replied　〃What　are　the　words？〃　〃Pussy　and　bitch〃　the　boy　replied。　His　father　said　〃I　thought　I　told　you　any　time　you　have　a　question　like　that；　you　were　supposed　to　ask　me；　and　not　your　mother；　because　she　cant　handle　it。〃　With　that；he　reached　up　on　a　shelf　and　pulled　down　an　edition　of　Playboy　magazine；　and　a　Magic　Marker。　He　then　took　the　marker；　and　drew　a　circle　around　the　woman's　genital　area。　〃Son〃　he　began　〃everything　inside　this　circle　is　a　pussy。〃　〃Okay；　his　son　said；　〃but　what　is　a　bitch。〃　His　father　said　〃Everything　outside　this　circle〃。
Section　three
The　ambassador　of　a　small　African　nation　chanced　to　visit　Russia；　and　was　entertained　by　his　opposite　number；the　Russian　ambassador。　For　three　days；　the
African　ambassador　was　wined；　dined；　and　generally　treated　to　the　best　hospitality　that　Russia　had　to　offer。On　the　final　day　of　his　visit；　the　Russian　ambassador　said　〃As　your　stay　is　coming　to　an　end；　it　is　time　for　you　to　play　our　traditional　game；　Russian　Roulette。　One　of　the　six　chambers　of　this　gun　is　loaded　…　you　spin　the　cylinder；　point　the　gun　at　your　head　and　pull　the　trigger。〃　This　phased　the　African　slightly；　but　he　was　a　proud　man　of　a　warrior　people；　and　to　show　fear　would　be　unthinkable。　Both　men　took　their　guns；　spun；　and　pulled　the　triggers。　Both　chambers　were　empty；　and　both　ambassadors　breathed　a　sigh　of　relief。The　African　ambassador　was　much　impressed　with　the　courageous　game；　and　thought　hard　about　the　subject　before　the　Russian　ambassador　was　due　to　visit　his　　country　next　year。　When　the　visit　came；　the　African　ambassador　treated　the　Russian　with　all　hospitality；　and　he　had　been　treated；　until　the　final　day　of　his　stay。
Leading　him　to　a　private　room　in　the　palace；　the　African　said　〃Now　it　is　time　for　you　to　sample　our　game；　African　roulette。〃　So　saying；　he　led　the　Russian　into　the　room；　the　only　occupants　of　which　were　six　beautiful　naked　women。The　African　ambassador　said　〃　These　women　are　the　most　beautiful　members　of　one　of　our　tribes。　Any　one　of　them　will　give　you　a　blow　job。。。　You　make　the　choice。〃　The　Russian　was　not　entirely　adverse　to　this　idea；　but　he　couldn't　see　the　connection　with　Russian　roulette。　He　said　〃Well；　that　is　fine；　but　where's　the　roulette　part？〃　With　a　big　grin　on　his　face；　the　African　ambassador　answered；　〃One　of　them　is　a　cannibal。〃　
From　streamline
Confessions　of　a　customer　：My　first　thought　was　I　could　never　afford　this。
Products　and　services：
You　can　order　online；　by　phone　or　by　fax　and　Streamline　will　deliver　the　freshest；　highest　quality　products　from　local　purveyors　right　to　your　door。　You　can　order　nearly　anything　you　need　for　just　30　per　month：
Fresh；　high　quality　produce　…　You　tell　us　exactly　what　you　want　and　we　hand　select　for　freshness。　Our　produce　provider；　James　E。　Kilduff；　Inc。　delivers　to　us　daily　to　ensure　that　you　get　the　best　quality　produce　possible。
Hand…selected　seafood　and　meats　…　Our　high　quality　meats　are　supplied　by　T。F。　Kinnealey　&　Co。；　a　purveyor　to　some　of　Boston's　top　chefs。　If　you've　ever　dined　at　Rialto；　Biba；　Pignoli；　or　The　Boston　Harbor　Hotel；　then　you've　sampled　the　quality　meats　of　T。F。　Kinnealey。
Brand　Name　Groceries　…　Streamline　carries　all　of　the　top　brand　name　products　that　you'd　find　in　your　local　supermarket。
Hand…sliced　deli　products　…　Your　deli　items　are　sliced　to　order。　Our　top　quality　deli　meats　include　Boar's　Head　brand　products。
Freshly…made　baked　goods　…　Enjoy　a　wide　selection　of　baked　goods　including　15　Finagle　A　Bagel　flavors　and　a　selection　of　specialty　cakes　from　Alden　Merrell　Bakery。
Popular　baby　foods；　formulas　and　diapers　…　We　carry　only　the　best　products　for　your　baby。
Hand…prepared　meals　…　As　good　as　homemade！　Every　week　you　can　choose　from　a　menu　of　hand…prepared　meals。　Our　wide　selection　of　entrees　and　side　dishes　helps　make　dinnertime　delicious　and　easy。
Top…quality　health　and　beauty　supplies　…　Streamline　is　your　source　for　health　and　beauty　care　products　for　the　whole　family；　from　shampoo　and　bath　bubbles　to　cold　remedies　and　cough　drops。
Specialty　pet　foods　…　Stop　lugging　those　bags　around！　We　carry　the　top　brand　name　pet　products　including　Iams；　Science　Diet；　Eukanuba　and　Nutro　products。
Blockbuster？　videos　and　video　games　…　The　latest　releases　and　recent　hits　are　yours　for　the　week。　Our　video　game　selection　features　the　latest　titles　for　Nintendo　64　and　Sony　PlayStation　systems。　And　thanks　to　Streamline；　you　save　on　late　fees。
Expert　dry　cleaning　…　Enjoy　the　convenience　of　top　quality　dry　cleaning　and　shirt　laundering　service　at　competitive　prices；　delivered　right　to　your　door　every　week。
Seasonal　items　…　Firewood；　charcoal　and　specialty　holiday　items　are　just　a　few　examples　of　products　we　have　available　in　our　seasonal　items　offering。　
Kodak　Premium　Film　and　Processing　…　We　offer　a　full　range　of　processing　services　including　Advanced　Photo　System　and　digital　processing。
Postage　Stamps　and　UPS　package　pick…up　…　No　more　waiting　in　line。　Just　leave　your　holiday　shipping　and　catalog　returns　to　us　…　we'll　pick　up　your　outgoing　packages。　
Bottle　and　can　redemption　…　Stop　hoarding　them　in　your　garage。　We　automatically　credit　your　account　for　all　of　your　5　cent　redeemables　that　we　pick　up　at　your　home。　
Frequently　Asked　Questions
Q：　What　does　your　service　cost？
A：　There　is　a　flat　fee　of　30　a　month。　There's　no　tipping　or　delivery　charge　added　to　your　bill。　There　is　no　minimum　order　and　no　contract　to　sign。
Q：　Can　I　get　all　my　favorite　brands　and　products　from　Streamline？
A：　Absolutely。　Streamline　carries　all　of　the　most　popular　items；　including　the　same　high　quality　brands　found　at　major　supermarkets；　and　we're　always　adding　to　our　selection。
Q：　What's　the　catch？
A：　There's　no　catch。　There　are　no　hidden　costs。　By　simplifying　the　distribution　process；　we　can　efficiently　buy　and　deliver　top　quality　products　to　your　door　for　one　low　monthly　fee。
Q：　Do　I　have　to　pay　for　the　refrigerator？　The　shelving？　The　keypad？
A：　No。　They're　yours　to　use　…　free　…　as　long　as　you're　a　Streamline　customer。
Q：　Do　you　have　sales　and　special　promotions？
A：　Of　course。　While　Streamline's　everyday　prices　are　competitive　with　local　supermarkets；　we　also　offer　weekly　specials　and　sale　items　on　many　of　your　favorite　products　…　discounts　you　won't　have　to　hunt　for　in　the　aisles　of　your　market。
Q：　Can　I　order　online？
A：　Online　is　the　easiest　and　most　efficient　way　for　you　to　order　from　Streamline；　but　we　can　also　take　your　orders　over　the　telephone　or　by　fax。
Q：　Where　do　your　products　come　from？
A：　For　some　items；　such　as　dry　goods；　we　use　the　same　suppliers　as　your　supermarket。　For　others；　such　as　meat；　produce；　baked　goods　and　seafood；　we　hand…select　the　best　products　from　our　local　sources　to　ensure　freshness　and　quality。
Q：　How　fresh　are　your　produce　and　meats？
A：　Fresher　than　most　grocery　stores。　Our　top　quality　meat　and　produce　providers　deliver　to　our　facility　daily。　We　control　our　perishables　and　store　them　under　optimal　conditions。　They're　delivered　to　your　home　in　refrigerated　trucks；　with　minimal　handling。
Q：　Do　you　guarantee　your　products？
A：　All　our　products　come　with　a　100％　guarantee。　If　you're　not　satisfied　for　any　reason；　we'll　provide　you　with　a　full　credit；　no　questions　asked。
Q：　Is　the　ordering　process　easy？
A：　Yes；　it　is。　The　entire　ordering　process　takes　about　15　to　20　minutes　a　week。　We　work　with　you　to　make　ordering　easy；　and　we　have　friendly；　attentive　representatives　ready　to　answer　。
The　End
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