a face illumined-第52章

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and　rather　odd　behavior。　　Indeed；　people　placed　it　to　her　credit

that　she　was　so　deeply　affected；　and　were　all　the　more　inclined　to

make　amends　for　having　misjudged　her。



Mrs。　Mayhew　accompanied　her　daughter　to　her　room；　but　Ida　told　her

that　she　was　too　weary　to　answer　a　single　question；　and　that　she

wished　to　be　alone。



〃Van；　may　I　speak　with　you？〃　Stanton　had　asked；　anxiously。



When　they　were　sufficiently　far　from　the　house　to　ensure　privacy

he　began　again：　　〃Van；　what's　the　matter？　　You　were　as　white　as　if

you　had　seen　a　ghost。〃



〃I'm　not　afraid　of　ghosts；〃　said　the　artist；　almost　sternly；　〃but

there　are　things　which　I　mortally　fear；　and　chief　among　these　are

blundersstupid；　irrational　acts；　but　involving　results　that　may

be　beyond　remedy。　　You　and　I　have　just　made　one　that　might　have

cost　us　dear。　　Of　course　you　will　treat　your　cousin　hereafter　as

you　please；　but　I　most　decidedly　request　that　you　do　and　say　nothing

that　involves　any　reference　to　me。　　I　wish　her　to　form　her　opinions

of　my　attitude　towards　her　solely　from　her　own　observation。〃



〃I　think　you　are　a　trifle　severe；　but　I　suppose　I　deserve　it；〃　said

Stanton；　stiffly。



〃I　admit　that　I　am　strongly　moved。　　I　do　not　excuse　myself　in　the

least；　and　yet　you　know　I　was　misled。　　I　must　tell　you　plainly　that

Ida　Mayhew　is　not　a　girl　to　be　trifled　with。　　I　fear　her　mother

wholly　fails　in　understanding　her；　and　from　what　you　yourself　have

told　me　of　her　father；　she　has　no　help　there。　　She　has　no　brother；

and　you　should　take　the　place　of　one；　as　far　as　possible。　　The

only　right　I　have　to　speak　thus　is　on　the　ground　of　the　great　wrong

I　have　done　her；　and　for　which　I　can　never　forgive　myself。　　Miss

Mayhew　and　I　are　comparative　strangers　and　our　brief　summer　sojourn

here　will　soon　be　over。　　By　mere　accident　facts　have　come　to　my

knowledge　to…night　which　prove　in　the　most　emphatic　manner；　that

she　requires　kind；　unobtrusive；　but　vigilant　care。　　I　never　knew

of　a　girl　who　needed　a　brother　more　than　she。　　She　is　not　bad　at

heartfar　from　it；　but　she　is　fearfully　rash；　and　she　is　warped

by　education；　or　its　lack；　and　by　the　vile　literature　she　has　read；

to　such　a　degree　that　she　cannot　see　things　in　their　true　moral

aspects。　　I'll　give　you　a　plain　hint；　and　then　you　must　not　ask　me

anything　further；　for　both　you　and　I　must　be　able　to　say　that　the

history　of　my　last　interview　was　never　given。　　My　hint　is　thisI

do　not　believe　that　self…destruction　ever　appeared　to　Miss　Mayhew

as　an　awful　and　revolting　crime。　　Her　actual　life；　hitherto；　has

been　a　round　of　frivolity。　　Only　on　the　stage　or　in　the　absurd　woes

of　her　stilted　heroes　and　heroines；　has　she　given　any　attention　to

the　sad　and　serious　side　of　life。　　Men　and　women　committing　suicide

to　slow　music　is　the　chief　stock　in　trade　in　some　quarters；　and

when　serious　trouble　came　to　her　this　devil's　comedy　had　been　robbed

of　its　horror　by　the　clap…trap　of　stage　effect。　　That　is　the　only

way　in　which　I　can　account　for　it　all　or　excuse　her。　　But　the　fact

that　she　recoiled　from　Sibley　so　strongly　and　felt　the　disgrace

of　her　association　so　keenly；　proves　that　she　possesses　a　true

woman's　nature。　　But；　as　I　said；　she　needs　a　brother's　care。　　You

are　nearest　of　kin；　Stanton；　and　you　must　give　it。　　Indeed；　Ik；

pardon　the　freedom　of　an　old　friend　whom　circumstances　have　strangely

mixed　up　in　this　affair；　I　think　you　are　honor…bound　to　give　this

brother's　protection；　and　you　ARE　a　man　of　honor　if　you　pass　your

word。〃



〃Do　youdo　you　think　there　is　still　any　danger　that　she　will…〃



〃No；　the　danger　is　passed　for　this　occasion；　but　you　must　guard

her　from　deep　despondency　or　strong　provocation　in　the　future。〃



〃The　task　you　require　is　a　difficult　one。　　I　doubt　whether　she　ever

forgives　me　even。〃



〃I　think　she　will。　　I　have　also　learned　to…night　that　genuine

kindness　and　sympathy　have　great　weight　with　her。　　Pledge　me　your

word　that　you　will　do　the　best　you　can。〃



〃Well；　Van；　I　suppose　I　oughtI　will。　　But　your　words　have　quite

unnerved　me。〃



〃Unnerved！　I'm　worse　than　that。　　I　feel　as　if　I　had　passed　through

a　month's　illness。　　Never　breathe　a　whisper　of　all　this　to　any　one。

Good…night。〃　　And　he　strode　away　in　the　darkness。



Having　reached　a　secluded　spot；　he　ground　the　phial　of　laudanum

that　Ida　had　given　him　under　his　heel　with　the　vindictiveness　with

which　he　would　stamp　out　the　life　of　a　poisonous　reptile。



Then　he　returned　to　his　room　and　took　out　Ida's　letter；　but　his

hands　trembled　so　that　he　could　scarcely　open　it。　　As　he　read；　they

trembled　still　more；　and　his　face　became　almost　ashen　in　its　hue。

He　was　so　appalled　at　what　might　have　happened　that　his　heart　seemed

for　a　second　to　cease　its　pulsations。



〃Great　God！〃　he　said；　in　a　hoarse　whisper〃what　an　escape　I've

had！〃



Hour　after　hour　passed；　but　he　sat　motionless；　staring　at　the　abyss

into　which　he　had　almost　stumbled。



The　song　of　a　bird　without　reminded　him　that　morning　was　near。　　He

drew　the　curtain　and　saw　that　the　dawn　was　reddening　the　sky。



〃Thank　God；〃　he　cried；　fervently；　〃for　the　escape　we　both　have

had！〃



Then；　in　order　to　throw　off　the　horrible　nightmare　that　had　oppressed

him；　he　stole　quietly　out　into　the　fresh；　cool；　dewy　air。











Chapter　XL。　　Van　Berg's　Conclusions。







Van　Berg　knew　that　the　word　〃discouragement〃　was　in　the　dictionary；

and　he　supposed　he　understood　its　meaning；　but　Ida　Mayhew's　farewell

letter　proved　to　him　that　he　was　mistaken。　　There　are　some　things

we　never　learn　until　taught　by　the　severe　logic　of　events　and

experience。　　There　had　been　nothing　in　his　own　history　or　character

that　enabled　him　to　realize　the　dreary　sinking　of　heartthe

paralyzing　despondency　of　those　who　believe　or　fear　that　they　have

been　defeated　and　thwarted　in　life。　　Through　the　weaknesses　and

dangers　of　early　life　he　had　been　shielded　with　loving　vigilance。

His　mind　and　taste　had　been　fostered　with　untiring　care；　and　yet

every　new　development　praised　as　unstintedly　as　if　all　were　of

native　growth。　　Fortunately　he　abounded　in　virile　force　and　good

sense；　and　so　gradually　passed　from　self…complacency　and　conceit

to　the　self…reliance　and　courage　of　a　strong　man；　who；　while　aware

of　his　ability　and　vantage…ground；　also　recognizes　the　fact　that

nothing　can　take　the　place　of　skillfully　directed　industry　in

well…defined　directions。　　The　confidence　that　had　been　created　by

the　favorable　conditions　of　his　lot　had　been　increased　far　more

by　the　knowledge　that　he　could　go　out　into　the　world　and　hold　his

own　among　men　on　the　common　ground　of　hard　work　and　innate　strength。

He　expected　esteem；　respectful　courtesyand　even　admirationas

a　matter　of　course。　　They　were　in　part　his　birthright　and　partly

the　result　of　his　own　achievement；　and　he　received　them　as　quietly

as　his　customary　income。　　Their　presence　was　like　his　excellent

health；　to　which　he　scarcely　gave　a　thought；　but　their　withdrawal

would　have　affected　him　keenly；　although　he　had　never　considered

the　possibility　of　such　a　thing。



What　in　him　was　confidence　and　self…reliance　had　been　in　Ida　little

else　than　vanity　and　pride；　and　these；　circumstances　had　enabled

him　to　wound　unto　death。　　He　had；　from　the　first；　calmly　and

philosophically　recognized　the　fact　that　he　must　break　down；　in

part；　the　Chinese　wall　of　her　self…approval；　before　any　elevating

ideas　and　ennobling　impulses　could　enter；　and　as　much　through

unforeseen　events　as　by　his　effort；　this　had　been　done　to　a　degree

that　threatened　results　that　appalled　him。　　He　had　been　taught

thoroughly　that　faulty　and　ignorant　as　she　undoubtedly　was；　she

was　by　no　means　shallow　or　weak。　　To　his　mind　the　depth　of　her

despondency　was　the　measure　of　her　power　to　realize　her　imperfection；

for　he　now　supposed　her　depression　was　caused　immediately　by　the

fact　that　she　had　been　so　harshly　misjudged；　but　in　the　main　because

of　her　resemblance　to　the　flower　he　had　tossed　away　and　which　he　now

remembered；　with　deep　satisfaction；　was　in　his　note…book；　ready　to

aid　in　the　reassuring　and　encouraging　work　upon　which　he　was　eager

to　enter。



He　did　not　dream　that　by　tactics　the　reverse　of　those　pursued　by

her　numerous　admirers　he　had　won　her　heart；　and　that　the　apparent

hopelessness　of　her　passion　had　outweighed　all　other　burdens。



Her　kindest　sentiment　towards　him；　he　believed；　was　the　cold　respect；

mingled　with　fear　and　dislike；　in　which　a　sever　but　honest　critic

is　sometimes　held；　and　as　he　recalled　his　course　towards　her　he

now　felt　that　she　had　little　reason　for　even　this　degree　of　regard。

He　had　awakened　her　sleeping　mind　not　to　an　atmosphere　of　kindness

and　sympathy　like　that　in　which　the　beauty　in　the　fabled　castle

had　revived；　but　to　a　biting　frost　of　harsh　criticism　and　unjust

suspicion。　　That　there　seemed；　at　the　time；　good　reason　for　these

on　his　part　did　not　make　it　any　easier　for　her　to　bear　them；

and　in　the　fact　that　he　had　so　misunderstood　and　wronged　her；　his

confidence　in　his　own　sagacity　received　the　severest　shock　it　had

ever　experienced。　　He　felt　that　he　could　never　go　forward　in　life

with　his　old　assured　tread　and　manner。



Moreover　the　kindness　and　respect　which　he　now　proposed　to　show

Ida　were　caused　more　by　compunction　and　fear　than　by　any　warmer

and　friendlier　motive。　　He　wished　to　make　amends　for　his　injustice；

to　reassure　the　girl；　to　smooth　over　matters　and　extricate　himself

from　his　fateful　office　of　critic。　　This　experimenting　with　human

souls　for　artistic　purposes　was　a　much　more　serious　matter　than

he　could　have　imagined。　　He　had　entered　upon　it　as　a　part　of　his

summer　recreation；　but　had　found　himself　playing　with　forces　that

had　well…nigh　destroyed　him　as　well　as　the　subject　of　his　fancied

skill。　　Hereafter　he　proposed　to　illumine　faces　with　thought；

feeling；　and　spiritual　beauty　on　canvas　only；　so　that；　in　case　he

should　become　discouraged　or　disgusted　with　his　efforts　and　throw

the　work　aside；　there　might　be　no　such　tragic　protest　as　Ida

Mayhew　had　almost　offered。　　While　he　pitied；　and　now　in　a　certain

sense　respected　her；　she　filled　him　with　the　uncomfortable　dread

and　nervous　apprehension　which　rash　and　unbalanced　natures　always

inspire。　　The　charge　he　had　given　Stanton　revealed　his　opinion。

She　was　one　who　must　be　watched　over；　not　with　the　tender　care　and

sympathy　that　he　hoped　to　bestow　on　Jennie　Burton；　but　with　kind；

yet　firm　and　wary　vigilance；　in　order　to　prevent　action　dangerous

both　to　herself　and　others；　and　a　heavy；　anxious　task　he　believed

such　care　would　be。



His　aim　was　not　to　heal　the　wounds　he　had　made　by　a　decided

manifestation　of　kindness　and　respect　which　should　be　as　sincere

as　possible　in　view　of　his　knowledge　of　her　faults；　and　if　her

present　good　impulses　were　anything　more　than　passing　moods；　to

encourage　them；　as　far　as　he　could；　and　then　retire　from　the　scene