a face illumined-第60章

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〃I　can't　say　that　I　did；〃　he　answered；　dryly。



〃Will　you　please　give　it　to　me？〃



〃Not　unless　you　compel　me　to；〃　and　he　closed　the　book　and　returned

it　to　an　inside　breast…pocket。　　〃I　would　like　to　carry　it　as　a

talisman　against　Phariseeism；　the　most　hateful　of　vices。〃



〃Oh；　very　well；〃　and　she　turned　away　her　face　again。



〃But　please　tell　me　about　this　pear…tree；〃　he　resumed。



〃It　won't　seem　to　you　as　it　did　to　me；〃　she　replied；　with　an

embarrassed　air；　〃and　I'm　sorry　I　spoke　of　it；　but　now　that　I　have

I　may　as　well　go　on。　　To　explain　I　must　go　back　a　little。　　Mr。

Van　Berg；　I'm　taking　you　to　see　the　old　gentleman　who　saved　me

fromfrom…〃　　Her　face　was　pale　enough　now。



〃My　dear　Miss　Mayhew；　don't　pain　yourself　by　referring　to　that。〃



〃I　must；〃　she　said　slowly。　　〃By　some　strange　fate　you　have　seen　me

at　my　worst；　and　since　you　say　you　care；　you　shall　know　the　rest。

It　may　relieve　your　mind　of　a　fear　that　I've　seen　in　your　face

since。　　I　didn't　think　I'll　ever　be　so　wicked　and　desperate　again；

and　I　wish　you　to　know　my　reasons　for　thinking　so。　　Well；　on　that

dreadful　night　the　party　I　was　with　went　into　a　prayer…meeting；

more　by　the　way　of　frolic　than　anything　else。　　I　did　not　wish　to

go　in；　but；　strange　as　it　may　seem　to　you；　I　was　afraid　to　walk

home；　and　so　had　to　follow　my　company。　　Good　old　Mr。　Eltinge　spoke

to　us。　　He　said　he　knew　from　his　own　long　experience　that　there

was　a　Divine　Friend　who　was　able　and　willing　to　cure　every　earthly

trouble；　and　he　spoke　so　simply　and　kindly　that　he　caught　my　attention

and　revived　my　hope。　　I　felt　when　I　entered　that　place　I　hadn't　a

friend　in　the　world　or　out　of　it。　　I　was　just　blind　and　desperate

with　shame　and　discouragement；　andandbut　perhaps　you　have　read

the　letter　I　gave　you？〃



〃Miss　Mayhew；　every　word　of　it　is　burned　into　my　memory。　　I　scarcely

moved　after　reading　it　till　the　morning　dawned；　and　then　I　went

out　and　walked　for　hours　before　I　could　compose　myself　and　dared　to

meet　any　one。　　As　I　told　you　then；　so　I　say　again；　I　had　a　greater

escape　than　you　had。〃



〃I'm　very；　very　sorry；〃　she　replied；　in　a　tone　of　deep　regret。



〃I　too　am　very；　very　sorry；　but　it　is　for　you。〃



She　looked　up　quickly；　and　saw　that　his　eyes　were　full　of　tears。



〃I'm　not　ashamed　of　them　in　this　instance；　Miss　Mayhew；〃　he　said；

dashing　them　away。



She　looked　at　him　wonderingly；　and　then　murmured：　　〃Oh；　thank　God

it　has　all　turned　out　as　it　has。〃　　After　a　moment　she　added：　　〃I've

misjudged　you　also；　Mr。　Van　Berg。〃



〃How？　　Please　tell　me；　for　I　feel　I　have　more　cause　to　be　disgusted

with　myself　than　you　ever　had。〃



〃Wellhow　shall　I　say　what　I　mean？　　I　thought　you　had　more　mind

than　heart。〃



〃It　appears　to　me　I've　displayed　a　lamentable　lack　of　both。　　I　must

have　seemed　to　you　like　an　animated　interrogation　point。〃



〃I　soon　learned　you　were　very　greatly　my　superior；〃　she　said　simply。



〃Miss　Mayhew；　spare　me；〃　he　replied　quickly；　with　a　deprecatory

gesture。　　〃The　story　you　were　telling　interests　me　more　deeply　than

you　will　believe；　and　I　think　we　shall　be　better　acquainted　before

the　day　is　over。〃



〃Well；　the　rest　of　my　story　is　more　easily　told　than　understood；

and　perhaps　your　man's　reason　may　not　find　it　very　satisfactory。

You　know　the　old　superstition　that　the　sing　of　the　cross　puts　to

flight　the　Evil　One。　　I　don't　believe　that；　but　I　believe　that　the

One　who　suffered　on　the　cross　puts　him　to　flight。　　Mr。　Eltinge's

simple；　downright　assertion　that　Jesus　could　remedy　every　earthly

troublethat　he　would　be　a　patient；　helpful　Friendbroke　the　evil

spell　by　which　despair　had　blinded　me；　and　I　resolved　to　try　and

live　if　I　could。　　After　the　old　gentleman　came　out　of　the　church　I

asked　him　to　let　me　visit　him；　and　he　has　been　very；　very　kind。　　I

told　him　everything。　　The　first　day　he　saw　I　was　greatly　discouraged；

and　told　me　the　history　of　a　young　pear…tree　against　which　he　was

leaning；　and　which　was　full　of　beautiful　fruit。　　He　said　that　on　a

stormy　night　it　was　broken　by　the　wind；　and　trampled　upon　by　some

stray　cattle；　and　he　scarcely　thought　it　could　live；　for　it　was

prostrate　on　the　ground；　but　he　lifted　it；　and　took　care　of　it；

and　gave　nature　a　chance　to　restore　it。　　You　would　think　nature

was　like　a　kind　of　mother；　to　hear　him　talk。　　Then　he　reasoned

that　Jesus；　the　Author　of　nature；　would　do　for　me　what　nature　had

done　for　the　wounded　tree；　but　that　I　must　not　expect　too　much　at

firstthat　I　must　be　receptive　and　willing　to　grow　patiently　as

the　tree　had　done；　in　a　new　and　better　life。　　Thus　the　tree　has

become　to　me　an　emblem　of　hope；　and　I　trust　a　prophecy　of　my　future；

although　I　do　not　expect　ever　to　reach　anything　like　the　perfection

suggested　by　the　pear…tree　and　its　delicious　fruit。　　The　facts

that　have　impressed　me　most　are　that　it　was　bruised；　prostrate；

and　ready　to　die；　and　now　it　is　alive　and　useful。　　Old　Mr。　　Eltinge

loves　it；　and　likes　to　lean　against　it；　as　you　will　see。〃



〃The　fact　that　has　impressed　me　most　in　this　allegory；〃　groaned

Van　Berg；　〃is　that　I　was　the　brute　that　trampled　on　you。〃



〃You　are　too　severe　on　yourself；〃　she　said　earnestly。　　〃I　shall

have　to　take　your　part。〃



〃Please　do。　　I　throw　myself　wholly　on　your　mercy。〃



〃I　believe　Shakespeare　was　right；〃　she　said；　with　a　shy　laugh　and

averted　face。　　〃Mercy　is　always　twice　bless'd。　　But　I　have　not

told　you　all；　Mr。　Van　Berg。　　Yesterday　was　the　most　memorable　day

of　my　life。　　On　Thursday　Mr。　Eltinge　saw　I　needed　encouragement；

yesterday　he　saw　that　I　had　not　realized　the　crime　I　had　almost

committed；　and　that　I　was　stopping　short　of　him　who　alone　could

change　my　whole　nature。　　Indeed；　I　think　he　saw　that　I　was　even

inclined　to　become　well　pleased　with　myself；　and　content　with　my

prospects　of　winning　back　the　esteem　of　others。　　He　was　faithful

with　me　as　well　as　kind。　　By　an　illustration；　which　you　will　pardon

me　for　not　repeating；　he　made　it　clear　to　me　as　the　light　that　in

the　intent　of　my　heart　I　had　been　guilty　of　murder。　　Mr。　Van　Berg；

may　you　never　know　the　agony　and　remorse　that　I　suffered　for　the

few　moments　I　saw　my　sin　somewhat　as　it　must　appear　to　God；　and

to　good　men　like　Mr。　Eltinge。　　I　was　overwhelmed。　　It　seemed　as　if

my　crime　would　crush　me。　　I　don't　think　I　could　have　lived　if　the

sense　of　terror　and　despair　had　lasted。　　But　dear　old　Mr。　Eltinge

stood　by　me　in　that　terrible　moment。　　He　put　his　hand　on　my　head

as　a　father　might　have　done；　and　in　tones　that　seemed　like　a　voice

from　heaven；　said：　　'Behold　the　Lamb　of　God；　that　taketh　away　the

sin　of　the　world。'　　I　felt　that　I　could　not　bear　my　sin　an　instant

longer；　it　was　like　a　mountain　of　lead；　and　with　a　desperate

impulse　to　escape；　I　looked　to　ChristI　just　fled　to　him；　as　it

were；　and　it　was　the　same　as　if　he　had　opened　his　arms　and　received

me。　　From　that　moment　I　have　felt　safe；　and　almost　happy。　　I　can't

explain　all　this　to　you；　I　only　tell　you　what　happened。　　It　doesn't

seem　like　superstition　or　excited　imagination；　as　I've　heard　some

characterize　these　things。　　It　was　all　too　real：　　Mr。　Van　Berg；　the

simple　truth　isI've　found　a　Friend；　who　is　pledged　to　take　care

of　me。　　I　KNOW　IT。　　I　am　reading　the　story　of　his　life；　under　Mr。

Eltinge's　guidance；　and　that　is　why　I　come　here。　　Now　you　know　all

the　mystery　there　is　about　the　faulty　girl　in　whom　circumstances

have　given　you　a　passing　interest。　　Since　you　knew　so　much　that

was　against　me；　perhaps　you　will　not　think　it　strange　that　I　was

willing　you　should　learn　what　is　now　in　my　favor。　　It　is　simply

thisI've　found　a　Divine　Friend　who　will　help　me　live　a　better

life。〃



They　had　now　reached　Mr。　Eltinge's　gate；　and　Van　Berg　stepped　out

to　open　it。　　But　before　doing　so；　he　turned　to　his　companion；　and

with　eyes　moist　with　feeling；　said　earnestly：



〃Miss　Mayhew；　circumstances　might　have　given　me　but　a　passing

interest　in　you；　but　YOU　have　won　an　abiding　interest。　　You　have

been　generous　enough　to　forgive　me；　and　now　you　will　have　to　repel

me　resolutely；　to　prevent　my　being　your　friend。　　Indeed　I　shall　be

one　in　heart　hereafter；　even　though　you　may　not　permit　me　to　enjoy

your　society；　for　you　may　very　naturally　wish　to　shun　one　who　cannot

fail　to　remind　you　of　so　much　that　is　painful。　　As　for　your　story；

it　is　a　revelation　to　me。　　I　may　never　possess　your　happy　faith；

but　I　will　respect　it；〃　and　although　he　turned　hastily　away　she

could　not　fail　to　see　that　he　was　deeply　moved。



Mr。　Eltinge　received　the　young　man　with　some　surprise；　and　did

not　seem　to　regard　his　presence　as　altogether　welcome。　　The　artist

thought　to　disarm　the　old　gentleman　by　a　decided　manifestation　of

frankness　and　courtesy：



〃I　feel　that　in　a　certain　sense　I　am　an　intruder　in　your　beautiful

garden　to…day。　　Miss　Mayhew　met　me　on　the　road；　and　I　fear　I　must

own　that　I　had　the　bad　grace　almost　the　same　as　to　invite　myself

hither。　　At　least　she　saw　that　I　was　exceedingly　anxious　to　come。〃



〃Do　you　know　Miss　Mayhew's　motive　in　coming　hither？〃　asked　Mr。

Eltinge；　gravely。



〃I　do；　and　I　respect　it。〃



〃You　take　safe　ground　there；　sir；〃　said　Mr。　Eltinge；　with　increasing

dignity。　　〃Christianity　is　at　least　respectable。　　But　do　you　believe

it　to　be　absolutely　true　and　binding　on　the　conscience？〃



The　artist　was　silent。



〃Mr。　Van　Berg；〃　resumed　the　old　gentleman；　with　a　gravity　that　tended

even　towards　sternness；　〃I　would　not　fail　in　any　act　of　courtesy

towards　you；　especially　her　at　my　own　home；　but　justice；　mercy；　and

truth　are　above　all　other　considerations。　　Both　you　and　I　know　this

child's　history　sufficiently　well　to　be　aware　that　it　is　a　dangerous

thing　to　exert　an　influence　at　random　on　human　lives。　　You　say

you　know　her　motive　in　coming　hither。　　Let　me　state　the　truth　very

plainly：　she　has　turned　her　face　heavenward；　she　is　taking　her　first

uncertain　steps　as　a　pilgrim　towards　the　better　home。　　In　justice

to　you　and　in　mercy　to　you　both　let　me　quote　the　words　of　him　before

whom　we　all　shall　stand；〃　and　placing　his　hand　on　Ida's　shoulder

he　repeated　with　the　aspect　of　one　of　God's　ancient　prophets　those

solemn　words　that　too　many　dare　to　ignore：　　〃'Whoso　shall　offend

one　of　these　little　ones　which　believe　in　me；　it　were　better　for

him　that　a　millstone　were　hanged　about　his　neck；　and　that　he　were

drowned　in　the　depth　of　the　sea。'　　Mr。　Van　Berg；　in　memory　of　the

past；　beware　lest　consciously　or　even　unconsciously；　through　your

indifference　to　her　faith；　you　lay　a　straw　in　this　child's　way。

The　weak　and　the　helpless　are　very　near　to　the　heart　of　God；　and

the　most　dangerous　act　a　man　ever　commits　is　when　he　causes　one　of

these　little　ones　to　offend。〃



Ida　trembled　beneath　her　friend's　hand　and　wished　she　had　not

permitted　the　artist　to　come；　but　the　young　man's　sincerity　and

good…breeding　enabled　him　to　pass　the　ordeal。　　Removing　his　hat；　he

replied　to　Mr。