a face illumined-第81章

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that　eventful　summer。　　He　found　a　melancholy　pleasure　which　served

to　beguile　the　interminable　hours　of　painfor　now　his　leg　and

unnatural　position　began　to　cause　very　severe　sufferingin　portraying

to　himself　the　changes　in　Ida's　mind　and　character　from　the　hour

of　their　first　meeting；　and　it　seemed　to　him　very　mysterious　indeed

that　the　thread　of　his　life　should　have　been　caught　in　hers　by　that

mere　casual　glance　at　the　concert　garden；　and　then　that　it　should

have　been　so　strangely　and　intimately　woven　with　hers　only　to

be　snapped　at　last　in　this　untimely　and　meaningless　fashion。　　He

groaned；　〃its　all　more　like　the　malicious　ingenuity　of　a　fiend

seeking　to　cause　the　weak　human　puppets　that　it　misleads　the　greatest

amount　of　suffering；　than　like　the　hap…hazard　of　a　blind　fate；　or

the　work　of　a　kind　and　good　God。　　Oh；　if　I　had　only　waited　till　my

Undine　received　her　woman's　soul；　what　a　heaven　I　might　have　had

on　earth！　　She　would　have　filled　my　studio　with　light　and　beauty；

and　my　life　with　honor　and　happiness。　　Never；　never　was　there　a

more　cruel　fate　than　mine！　　I　shall　die；　and　my　only　burial　will

be　the　infamy　which　will　cover　my　memory　forever。〃



Then；　with　a　dreary　sinking　of　heart；　his　mind　reverted　to　the

long　future　before　him　that　was　now　so　terribly　vague　and　dark。　　In

the　consciousness　of　solitude　and　in　order　to　break　the　oppressive

stillness；　he　spoke　aloud　at　intervals　between　his　paroxysms　of

pain。　　〃After　all；　what　is　dying？　　I　know　how　deeply　rooted　in　the

human　mind　is　the　belief　that　it　is　only　a　departure　to　another

place　and　a　different　condition　of　life。　　Can　a　conviction　that

has　been　universal　in　all　ages　and　among　all　peoples　be　a　delusion？

Then　whoever　or　whatever　created　human　nature　built　it　on　a　lie。

This　accursed　rock　has　fallen　on　my　body；　and　holds　it　as　if　it

were　a　mere　clod　of　earth；　as　it　soon　may　be；　but　it　does　not　hold

my　mind。　　My　thoughts　have　followed　father　and　dear；　dear　mother；

and　sister　Laura　across　the　sea　a　hundred　times　to…night。　　But　oh；

how　strangely　my　thoughts　come　back　from　every　oneeverything　to

that　dear　saint　who　sacrificed　herself　for　me　to…day。And　yet　I'm

leaving　her；　I'm　leaving　all。　　Whither　am　I　going？　　It's　all　dark；

DARK；　vague　and　dreary。　　Oh；　that　I　had　her　simple　faith！　　Whether

true　or　no　it　would　be　an　infinite　comfort　now。　　What　did　she

say？'I've　found　a　Friend　pledged　to　take　care　of　me。'　　That　is

all　I　would　ask。　　I　would　not　be　afraid　to　go　out　into　this　great

universe　if　I　only　had　such　a　Friend　as　she　believes　in；　waiting

to　receive　me。　　Who　cares　how　strange　a　place　may　be　if　a　loved

friend　meets　and　greets　us。　　But　to　go　alone；　and　away　from　so　much

to　which　my　heart　clingsoh；　it　is　awful！　awful！…



〃A　man　can't　die；　ought　not　to　die；　like　a　stupid　beast　unless　he

is　a　beast　only；　nor　should　death　drag　us　like　trembling　captives

from　the　shores　of　time。　　And　yet　I　must　do　one　of　three　things：

either　wait　helplessly　and　in　trembling　expectancy；　or　take　cousel

of　pride；　and　stubbornly　and　sullenly　meet　the　future；　or　else

appeal　to　Ida's　Friend。　　It　seems　mean　business　to　do　the　last　now

in　my　extremity；　but　I　well　know　that　Ida　would　counsel　it；　and

by　reaching　her　Friend　I　may　at　some　time　in　the　future　reach　her

again。　　I　know　well　how　my　motherwere　I　dyingwould　urge　me　to

look　to　him；　whom　she　in　loyal　faith　worships　daily；　and　thus　I　may

see　her　once　more。　　The　Bible　teaches　how　many　in　their　extremity

looked　to　Christ　and　he　helped　them。　　But　then　they　had　not　known

about　him；　and　coldly　and　almost　contemptuously　neglected　him　for

years　as　I　have。　　Oh；　what　has　my　reason；　of　which　I　have　been

so　proud；　done　for　me；　save　blast　my　earthly　life　with　folly；　and

permitted　the　neglect　of　all　preparation　for　an　eternal　life。　　If

ever　a　self…confident　man　was　taught　how　utterly　incapable　he　was

of　meeting　events　and　questions　that　might　occur　within　a　few　brief

days；　I　am　he；　and　yet；　vain　fool　that　I　was！　　I　was　practically

acting　as　if　I　could　meet　all　that　would　happen　to　all　eternity

in　a　cool；　well…bred；　masterful　way。　　Poor　untrained；　untaught　Ida

Mayhew　said　she　had　'found　a　Friend　pledged　to　take　care　of　her；'

and　he　has　taken　care　of　her。　　He　has　made　her　life　true；　noble；

heroic；　beneficent。　　I　was　content　to　take　care　of　myself；　and

this　is　the　result。　　God　might　well　turn　away　in　disgust　from　any

prayer　of　mine　now；　but　may　I　be　accursed　if　I　do　not　become　a

Christian　man；　if　by　any　means　I　now　escape　death！〃



But　in　his　intense　longing　to　see　again　those　he　loved　so　well；　and

tell　them　that　he　had　not　basely　broken　his　pledges　and　fled　like

a　coward　from　duty；　he　did　pray　with　all　the　agonized　earnestness

of　a　soul　clinging　to　the　one　hope　that　intervened　between　itself

and　utter　despair；　but　the　moon　moved　on　serenely　and　sank　among

the　trees　on　the　western　bank　of　the　ravine。　　The　night　darkened

again　and　the　stars　came　out　more　clearly　with　their　cold　distant

glitter。　　Nature's　breathless　hush　and　expectancy　continued；　and

there　was　no　sound　without　and　no　answer　within　the　heart　of　the

despairing　man。　　At　last；　in　weakness　and　discouragement；　he　moaned：



〃Well；　thank　God；　brave　Ida　Mayhew　put　an　honorable　purpose　in　my

heart　before　I　died；　and　I　meant　to　have　carried　it　out。　　There's

no　use　of　praying；　for　it　seems　as　if　I　were　no　more　than　one　of

these　millions　of　leaves　over　my　head　when　it　falls　from　its　place。

Nature　is　pitiless　and　God　is　as　cold　towards　me　as　I　was　once　to

one　who　turned　her　appealing　eyes　to　me　for　a　little　kindness　and

sympathy。　　O　God！　if　I　must　die；　let　it　be　soon；　for　my　pain　and

thirst　are　becoming　intolerable。〃



The　dawn　was　now　brightening　the　east。　　Nature　as　if　tired　of

waitinglike　some　professed　friendsfor　one　who　was　long　in　dying；

ceased　its　breathless　hush。　　A　fresh　breeze　rustled　the　motionless

leaves；　birds　withdrew　their　heads　from　under　their　wings；　and

began　the　twittering　preliminary　to　their　morning　songs；　and　two

squirrels；　springing　from　their　nest　in　a　hollow　tree；　like　children

from　a　cottage　door；　scrambled　down　and　over　Van　Berg's　prostrate

form　in　their　wild　sport；　but　he　was　too　weak；　too　far　gone　in

dull；　heavy　apathy　to　heed　them。



At　last　he　thought　he　was　dying；　and　he　became　unconscious。

He　learned　that　it　was　only　a　swoon　from　the　fact　that　he　revived

again；　and　was　dimly　conscious　of　sounds　near　him。　　It　seemed　to　him

that　he　was　half　asleep；　and　that　he　could　not　wake　up　sufficiently

to　distinguish　whether　the　sounds　were　heard　in　a　dream　or　in　reality。

But　he　soon　became　sure　that　some　one　was　crying　and　moaning　not

far　away；　and　he　naturally　associated　such　evidences　of　distress

with　what　he　had　seen　last　in　Mr。　Eltinge's　garden。　　He　therefore

called　feebly：



〃IdaIda　Mayhew。〃



〃Merciful　God！〃　exclaimed　a　voice；　〃who　is　that？〃



His　heart　beat　so　fast　he　could　not　answer　at　once；　but　he　heard

a　light；　swift　step；　the　shrubbery　and　low　branches　of　the　trees

were　swept　aside；　and　Jennie　Burton's　blue　eyes；　full　of　tears　but

dilated　with　wonder　and　fear；　looked　upon　him。



〃O；　Jennie　Burton；　good　angel　of　God！　he　has　sent　you　to　me；〃　cried

the　rescued　man；　who　with　a　glad　thrill　of　joy　felt　that　life　was

coming　back　in　the　line　of　honor　and　duty。



〃Harold　Van　Berg！　what　are　you　doing　here？〃　she　asked　in　wild

amazement。



〃I　was　dying　till　you　came　and　brought　me　hope　and　life；　as　you

have　to　so　many　others。〃



〃Thank　God；　thank　God；〃　she　panted；　and　she　rushed　at　the　rock　that

had　held　him　in　such　terrible　durance。



He　struggled　up　and　tried　to　pull　her　hands　away。



〃Don't　do　that；　Jennie；〃　he　said；　〃you　are　not　quite　an　angel　yet；

and　cannot　'roll　the　stone　away。'〃



〃O　God！〃　she　exclaimed；　with　a　sharp　cry　of　agony；　〃in　some　such

way　and　place　HE　may　have　died；〃　and　she　sank　to　the　ground；　moaning

and　wringing　her　hands　as　if　overwhelmed　with　agony　at　the　thought。



Van　Berg　reached　out　and　took　her　hand；　forgetting　for　a　moment

his　own　desperate　need；　as　he　said：　　〃Dear　Jennie；　don't　grieve　so

terribly。〃



〃God　forgive　me；　that　I　could　forget　you！〃　she　said；　starting　up。

〃I　must　not　lose　a　second　in　bringing　you　help。〃



But　he　clung　feebly　to　her　hand。　　〃Wait；　Jennie；　till　you　are　more

calm。　　My　life　depends　on　you　now。　　The　hotel　is　a　long　way　off；

and　if　you　start　in　your　present　mood　you　will　never　reach　it

yourself；　and　I　had　better　die　a　thousand　times　than　cause　harm　to

you。〃



She　put　her　hand　on　her　side　and　her　convulsive　sobbing　soon　ceased。

After　a　moment　or　two　she　said　quietly：　　〃You　can　trust　me　now；

Mr。　Van　Berg；　I　won't　fail　you。〃



〃Do　you　think　you　could　bring　me　a　little　water　before　you　go？〃　he

asked。



〃Yes；　there's　a　spring　near；　I　know　this　place　well；〃　and　it　seemed

to　him　that　she　flitted　back　and　forth　like　a　ray　of　light；　bringing

all　the　water　she　could　carry　in　a　large　leaf。



〃Oh；〃　he　said；　with　a　long　deep　breath；　〃did　ever　a　sweeter　draught

pass　mortal　lips；　and　from　your　hands；　too；　Jennie　Burton。　　May　I

die　as　I　would　have　died　here　if　I　do　not　devote　my　life　to　making

you　happy！〃



〃I　accept　that　pledge；〃　she　said；　with　a　wan　smile　that　on　her

pale；　tear…stained　face　was　inexpressibly　touching。　　〃It　makes　me

bold　enough　to　ask　one　more　promise。〃



〃It's　made　already；　so　help　me　God！〃　he　replied　fervently。



A　faint；　far…away　gleam　of　something　like　mirth　came　into　her　deep

blue　eyes　as　she　said；　〃I've　bound　you　now；　and　you　can　have　no

choice。　　Your　pledge　is　thisthat　you　will　make　me　happy　in　my

own　way。　　Now；　not　another　word；　not　another　motion；　keep　every

particle　of　life　and　strength　till　I　come　again　with　assistance；〃

and　she　brought　him　water　twice　again；　silencing　him　by　an　imperious

gesture　when　he　attempted　to　speak；　and　then　she　disappeared。



〃That　was　an　odd　pledge　that　she　beguiled　me　into；〃　he　murmured。

〃I　fear　that　in　the　wiles　of　her　unselfish　heart　she　has　caught

me　in　some　kind　of　a　trap。〃　　But　after　a　little　time　he　relapsed

again　into　a　condition　of　partial　unconsciousness。











Chapter　LIV。　　Life　and　trust。









Ida　did　not　leave　the　refuge　of　her　room　for　several　hours　after

her　return　from　the　memorable　visit　to　Mr。　Eltinge's　garden；for

far　more　than　the　long　hot　drive；　her　heroic；　spiritual　conflict

with　temptation；　the　sense　of　immeasurable　loss；　and　the　overwhelming

sorrow　that　followed；　had　exhausted　her。　　As　she　rallied　from　her

deep　depression；　which　was　physical　as　well　as　mental；　and　found

that　she　could　think　connectedly；　she　turned　to　her　Bible　in　the

hope　of　discovering　some　comforting　and　reassuring　truths　spoken

by　that　Friend　for　whose　sake　she　had　given　up　so　much。



These　words　caught　her　attention；　and　in　accordance　with　the

simplicity　and　directness　of　her　nature　she　built　upon　them　her

only　hope　for　the　future：