bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第143章
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good deal。 His face； his voice； his manner； all showed that； too
plainly。
“So I tell him honourably （you are to know I have written to
him about all this）； that we are at issue； and that we had better be
at issue openly than covertly。 I thank him for his goodwill and his
protection； and he goes his road； and I go mine。 The fact is； our
roads are not the same。 Under one of the wills in dispute I should
take much more than he。 I don’t mean to say that it is the one to be
established； but there it is； and it has its chance。”
“I have not to learn from you； my dear Richard；” said I； “of your
letter。 I had heard of it already； without an offended or angry
word。”
“Indeed？” replied Richard； softening。 “I am glad I said he was
an honourable man； out of all this wretched affair。 But I always
say that； and have never doubted it。 Now； my dear Esther； I know
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these views of mine appear extremely harsh to you； and will to
Ada when you tell her what has passed between us。 But if you had
gone into case as I have； if you had only applied yourself to the
papers as I did when I was at Kenge’s； if you only knew what an
accumulation of charges and counter…charges； and suspicions and
cross…suspicions； they involve； you would think me moderate in
comparison。”
“Perhaps so；” said I。 “But do you think that； among those many
papers； there is much truth and justice； Richard？”
“There is truth and justice somewhere in the case； Esther；—”
“Or was once； long ago；” said I。
“Is—is—must be somewhere；” pursued Richard； impetuously；
“and must be brought out。 To allow Ada to be made a bribe and
hush…money of； is not the way to bring it out。 You say the suit is
changing me； John Jarndyce says it changes； has changed； and
will change； everybody who has any share in it。 Then the greater
right I have on my side； when I resolve to do all I can to bring it to
an end。”
“All you can； Richard！ Do you think that in these many years no
others have done all they could？ Has the difficulty grown easier
because of so many failures？”
“It can’t last for ever；” returned Richard； with a fierceness
kindling in him which again presented to me that last sad
reminder。 “I am young and earnest； and energy and determination
have done wonders many a time。 Others have only half thrown
themselves into it。 I devote myself to it。 I make it the object of my
life。”
“Oh Richard； my dear； so much the worse； so much the worse！”
“No； no； no； don’t you be afraid for me；” he returned；
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affectionately。 “You’re a dear； good； wise； quiet； blessed girl； but
you have your prepossessions。 So I come round to John Jarndyce。
I tell you； my good Esther； when he and I were on those terms
which he found so convenient； we were not on natural terms。”
“Are division and animosity your natural terms； Richard？”
“No； I don’t say that。 I mean that all this business puts us on
unnatural terms； with which natural relations are incompatible。
See another reason for urging it on！ I may find out； when it’s over；
that I have been mistaken in John Jarndyce。 My head may be
clearer when I am free of it； and I may then agree with what you
say today。 Very well。 Then I shall acknowledge it； and make him
reparation。”
Everything postponed to that imaginary time！ Everything held
in confusion and indecision until then！
“Now； my best of confidantes；” said Richard； “I want my cousin；
Ada； to understand that I am not captious； fickle； and wilful； about
John Jarndyce； but that I have this purpose and reason at my
back。 I wish to represent myself to her through you； because she
has a great esteem and respect for her cousin John； and I know
you will soften the course I take； even though you disapprove of it；
and—and in short；” said Richard； who had been hesitating
through these words； “I—I don’t like to represent myself in this
litigious； contentions； doubting character； to a confiding girl like
Ada。”
I told him that he was more like himself in those latter words；
than in anything he had said yet。
“Why；” acknowledged Richard； “that may be true enough； my
love。 I rather feel it to be so。 But I shall be able to give myself fair…
play by and by。 I shall come all right again； then； don’t you be
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afraid。”
I asked him if this were all he wished me to tell Ada？
“Not quite；” said Richard。 “I am bound not to withhold from
her that John Jarndyce answered my letter in his usual manner；
addressing me as ‘My dear Rick；’ trying to argue me out of my
opinions； and telling me that they should make no difference in
him。 （All very well of course； but not altering the case。） I also want
Ada to know； that if I see her seldom just now； I am looking after
her interests as well as my own—we two being in the same boat
exactly—and that I hope she will not suppose； from any flying
rumours she may hear； that I am at all light…headed or imprudent；
on the contrary； I am always looking forward to the termination of
the suit； and always planning in that direction。 Being of age now；
and having taken the step I have taken； I consider myself free from
any accountability to John Jarndyce； but Ada being still a ward of
the Court； I don’t ask her to renew our engagement。 When she is
free to act for herself； I shall be myself once more； and we shall
both be in very different worldly circumstances； I believe。 If you
will tell her all this with the advantage of your considerate way；
you will do me a very great and a very kind service； my dear
Esther； and I shall knock Jarndyce and Jarndyce on the head with
greater vigour。 Of course I ask for no secrecy at Bleak House。
“Richard；” said； “you place great confidence in me； but I fear
you will not take advice from me？”
“It’s impossible that I can on this subject； my dear girl。 On any
other； readily。”
As if there were any other in his life！ As if his whole career and
character were not being dyed one colour？
“But I may ask you a question； Richard？”
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“I think so；” said he laughing。 “I don’t know who may not； if
you may not。”
“You say； yourself； you are not leading a very settled life？”
“How can I； my dear Esther； with nothing settled？”
“Are you in debt again？”
“Why of course I am；” said Richard； astonished at my
simplicity。
“Is it of course？”
“My dear child； certainly。 I can’t throw myself into an object so
completely； without expense。 You forget； or perhaps you don’t
know； that under either of the wills Ada and I take something。 It’s
only a question between the larger sum and the smaller。 I shall be
within the mark anyway。 Bless your heart； my excellent girl；” said
Richard； quite amused with me； “I shall be all right。 I shall pull
through； my dear！”
I felt so deeply sensible of the danger in which he stood； that I
tried； in Ada’s name； in my Guardian’s； in my own； by every
fervent means that I could think of； to warn him of it； and to show
him some of his mistakes。 He received everything I said； with
patience and gentleness； but it all rebounded from him without
taking the least effect。 I could not wonder at this； after the
reception his preoccupied mind had given to my Guardian’s letter；
but I determined to try Ada’s influence yet。
So； when our walk brought us round to the village again； and I
went home to breakfast； I prepared Ada for the account I was
going to give her； and told her exactly what reason we had to
dread that Richard was losing himself； and scattering his whole
life to the winds。 It made her very unhappy； of course； though she
had a far； far greater reliance on his correcting his errors than I
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could have—which was so natural and loving in my dear！—and
she presently wrote him this little letter：—
“My Dearest Cousin；
Esther has told me all you said to her this morning。 I write this；
to repeat most earnestly for myself all that she said to you； and to
let you know how sure I am that you will sooner or later find our
cousin John a pattern of truth； sincerity； and goodness； when you
will deeply； deeply grieve to have done him （without intending it）
so much wrong。
“I do not quite know how to write what I wish to say next； but I
trust you will understand it as I mean it。 I have some fears； my
dearest cousin； that it may be partly for my sake you are now
laying up so much unhappiness for yourself—and if for yourself；
for me。 In case this should be so； or in case you should entertain
much thought of me in what you are doing； I most earnestly
entreat and beg you to de
