the sorrows of young werther-第13章

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templation　of　an　invisible　distance。　　Exactly　such；　my　dear　friend；　so　happy　and　so　confined；　were　the　thoughts　of　our　good　ancestors。　　Their　feelings　and　their　poetry　were　fresh　as　childhood。　　And；　when　Ulysses　talks　of　the　immeasurable　sea　and　boundless　earth；　his　epithets　are　true；　natural；　deeply　felt；　and　mysterious。　　Of　what　importance　is　it　that　I　have　learned；　with　every　schoolboy；　that　the　world　is　round？　　Man　needs　but　little　earth　for　enjoyment；　and　still　less　for　his　final　repose。

I　am　at　present　with　the　prince　at　his　hunting　lodge。　　He　is　a　man　with　whom　one　can　live　happily。　He　is　honest　and　unaffected。　　There　are；　however；　some　strange　characters　about　him；　whom　I　cannot　at　all　understand。　　They　do　not　seem　vicious；　and　yet　they　do　not　carry　the　appearance　of　thoroughly　honest　men。　　Sometimes　I　am　disposed　to　believe　them　honest；　and　yet　I　cannot　persuade　myself　to　confide　in　them。　　It　grieves　me　to　hear　the　prince　occasionally　talk　of　things　which　he　has　only　read　or　heard　of；　and　always　with　the　same　view　in　which　they　have　been　represented　by　others。

He　values　my　understanding　and　talents　more　highly　than　my　heart；　but　I　am　proud　of　the　latter　only。　　It　is　the　sole　source　of　everything　of　our　strength；　happiness；　and　misery。　　All　the　knowledge　I　possess　every　one　else　can　acquire；　but　my　heart　is　exclusively　my　own。

MAY　25。

I　have　had　a　plan　in　my　head　of　which　I　did　not　intend　to　speak　to　you　until　it　was　accomplished：　now　that　it　has　failed；　I　may　as　well　mention　it。　　I　wished　to　enter　the　army；　and　had　long　been　desirous　of　taking　the　step。　　This；　indeed；　was　the　chief　reason　for　my　coming　here　with　the　prince；　as　he　is　a　general　in　the　service。　　I　communicated　my　design　to　him　during　one　of　our　walks　together。　　He　disapproved　of　it；　and　it　would　have　been　actual　madness　not　to　have　listened　to　his　reasons。

JUNE　11。　　　Say　what　you　will；　I　can　remain　here　no　longer。　　Why　should　I　remain？　　Time　hangs　heavy　upon　my　hands。　　The　prince　is　as　gracious　to　me　as　any　one　could　be；　and　yet　I　am　not　at　my　ease。　　There　is；　indeed；　nothing　in　common　between　us。　　He　is　a　man　of　understanding；　but　quite　of　the　ordinary　kind。　　His　conversation　affords　me　no　more　amusement　than　I　should　derive　from　the　perusal　of　a　well…written　book。　　I　shall　remain　here　a　week　Ionger；　and　then　start　again　on　my　travels。　　My　drawings　are　the　best　things　I　have　done　since　I　came　here。　　The　prince　has　a　taste　for　the　arts；　and　would　improve　if　his　mind　were　not　fettered　by　cold　rules　and　mere　technical　ideas。　　I　often　lose　patience；　when；　with　a　glowing　imagination；　　I　am　giving　expression　to　art　and　nature；　he　interferes　with　learned　suggestions；　and　uses　at　random　the　technical　phraseology　of　artists。

JULY　16。

Once　more　I　am　a　wanderer；　a　pilgrim；　through　the　world。　　But　what　else　are　you！

JULY　18。

Whither　am　I　going？　　I　will　tell　you　in　confidence。　I　am　obliged　to　continue　a　fortnight　longer　here；　and　then　I　think　it　would　be　better　for　me　to　visit　the　mines　in　。　　But　I　am　only　deluding　myself　thus。　　The　fact　is；　I　wish　to　be　near　Charlotte　again；　that　is　all。　　I　smile　at　the　suggestions　of　my　heart；　and　obey　its　dictates。

JULY　29。

No；　no！　it　is　yet　well　all　is　well！　　I　her　husband！　　O　God；　who　gave　me　being；　if　thou　hadst　destined　this　happiness　for　me；　my　whole　life　would　have　been　one　continual　thanksgiving！　　But　I　will　not　murmur　　forgive　these　tears；　forgive　these　fruitless　wishes。　She　　my　wife！　　Oh；　the　very　thought　of　folding　that　dearest　of　Heaven's　creatures　in　my　arms！　　Dear　Wilhelm；　my　whole　frame　feels　convulsed　when　I　see　Albert　put　his　arms　around　her　slender　waist！

And　shall　I　avow　it？　　Why　should　I　not；　Wilhelm？　　She　would　have　been　happier　with　me　than　with　him。　　Albert　is　not　the　man　to　satisfy　the　wishes　of　such　a　heart。　　He　wants　a　certain　sensibility；　he　wants　　in　short；　their　hearts　do　not　beat　in　unison。　　How　often；　my　dear　friend；　im　reading　a　passage　from　some　interesting　book；　when　my　heart　and　Charlotte's　seemed　to　meet；　and　in　a　hundred　other　instances　when　our　sentiments　were　unfolded　by　the　story　of　some　fictitious　character；　have　I　felt　that　we　were　made　for　each　other！　　But；　dear　Wilhelm；　he　loves　her　with　his　whole　soul；　and　what　does　not　such　a　love　deserve？

I　have　been　interrupted　by　an　insufferable　visit。　　I　have　dried　my　tears；　and　composed　my　thoughts。　　Adieu；　my　best　friend！

AUGUST　4。

I　am　not　alone　unfortunate。　　All　men　are　disappointed　in　their　hopes；　and　deceived　in　their　expectations。　　I　have　paid　a　visit　to　my　good　old　woman　under　the　lime…trees。　　The　eldest　boy　ran　out　to　meet　me：　his　exclamation　of　joy　brought　out　his　mother；　but　she　had　a　very　melancholy　look。　　Her　first　word　was；　〃Alas！　dear　sir；　my　little　John　is　dead。〃　　He　was　the　youngest　of　her　children。　　I　was　silent。　　〃And　my　husband　has　returned　from　Switzerland　without　any　money；　and；　if　some　kind　people　had　not　assisted　him；　he　must　have　begged　his　way　home。　　He　was　taken　ill　with　fever　on　his　journey。〃　　I　could　answer　nothing；　but　made　the　little　one　a　present。　　She　invited　me　to　take　some　fruit：　I　complied；　and　left　the　place　with　a　sorrowful　heart。

AUGUST　21。

My　sensations　are　constantly　changing。　　Sometimes　a　happy　prospect　opens　before　me；　but　alas！　it　is　only　for　a　moment；　and　then；　when　I　am　lost　in　reverie；　I　cannot　help　saying　to　myself；　〃If　Albert　were　to　die？　　Yes；　she　would　become　　and　I　should　be〃　　and　so　I　pursue　a　chimera；　till　it　leads　me　to　the　edge　of　a　precipice　at　which　I　shudder。

When　I　pass　through　the　same　gate；　and　walk　along　the　same　road　which　first　conducted　me　to　Charlotte；　my　heart　sinks　within　me　at　the　change　that　has　since　taken　place。　　All；　all；　is　altered！　No　sentiment；　no　pulsation　of　my　heart；　is　the　same。　　My　sensations　are　such　as　would　occur　to　some　departed　prince　whose　spirit　should　return　to　visit　the　superb　palace　which　he　had　built　in　happy　times；　adorned　with　costly　magnificence；　and　left　to　a　beloved　son；　but　whose　glory　he　should　find　departed；　and　its　halls　deserted　and　in　ruins。

SEPTEMBER　3。

I　sometimes　cannot　understand　how　she　can　love　another；　how　she　dares　love　another；　when　I　love　nothing　in　this　world　so　completely；　so　devotedly；　as　I　love　her；　when　I　know　only　her；　and　have　no　other　possession。

SEPTEMBER　4。

It　is　even　so！　　As　nature　puts　on　her　autumn　tints　it　becomes　autumn　with　me　and　around　me。　　My　leaves　are　sere　and　yellow；　and　the　neighbouring　trees　are　divested　of　their　foliage。　　Do　you　remember　my　writing　to　you　about　a　peasant　boy　shortly　after　my　arrival　here？　　I　have　just　made　inquiries　about　him　in　Walheim。　They　say　he　has　been　dismissed　from　his　service；　and　is　now　avoided　by　every　one。　　I　met　him　yesterday　on　the　road；　going　to　a　neighbouring　village。　　I　spoke　to　him；　and　he　told　me　his　story。　It　interested　me　exceedingly；　as　you　will　easily　understand　when　I　repeat　it　to　you。　　But　why　should　I　trouble　you？　　Why　should　I　not　reserve　all　my　sorrow　for　myself？　　Why　should　I　continue　to　give　you　occasion　to　pity　and　blame　me？　　But　no　matter：　this　also　is　part　of　my　destiny。

At　first　the　peasant　lad　answered　my　inquiries　with　a　sort　of　subdued　melancholy；　which　seemed　to　me　the　mark　of　a　timid　disposition；　but；　as　we　grew　to　understand　each　other；　he　spoke　with　less　reserve；　and　openly　confessed　his　faults；　and　lamented　his　misfortune。　　I　wish；　my　dear　friend；　I　could　give　proper　expression　to　his　language。　　He　told　me　with　a　sort　of　pleasurable　recollection；　that；　after　my　departure；　his　passion　for　his　mistress　increased　daily；　until　at　last　he　neither　knew　what　he　did　nor　what　he　said；　nor　what　was　to　become　of　him。　　He　could　neither　eat　nor　drink　nor　sleep：　he　felt　a　sense　of　suffocation；　he　disobeyed　all　orders；　and　forgot　all　commands　involuntarily；　he　seemed　as　if　pursued　by　an　evil　spirit；　till　one　day；　knowing　that　his　mistress　had　gone　to　an　upper　chamber；　he　had　followed；　or；　rather；　been　drawn　after　her。　　As　she　proved　deaf　to　his　entreaties；　he　had　recourse　to　violence。　　He　knows　not　what　happened；　but　he　called　God　to　witness　that　his　intentions　to　her　were　honourable；　and　that　he　desired　nothing　more　sincerely　than　that　they　should　marry；　and　pass　their　lives　together。　　When　he　had　come　to　this　point；　he　began　to　hesitate；　as　if　there　was　something　which　he　had　not　courage　to　utter；　till　at　length　he　acknowledged　with　some　confusion　certain　little　confidences　she　had　encouraged；　and　liberties　she　had　allowed。　He　broke　off　two　or　three　times　in　his　narration；　and　assured　me　most　earnestly　that　he　had　no　wish　to　make　her　bad；　as　he　termed　it；　for　he　loved　her　still　as　sincerely　as　ever；　that　the　tale　had　never　before　escaped　his　lips；　and　was　only　now　told　to　convince　me　that　he　was　not　utterly　lost　and　abandoned。　　And　here；　my　dear　friend；　I　must　commence　the　old　song　which　you　know　I　utter　eternally。　If　I　could　only　represent　the　man　as　he　stood；　and　stands　now　before　me；　could　I　only　give　his　true　expressions；　you　would　feel　compelled　to　sympathise　in　his　fate。　　But　enough：　you；　who　know　my　misfortune　and　my　disposition；　can　easily　comprehend　the　attraction　which　draws　me　toward　every　unfortunate　being；　but　particularly　toward　him　whose　story　I　have　recounted。

On　perusing　this　letter　a　second　time；　I　find　I　have　omitted　the　conclusion　of　my　tale；　but　it　is　easily　supplied。　　She　became　reserved　toward　him；　at　the　instigation　of　her　brother　who　had　long　hated　him；　and　desired　his　expulsion　from　the　house；　fearing　that　his　sister's　second　marriage　might　deprive　his　children　of　the　handsome　fortune　they　expected　from　her；　as　she　is　childless。　He　was　dismissed　at　length；　and　the　whole　affair　occasioned　so　much　scandal；　that　the　mistress　dared　not　take　him　back；　even　if　she　had　wished　it。　　She　has　since　hired　another　servant；　with　whom；　they　say；　her　brother　is　equally　displeased；　and　whom　she　is　likely　to　marry；　but　my　informant　assures　me　that　he　himself　is　determined　not　to　survive　such　a　catastrophe。

This　story　is　neither　exaggerated　nor　embellished：　indeed；　I　have　weakened　and　impaired　it　in　the　narration；　by　the　necessity　of　using　the　more　refined　expressions　of　society。

This　love；　then；　this　constancy；　this　passion；　is　no　poetical　fiction。　　It　is　actual；　and　dwells　in　its　greatest　purity　amongst　that　class　of　mankind　whom　we　term　rude；　uneducated。　　We　are　the　educated；　not　the　perverted。　　But　read　this　story　with　attention；　I　implore　you。　　I　am　tranquil　to…day；　for　I　have　been　employed　upon　this　narration：　you　see　by　my　writing　that　I　am　not　so　agitated　as　usual。　　I　read　and　re…read　this　tale；　Wilhelm：　it　is　the　history　of　your　friend！　　My　fortune　has　been　and　will　be　similar；　and　I　am　neither　half　so　brave　nor　half　so　determined　as　the　poor　wretch　with　whom　I　hesitate　to　compare　myself。

SEPTEMBER　5。

Charlotte　had　written　a　letter　to　her　husband　in　the　country；　where　he　was　detained　by　business。　　It　commenced；　〃My　dearest　love；　return　as　soon　as　possible：　I　await　you　with　a　thousand　raptures。〃　A　friend　who　arrived；　brought　word；　that；　for　certain　reasons；　he　could　not　return　immediately。　　Charlotte's　letter　was　not　forwarded；　and　the　same　evening　it　fell　into　my　hands。　　I　read　it；　and　smiled。　She　asked　the　reason。　〃What　a　heavenly　treasure　is　imagination：〃　I　exclaimed；　〃I　fancied　for　a　m