the sorrows of young werther-第14章

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ed。　She　asked　the　reason。　〃What　a　heavenly　treasure　is　imagination：〃　I　exclaimed；　〃I　fancied　for　a　moment　that　this　was　written　to　me。〃　She　paused；　and　seemed　displeased。　　I　was　silent。

SEPTEMBER　6。

It　cost　me　much　to　part　with　the　blue　coat　which　I　wore　the　first　time　I　danced　with　Charlotte。　　But　I　could　not　possibly　wear　it　any　longer。　　But　I　have　ordered　a　new　one；　precisely　similar；　even　to　the　collar　and　sleeves；　as　well　as　a　new　waistcoat　and　pantaloons。

But　it　does　not　produce　the　same　effect　upon　me。　　I　know　not　how　it　is；　but　I　hope　in　time　I　shall　like　it　better。

SEPTEMBER　12。

She　has　been　absent　for　some　days。　　She　went　to　meet　Albert。　To…day　I　visited　her：　she　rose　to　receive　me；　and　I　kissed　her　hand　most　tenderly。

A　canary　at　the　moment　flew　from　a　mirror；　and　settled　upon　her　shoulder。　　〃Here　is　a　new　friend；〃　she　observed；　while　she　made　him　perch　upon　her　hand：　〃he　is　a　present　for　the　children。　　What　a　dear　he　is！　　Look　at　him！　　When　I　feed　him；　he　flutters　with　his　wings；　and　pecks　so　nicely。　　He　kisses　me；　too；　only　look！〃

She　held　the　bird　to　her　mouth；　and　he　pressed　her　sweet　lips　with　so　much　fervour　that　he　seemed　to　feel　the　excess　of　bliss　which　he　enjoyed。

〃He　shall　kiss　you　too；〃　she　added；　and　then　she　held　the　bird　toward　me。　　His　little　beak　moved　from　her　mouth　to　mine；　and　the　delightful　sensation　seemed　like　the　forerunner　of　the　sweetest　bliss。

〃A　kiss；〃　I　observed；　〃does　not　seem　to　satisfy　him：　he　wishes　for　food；　and　seems　disappointed　by　these　unsatisfactory　endearments。〃

〃But　he　eats　out　of　my　mouth；〃　she　continued；　and　extended　her　lips　to　him　containing　seed；　and　she　smiled　with　all　the　charm　of　a　being　who　has　allowed　an　innocent　participation　of　her　love。

I　turned　my　face　away。　　She　should　not　act　thus。　She　ought　not　to　excite　my　imagination　with　such　displays　of　heavenly　innocence　and　happiness；　nor　awaken　my　heart　from　its　slumbers；　in　which　it　dreams　of　the　worthlessness　of　life！　　And　why　not？　　Because　she　knows　how　much　I　love　her。

SEPTEMBER　15。

It　makes　me　wretched；　Wilhelm；　to　think　that　there　should　be　men　incapable　of　appreciating　the　few　things　which　possess　a　real　value　in　life。　　You　remember　the　walnut　trees　at　S；　under　which　I　used　to　sit　with　Charlotte；　during　my　visits　to　the　worthy　old　vicar。　Those　glorious　trees；　the　very　sight　of　which　has　so　often　filled　my　heart　with　joy；　how　they　adorned　and　refreshed　the　parsonage　yard；　with　their　wide…extended　branches！　and　how　pleasing　was　our　remembrance　of　the　good　old　pastor；　by　whose　hands　they　were　planted　so　many　years　ago：　The　schoolmaster　has　frequently　mentioned　his　name。　　He　had　it　from　his　grandfather。　　He　must　have　been　a　most　excellent　man；　and；　under　the　shade　of　those　old　trees；　his　memory　was　ever　venerated　by　me。　　The　schoolmaster　informed　us　yesterday；　with　tears　in　his　eyes；　that　those　trees　had　been　felled。　Yes；　cut　to　the　ground！　　I　could；　in　my　wrath；　have　slain　the　monster　who　struck　the　first　stroke。　　And　I　must　endure　this！　　I；　who；　if　I　had　had　two　such　trees　in　my　own　court；　and　one　had　died　from　old　age；　should　have　wept　with　real　affliction。　　But　there　is　some　comfort　left；　such　a　thing　is　sentiment；　the　whole　village　murmurs　at　the　misfortune；　and　I　hope　the　vicar's　wife　will　soon　find；　by　the　cessation　of　the　villagers'　presents；　how　much　she　has　wounded　the　feelings　of　the　neighborhhood。　　It　was　she　who　did　it；　the　wife　of　the　present　incumbent　（our　good　old　man　is　dead）；　a　tall；　sickly　creature　who　is　so　far　right　to　disregard　the　world；　as　the　world　totally　disregards　her。　　The　silly　being　affects　to　be　learned；　pretends　to　examine　the　canonical　books；　lends　her　aid　toward　the　new…fashioned　reformation　of　Christendom；　moral　and　critical；　and　shrugs　up　her　shoulders　at　the　mention　of　Lavater's　enthusiasm。　　Her　health　is　destroyed；　on　account　of　which　she　is　prevented　from　having　any　enjoyment　here　below。　　Only　such　a　creature　could　have　cut　down　my　walnut　trees！　I　can　never　pardon　it。　　Hear　her　reasons。　　The　falling　leaves　made　the　court　wet　and　dirty；　the　branches　obstructed　the　light；　boys　threw　stones　at　the　nuts　when　they　were　ripe；　and　the　noise　affected　her　nerves；　and　disturbed　her　profound　meditations；　when　she　was　weighing　the　diffculties　of　Kennicot；　Semler；　and　Michaelis。　Finding　that　all　the　parish；　particularly　the　old　people；　were　displeased；　I　asked　〃why　they　allowed　it？〃　　〃Ah；　sir！〃　they　replied；　〃when　the　steward　orders；　what　can　we　poor　peasants　do？〃　　But　one　thing　has　happened　well。　　The　steward　and　the　vicar　（who；　for　once；　thought　to　reap　some　advantage　from　the　caprices　of　his　wife）　intended　to　divide　the　trees　between　them。　　The　revenue…office；　being　informed　of　it；　revived　an　old　claim　to　the　ground　where　the　trees　had　stood；　and　sold　them　to　the　best　bidder。　　There　they　still　lie　on　the　ground。　　If　I　were　the　sovereign；　I　should　know　how　to　deal　with　them　all；　vicar；　steward；　and　revenue…office。　Sovereign；　did　I　say？　　I　should；　in　that　case；　care　little　about　the　trees　that　grew　in　the　country。　　　　OCTOBER　10。　

Only　to　gaze　upon　her　dark　eyes　is　to　me　a　source　of　happiness！　And　what　grieves　me；　is；　that　Albert　does　not　seem　so　happy　as　he　　hoped　to　be　　as　I　should　have　been　　if　　I　am　no　friend　to　these　pauses；　but　here　I　cannot　express　it　otherwise；　and　probably　I　am　explicit　enough。

OCTOBER　12。

Ossian　has　superseded　Homer　in　my　heart。　　To　what　a　world　does　the　illustrious　bard　carry　me！　　To　wander　over　pathless　wilds；　surrounded　by　impetuous　whirlwinds；　where；　by　the　feeble　light　of　the　moon；　we　see　the　spirits　of　our　ancestors；　to　hear　from　the　mountain…tops；　mid　the　roar　of　torrents；　their　plaintive　sounds　issuing　from　deep　caverns；　and　the　sorrowful　lamentations　of　a　maiden　who　sighs　and　expires　on　the　mossy　tomb　of　the　warrior　by　whom　she　was　adored。　　I　meet　this　bard　with　silver　hair；　he　wanders　in　the　valley；　he　seeks　the　footsteps　of　his　fathers；　and；　alas！　he　finds　only　their　tombs。　　Then；　contemplating　the　pale　moon；　as　she　sinks　beneath　the　waves　of　the　rolling　sea；　the　memory　of　bygone　days　strikes　the　mind　of　the　hero；　days　when　approaching　danger　invigorated　the　brave；　and　the　moon　shone　upon　his　bark　laden　with　spoils；　and　returning　in　triumph。　　When　I　read　in　his　countenance　deep　sorrow；　when　I　see　his　dying　glory　sink　exhausted　into　the　grave；　as　he　inhales　new　and　heart…thrilling　delight　from　his　approaching　union　with　his　beloved；　and　he　casts　a　look　on　the　cold　earth　and　the　tall　grass　which　is　so　soon　to　cover　him；　and　then　exclaims；　〃The　traveller　will　come；　　he　will　come　who　has　seen　my　beauty；　and　he　will　ask；　'Where　is　the　bard；　where　is　the　illustrious　son　of　Fingal？'　　He　will　walk　over　my　tomb；　and　will　seek　me　in　vain！〃　　Then；　O　my　friend；　I　could　instantly；　like　a　true　and　noble　knight；　draw　my　sword；　and　deliver　my　prince　from　the　long　and　painful　languor　of　a　living　death；　and　dismiss　my　own　soul　to　follow　the　demigod　whom　my　hand　had　set　free！

OCTOBER　19。

Alas！　the　void　the　fearful　void；　which　I　feel　in　my　bosom！　　Sometimes　I　think；　if　I　could　only　once　but　once；　press　her　to　my　heart；　this　dreadful　void　would　be　filled。

OCTOBER　26。

Yes；　I　feel　certain；　Wilhelm；　and　every　day　I　become　more　certain；　that　the　existence　of　any　being　whatever　is　of　very　little　consequence。　A　friend　of　Charlotte's　called　to　see　her　just　now。　　I　withdrew　into　a　neighbouring　apartment；　and　took　up　a　book；　but；　finding　I　could　not　read；　I　sat　down　to　write。　　I　heard　them　converse　in　an　undertone：　they　spoke　upon　indifferent　topics；　and　retailed　the　news　of　the　town。　　One　was　going　to　be　married；　another　was　ill；　very　ill；　she　had　a　dry　cough；　her　face　was　growing　thinner　daily；　and　she　had　occasional　fits。　　〃N　is　very　unwell　too；〃　said　Charlotte。　　〃His　limbs　begin　to　swell　already；〃　answered　the　other；　and　my　lively　imagination　carried　me　at　once　to　the　beds　of　the　infirm。　　There　I　see　them　struggling　against　death；　with　all　the　agonies　of　pain　and　horror；　and　these　women；　Wilhelm；　talk　of　all　this　with　as　much　indifference　as　one　would　mention　the　death　of　a　stranger。　　And　when　I　look　around　the　apartment　where　I　now　am　　when　I　see　Charlotte's　apparel　lying　before　me；　and　Albert's　writings；　and　all　those　articles　of　furniture　which　are　so　familiar　to　me；　even　to　the　very　inkstand　which　I　am　using；　　when　I　think　what　I　am　to　this　family　　everything。　　My　friends　esteem　me；　I　often　contribute　to　their　happiness；　and　my　heart　seems　as　if　it　could　not　beat　without　them；　and　yet　…　if　I　were　to　die；　if　I　were　to　be　summoned　from　the　midst　of　this　circle；　would　they　feel　　or　how　long　would　they　feel　the　void　which　my　loss　would　make　in　their　existence？　　How　long！　　Yes；　such　is　the　frailty　of　man；　that　even　there；　where　he　has　the　greatest　consciousness　of　his　own　being；　where　he　makes　the　strongest　and　most　forcible　impression；　even　in　the　memory；　in　the　heart；　of　his　beloved；　there　also　he　must　perish；　　vanish；　　and　that　quickly。

OCTOBER　27。

I　could　tear　open　my　bosom　with　vexation　to　think　how　little　we　are　capable　of　influencing　the　feelings　of　each　other。　　No　one　can　communicate　to　me　those　sensations　of　love；　joy；　rapture；　and　delight　which　I　do　not　naturally　possess；　and；　though　my　heart　may　glow　with　the　most　lively　affection；　I　cannot　make　the　happiness　of　one　in　whom　the　same　warmth　is　not　inherent。

OCTOBER　27：　Evening。

I　possess　so　much；　but　my　love　for　her　absorbs　it　all。　　I　possess　so　much；　but　without　her　I　have　nothing。

OCTOBER　30。

One　hundred　times　have　I　been　on　the　point　of　embracing　her。　Heavens！　what　a　torment　it　is　to　see　so　much　loveliness　passing　and　repassing　before　us；　and　yet　not　dare　to　lay　hold　of　it！　And　laying　hold　is　the　most　natural　of　human　instincts。　　Do　not　children　touch　everything　they　see？　　And　I！

NOVEMBER　3。　

Witness；　Heaven；　how　often　I　lie　down　in　my　bed　with　a　wish；　and　even　a　hope；　that　I　may　never　awaken　again。　　And　in　the　morning；　when　I　open　my　eyes；　I　behold　the　sun　once　more；　and　am　wretched。　If　I　were　whimsical；　I　might　blame　the　weather；　or　an　acquaintance；　or　some　personal　disappointment；　for　my　discontented　mind；　and　then　this　insupportable　load　of　trouble　would　not　rest　entirely　upon　myself。　　But；　alas！　　I　feel　it　too　sadly。　　I　am　alone　the　cause　of　my　own　woe；　am　I　not？　　Truly；　my　own　bosom　contains　the　source　of　all　my　sorrow；　as　it　previously　contained　the　source　of　all　my　pleasure。　　Am　I　not　the　same　being　who　once　enjoyed　an　excess　of　happiness；　who；　at　every　step；　saw　paradise　open　before　him；　and　whose　heart　was　ever　expanded　toward　the　whole　world？　　And　this　heart　is　now　dead；　no　sentiment　can　revive　it；　my　eyes　are　dry；　and　my　senses；　no　more　refreshed　by　the　influence　of　soft　tears；　wither　and　consume　my　brain。　　I　suffer　much；　for　I　have　lost　the　only　charm　of　life：　that　active；　sacred　power　which　created　worlds　around　me；　　it　is　no　more。　　When　I　look　from　my　window　at　the　distant　hills；　and　behold　the　morning　sun　breaking　through　the　mists；　and　illuminating　the　country　around；　which　is　still　wrapped　in　silence；　whilst　the　soft　stream　winds　gently　through　the　willows；　which　have　shed　their　leaves；　when　glorious　nature　displays　all　her　beauties　before　me；　and　her　wondrous　prospects　are　ineffectual　to　extract　one　tear　of　joy　from　my　withered　heart；