the sorrows of young werther-第18章
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smile。 〃And what do you call behaving well？ What should I do； what can I do； my dear Charlotte？〃 said he。 〃Thursday night；〃 she answered； 〃is Christmas Eve。 The children are all to be here； and my father too： there is a present for each； do you come likewise； but do not come before that time。〃 Werther started。 〃I desire you will not： it must be so；〃 she continued。 〃I ask it of you as a favour； for my own peace and tranquillity。 We cannot go on in this manner any longer。〃 He turned away his face walked hastily up and down the room； muttering indistinctly； 〃We cannot go on in this manner any longer！〃 Charlotte； seeing the violent agitation into which these words had thrown him； endeavoured to divert his thoughts by different questions； but in vain。 〃No； Charlotte！〃 he exclaimed； 〃I will never see you any more！〃 〃And why so？〃 she answered。 〃We may we must see each other again； only let it be with more discretion。 Oh！ why were you born with that excessive； that ungovernable passion for everything that is dear to you？〃 Then； taking his hand； she said； 〃I entreat of you to be more calm： your talents； your understanding； your genius； will furnish you with a thousand resources。 Be a man； and conquer an unhappy attachment toward a creature who can do nothing but pity you。〃 He bit his lips； and looked at her with a gloomy countenance。 She continued to hold his hand。 〃Grant me but a moment's patience； Werther；〃 she said。 〃Do you not see that you are deceiving yourself； that you are seeking your own destruction？ Why must you love me； me only； who belong to another？ I fear； I much fear； that it is only the impossibility of possessing me which makes your desire for me so strong。〃 He drew back his hand； whilst he surveyed her with a wild and angry look。 〃'Tis well！〃 he exclaimed； 〃'tis very well！ Did not Albert furnish you with this reflection？ It is profound； a very profound remark。〃 〃A reflection that any one might easily make；〃 she answered； 〃and is there not a woman in the whole world who is at liberty； and has the power to make you happy？ Conquer yourself： look for such a being； and believe me when I say that you will certainly find her。 I have long felt for you； and for us all： you have confined yourself too long within the limits of too narrow a circle。 Conquer yourself； make an effort： a short journey will be of service to you。 Seek and find an object worthy of your love； then return hither； and let us enjoy together all the happiness of the most perfect friendship。〃
〃This speech；〃 replied Werther with a cold smile； 〃this speech should be printed； for the benefit of all teachers。 My dear Charlotte； allow me but a short time longer； and all will be well。〃 〃But however； Werther；〃 she added； 〃do not come again before Christmas。〃 He was about to make some answer； when Albert came in。 They saluted each other coldly； and with mutual embarrassment paced up and down the room。 Werther made some common remarks； Albert did the same； and their conversation soon dropped。 Albert asked his wife about some household matters； and； finding that his commissions were not executed； he used some expressions which； to Werther's ear； savoured of extreme harshness。 He wished to go； but had not power to move； and in this situation he remained till eight o'clock； his uneasiness and discontent continually increasing。 At length the cloth was laid for supper； and he took up his hat and stick。 Albert invited him to remain； but Werther； fancying that he was merely paying a formal compliment； thanked him coldly； amd left the house。
Werther returned home； took the candle from his servant； and retired to his room alone。 He talked for some time with great earnestness to himself； wept aloud； walked in a state of great excitement through his chamber； till at length； without undressing； he threw himself on the bed； where he was found by his servant at eleven o'clock； when the latter ventured to enter the room； and take off his boots。 Werther did not prevent him； but forbade him to come in the morning till he should ring。
On Monday morning； the 21st of December； he wrote to Charlotte the following letter； which was found； sealed； on his bureau after his death； and was given to her。 I shall insert it in fragments； as it appears； from several circumstances； to have been written in that manner。
〃It is all over； Charlotte： I am resolved to die！ I make this declaration deliberately and coolly； without any romantic passion； on this morning of the day when I am to see you for the last time。 At the moment you read these lines； O best of women； the cold grave will hold the inanimate remains of that restless and unhappy being who； in the last moments of his existence； knew no pleasure so great as that of conversing with you！ I have passed a dreadful night or rather； let me say； a propitious one； for it has given me resolution； it has fixed my purpose。 I am resolved to die。 When I tore myself from you yesterday； my senses were in tumult and disorder； my heart was oppressed； hope and pleasure had fled from me for ever； and a petrifying cold had seized my wretched being。 I could scarcely reach my room。 I threw myself on my knees； and Heaven； for the last time； granted me the consolation of shedding tears。 A thousand ideas； a thousand schemes； arose within my soul； till at length one last； fixed； final thought took possession of my heart。 It was to die。 I lay down to rest； and in the morning； in the quiet hour of awakening； the same determination was upon me。 To die！ It is not despair： it is conviction that I have filled up the measure of my sufferings； that I have reached my appointed term； and must sacrifice myself for thee。 Yes； Charlotte； why should I not avow it？ One of us three must die： it shall be Werther。 O beloved Charlotte！ this heart； excited by rage and fury； has often conceived the horrid idea of murdering your husband you myself！ The lot is cast at length。 And in the bright； quiet evenings of summer； when you sometimes wander toward the mountains； let your thoughts then turn to me： recollect how often you have watched me coming to meet you from the valley； then bend your eyes upon the churchyard which contains my grave； and； by the light of the setting sun； mark how the evening breeze waves the tall grass which grows above my tomb。 I was calm when I began this letter； but the recollection of these scenes makes me weep like a child。〃 About ten in the morning； Werther called his servant； and； whilst he was dressing； told him that in a few days he intended to set out upon a journey； and bade him therefore lay his clothes in order； and prepare them for packing up； call in all his accounts； fetch home the books he had lent； and give two months' pay to the poor dependants who were accustomed to receive from him a weekly allowance。
He breakfasted in his room； and then mounted his horse； and went to visit the steward； who； however； was not at home。 He walked pensively in the garden； and seemed anxious to renew all the ideas that were most painful to him。
The children did not suffer him to remain alone long。 They followed him； skipping and dancing before him； and told him； that after to…morrow and tomorrow and one day more； they were to receive their Christmas gift from Charlotte； and they then recounted all the wonders of which they had formed ideas in their child imaginations。 〃Tomorrow and tomorrow；〃 said he； 〃and one day more！〃 And he kissed them tenderly。 He was going； but the younger boy stopped him； to whisper something in his ear。 He told him that his elder brothers had written splendid New…Year's wishes so large！ one for papa； and another for Albert and Charlotte； and one for Werther； and they were to be presented early in the morning； on New Year's Day。 This quite overcame him。 He made each of the children a present； mounted his horse； left his compliments for papa and mamma； and； with tears in his eyes； rode away from the place。
He returned home about five o'clock； ordered his servant to keep up his fire； desired him to pack his books and linen at the bottom of the trunk； and to place his coats at the top。 He then appears to have made the following addition to the letter addressed to Charlotte：
〃You do not expect me。 You think I will obey you； and not visit you again till Christmas Eve。 O Charlotte； today or never！ On Christmas Eve you will hold this paper in your hand； you will tremble； and moisten it with your tears。 I will I must！ Oh； how happy I feel to be determined！〃
In the meantime； Charlotte was in a pitiable state of mind。 After her last conversation with Werther； she found how painful to herself it would be to decline his visits； and knew how severely he would suffer from their separation。
She had； in conversation with Albert； mentioned casually that Werther would not return before Christmas Eve； and soon afterward Albert went on horseback to see a person in the neighbourhood； with whom he had to transact some business which would detain him all night。
Charlotte was sitting alone。 None of her family were near； and she gave herself up to the reflections that silently took possession of her mind。 She was for ever united to a husband whose love and fidelity she had proved； to whom she was heartily devoted； and who seemed to be a special gift from Heaven to ensure her happiness。 On the other hand； Werther had become dear to her。 There was a cordial unanimity of sentiment between them from the very first hour of their acquaintance； and their long association and repeated interviews had made an indelible impression upon her heart。 She had been accustomed to communicate to him every thought and feeling which interested her； and his absence threatened to open a void in her existence which it might be impossible to fill。 How heartily she wished that she might change him into her brother； that she could induce him to marry one of her own friends； or could reestablish his intimacy with Albert。
She passed all her intimate friends in review before her mind； but found something objectionable in each； and could decide upon none to whom she would consent to give him。
Amid all these considerations she felt deeply but indistinctly that her own real but unexpressed wish was to retain him for herself； and her pure and amiable heart felt from this thought a sense of oppression which seemed to forbid a prospect of happiness。 She was wretched： a dark cloud obscured her mental vision。
It was now half…past six o'clock； and she heard Werther's step on the stairs。 She at once recognised his voice； as he inquired if she were at home。 Her heart beat audibly we could almost say for the first time at his arrival。 It was too late to deny herself； and； as he entered； she exclaimed； with a sort of ill concealed confusion； 〃You have not kept your word！〃 〃I promised nothing；〃 he answered。 〃But you should have complied； at least for my sake；〃 she continued。 〃 I implore you； for both our sakes。〃
She scarcely knew what she said or did； and sent for some friends； who； by their presence； might prevent her being left alone with Werther。 He put down some books he had brought with him； then made inquiries about some others； until she began to hope that her friends might arrive shortly； entertain
