the sorrows of young werther-第7章

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arted　from　him　for　a　thousand　crowns。　　His　presence　made　me　so　happy！　Beware　of　laughing　at　me；　Wilhelm。　　Can　that　be　a　delusion　which　makes　us　happy？

JULY　19。

〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　I　exclaim　with　delight；　when　I　rise　in　the　morning；　and　look　out　with　gladness　of　heart　at　the　bright；　beautiful　sun。　　〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　　And　then　I　have　no　further　wish　to　form：　all；　all　is　included　in　that　one　thought。

JULY　2O。

I　cannot　assent　to　your　proposal　that　I　should　accompany　the　ambassador　to　_______。　　I　do　not　love　subordination；　and　we　all　know　that　he　is　a　rough；　disagreeable　person　to　be　connected　with。　You　say　my　mother　wishes　me　to　be　employed。　　I　could　not　help　laughing　at　that。　　Am　I　not　sufficiently　employed？　　And　is　it　not　in　reality　the　same；　whether　I　shell　peas　or　count　lentils？　　The　world　runs　on　from　one　folly　to　another；　and　the　man　who；　solely　from　regard　to　the　opinion　of　others；　and　without　any　wish　or　necessity　of　his　own；　toils　after　gold；　honour；　or　any　other　phantom；　is　no　better　than　a　fool。

JULY　24。

You　insist　so　much　on　my　not　neglecting　my　drawing；　that　it　would　be　as　well　for　me　to　say　nothing　as　to　confess　how　little　I　have　lately　done。

I　never　felt　happier；　I　never　understood　nature　better；　even　down　to　the　veriest　stem　or　smallest　blade　of　grass　；　and　yet　I　am　unable　to　express　myself：　my　powers　of　execution　are　so　weak；　everything　seems　to　swim　and　float　before　me；　so　that　I　cannot　make　a　clear；　bold　outline。　　But　I　fancy　I　should　succeed　better　if　I　had　some　clay　or　wax　to　model。　　I　shall　try；　if　this　state　of　mind　continues　much　longer；　and　will　take　to　modelling；　if　I　only　knead　dough。

I　have　commenced　Charlotte's　portrait　three　times；　and　have　as　often　disgraced　myself。　　This　is　the　more　annoying；　as　I　was　formerly　very　happy　in　taking　likenesses。　　I　have　since　sketched　her　profile；　and　must　content　myself　with　that。

JULY　25。

Yes；　dear　Charlotte！　　I　will　order　and　arrange　everything。　　Only　give　me　more　commissions；　the　more　the　better。　　One　thing；　however；　I　must　request：　use　no　more　writing…sand　with　the　dear　notes　you　send　me。　　Today　I　raised　your　letter　hastily　to　my　lips；　and　it　set　my　teeth　on　edge。

JULY　26。

I　have　often　determined　not　to　see　her　so　frequently。　　But　who　could　keep　such　a　resolution？　　Every　day　I　am　exposed　to　the　temptation；　and　promise　faithfully　that　to…morrow　I　will　really　stay　away：　but；　when　tomorrow　comes；　I　find　some　irresistible　reason　for　seeing　her；　and；　before　I　can　account　for　it；　I　am　with　her　again。　　Either　she　has　said　on　the　previous　evening　〃You　will　be　sure　to　call　to…morrow；〃　　and　who　could　stay　away　then？　or　she　gives　me　some　commission；　and　I　find　it　essential　to　take　her　the　answer　in　person；　or　the　day　is　fine；　and　I　walk　to　Walheim；　and；　when　I　am　there；　it　is　only　half　a　league　farther　to　her。　　I　am　within　the　charmed　atmosphere；　and　soon　find　myself　at　her　side。　My　grandmother　used　to　tell　us　a　story　of　a　mountain　of　loadstone。　When　any　vessels　came　near　it；　they　were　instantly　deprived　of　their　ironwork：　the　nails　flew　to　the　mountain；　and　the　unhappy　crew　perished　amidst　the　disjointed　planks。

JULY　30。

Albert　is　arrived；　and　I　must　take　my　departure。　　Were　he　the　best　and　noblest　of　men；　and　I　in　every　respect　his　inferior；　I　could　not　endure　to　see　him　in　possession　of　such　a　perfect　being。　Possession！　　enough；　Wilhelm：　　her　betrothed　is　here；　　a　fine；　worthy　fellow；　whom　one　cannot　help　liking。　　Fortunately　I　was　not　present　at　their　meeting。　　It　would　have　broken　my　heart！　　And　he　is　so　considerate：　he　has　not　given　Charlotte　one　kiss　in　my　presence。　　Heaven　reward　him　for　it！　　I　must　love　him　for　the　respect　with　which　he　treats　her。　　He　shows　a　regard　for　me；　but　for　this　I　suspect　I　am　more　indebted　to　Charlotte　than　to　his　own　fancy　for　me。　　Women　have　a　delicate　tact　in　such　matters；　and　it　should　be　so。　　They　cannot　always　succeed　in　keeping　two　rivals　on　terms　with　each　other；　but；　when　they　do；　they　are　the　only　gainers。

I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts　strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine；　which　I　cannot　conceal。　He　has　a　great　deal　of　feeling；　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the　treasure　he　possesses　in　Charlotte。　　He　is　free　from　ill…humour；　which　you　know　is　the　fault　I　detest　most。

He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte；　and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her；　augment　his　triumph　and　his　love。　　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at　times　tease　her　with　some　little　jealousies；　as　I　know；　that；　were　I　in　his　place；　I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

But；　be　that　as　it　may；　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　　Call　it　folly　or　infatuation；　what　signifies　a　name？　　The　thing　speaks　for　itself。　　Before　Albert　came；　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　　I　knew　I　could　make　no　pretensions　to　her；　nor　did　I　offer　any；　that　is；　as　far　as　it　was　possible；　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness；　not　to　pant　for　its　enjoyment。　　And　now；　behold　me　like　a　silly　fellow；　staring　with　astonishment　when　another　comes　in；　and　deprives　me　of　my　love。

I　bite　my　lips；　and　feel　infinite　scorn　for　those　who　tell　me　to　be　resigned；　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。　　Let　me　escape　from　the　yoke　of　such　silly　subterfuges！　　I　ramble　through　the　woods；　and　when　I　return　to　Charlotte；　and　find　Albert　sitting　by　her　side　in　the　summer…house　in　the　garden；　I　am　unable　to　bear　it；　behave　like　a　fool；　and　commit　a　thousand　extravagances。　　〃For　Heaven's　sake；〃　said　Charlotte　today；　〃let　us　have　no　more　scenes　like　those　of　last　night！　　You　terrify　me　when　you　are　so　violent。〃　Between　ourselves；　I　am　always　away　now　when　he　visits　her：　and　I　feel　delighted　when　I　find　her　alone。

AUGUST　8。

Believe　me；　dear　Wilhelm；　I　did　not　allude　to　you　when　I　spoke　so　severely　of　those　who　advise　resignation　to　inevitable　fate。　　I　did　not　think　it　possible　for　you　to　indulge　such　a　sentiment。　But　in　fact　you　are　right。　　I　only　suggest　one　objection。　　In　this　world　one　is　seldom　reduced　to　make　a　selection　between　two　alternatives。　　There　are　as　many　varieties　of　conduct　and　opinion　as　there　are　turns　of　feature　between　an　aquiline　nose　and　a　flat　one。

You　will；　therefore；　permit　me　to　concede　your　entire　argument；　and　yet　contrive　means　to　escape　your　dilemma。

Your　position　is　this；　I　hear　you　say：　〃Either　you　have　hopes　of　obtaining　Charlotte；　or　you　have　none。　Well；　in　the　first　case；　pursue　your　course；　and　press　on　to　the　fulfilment　of　your　wishes。　In　the　second；　be　a　man；　and　shake　off　a　miserable　passion；　which　will　enervate　and　destroy　you。〃　　My　dear　friend；　this　is　well　and　easily　said。

But　would　you　require　a　wretched　being；　whose　life　is　slowly　wasting　under　a　lingering　disease；　to　despatch　himself　at　once　by　the　stroke　of　a　dagger？　　Does　not　the　very　disorder　which　consumes　his　strength　deprive　him　of　the　courage　to　effect　his　deliverance？

You　may　answer　me；　if　you　please；　with　a　similar　analogy；　〃Who　would　not　prefer　the　amputation　of　an　arm　to　the　periling　of　life　by　doubt　and　procrastination！〃　　But　I　know　not　if　I　am　right；　and　let　us　leave　these　comparisons。

Enough！　　There　are　moments；　Wilhelm；　when　I　could　rise　up　and　shake　it　all　off；　and　when；　if　I　only　knew　where　to　go；　I　could　fly　from　this　place。

THE　SAME　EVENING。

My　diary；　which　I　have　for　some　time　neglected；　came　before　me　today；　and　I　am　amazed　to　see　how　deliberately　I　have　entangled　myself　step　by　step。　　To　have　seen　my　position　so　clearly；　and　yet　to　have　acted　so　like　a　child！　　Even　still　I　behold　the　result　plainly；　and　yet　have　no　thought　of　acting　with　greater　prudence。

AUGUST　lO。

If　I　were　not　a　fool；　I　could　spend　the　happiest　and　most　delightful　life　here。　　So　many　agreeable　circumstances；　and　of　a　kind　to　ensure　a　worthy　man's　happiness；　are　seldom　united。　　Alas！　　I　feel　it　too　sensibly；　　the　heart　alone　makes　our　happiness！　　To　be　admitted　into　this　most　charming　family；　to　be　loved　by　the　father　as　a　son；　by　the　children　as　a　father；　and　by　Charlotte！　　then　the　noble　Albert；　who　never　disturbs　my　happiness　by　any　appearance　of　ill…humour；　receiving　me　with　the　heartiest　affection；　and　loving　me；　next　to　Charlotte；　better　than　all　the　world！　　Wilhelm；　you　would　be　delighted　to　hear　us　in　our　rambles；　and　conversations　about　Charlotte。　　Nothing　in　the　world　can　be　more　absurd　than　our　connection；　and　yet　the　thought　of　it　often　moves　me　to　tears。

He　tells　me　sometimes　of　her　excellent　mother；　how；　upon　her　death…bed；　she　had　committed　her　house　and　children　to　Charlotte；　and　had　given　Charlotte　herself　in　charge　to　him；　how；　since　that　time；　a　new　spirit　had　taken　possession　of　her；　how；　in　care　and　anxiety　for　their　welfare；　she　became　a　real　mother　to　them；　how　every　moment　of　her　time　was　devoted　to　some　labour　of　love　in　their　behalf；　　and　yet　her　mirth　and　cheerfulness　had　never　forsaken　her。　　I　walk　by　his　side；　pluck　flowers　by　the　way；　arrange　them　carefully　into　a　nosegay；　then　fling　them　into　the　first　stream　I　pass；　and　watch　them　as　they　float　gently　away。　　I　forget　whether　I　told　you　that　Albert　is　to　remain　here。　　He　has　received　a　government　appointment；　with　a　very　good　salary；　and　I　understand　he　is　in　high　favour　at　court。　　I　have　met　few　persons　so　punctual　and　methodical　in　business。　　　　AUGUST　12。

Certainly　Albert　is　the　best　fellow　in　the　world。　　I　had　a　strange　scene　with　him　yesterday。　　I　went　to　take　leave　of　him；　for　I　took　it　into　my　head　to　spend　a　few　days　in　these　mountains；　from　where　I　now　write　to　you。　　As　I　was　walking　up　and　down　his　room；　my　eye　fell　upon　his　pistols。　〃Lend　me　those　pistols；〃　said　I；　〃for　my　journey。〃　　〃By　all　means；〃　he　replied；　〃if　you　will　take　the　trouble　to　load　them；　for　they　only　hang　there　for　form。〃　　I　took　down　one　of　them；　and　he　continued；　〃Ever　since　I　was　near　suffering　for　my　extreme　caution；　I　will　have　nothing　to　do　with　such　things。〃　　I　was　curious　to　hear　the　story。　　〃I　was　staying；〃　said　he；　〃some　three　months　ago；　at　a　friend's　house　in　the　country。　I　had　a　brace　of　pistols　with　me；　unloaded；　and　I　slept　without　any　anxiety。　　One　rainy　afternoon　I　was　sitting　by　myself；　doing　nothing；　when　it　occurred　to　me　I　do　not　know　how　that　the　house　might　be　attacked；　that　we　might　require　the　pistols；　that　we　might　in　short；　you　know　how　we　go　on　fancying；　when　we　have　nothing　better　to　do。　　I　gave　the　pistols　to　the　servant；　to　clean　and　load。　　He　was　playing　with　the　maid；　and　trying　to　frighten　her；　when　the　pistol　went　off　　God　knows　how！　　the　ramrod　was　in　the　barrel；　and　it　went　straight　through　her　right　hand；　and　shattered　the　thumb。　　I　had　to　endure　all　the　lamentation；　and　to　pay　the　surgeon's　bill；　so；　since　that　time；　I　have　kept　all　my　weapons　unloaded。　　But；　my　dear　friend；　what　is　the　use　of　prudence？　We　can　never　be　on　our　guard　against　all　possible　dangers。　　However；〃　　now；　you　must　know　I　can　tolerate　all　men　till　they　come　to　〃however；〃　　for　it　is　self…evident　that　every　universal　rule　must　have　its　exceptions。　　But　he　is　so　exceedingly　accurate；　that；　if　he　only　fancies　he　has　said　a　word　too　precipitate；　or　too　general；　or　only　half　true；　he　never　ceases　to　qualify；　to　modify；　and　extenuate；　till　at　last　he　appears　to　have　said　nothing　at　all。　　Upon　this　occasion；