worldly ways and byways-第34章

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form　of　females　or　finance。



From　this　moment　dates　the　humiliation　of　the　discoverers。　　All　

their　booty　and　plunder　seemed　worthless　in　comparison　with　the　

Elysian　delights　they　imagined　were　concealed　behind　the　closed　

doors　of　those　holy　places；　visions　of　which　tortured　the　women　

from　the　western　hemisphere　and　prevented　their　taking　any　pleasure　

in　other　victories。　　To　be　received　into　those　inner　circles　became　

their　chief　ambition。　　With　this　end　in　view　they　dressed　

themselves　in　expensive　costumes；　took　the　trouble　to　learn　the　

〃lingo〃　spoken　in　the　country；　went　to　the　extremity　of　copying　the　

ways　of　the　native　women　by　painting　their　faces；　and　in　one　or　two　

cases　imitated　the　laxity　of　their　morals。



In　spite　of　these　concessions；　our　women　were　not　received　with　

enthusiasm。　　On　the　contrary；　the　very　name　of　an　American　became　a　

byword　and　an　abomination　in　every　continental　city。　　This　

prejudice　against　us　abroad　is　hardly　to　be　wondered　at　on　

reflecting　what　we　have　done　to　acquire　it。　　The　agents　chosen　by　

our　government　to　treat　diplomatically　with　the　conquered　nations；　

owe　their　selection　to　political　motives　rather　than　to　their　tact　

or　fitness。　　In　the　large　majority　of　cases　men　are　sent　over　who　

know　little　either　of　the　habits　or　languages　prevailing　in　Europe。



The　worst　elements　always　follow　in　the　wake　of　discovery。　　Our　

settlements　abroad　gradually　became　the　abode　of　the　compromised；　

the　divorced；　the　socially　and　financially　bankrupt。



Within　the　last　decade　we　have　found　a　way　to　revenge　the　slights　

put　upon　us；　especially　those　offered　to　Americans　in　the　capital　

of　Gaul。　　Having　for　the　moment　no　playwrights　of　our　own；　the　men　

who　concoct　dramas；　comedies；　and　burlesques　for　our　stage　find；　

instead　of　wearying　themselves　in　trying　to　produce　original　

matter；　that　it　is　much　simpler　to　adapt　from　French　writers。　　This　

has　been　carried　to　such　a　length　that　entire　French　plays　are　now　

produced　in　New　York　signed　by　American　names。



The　great　French　playwrights　can　protect　themselves　by　taking　out　

American　copyright；　but　if　one　of　them　omits　this　formality；　the　

〃conquerors〃　immediately　seize　upon　his　work　and　translate　it；　

omitting　intentionally　all　mention　of　the　real　author　on　their　

programmes。　　This　season　a　play　was　produced　of　which　the　first　act　

was　taken　from　Guy　de　Maupassant；　the　second　and　third　〃adapted〃　

from　Sardou；　with　episodes　introduced　from　other　authors　to　

brighten　the　mixture。　　The　piece　thus　patched　together　is　signed　by　

a　well…known　Anglo…Saxon　name；　and　accepted　by　our　moral　public；　

although　the　original　of　the　first　act　was　stopped　by　the　Parisian　

police　as　too　immoral　for　that　gay　capital。



Of　what　use　would　it　be　to　〃discover〃　a　new　continent　unless　the　

explorers　were　to　reap　some　such　benefits？　　Let　us　take　every　

advantage　that　our　proud　position　gives　us；　plundering　the　foreign　

authors；　making　penal　settlements　of　their　capitals；　and　ignoring　

their　foolish　customs　and　prejudices　when　we　travel　among　them！　　In　

this　way　shall　we　effectually　impress　on　the　inferior　races　across　

the　Atlantic　the　greatness　of　the　American　nation。









CHAPTER　39　…　A　Race　of　Slaves





IT　is　all　very　well　for　us　to　have　invaded　Europe；　and　awakened　

that　somnolent　continent　to　the　lights　and　delights　of　American　

ways；　to　have　beautified　the　cities　of　the　old　world　with　graceful　

trolleys　and　illuminated　the　catacombs　at　Rome　with　electricity。　　

Every　true　American　must　thrill　with　satisfaction　at　these　

achievements；　and　the　knowledge　that　he　belongs　to　a　dominating　

race；　before　which　the　waning　civilization　of　Europe　must　fade　away　

and　disappear。



To　have　discovered　Europe　and　to　rule　as　conquerors　abroad　is　well；　

but　it　is　not　enough；　if　we　are　led　in　chains　at　home。　　It　is　

recorded　of　a　certain　ambitious　captain　whose　〃Commentaries〃　made　

our　school…days　a　burden；　that　〃he　preferred　to　be　the　first　in　a　

village　rather　than　second　at　Rome。〃　　Oddly　enough；　WE　are　

contented　to　be　slaves　in　our　villages　while　we　are　conquerors　in　

Rome。　　Can　it　be　that　the　struggles　of　our　ancestors　for　freedom　

were　fought　in　vain？　　Did　they　throw　off　the　yoke　of　kings；　cross　

the　Atlantic；　found　a　new　form　of　government　on　a　new　continent；　

break　with　traditions；　and　sign　a　declaration　of　independence；　only　

that　we　should　succumb；　a　century　later；　yielding　the　fruits　of　

their　hard…fought　battles　with　craven　supineness　into　the　hands　of　

corporations　and　municipalities；　humbly　bowing　necks　that　refuse　to　

bend　before　anointed　sovereigns；　to　the　will　of　steamboat　

subordinates；　the　insolence　of　be…diamonded　hotel…clerks；　and　the　

captious　conductor？



Last　week　my　train　from　Washington　arrived　in　Jersey　City　on　time。　　

We　scurried　（like　good　Americans）　to　the　ferry…boat；　hot　and　tired　

and　anxious　to　get　to　our　destination；　a　hope　deferred；　however；　

for　our　boat　was　kept　waiting　forty　long　minutes；　because；　

forsooth；　another　train　from　somewhere　in　the　South　was　behind　

time。　　Expostulations　were　in　vain。　　Being　only　the　paying　public；　

we　had　no　rights　that　those　autocrats；　the　officials；　were　bound　to　

respect。　　The　argument　that　if　they　knew　the　southern　train　to　be　

so　much　behind；　the　ferry…boat　would　have　plenty　of　time　to　take　us　

across　and　return；　was　of　no　avail；　so；　like　a　cargo　of　〃moo…cows〃　

（as　the　children　say）；　we　submitted　meekly。　　In　order　to　make　the　

time　pass　more　pleasantly　for　the　two　hundred　people　gathered　on　

the　boat；　a　dusky　potentate　judged　the　moment　appropriate　to　scrub　

the　cabin　floors。　　So；　aided　by　a　couple　of　subordinates；　he　

proceeded　to　deluge　the　entire　place　in　floods　of　water；　obliging　

us　to　sit　with　our　feet　tucked　up　under　us；　splashing　the　ladies'　

skirts　and　our　wraps　and　belongings。



Such　treatment　of　the　public　would　have　raised　a　riot　anywhere　but　

in　this　land　of　freedom。　　Do　you　suppose　any　one　murmured？　　Not　at　

all。　　The　well…trained　public　had　the　air　of　being　in　church。　　My　

neighbors　appeared　astonished　at　my　impatience；　and　informed　me　

that　they　were　often　detained　in　that　way；　as　the　company　was　short　

of　boats；　but　they　hoped　to　have　a　new　one　in　a　year　or　two。　　This　

detail　did　not　prevent　that　corporation　advertising　our　train　to　

arrive　in　New　York　at　three…thirteen；　instead　of　which　we　landed　at　

four　o'clock。　　If　a　similar　breach　of　contract　had　happened　in　

England；　a　dozen　letters　would　have　appeared　in　the　〃Times；〃　and　

the　grievance　been　well　aired。



Another　infliction　to　which　all　who　travel　in　America　are　subjected　

is　the　brushing　atrocity。　　Twenty　minutes　before　a　train　arrives　at　

its　destination；　the　despot　who　has　taken　no　notice　of　any　one　up　

to　this　moment；　except　to　snub　them；　becomes　suspiciously　attentive　

and　insists　on　brushing　everybody。　　The　dirt　one　traveller　has　been　

accumulating　is　sent　in　clouds　into　the　faces　of　his　neighbors。　　

When　he　is　polished　off　and　has　paid　his　〃quarter〃　of　tribute；　the　

next　man　gets　up；　and　the　dirt　is　then　brushed　back　on　to　number　

one；　with　number　two's　collection　added。



Labiche　begins　one　of　his　plays　with　two　servants　at　work　in　a　

salon。　　〃Dusting；〃　says　one　of　them；　〃is　the　art　of　sending　the　

dirt　from　the　chair　on　the　right　over　to　the　sofa　on　the　left。〃　　I　

always　think　of　that　remark　when　I　see　the　process　performed　in　a　

parlor　car；　for　when　it　is　over　we　are　all　exactly　where　we　began。　　

If　a　man　should　shampoo　his　hair；　or　have　his　boots　cleaned　in　a　

salon；　he　would　be　ejected　as　a　boor；　yet　the　idea　apparently　never　

enters　the　heads　of　those　who　soil　and　choke　their　fellow…

passengers　that　the　brushing　might　be　done　in　the　vestibule。



On　the　subject　of　fresh　air　and　heat　we　are　also　in　the　hands　of　

officials；　dozens　of　passengers　being　made　to　suffer　for　the　

caprices　of　one　of　their　number；　or　the　taste　of　some　captious　

invalid。　　In　other　lands　the　rights　of　minorities　are　often　

ignored。　　With　us　it　is　the　contrary。　　One　sniffling　school…girl　

who　prefers　a　temperature　of　80　degrees　can　force　a　car　full　of　

people　to　swelter　in　an　atmosphere　that　is　death　to　them；　because　

she　refuses　either　to　put　on　her　wraps　or　to　have　a　window　opened。



Street　railways　are　torture…chambers　where　we　slaves　are　made　to　

suffer　in　another　way。　　You　must　begin　to　reel　and　plunge　towards　

the　door　at　least　two　blocks　before　your　destination；　so　as　to　leap　

to　the　ground　when　the　car　slows　up；　otherwise　the　conductor　will　

be　offended　with　you；　and　carry　you　several　squares　too　far；　or　

with　a　jocose　〃Step　lively；〃　will　grasp　your　elbow　and　shoot　you　

out。　　Any　one　who　should　sit　quietly　in　his　place　until　the　vehicle　

had　come　to　a　full　stop；　would　be　regarded　by　the　slave…driver　and　

his　cargo　as　a　POSEUR　who　was　assuming　airs。



The　idea　that　cars　and　boats　exist　for　the　convenience　of　the　

public　was　exploded　long　ago。　　We　are　made；　dozens　of　times　a　day；　

to　feel　that　this　is　no　longer　the　case。　　It　is；　on　the　contrary；　

brought　vividly　home　to　us　that　such　conveyances　are　money　making　

machines　in　the　possession　of　powerful　corporations　（to　whom　we；　in　

our　debasement；　have　handed　over　the　freedom　of　our　streets　and　

rivers）；　and　are　run　in　the　interest　and　at　the　discretion　of　their　

owners。



It　is　not　only　before　the　great　and　the　powerful　that　we　bow　in　

submission。　　The　shop…girl　is　another　tyrant　who　has　planted　her　

foot　firmly　on　the　neck　of　the　nation。　　She　respects　neither　sex　

nor　age。　　Ensconced　behind　the　bulwark　of　her　counter；　she　scorns　

to　notice　humble　aspirants　until　they　have　performed　a　preliminary　

penance；　a　time　she　fills　up　in　cheerful　conversation　addressed　to　

other　young　tyrants；　only　deciding　to　notice　customers　when　she　

sees　their　last　grain　of　patience　is　exhausted。　　She　is　often　of　a　

merry　mood；　and　if　anything　about　your　appearance　or　manner　strikes　

her　critical　sense　as　amusing；　will　laugh　gayly　with　her　companions　

at　your　expense。



A　French　gentleman　who　speaks　our　language　correctly　but　with　some　

accent；　told　me　that　he　found　it　impossible　to　get　served　in　our　

stores；　the　shop…girls　bursting　with　laughter　before　he　could　make　

his　wants　known。



Not　long　ago　I　was　at　the　Compagnie　Lyonnaise　in　Paris　with　a　stout　

American　lady；　who　insisted　on　tipping　her　chair　forward　on　its　

front　legs　as　she　selected　some　laces。　　Suddenly　the　chair　flew　

from　under　her；　and　she　sat　violently　on　the　polished　floor　in　an　

attitude　so　supremely　comic　that　the　rest　of　her　party　were　

inwardly　convulsed。　　Not　a　muscle　moved　in　the　faces　of　the　well…

trained　clerks。　　The　proprietor　assisted　her　to　rise　as　gravely　as　

if　he　were　bowing　us　to　our　carriage。



In　restaurants　American　citizens　are　treated　even　worse　than　in　the　

shops。　　You　will　see　cowed　customers　wh