worldly ways and byways-第5章

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crumbling　walls　of　some　stately　palace　abroad。



Many　thoughtful　years　and　many　cruel　realities　have　taught　me　that　

my　gracious　hostess　of　the　〃seventies〃　was　right；　and　that　marriage　

under　these　conditions　is　apt　to　be　much　more　like　the　comic　opera　

after　the　curtain　has　been　rung　down；　when　the　lights　are　out；　the　

applauding　public　gone　home；　and　the　weary　actors　brought　slowly　

back　to　the　present　and　the　positive；　are　wondering　how　they　are　to　

pay　their　rent　or　dodge　the　warrant　in　ambush　around　the　corner。



International　marriages　usually　come　about　from　a　deficient　

knowledge　of　the　world。　　The　father　becomes　rich；　the　family　travel　

abroad；　some　mutual　friend　（often　from　purely　interested　motives）　

produces　a　suitor　for　the　hand　of　the　daughter；　in　the　shape　of　a　

〃prince〃　with　a　title　that　makes　the　whole　simple　American　family　

quiver　with　delight。



After　a　few　visits　the　suitor　declares　himself；　the　girl　is　

flattered；　the　father　loses　his　head；　seeing　visions　of　his　loved　

daughter　hob…nobbing　with　royalty；　and　（intoxicating　thought！）　

snubbing　the　〃swells〃　at　home　who　had　shown　reluctance　to　recognize　

him　and　his　family。



It　is　next　to　impossible　for　him　to　get　any　reliable　information　

about　his　future　son…in…law　in　a　country　where；　as　an　American；　he　

has　few　social　relations；　belongs　to　no　club；　and　whose　idiom　is　a　

sealed　book　to　him。　　Every　circumstance　conspires　to　keep　the　flaws　

on　the　article　for　sale　out　of　sight　and　place　the　suitor　in　an　

advantageous　light。　　Several　weeks'　〃courting〃　follows；　

paterfamilias　agrees　to　part　with　a　handsome　share　of　his　earnings；　

and　a　marriage　is　〃arranged。〃



In　the　case　where　the　girl　has　retained　some　of　her　self…respect　

the　suitor　is　made　to　come　to　her　country　for　the　ceremony。　　And；　

that　the　contrast　between　European　ways　and　our　simple　habits　may　

not　be　too　striking；　an　establishment　is　hastily　got　together；　with　

hired　liveries　and　new…bought　carriages；　as　in　a　recent　case　in　

this　state。　　The　sensational　papers　write　up　this　〃international　

union；〃　and　publish　〃faked〃　portraits　of　the　bride　and　her　noble　

spouse。　　The　sovereign　of　the　groom's　country　（enchanted　that　some　

more　American　money　is　to　be　imported　into　his　land）　sends　an　

economical　present　and　an　autograph　letter。　　The　act　ends。　　

Limelight　and　slow　music！



In　a　few　years　rumors　of　dissent　and　trouble　float　vaguely　back　to　

the　girl's　family。　　Finally；　either　a　great　scandal　occurs；　and　

there　is　one　dishonored　home　the　more　in　the　world；　or　an　

expatriated　woman；　thousands　of　miles　from　the　friends　and　

relatives　who　might　be　of　some　comfort　to　her；　makes　up　her　mind　to　

accept　〃anything〃　for　the　sake　of　her　children；　and　attempts　to　

build　up　some　sort　of　an　existence　out　of　the　remains　of　her　lost　

illusions；　and　the　father　wakes　up　from　his　dream　to　realize　that　

his　wealth　has　only　served　to　ruin　what　he　loved　best　in　all　the　

world。



Sometimes　the　conditions　are　delightfully　comic；　as　in　a　well…known　

case；　where　the　daughter；　who　married　into　an　indolent；　happy…go…

lucky　Italian　family；　had　inherited　her　father's　business　push　and　

energy　along　with　his　fortune；　and　immediately　set　about　〃running〃　

her　husband's　estate　as　she　had　seen　her　father　do　his　bank。　　She　

tried　to　revive　a　half…forgotten　industry　in　the　district；　scraped　

and　whitewashed　their　picturesque　old　villa；　proposed　her　husband's　

entering　business；　and　in　short　dashed　head　down　against　all　his　

inherited　traditions　and　national　prejudices；　until　her　new　family　

loathed　the　sight　of　the　brisk　American　face；　and　the　poor　she　had　

tried　to　help；　sulked　in　their　newly　drained　houses　and　refused　to　

be　comforted。　　Her　ways　were　not　Italian　ways；　and　she　seemed　to　

the　nun…like　Italian　ladies；　almost　unsexed；　as　she　tramped　about　

the　fields；　talking　artificial　manure　and　subsoil　drainage　with　the　

men。　　Yet　neither　she　nor　her　husband　was　to　blame。　　The　young　

Italian　had　but　followed　the　teachings　of　his　family；　which　decreed　

that　the　only　honorable　way　for　an　aristocrat　to　acquire　wealth　was　

to　marry　it。　　The　American　wife　honestly　tried　to　do　her　duty　in　

this　new　position；　naively　thinking　she　could　engraft　transatlantic　

〃go〃　upon　the　indolent　Italian　character。　　Her　work　was　in　vain；　

she　made　herself　and　her　husband　so　unpopular　that　they　are　now　

living　in　this　country；　regretting　too　late　the　error　of　their　

ways。



Another　case　but　little　less　laughable；　is　that　of　a　Boston　girl　

with　a　neat　little　fortune　of　her　own；　who；　when　married　to　the　

young　Viennese　of　her　choice；　found　that　he　expected　her　to　live　

with　his　family　on　the　third　floor　of　their　〃palace〃　（the　two　lower　

floors　being　rented　to　foreigners）；　and　as　there　was　hardly　enough　

money　for　a　box　at　the　opera；　she　was　not　expected　to　go；　whereas　

his　position　made　it　necessary　for　him　to　have　a　stall　and　appear　

there　nightly　among　the　men　of　his　rank；　the　astonished　and　

disillusioned　Bostonian　remaining　at　home　EN　TETE…A…TETE　with　the　

women　of　his　family；　who　seemed　to　think　this　the　most　natural　

arrangement　in　the　world。



It　certainly　is　astonishing　that　we；　the　most　patriotic　of　nations；　

with　such　high　opinion　of　ourselves　and　our　institutions；　should　be　

so　ready　to　hand　over　our　daughters　and　our　ducats　to　the　first　

foreigner　who　asks　for　them；　often　requiring　less　information　about　

him　than　we　should　consider　necessary　before　buying　a　horse　or　a　

dog。



Women　of　no　other　nation　have　this　mania　for　espousing　aliens。　　

Nowhere　else　would　a　girl　with　a　large　fortune　dream　of　marrying　

out　of　her　country。　　Her　highest　ideal　of　a　husband　would　be　a　man　

of　her　own　kin。　　It　is　the　rarest　thing　in　the　world　to　find　a　

well…born　French；　Spanish；　or　Italian　woman　married　to　a　foreigner　

and　living　away　from　her　country。　　How　can　a　woman　expect　to　be　

happy　separated　from　all　the　ties　and　traditions　of　her　youth？　　If　

she　is　taken　abroad　young；　she　may　still　hope　to　replace　her　

friends　as　is　often　done。　　But　the　real　reason　of　unhappiness　

（greater　and　deeper　than　this）　lies　in　the　fundamental　difference　

of　the　whole　social　structure　between　our　country　and　that　of　her　

adoption；　and　the　radically　different　way　of　looking　at　every　side　

of　life。



Surely　a　girl　must　feel　that　a　man　who　allows　a　marriage　to　be　

arranged　for　him　（and　only　signs　the　contact　because　its　pecuniary　

clauses　are　to　his　satisfaction；　and　who　would　withdraw　in　a　moment　

if　these　were　suppressed）；　must　have　an　entirely　different　point　of　

view　from　her　own　on　all　the　vital　issues　of　life。



Foreigners　undoubtedly　make　excellent　husbands　for　their　own　women。　　

But　they　are；　except　in　rare　cases；　unsatisfactory　helpmeets　for　

American　girls。　　It　is　impossible　to　touch　on　more　than　a　side　or　

two　of　this　subject。　　But　as　an　illustration　the　following　

contrasted　stories　may　be　cited：



Two　sisters　of　an　aristocratic　American　family；　each　with　an　income　

of　over　forty　thousand　dollars　a　year；　recently　married　French　

noblemen。　　They　naturally　expected　to　continue　abroad　the　life　they　

had　led　at　home；　in　which　opera　boxes；　saddle　horses；　and　constant　

entertaining　were　matters　of　course。　　In　both　cases；　our　

compatriots　discovered　that　their　husbands　（neither　of　them　

penniless）　had　entirely　different　views。　　In　the　first　place；　they　

were　told　that　it　was　considered　〃bad　form〃　in　France　for　young　

married　women　to　entertain；　besides；　the　money　was　needed　for　

improvements；　and　in　many　other　ways；　and　as　every　well…to…do　

French　family　puts　aside　at　least　a　third　of　its　income　as　DOTS　for　

the　children　（boys　as　well　as　girls）；　these　brides　found　themselves　

cramped　for　money　for　the　first　time　in　their　lives；　and　obliged；　

during　their　one　month　a　year　in　Paris；　to　put　up　with　hired　traps；　

and　depend　on　their　friends　for　evenings　at　the　opera。



This　story　is　a　telling　set…off　to　the　case　of　an　American　wife；　

who　one　day　received　a　windfall　in　the　form　of　a　check　for　a　tidy　

amount。　　She　immediately　proposed　a　trip　abroad　to　her　husband；　but　

found　that　he　preferred　to　remain　at　home　in　the　society　of　his　

horses　and　dogs。　　So　our　fair　compatriot　starts　off　（with　his　full　

consent）；　has　her　outing；　spends　her　little　〃pile；〃　and　returns　

after　three　or　four　months　to　the　home　of　her　delighted　spouse。



Do　these　two　stories　need　any　comment？　　Let　our　sisters　and　their　

friends　think　twice　before　they　make　themselves　irrevocably　wheels　

in　a　machine　whose　working　is　unknown　to　them；　lest　they　be　torn　to　

pieces　as　it　moves。　　Having　the　good　luck　to　be　born　in　the　

〃paradise　of　women；〃　let　them　beware　how　they　leave　it；　charm　the　

serpent　never　so　wisely；　for　they　may　find　themselves；　like　the　

Peri；　outside　the　gate。











CHAPTER　6　…　The　Complacency　of　Mediocrity





FULL　as　small　intellects　are　of　queer　kinks；　unexplained　turnings　

and　groundless　likes　and　dislikes；　the　bland　contentment　that　buoys　

up　the　incompetent　is　the　most　difficult　of　all　vagaries　to　account　

for。　　Rarely　do　twenty…four　hours　pass　without　examples　of　this　

exasperating　weakness　appearing　on　the　surface　of　those　shallows　

that　commonplace　people　so　naively　call　〃their　minds。〃



What　one　would　expect　is　extreme　modesty；　in　the　half…educated　or　

the　ignorant；　and　self…approbation　higher　up　in　the　scale；　where　it　

might　more　reasonably　dwell。　　Experience；　however；　teaches　that　

exactly　the　opposite　is　the　case　among　those　who　have　achieved　

success。



The　accidents　of　a　life　turned　by　chance　out　of　the　beaten　tracks；　

have　thrown　me　at　times　into　acquaintanceship　with　some　of　the　

greater　lights　of　the　last　thirty　years。　　And　not　only　have　they　

been；　as　a　rule；　most　unassuming　men　and　women；　but　in　the　majority　

of　cases　positively　self…depreciatory；　doubting　of　themselves　and　

their　talents；　constantly　aiming　at　greater　perfection　in　their　art　

or　a　higher　development　of　their　powers；　never　contented　with　what　

they　have　achieved；　beyond　the　idea　that　it　has　been　another　step　

toward　their　goal。　　Knowing　this；　it　is　always　a　shock　on　meeting　

the　mediocre　people　who　form　such　a　discouraging　majority　in　any　

society；　to　discover　that　they　are　all　so　pleased　with　themselves；　

their　achievements；　their　place　in　the　world；　and　their　own　ability　

and　discernment！



Who　has　not　sat　chafing　in　silence　while　Mediocrity；　in　a　white　

waistcoat　and　jangling　fobs；　occupied　the　after…dinner　hour　in　

imparting　second…hand　information　as　his　personal　views　on　

literature　and　art？　　Can　you　not　hear　him　saying　once　again：　〃I　

don't　pretend　to　know　anything　about　art　and　all　that　sort　of　

thing；　you　know；　but　when　I　go　to　an　exhibition　I　can　always　pick　

out　the　best　pictures　at　a　glance。　　Sort　of　a　way　I　have；　and　I　

never　make　mistakes；　you　know。〃



Then　go　and　w