the decameron(十日谈)-第124章

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Calandrino　perceyved；　that　the　Priest　would　suffer　none　to　pay；　but
himselfe；　he　dranke　the　more　freely；　and　when　there　was　no　neede　at
all；　tooke　his　Cuppes　couragiously　one　after　another。　Two　or　three
houres　of　the　night　were　spent；　before　they　parted　from　the　Taverne；
Calandrino　going　directly　home　to　his　house；　and　instantly　to　bed；
without　any　other　supper；　imagining　that　he　had　made　fast　his　doore；
which　（indeede）　he　left　wide　open：　sleeping　soundly；　without　suspition
of　any　harme　intended　unto　him。　Buffalmaco　and　Bruno　went　and　supt
with　the　Priest；　and　so　soone　as　supper　was　ended；　they　tooke　certaine
Engines；　for　their　better　entering　into　Calandrinoes　house；　and　so
went　on　to　effect　theyr　purpose。　Finding　the　doore　standing　readie
open；　they　entered　in；　tooke　the　Brawne；　carried　it　with　them　to　the
Priests　house；　and　afterward　went　all　to　bed。
　　When　Calandrino　had　well　slept　after　his　Wine；　he　arose　in　the
morning；　and　being　descended　downe　the　staires；　finding　the　street
doore　wide　open；　he　looked　for　the　Brawne；　but　it　was　gone。
Enquiring　of　the　neighbours　dwelling　neere　about　him；　hee　could
heare　no　tydings　of　his　Brawne；　but　became　the　wofullest　man　in　the
world；　telling　every　one　that　his　Brawne　was　stolne。　Bruno　and
Buffalmaco　being　risen　in　the　morning；　they　went　to　visite
Calandrino　to　heare　how　he　tooke　the　losse　of　his　Brawne：　and　hee　no
sooner　had　a　sight　of　them；　but　he　called　them　to　him；　and　with　the
teares　running　downe　his　cheekes；　sayde：　Ah　my　deare　friendes；　I　am
robde　of　my　Brawne。　Bruno　stepping　closely　to　him；　sayde　in　his
eare：　It　is　wonderfull；　that　once　in　thy　life　time　thou　canst　bee
wise。　How？　answered　Calandrino；　I　speake　to　you　in　good　earnest。
Speake　so　still　in　earnest　（replied　Bruno）　and　cry　it　out　so　loud　as
thou　canst；　then　let　who　list　beleeve　it　to　be　true。
　　Calandrino　stampt　and　fretted　exceedingly；　saying：　As　I　am　a　true
man　to　God；　my　Prince；　and　Countrey；　I　tell　thee　truly；　that　my　Brawne
is　stolne。　Say　so　still　I　bid　thee　（answered　Bruno）　and　let　all　the
world　beleeve　thee；　if　they　list　to　do　so；　for　I　will　not。　Wouldst
thou　（quoth　Calandrino）　have　me　damne　my　selfe　to　the　divell？　I　see
thou　dost　not　credit　what　I　say：　but　would　I　were　hanged　by　the　necke；
if　it　be　not　true；　that　my　Brawne　is　stolne。　How　can　it　possible　be；
replyed　Bruno？　Did　not　I　see　it　in　thy　house　yesternight？　Wouldst　thou
have　me　beleeve；　that　it　is　flowne　away？　Although　it　is　not　flowne
away　（quoth　Calandrino）　yet　I　am　certain；　that　it　is　stolne　away：
for　which　I　am　weary　of　my　life；　because　I　dare　not　go　home　to　mine
owne　house；　in　regard　my　wife　will　never　beleeve　it；　and　yet　if　she
should　credite　it；　we　are　sure　to　have　no　peace　for　a　twelve　months
space。
　　Bruno；　seeming　as　if　he　were　more　then　halfe　sorrowfull；　yet
supporting　still　his　former　jesting　humor；　saide：　Now　trust　mee
Calandrino；　if　it　be　so；　they　that　did　it　are　much　too　blame。　If　it　be
so？　answered　Calandrino；　Belike　thou　wouldst　have　mee　blaspheme
Heaven；　and　all　the　Saints　therein：　I　tell　thee　once　againe　Bruno；
that　this　last　night　my　Brawne　was　stolne。　Be　patient　good　Calandrino；
replyed　Buffalmaco；　and　if　thy　Brawne　be　stolne　from　thee；　there　are
means　enow　to　get　it　againe。　Meanes　enow　to　get　it　againe？　said
Calandrino；　I　would　faine　heare　one　likely　one；　and　let　all　the　rest
go　by。　I　am　sure　Calandrino；　answered　Buffalmaco；　thou　art　verily
perswaded；　that　no　Theefe　came　from　India；　to　steale　thy　Brawne　from
thee：　in　which　respect；　it　must　needes　then　be　some　of　thy　Neighbours：
whom　if　thou　couldst　lovingly　assemble　together；　I　knowe　an　experiment
to　be　made　with　Bread　and　Cheese；　whereby　the　party　that　hath　it；　will
quickly　be　discovered。
　　I　have　heard　（quoth　Bruno）　of　such　an　experiment；　and　helde　it　to　be
infallible；　but　it　extendeth　onely　unto　persons　of　Gentilitie；　whereof
there　are　but　few　dwelling　heere　about；　and　in　the　case　of　stealing
a　Brawne；　it　is　doubtfull　to　invite　them；　neither　can　there　be　any
certainty　of　their　comming。　I　confesse　what　you　say；　aunswered
Buffalmaco；　to　be　very　true：　but　then　in　this　matter；　so　nerely
concerning　us　to　be　done；　and　for　a　deare　Friend；　what　is　your　advice？
I　would　have　Pilles　made　of　Ginger；　compounded　with　your　best　and
strongest　Malmsey；　then　let　the　ordinary　sort　of　people　be　invited
（for　such　onely　are　most　to　be　mistrusted）　and　they　will　not　faile
to　come；　because　they　are　utterly　ignorant　of　our　intention。
Besides；　the　Pilles　may　as　well　bee　hallowed　and　consecrated；　as　bread
and　cheese　on　the　like　occasion。　Indeede　you　say　true　（replyed
Buffalmaco）　but　what　is　the　opinion　of　Calandrino？　Is　he　willing　to
have　this　tryall　made；　or　no？　Yes；　by　all　meanes；　answered　Calandrino；
for　gladly　I　would　know　who　hath　stolne　my　Brawne；　and　your　good　words
have　（more　then　halfe）　comforted　me　already　in　this　case。
　　Well　then　（quoth　Bruno）　I　will　take　the　paines　to　go　to　Florence；　to
provide　all　things　necessarie　for　this　secret　service；　but　I　must
bee　furnished　with　money　to　effect　it。　Calandrino　had　some　forty
shillings　then　about　him；　which　he　delivered　to　Bruno；　who　presently
went　to　Florence；　to　a　frend　of　his　an　Apothecarie；　of　whom　he
bought　a　pound　of　white　Ginger；　which　hee　caused　him　to　make　uppe　in
small　Pilles：　and　two　other　beside　of　a　Dogges…dates　or　Dowsets；
confected　all　over　with　strong　Aloes；　yet　well　moulded　in　Sugare；　as
all　the　rest　were：　and　because　they　should　the　more　easily　bee
knowne　from　the　other；　they　were　spotted　with　Gold；　in　verie　formall
and　Physicall　manner。　He　bought　moreover；　a　big　Flaggon　of　the　best
Malmesey；　returning　backe　with　all　these　things　to　Calandrino；　and
directing　him　in　this　order。
　　You　must　put　some　friend　in　trust；　to　invite　your　Neighbors
（especially　such　as　you　suspect）　to　a　breakfast　in　the　morning：　and
because　it　is　done　as　a　feast　in　kindnesse；　they　will　come　to　you
the　more　willingly。　This　night　will　I　and　Buffalmaco　take　such
order；　that　the　Pilles　shall　have　the　charge　imposed　on　them；　and　then
wee　will　bring　them　hither　againe　in　the　morning：　and　I；　my　selfe　（for
your　sake）　will　deliver　them　to　your　guests；　and　performe　whatsoever
is　to　bee　sayde　or　done。　On　the　next　morning；　a　goodly　company　being
assembled；　under　a　faire　Elme　before　the　Church；　as　well　young
Florentynes　（who　purposely　came　to　make　themselves　merry）　as
neighbouring　Husbandmen　of　the　Village：　Bruno　was　to　begin　the
service；　with　the　Pils　in　a　faire　Cup；　and　Buffalmaco　followed　him
with　another　Cup；　to　deliver　the　wine　out　of　the　Flaggon；　all　the
company　beeing　set　round；　as　in　a　circle；　and　Bruno　with　Buffalmaco
being　in　the　midst　of　them；　Bruno　thus　spake。
　Honest　friends；　it　is　fit　that　I　should　acquaint　you　with　the
occasion；　why　we　are　thus　met　together；　and　in　this　place：　because
if　anie　thing　may　seeme　offensive　to　you；　afterward　you　shall　make
no　complaint　of　me。　From　Calandrino　（our　loving　friend　heere
present）　yesternight　there　was　a　new…kild　fat　Brawne　taken；　but　who
hath　done　the　deede；　as　yet　he　knoweth　not；　and　because　none　other；
but　some　one　（or　more）　heere　among　us；　must　needs　offend　in　this　case：
he；　desiring　to　understand　who　they　be；　would　have　each　man　to　receive
one　of　these　Pilles；　and　afterward　to　drinke　of　this　Wine；　assuring
you　all；　that　whosoever　stole　the　Brawne　hence；　cannot　be　able　to
swallow　the　Pill：　for　it　wil　be　so　extreme　bitter　in　his　mouth；　as
it　will　enforce　him　to　Coughe　and　spet　extraordinarily。　In　which
respect；　before　such　a　notorious　shame　be　received；　and　in　so　goodly
an　assembly；　as　now　are　heere　present：　it　were　much　better　for　him
or　them　that　have　the　Brawne；　to　confesse　it　in　private　to　this　honest
Priest；　and　I　will　abstaine　from　urging　anie　such　publike　proofe。
　　Every　one　there　present　answered；　that　they　were　well　contented　both
to　eate　and　drinke；　and　let　the　shame　fall　where　it　deserved；
whereupon；　Bruno　appointing　them　how　they　should　sit；　and　placing
Calandrino　as　one　among　them：　he　began　his　counterfeite　exorcisme；
giving　each　man　a　Pill；　and　Buffalmaco　a　Cup　of　Wine　after　it。　But
when　he　came　to　Calandrino；　hee　tooke　one　of　them　which　was　made　of
the　Dogges　dates　or　Dowsets；　and　delivering　it　into　his　hand；
presently　hee　put　it　into　his　mouth　and　chewed　it。　So　soone　as　his
tongue　tasted　the　bitter　Aloes；　he　began　to　coughe　and　spet　extreamly；
as　being　utterly　unable；　to　endure　the　bitternesse　and　noysome
smell。　The　other　men　that　had　receyved　the　Pils；　beganne　to　gaze　one
upon　another；　to　see　whose　behaviour　should　discover　him；　and　Bruno
having　not　（as　yet）　delivered　Pils　to　them　all；　proceeded　on　still
in　his　businesse；　as　seeming　not　to　heare　any　coughing；　till　one
behinde　him；　saide。　What　meaneth　Calandrino　by　this　spetting　and
coughing？
　　Bruno　sodainely　turning　him　about；　and　seeing　Calandrino　to　cough
and　spet　in　such　sort；　saide　to　the　rest。　Be　not　too　rash　（honest
Friends）　in　judging　of　any　man；　some　other　matter　（then　the　Pille）　may
procure　this　Coughing；　wherfore　he　shall　receive　another；　the　better
to　cleare　your　beleefe　concerning　him。　He　having　put　the　second
prepared　Pill　into　his　mouth；　while　Bruno　went　to　serve　the　rest　of
the　Guests：　if　the　first　was　exceeding　bitter　to　his　taste；　this　other
made　it　a　great　deale　worse；　for　teares　streamed　forth　of　his　eyes
as　bigge　as　Cherry…stones；　and　champing　and　chewing　the　Pill；　as
hoping　it　would　overcome　his　coughing；　he　coughed　and　spette　the
more　violently；　and　in　grosser　manner　then　he　did　before；　nor　did　they
give　him　any　wine　to　helpe　it。
　　Buffalmaco；　Bruno；　and　the　whole　company；　perceiving　how　he
continued　still　his　coughing　and　spetting；　saide　all　with　one　voyce；
That　Calandrino　was　the　Theefe　to　him　selfe：　and　gave　him　manie　grosse
speeches　beside；　all　departing　home　unto　their　houses；　very　much
displeased　and　angry　with　him。　After　they　were　gone；　none　remained
with　him　but　the　Priest；　Bruno　and　Buffalmaco；　who　thus　spake　to
Calandrino。　I　did　ever　thinke；　that　thou　wast　the　theefe　thy　selfe；
yet　thou　imputedst　thy　robbery　to　some　other；　for　feare　we　should　once
drinke　freely　of　thy　purse；　as　thou　hast　done　many　times　of　ours。
Calandrino；　who　had　not　yet　ended　his　coughing　and　spetting；　sware
many　bitter　Oathes；　that　his　Brawne　was　stolne　from　him。　Talke　so　long
as　thou　wilt；　quoth　Buffalmaco；　thy　knavery　is　both　knowne　and
seene；　and　well　thou　mayst　be　ashamed　of　thy　selfe。　Calandrino　hearing
this；　grew　desperately　angry；　and　to　incense　him　more；　Bruno　thus
pursued　the　matter。
　　Heare　me　Calandrino；　for　I　speake　to　thee　in　honest　earnest；　there
was　a　man　in　the　company；　who　did　eate　and　drinke　heere　among　thy
neighbours；　and　plainly　told　me；　that　thou　keptst　a　young　Lad　heere　to
do　thee　service；　feeding　him　with　such　victuals　as　thou　couldst　spare；
by　him　thou　didst　send　away　thy　Brawne；　to　one　that　bought　it　of
thee　for　foure　Crownes；　onely　to　cousen　thy　poore　wife　and　us。　Canst
thou　not　yet　learne　to　leave　thy　mocking　and　scorning？　Thou　hast
forgotte；　how　thou　broughtst　us　to　the　plaine　of　Mugnone；　to　seeke　for
black　invisible　stones：　which　having　found；　thou　concealedst　them　to
thy　selfe；　stealing　home　invisibly　before　us；　and　making　us　follow
like　fooles　after　thee。
　　Now　likewise；