how tell a story and others-第1章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！






How　Tell　a　Story　and　Others

by　Mark　Twain





CONTENTS：
　　　　　HOW　TO　TELL　A　STORY
　　　　　　　　　　THE　WOUNDED　SOLDIER
　　　　　　　　　　THE　GOLDEN　ARM
　　　　　MENTAL　TELEGRAPHY　AGAIN
　　　　　THE　INVALIDS　STORY



HOW　TO　TELL　A　STORY

　　　　　　　　　　The　Humorous　Story　an　American　Development。Its　Difference
　　　　　　　　　　from　Comic　and　Witty　Stories。

I　do　not　claim　that　I　can　tell　a　story　as　it　ought　to　be　told。　　I　only
claim　to　know　how　a　story　ought　to　be　told；　for　I　have　been　almost　daily
in　the　company　of　the　most　expert　story…tellers　for　many　years。

There　are　several　kinds　of　stories；　but　only　one　difficult　kindthe
humorous。　　I　will　talk　mainly　about　that　one。　　The　humorous　story　is
American；　the　comic　story　is　English；　the　witty　story　is　French。　　The
humorous　story　depends　for　its　effect　upon　the　manner　of　the　telling；
the　comic　story　and　the　witty　story　upon　the　matter。

The　humorous　story　may　be　spun　out　to　great　length；　and　may　wander　around
as　much　as　it　pleases；　and　arrive　nowhere　in　particular；　but　the　comic
and　witty　stories　must　be　brief　and　end　with　a　point。　　The　humorous　story
bubbles　gently　along；　the　others　burst。

The　humorous　story　is　strictly　a　work　of　arthigh　and　delicate　art
and　only　an　artist　can　tell　it；　but　no　art　is　necessary　in　telling　the
comic　and　the　witty　story；　anybody　can　do　it。　　The　art　of　telling　a
humorous　storyunderstand；　I　mean　by　word　of　mouth；　not　printwas
created　in　America；　and　has　remained　at　home。

The　humorous　story　is　told　gravely；　the　teller　does　his　best　to　conceal
the　fact　that　he　even　dimly　suspects　that　there　is　anything　funny　about
it；　but　the　teller　of　the　comic　story　tells　you　beforehand　that　it　is　one
of　the　funniest　things　he　has　ever　heard；　then　tells　it　with　eager
delight；　and　is　the　first　person　to　laugh　when　he　gets　through。　　And
sometimes；　if　he　has　had　good　success；　he　is　so　glad　and　happy　that　he
will　repeat　the　〃nub〃　of　it　and　glance　around　from　face　to　face；
collecting　applause；　and　then　repeat　it　again。　　It　is　a　pathetic　thing　to
see。

Very　often；　of　course；　the　rambling　and　disjointed　humorous　story
finishes　with　a　nub；　point；　snapper；　or　whatever　you　like　to　call　it。
Then　the　listener　must　be　alert；　for　in　many　cases　the　teller　will　divert
attention　from　that　nub　by　dropping　it　in　a　carefully　casual　and
indifferent　way；　with　the　pretence　that　he　does　not　know　it　is　a　nub。

Artemus　Ward　used　that　trick　a　good　deal；　then　when　the　belated　audience
presently　caught　the　joke　he　would　look　up　with　innocent　surprise；　as　if
wondering　what　they　had　found　to　laugh　at。　　Dan　Setchell　used　it　before
him；　Nye　and　Riley　and　others　use　it　to…day。

But　the　teller　of　the　comic　story　does　not　slur　the　nub；　he　shouts　it　at
youevery　time。　　And　when　he　prints　it；　in　England；　France；　Germany；　and
Italy；　he　italicizes　it；　puts　some　whooping　exclamation…points　after　it；
and　sometimes　explains　it　in　a　parenthesis。　　All　of　which　is　very
depressing；　and　makes　one　want　to　renounce　joking　and　lead　a　better　life。

Let　me　set　down　an　instance　of　the　comic　method；　using　an　anecdote　which
has　been　popular　all　over　the　world　for　twelve　or　fifteen　hundred　years。
The　teller　tells　it　in　this　way：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　THE　WOUNDED　SOLDIER。

In　the　course　of　a　certain　battle　a　soldier　whose　leg　had　been　shot　off
appealed　to　another　soldier　who　was　hurrying　by　to　carry　him　to　the　rear；
informing　him　at　the　same　time　of　the　loss　which　he　had　sustained；
whereupon　the　generous　son　of　Mars；　shouldering　the　unfortunate；
proceeded　to　carry　out　his　desire。　　The　bullets　and　cannon…balls　were
flying　in　all　directions；　and　presently　one　of　the　latter　took　the
wounded　man's　head　offwithout；　however；　his　deliverer　being　aware　of
it。　　In　no…long　time　he　was　hailed　by　an　officer；　who　said：

〃Where　are　you　going　with　that　carcass？〃

〃To　the　rear；　sirhe's　lost　his　leg！〃

〃His　leg；　forsooth？〃　responded　the　astonished　officer；　〃you　mean　his
head；　you　booby。〃

Whereupon　the　soldier　dispossessed　himself　of　his　burden；　and　stood
looking　down　upon　it　in　great　perplexity。　　At　length　he　said：

〃It　is　true；　sir；　just　as　you　have　said。〃　　Then　after　a　pause　he　added；
〃But　he　TOLD　me　IT　WAS　HIS　LEG！　　！　　！　　！　　！〃


Here　the　narrator　bursts　into　explosion　after　explosion　of　thunderous
horse…laughter；　repeating　that　nub　from　time　to　time　through　his　gaspings
and　shriekings　and　suffocatings。

It　takes　only　a　minute　and　a　half　to　tell　that　in　its　comic…story　form；
and　isn't　worth　the　telling；　after　all。　　Put　into　the　humorous…story　form
it　takes　ten　minutes；　and　is　about　the　funniest　thing　I　have　ever
listened　toas　James　Whitcomb　Riley　tells　it。

He　tells　it　in　the　character　of　a　dull…witted　old　farmer　who　has　just
heard　it　for　the　first　time；　thinks　it　is　unspeakably　funny；　and　is
trying　to　repeat　it　to　a　neighbor。　　But　he　can't　remember　it；　so　he　gets
all　mixed　up　and　wanders　helplessly　round　and　round；　putting　in　tedious
details　that　don't　belong　in　the　tale　and　only　retard　it；　taking　them　out
conscientiously　and　putting　in　others　that　are　just　as　useless；　making
minor　mistakes　now　and　then　and　stopping　to　correct　them　and　explain　how
he　came　to　make　them；　remembering　things　which　he　forgot　to　put　in　in
their　proper　place　and　going　back　to　put　them　in　there；　stopping　his
narrative　a　good　while　in　order　to　try　to　recall　the　name　of　the　soldier
that　was　hurt；　and　finally　remembering　that　the　soldier's　name　was　not
mentioned；　and　remarking　placidly　that　the　name　is　of　no　real　importance；
anywaybetter；　of　course；　if　one　knew　it；　but　not　essential；　after　all
and　so　on；　and　so　on；　and　so　on。

The　teller　is　innocent　and　happy　and　pleased　with　himself；　and　has　to
stop　every　little　while　to　hold　himself　in　and　keep　from　laughing
outright；　and　does　hold　in；　but　his　body　quakes　in　a　jelly…like　way　with
interior　chuckles；　and　at　the　end　of　the　ten　minutes　the　audience　have
laughed　until　they　are　exhausted；　and　the　tears　are　running　down　their
faces。

The　simplicity　and　innocence　and　sincerity　and　unconsciousness　of　the　old
farmer　are　perfectly　simulated；　and　the　result　is　a　performance　which　is
thoroughly　charming　and　delicious。　　This　is　art　and　fine　and　beautiful；
and　only　a　master　can　compass　it；　but　a　machine　could　tell　the　other
story。

To　string　incongruities　and　absurdities　together　in　a　wandering　and
sometimes　purposeless　way；　and　seem　innocently　unaware　that　they　are
absurdities；　is　the　basis　of　the　American　art；　if　my　position　is　correct。
Another　feature　is　the　slurring　of　the　point。　　A　third　is　the　dropping　of
a　studied　remark　apparently　without　knowing　it；　as　if　one　were　thinking
aloud。　　The　fourth　and　last　is　the　pause。

Artemus　Ward　dealt　in　numbers　three　and　four　a　good　deal。　　He　would　begin
to　tell　with　great　animation　something　which　he　seemed　to　think　was
wonderful；　then　lose　confidence；　and　after　an　apparently　absent…minded
pause　add　an　incongruous　remark　in　a　soliloquizing　way；　and　that　was　the
remark　intended　to　explode　the　mineand　it　did。

For　instance；　he　would　say　eagerly；　excitedly；　〃I　once　knew　a　man　in　New
Zealand　who　hadn't　a　tooth　in　his　head〃here　his　animation　would　die
out；　a　silent；　reflective　pause　would　follow；　then　he　would　say　dreamily；
and　as　if　to　himself；　〃and　yet　that　man　could　beat　a　drum　better　than　any
man　I　ever　saw。〃

The　pause　is　an　exceedingly　important　feature　in　any　kind　of　story；　and　a
frequently　recurring　feature；　too。　　It　is　a　dainty　thing；　and　delicate；
and　also　uncertain　and　treacherous；　for　it　must　be　exactly　the　right
lengthno　more　and　no　lessor　it　fails　of　its　purpose　and　makes
trouble。　　If　the　pause　is　too　short　the　impressive　point　is　passed；　and
＇and　if　too　long＇　the　audience　have　had　time　to　divine　that　a　surprise　is
intendedand　then　you　can't　surprise　them；　of　course。

On　the　platform　I　used　to　tell　a　negro　ghost　story　that　had　a　pause　in
front　of　the　snapper　on　the　end；　and　that　pause　was　the　most　important
thing　in　the　whole　story。　　If　I　got　it　the　right　length　precisely；　I
could　spring　the　finishing　ejaculation　with　effect　enough　to　make　some
impressible　girl　deliver　a　startled　little　yelp　and　jump　out　of　her　seat
and　that　was　what　I　was　after。　　This　story　was　called　〃The　Golden　Arm；〃
and　was　told　in　this　fashion。　　You　can　practise　with　it　yourselfand
mind　you　look　out　for　the　pause　and　get　it　right。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　THE　GOLDEN　ARM。

Once　'pon　a　time　dey　wuz　a　monsus　mean　man；　en　he　live　'way　out　in　de
prairie　all　'lone　by　hisself；　'cep'n　he　had　a　wife。　　En　bimeby　she　died；
en　he　tuck　en　toted　her　way　out　dah　in　de　prairie　en　buried　her。　　Well；
she　had　a　golden　armall　solid　gold；　fum　de　shoulder　down。　　He　wuz
pow'ful　meanpow'ful；　en　dat　night　he　couldn't　sleep；　Gaze　he　want　dat
golden　arm　so　bad。

When　it　come　midnight　he　couldn't　stan'　it　no　mo'；　so　he　git　up；　he　did；
en　tuck　his　lantern　en　shoved　out　thoo　de　storm　en　dug　her　up　en　got　de
golden　arm；　en　he　bent　his　head　down　'gin　de　win'；　en　plowed　en　plowed　en
plowed　thoo　de　snow。　　Den　all　on　a　sudden　he　stop　（make　a　considerable
pause　here；　and　look　startled；　and　take　a　listening　attitude）　en　say：
〃My　LAN'；　what's　dat！〃

En　he　listenen　listenen　de　win'　say　（set　your　teeth　together　and
imitate　the　wailing　and　wheezing　singsong　of　the　wind）；　〃Bzzz…z…zzz〃…
en　den；　way　back　yonder　whah　de　grave　is；　he　hear　a　voice！　　he　hear　a
voice　all　mix'　up　in　de　win'　can't　hardly　tell　'em　'part〃　Bzzz…zzz
W…h…og…o…tm…yg…o…l…d…e…n　arm？　　zzzzzz　W…h…o　g…o…t　m…y　g…o…l…
d…e…n　arm！〃　（You　must　begin　to　shiver　violently　now。）

En　he　begin　to　shiver　en　shake；　en　say；　〃Oh；　my！　　OH；　my　lan'！　　〃en　de
win'　blow　de　lantern　out；　en　de　snow　en　sleet　blow　in　his　face　en　mos'
choke　him；　en　he　start　a…plowin'　knee…deep　towards　home　mos'　dead；　he　so
sk'yerden　pooty　soon　he　hear　de　voice　agin；　en　（pause）　it　'us　comin'
after　him！　　〃BzzzzzzzzzW…h…og…o…t　m…yg…o…l…d…e…narm？〃

When　he　git　to　de　pasture　he　hear　it　agin　closter　now；　en　a…comin'！
a…comin'　back　dah　in　de　dark　en　de　storm（repeat　the　wind　and　the
voice）。　　When　he　git　to　de　house　he　rush　up…stairs　en　jump　in　de　bed　en
kiver　up；　head　and　years；　en　lay　dah　shiverin'　en　shakin'en　den　way　out
dah　he　hear　it　agin！　en　a…comin'！　　En　bimeby　he　hear　（pauseawed；
listening　attitude）patpatpat　hit's　acomin'　up…stairs！　　Den　he
hear　de　latch；　en　he　know　it's　in　de　room！

Den　pooty　soon　he　know　it's　a…stannin'　by　de　bed　！　　（Pause。）　Denhe　know
it's　a…bendin'　down　over　himen　he　cain't　skasely　git　his　breath！　　Den
denhe　seem　to　feel　someth'　n　c…o…l…d；　right　down　'most　agin　his　head！
（Pause。）

Den　de　voice　say；　right　at　his　year　〃　W…h…o　g…o…tm…yg…o…l…d…e…n
arm？〃　（You　must　wail　it　out　very　plaintively　and　accusingly；　then　you
stare　steadily　and　impressively　into　the　face　of　the　farthest…gone
auditora　girl；　preferably　and　let　that　awe…inspiring　pause　begin　to
build　itself　in　the　deep　hush。　　When　it　has　reached　exactly　the　right
length；　jump　suddenly　at　that　girl　and　yell；　〃You've　got　it！〃

If　you've　got　the　pause　right；　she'll　fetch　a　dear　little　yelp　and　spring
right　out　of　her　shoes。　　But　you　must　get　the　pause　right；　and　you　will
find　it　the　most　troublesome　and　aggravating　and　uncertain　thing　you　ever
undertook。