the life of charlotte bronte-1-第26章
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deserving claims。 Tabby had lived with them for ten or twelve years； and was； as Charlotte expressed it； 〃one of the family。〃 But on the other hand； she was past the age for any very active service； being nearer seventy than sixty at the time of the accident； she had a sister living in the village； and the savings she had accumulated； during many years' service； formed a competency for one in her rank of life。 Or if； in this time of sickness； she fell short of any comforts which her state rendered necessary； the parsonage could supply them。 So reasoned Miss Branwell； the prudent； not to say anxious aunt； looking to the limited contents of Mr。 Bronte's purse； and the unprovided…for…future of her nieces； who were； moreover； losing the relaxation of the holidays； in close attendance upon Tabby。
Miss Branwell urged her views upon Mr。 Bronte as soon as the immediate danger to the old servant's life was over。 He refused at first to listen to the careful advice； it was repugnant to his liberal nature。 But Miss Branwell persevered； urged economical motives； pressed on his love for his daughters。 He gave way。 Tabby was to be removed to her sister's； and there nursed and cared for； Mr。 Bronte coming in with his aid when her own resources fell short。 This decision was communicated to the girls。 There were symptoms of a quiet； but sturdy rebellion； that winter afternoon； in the small precincts of Haworth parsonage。 They made one unanimous and stiff remonstrance。 Tabby had tended them in their childhood； they； and none other； should tend her in her infirmity and age。 At tea…time； they were sad and silent； and the meal went away untouched by any of the three。 So it was at breakfast； they did not waste many words on the subject； but each word they did utter was weighty。 They 〃struck〃 eating till the resolution was rescinded； and Tabby was allowed to remain a helpless invalid entirely dependent upon them。 Herein was the strong feeling of Duty being paramount to pleasure； which lay at the foundation of Charlotte's character； made most apparent； for we have seen how she yearned for her friend's company； but it was to be obtained only by shrinking from what she esteemed right； and that she never did； whatever might be the sacrifice。
She had another weight on her mind this Christmas。 I have said that the air of Dewsbury Moor did not agree with her； though she herself was hardly aware how much her life there was affecting her health。 But Anne had begun to suffer just before the holidays； and Charlotte watched over her younger sisters with the jealous vigilance of some wild creature； that changes her very nature if danger threatens her young。 Anne had a slight cough； a pain at her side； a difficulty of breathing。 Miss W… considered it as little more than a common cold； but Charlotte felt every indication of incipient consumption as a stab at her heart； remembering Maria and Elizabeth； whose places once knew them； and should know them no more。
Stung by anxiety for this little sister； she upbraided Miss W… for her fancied indifference to Anne's state of health。 Miss W… felt these reproaches keenly； and wrote to Mr。 Bronte about them。 He immediately replied most kindly； expressing his fear that Charlotte's apprehensions and anxieties respecting her sister had led her to give utterance to over…excited expressions of alarm。 Through Miss W…'s kind consideration； Anne was a year longer at school than her friends intended。 At the close of the half…year Miss W… sought for the opportunity of an explanation of each other's words； and the issue proved that 〃the falling out of faithful friends； renewing is of love。〃 And so ended the first； last； and only difference Charlotte ever had with good； kind Miss W …。
Still her heart had received a shock in the perception of Anne's delicacy； and all these holidays she watched over her with the longing； fond anxiety； which is so full of sudden pangs of fear。
Emily had given up her situation in the Halifax school； at the expiration of six months of arduous trial； on account of her health； which could only be re…established by the bracing moorland air and free life of home。 Tabby's illness had preyed on the family resources。 I doubt whether Branwell was maintaining himself at this time。 For some unexplained reason； he had given up the idea of becoming a student of painting at the Royal Academy； and his prospects in life were uncertain； and had yet to be settled。 So Charlotte had quietly to take up her burden of teaching again； and return to her previous monotonous life。
Brave heart； ready to die in harness！ She went back to her work； and made no complaint； hoping to subdue the weakness that was gaining ground upon her。 About this time； she would turn sick and trembling at any sudden noise； and could hardly repress her screams when startled。 This showed a fearful degree of physical weakness in one who was generally so self…controlled； and the medical man； whom at length； through Miss W…'s entreaty； she was led to consult； insisted on her return to the parsonage。 She had led too sedentary a life； he said； and the soft summer air； blowing round her home； the sweet company of those she loved； the release； the freedom of life in her own family； were needed； to save either reason or life。 So； as One higher than she had over… ruled that for a time she might relax her strain； she returned to Haworth； and after a season of utter quiet； her father sought for her the enlivening society of her two friends； Mary and Martha T。 At the conclusion of the following letter； written to the then absent E。； there is； I think； as pretty a glimpse of a merry group of young people as need be； and like all descriptions of doing； as distinct from thinking or feeling； in letters； it saddens one in proportion to the vivacity of the picture of what was once； and is now utterly swept away。
〃Haworth； June 9； 1838。
〃I received your packet of despatches on Wednesday； it was brought me by Mary and Martha； who have been staying at Haworth for a few days； they leave us to…day。 You will be surprised at the date of this letter。 I ought to be at Dewsbury Moor； you know； but I stayed as long as I was able； and at length I neither could nor dared stay any longer。 My health and spirits had utterly failed me； and the medical man whom I consulted enjoined me； as I valued my life； to go home。 So home I went； and the change has at once roused and soothed me； and I am now； I trust； fairly in the way to be myself again。
〃A calm and even mind like yours cannot conceive the feelings of the shattered wretch who is now writing to you； when； after weeks of mental and bodily anguish not to be described； something like peace began to dawn again。 Mary is far from well。 She breathes short； has a pain in her chest； and frequent flushings of fever。 I cannot tell you what agony these symptoms give me； they remind me too strongly of my two sisters； whom no power of medicine could save。 Martha is now very well； she has kept in a continual flow of good humour during her stay here； and has consequently been very fascinating 。 。 。 〃
〃They are making such a noise about me I cannot write any more。 Mary is playing on the piano； Martha is chattering as fast as her little tongue can run； and Branwell is standing before her； laughing at her vivacity。〃
Charlotte grew much stronger in this quiet； happy period at home。 She paid occasional visits to her two great friends； and they in return came to Haworth。 At one of their houses； I suspect； she met with the person to whom the following letter referssome one having a slight resemblance to the character of 〃St。 John；〃 in the last volume of 〃Jane Eyre；〃 and； like him； in holy orders。
〃March 12； 1839。
。 。 。 〃I had a kindly leaning towards him； because he is an amiable and well…disposed man。 Yet I had not； and could not have； that intense attachment which would make me willing to die for him； and if ever I marry； it must be in that light of adoration that I will regard my husband。 Ten to one I shall never have the chance again； but N'IMPORTE。 Moreover； I was aware that he knew so little of me he could hardly be conscious to whom he was writing。 Why！ it would startle him to see me in my natural home character； he would think I was a wild； romantic enthusiast indeed。 I could not sit all day long making a grave face before my husband。 I would laugh； and satirize； and say whatever came into my head first。 And if he were a clever man； and loved me； the whole world； weighed in the balance against his smallest wish； should be light as air。〃
So thather first proposal of marriagewas quietly declined and put on one side。 Matrimony did not enter into the scheme of her life； but good； sound； earnest labour did； the question； however； was as yet undecided in what direction she should employ her forces。 She had been discouraged in literature； her eyes failed her in the minute kind of drawing which she practised when she wanted to express an idea； teaching seemed to her at this time； as it does to most women at all times； the only way of earning an independent livelihood。 But neither she nor her sisters were naturally fond of children。 The hieroglyphics of childhood were an unknown language to them； for they had never been much with those younger than themselves。 I am inclined to think； too； that they had not the happy knack of imparting information； which seems to be a separate gift from the faculty of acquiring it； a kind of sympathetic tact； which instinctively perceives the difficulties that impede comprehension in a child's mind； and that yet are too vague and unformed for it； with its half…developed powers of expression； to explain by words。 Consequently； teaching very young children was anything but a 〃delightful task〃 to the three Bronte sisters。 With older girls； verging on womanhood； they might have done better； especially if these had any desire for improvement。 But the education which the village clergyman's daughters had received； did not as yet qualify them to undertake the charge of advanced pupils。 They knew but little French； and were not proficients in music； I doubt whether Charlotte could play at all。 But they were all strong again； and； at any rate； Charlotte and Anne must put their shoulders to the wheel。 One daughter was needed at home； to stay with Mr。 Bronte and Miss Branwell； to be the young and active member in a household of four； whereof threethe father； the aunt； and faithful Tabby were past middle age。 And Emily； who suffered and drooped more than her sisters when away from Haworth； was the one appointed to remain。 Anne was the first to meet with a situation。
〃April 15th； 1839。
〃I could not write to you in the week you requested； as about that time we were very busy in preparing for Anne's departure。 Poor child！ she left us last Monday； no one went with her； it was her own wish that she might be allowed to go alone； as she thought she could manage better and summon more courage if thrown entirely upon her own resources。 We have had one letter from her since she went。 She expresses herself very well satisfied； and says that Mrs。is extremely kind； the two eldest children alone are under her care； the rest are confined to the nursery； with wh
