the life of charlotte bronte-1-第33章

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han　her　own。　　But　no　trembling　impatience　should　lead　her　to　take　an　unwise　step　in　haste。　　She　inquired　in　every　direction　she　could；　as　to　the　chances　which　a　new　school　might　have　of　success。　In　all　there　seemed　more　establishments　like　the　one　which　the　sisters　wished　to　set　up　than　could　be　supported。　　What　was　to　be　done？　　Superior　advantages　must　be　offered。　　But　how？　　They　themselves　abounded　in　thought；　power；　and　information；　but　these　are　qualifications　scarcely　fit　to　be　inserted　in　a　prospectus。　Of　French　they　knew　something；　enough　to　read　it　fluently；　but　hardly　enough　to　teach　it　in　competition　with　natives　or　professional　masters。　　Emily　and　Anne　had　some　knowledge　of　music；　but　here　again　it　was　doubtful　whether；　without　more　instruction；　they　could　engage　to　give　lessons　in　it。

Just　about　this　time；　Miss　W…　was　thinking　of　relinquishing　her　school　at　Dewsbury　Moor；　and　offered　to　give　it　up　in　favour　of　her　old　pupils；　the　Brontes。　　A　sister　of　hers　had　taken　the　active　management　since　the　time　when　Charlotte　was　a　teacher；　but　the　number　of　pupils　had　diminished；　and；　if　the　Brontes　undertook　it；　they　would　have　to　try　and　work　it　up　to　its　former　state　of　prosperity。　　This；　again；　would　require　advantages　on　their　part　which　they　did　not　at　present　possess；　but　which　Charlotte　caught　a　glimpse　of。　　She　resolved　to　follow　the　clue；　and　never　to　rest　till　she　had　reached　a　successful　issue。　　With　the　forced　calm　of　a　suppressed　eagerness；　that　sends　a　glow　of　desire　through　every　word　of　the　following　letter；　she　wrote　to　her　aunt　thus。


〃Dear　Aunt；

〃Sept。　29th；　1841。

〃I　have　heard　nothing　of　Miss　W…　yet　since　I　wrote　to　her；　intimating　that　I　would　accept　her　offer。　　I　cannot　conjecture　the　reason　of　this　long　silence；　unless　some　unforeseen　impediment　has　occurred　in　concluding　the　bargain。　　Meantime；　a　plan　has　been　suggested　and　approved　by　Mr。　and　Mrs。〃　（the　father　and　mother　of　her　pupils）　〃and　others；　which　I　wish　now　to　impart　to　you。　　My　friends　recommend　me；　if　I　desire　to　secure　permanent　success；　to　delay　commencing　the　school　for　six　months　longer；　and　by　all　means　to　contrive；　by　hook　or　by　crook；　to　spend　the　intervening　time　in　some　school　on　the　continent。　　They　say　schools　in　England　are　so　numerous；　competition　so　great；　that　without　some　such　step　towards　attaining　superiority；　we　shall　probably　have　a　very　hard　struggle；　and　may　fail　in　the　end。　　They　say；　moreover；　that　the　loan　of　100L。；　which　you　have　been　so　kind　as　to　offer　us；　will；　perhaps；　not　be　all　required　now；　as　Miss　W…　will　lend　us　the　furniture；　and　that；　if　the　speculation　is　intended　to　be　a　good　and　successful　one；　half　the　sum；　at　least；　ought　to　be　laid　out　in　the　manner　I　have　mentioned；　thereby　insuring　a　more　speedy　repayment　both　of　interest　and　principal。

〃I　would　not　go　to　France　or　to　Paris。　　I　would　go　to　Brussels；　in　Belgium。　　The　cost　of　the　journey　there；　at　the　dearest　rate　of　travelling；　would　be　5L。；　living　is　there　little　more　than　half　as　dear　as　it　is　in　England；　and　the　facilities　for　education　are　equal　or　superior　to　any　other　place　in　Europe。　　In　half　a　year；　I　could　acquire　a　thorough　familiarity　with　French。　　I　could　improve　greatly　in　Italian；　and　even　get　a　dash　of　German；　i。e。；　providing　my　health　continued　as　good　as　it　is　now。　　Mary　is　now　staying　at　Brussels；　at　a　first…rate　establishment　there。　　I　should　not　think　of　going　to　the　Chateau　de　Kokleberg；　where　she　is　resident；　as　the　terms　are　much　too　high；　but　if　I　wrote　to　her；　she；　with　the　assistance　of　Mrs。　Jenkins；　the　wife　of　the　British　Chaplain；　would　be　able　to　secure　me　a　cheap；　decent　residence　and　respectable　protection。　　I　should　have　the　opportunity　of　seeing　her　frequently；　she　would　make　me　acquainted　with　the　city；　and；　with　the　assistance　of　her　cousins；　I　should　probably　be　introduced　to　connections　far　more　improving；　polished；　and　cultivated；　than　any　I　have　yet　known。

〃These　are　advantages　which　would　turn　to　real　account；　when　we　actually　commenced　a　school；　and；　if　Emily　could　share　them　with　me；　we　could　take　a　footing　in　the　world　afterwards　which　we　can　never　do　now。　　I　say　Emily　instead　of　Anne；　for　Anne　might　take　her　turn　at　some　future　period；　if　our　school　answered。　　I　feel　certain；　while　I　am　writing；　that　you　will　see　the　propriety　of　what　I　say。　　You　always　like　to　use　your　money　to　the　best　advantage。　　You　are　not　fond　of　making　shabby　purchases；　when　you　do　confer　a　favour；　it　is　often　done　in　style；　and　depend　upon　it；　50L。；　or　100L。；　thus　laid　out；　would　be　well　employed。　　Of　course；　I　know　no　other　friend　in　the　world　to　whom　I　could　apply　on　this　subject　except　yourself。　　I　feel　an　absolute　conviction　that；　if　this　advantage　were　allowed　us；　it　would　be　the　making　of　us　for　life。　　Papa　will；　perhaps；　think　it　a　wild　and　ambitious　scheme；　but　who　ever　rose　in　the　world　without　ambition？　　When　he　left　Ireland　to　go　to　Cambridge　University；　he　was　as　ambitious　as　I　am　now。　　I　want　us　ALL　to　get　on。　　I　know　we　have　talents；　and　I　want　them　to　be　turned　to　account。　　I　look　to　you；　aunt；　to　help　us。　　I　think　you　will　not　refuse。　　I　know；　if　you　consent；　it　shall　not　be　my　fault　if　you　ever　repent　your　kindness。〃


This　letter　was　written　from　the　house　in　which　she　was　residing　as　governess。　　It　was　some　little　time　before　an　answer　came。　Much　had　to　be　talked　over　between　the　father　and　aunt　in　Haworth　Parsonage。　　At　last　consent　was　given。　　Then；　and　not　till　then；　she　confided　her　plan　to　an　intimate　friend。　　She　was　not　one　to　talk　over…much　about　any　project；　while　it　remained　uncertainto　speak　about　her　labour；　in　any　direction；　while　its　result　was　doubtful。


〃Nov。　2nd；　1841。

〃Now　let　us　begin　to　quarrel。　　In　the　first　place；　I　must　consider　whether　I　will　commence　operations　on　the　defensive；　or　the　offensive。　　The　defensive；　I　think。　　You　say；　and　I　see　plainly；　that　your　feelings　have　been　hurt　by　an　apparent　want　of　confidence　on　my　part。　　You　heard　from　others　of　Miss　W…'s　overtures　before　I　communicated　them　to　you　myself。　　This　is　true。　I　was　deliberating　on　plans　important　to　my　future　prospects。　　I　never　exchanged　a　letter　with　you　on　the　subject。　　True　again。　This　appears　strange　conduct　to　a　friend；　near　and　dear；　long…　known；　and　never　found　wanting。　　Most　true。　　I　cannot　give　you　my　EXCUSES　for　this　behaviour；　this　word　EXCUSE　implies　confession　of　a　fault；　and　I　do　not　feel　that　I　have　been　in　fault。　　The　plain　fact　is；　I　WAS　not；　I　am　not　now；　certain　of　my　destiny。　　On　the　contrary；　I　have　been　most　uncertain；　perplexed　with　contradictory　schemes　and　proposals。　　My　time；　as　I　have　often　told　you；　is　fully　occupied；　yet　I　had　many　letters　to　write；　which　it　was　absolutely　necessary　should　be　written。　　I　knew　it　would　avail　nothing　to　write　to　you　then　to　say　I　was　in　doubt　and　uncertaintyhoping　this；　fearing　that；　anxious；　eagerly　desirous　to　do　what　seemed　impossible　to　be　done。　　When　I　thought　of　you　in　that　busy　interval；　it　was　to　resolve；　that　you　should　know　all　when　my　way　was　clear；　and　my　grand　end　attained。　　If　I　could；　I　would　always　work　in　silence　and　obscurity；　and　let　my　efforts　be　known　by　their　results。　　Miss　W…　did　most　kindly　propose　that　I　should　come　to　Dewsbury　Moor　and　attempt　to　revive　the　school　her　sister　had　relinquished。　　She　offered　me　the　use　of　her　furniture。　At　first；　I　received　the　proposal　cordially；　and　prepared　to　do　my　utmost　to　bring　about　success；　but　a　fire　was　kindled　in　my　very　heart；　which　I　could　not　quench。　　I　so　longed　to　increase　my　attainmentsto　become　something　better　than　I　am；　a　glimpse　of　what　I　felt；　I　showed　to　you　in　one　of　my　former　lettersonly　a　glimpse；　Mary　cast　oil　upon　the　flamesencouraged　me；　and　in　her　own　strong；　energetic　language；　heartened　me　on。　　I　longed　to　go　to　Brussels；　but　how　could　I　get　there？　　I　wished　for　one；　at　least；　of　my　sisters　to　share　the　advantage　with　me。　　I　fixed　on　Emily。　　She　deserved　the　reward；　I　knew。　　How　could　the　point　be　managed？　　In　extreme　excitement；　I　wrote　a　letter　home；　which　carried　the　day。　　I　made　an　appeal　to　aunt　for　assistance；　which　was　answered　by　consent。　　Things　are　not　settled；　yet　it　is　sufficient　to　say　we　have　a　CHANCE　of　going　for　half　a　year。　Dewsbury　Moor　is　relinquished。　　Perhaps；　fortunately　so。　　In　my　secret　soul；　I　believe　there　is　no　cause　to　regret　it。　　My　plans　for　the　future　are　bounded　to　this　intention：　　if　I　once　get　to　Brussels；　and　if　my　health　is　spared；　I　will　do　my　best　to　make　the　utmost　of　every　advantage　that　shall　come　within　my　reach。　When　the　half…year　is　expired；　I　will　do　what　I　can。

*　*　*

〃Believe　me；　though　I　was　born　in　April；　the　month　of　cloud　and　sunshine；　I　am　not　changeful。　　My　spirits　are　unequal；　and　sometimes　I　speak　vehemently；　and　sometimes　I　say　nothing　at　all；　but　I　have　a　steady　regard　for　you；　and　if　you　will　let　the　cloud　and　shower　pass　by；　be　sure　the　sun　is　always　behind；　obscured；　but　still　existing。〃


At　Christmas　she　left　her　situation；　after　a　parting　with　her　employers　which　seems　to　have　affected　and　touched　her　greatly。　〃They　only　made　too　much　of　me；〃　was　her　remark；　after　leaving　this　family；　〃I　did　not　deserve　it。〃


All　four　children　hoped　to　meet　together　at　their　father's　house　this　December。　　Branwell　expected　to　have　a　short　leave　of　absence　from　his　employment　as　a　clerk　on　the　Leeds　and　Manchester　Railway；　in　which　he　had　been　engaged　for　five　months。　　Anne　arrived　before　Christmas…day。　　She　had　rendered　herself　so　valuable　in　her　difficult　situation；　that　her　employers　vehemently　urged　her　to　return；　although　she　had　announced　her　resolution　to　leave　them；　partly　on　account　of　the　harsh　treatment　she　had　received；　and　partly　because　her　stay　at　home；　during　her　sisters'　absence　in　Belgium；　seemed　desirable；　when　the　age　of　the　three　remaining　inhabitants　of　the　parsonage　was　taken　into　consideration。

After　some　correspondence　and　much　talking　over　plans　at　home；　it　seemed　better；　in　consequence　of　letters　which　they　received　from　Brussels　giving　a　discouraging　account　of　the　schools　there；　that　Charlotte　and　Emily　should　go　to　an　institution　at　Lille；　in　the　north　of　France；　which　was　highly　recommended　by　Baptist　Noel；　and　other　clergymen。　　Indeed；　at　the　end　of　January；　it　was　arranged　that　they　were　to　set　off　for　this　place　in　three　weeks；　under　the　escort　of　a　French　lady；　then　visiting　in　London。　　The　terms　were　50L。　each　pupil；　for　board　and　French　alone；　but　a　separate　room　was　to　be　allowed　for　this　sum；　without　this　indulgence；　it　was　lower。　　Charlotte　writes：…


〃January　20th；　1842。

〃I　consider　it　kind　in　aunt　to　consent　to　an　extra　sum　for　a　separate　room。　　We　shall　find　it　a　great　privilege　in　many　ways。　I　regret　the　change　from　Brussels　to　Lille　on　many　accounts；　chiefly　that　I　shall　not　see　Martha。　　Mary　has　been　indefatigably　kind　in　providing　me　with　information。　　She　has　grudged　no　labour；　and　scarcely　any　expense；　to　that　end。　　Mary's　price　is　above　rubies。　　I　have；　in　fact；　two　friendsyou　and　herstaunch　and　true；　in　whose　faith　and　sincerity　I　have　as　strong　a　belief　as　I　have　in　the　Bible。　　I　have　bothered　you　bothyou　especially；　but　you　always　get　the　tongs　and　heap　coals　of　fire　upon　my　head。　　I　have　had　letters　to　write　lately　to　Brussels；　to　Lille；