the life of charlotte bronte-1-第38章

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her　present　employment　failed　and　that　she　hated　the　idea。　　Charlotte　naturally　looked　with　curiosity　to　people　of　her　own　condition。　This　woman　almost　frightened　her。　　'She　declares　there　is　nothing　she　can　turn　to；　and　laughs　at　the　idea　of　delicacy；and　she　is　only　ten　years　older　than　I　am！'　　I　did　not　see　the　connection　till　she　said；　'Well；　Polly；　I　should　hate　being　a　sister　of　charity；　I　suppose　that　would　shock　some　people；　but　I　should。'　　I　thought　she　would　have　as　much　feeling　as　a　nurse　as　most　people；　and　more　than　some。　　She　said　she　did　not　know　how　people　could　bear　the　constant　pressure　of　misery；　and　never　to　change　except　to　a　new　form　of　it。　　It　would　be　impossible　to　keep　one's　natural　feelings。　　I　promised　her　a　better　destiny　than　to　go　begging　any　one　to　marry　her；　or　to　lose　her　natural　feelings　as　a　sister　of　charity。　　She　said；　'My　youth　is　leaving　me；　I　can　never　do　better　than　I　have　done；　and　I　have　done　nothing　yet。'　　At　such　times　she　seemed　to　think　that　most　human　beings　were　destined　by　the　pressure　of　worldly　interests　to　lose　one　faculty　and　feeling　after　another　'till　they　went　dead　altogether。　　I　hope　I　shall　be　put　in　my　grave　as　soon　as　I'm　dead；　I　don't　want　to　walk　about　so。'　　Here　we　always　differed。　　I　thought　the　degradation　of　nature　she　feared　was　a　consequence　of　poverty；　and　that　she　should　give　her　attention　to　earning　money。　　Sometimes　she　admitted　this；　but　could　find　no　means　of　earning　money。　　At　others　she　seemed　afraid　of　letting　her　thoughts　dwell　on　the　subject；　saying　it　brought　on　the　worst　palsy　of　all。　　Indeed；　in　her　position；　nothing　less　than　entire　constant　absorption　in　petty　money　matters　could　have　scraped　together　a　provision。

〃Of　course　artists　and　authors　stood　high　with　Charlotte；　and　the　best　thing　after　their　works　would　have　been　their　company。　　She　used　very　inconsistently　to　rail　at　money　and　money…getting；　and　then　wish　she　was　able　to　visit　all　the　large　towns　in　Europe；　see　all　the　sights　and　know　all　the　celebrities。　　This　was　her　notion　of　literary　fame；a　passport　to　the　society　of　clever　people　。　。　。　When　she　had　become　acquainted　with　the　people　and　ways　at　Brussels　her　life　became　monotonous；　and　she　fell　into　the　same　hopeless　state　as　at　Miss　W…'s；　though　in　a　less　degree。　　I　wrote　to　her；　urging　her　to　go　home　or　elsewhere；　she　had　got　what　she　wanted　（French）；　and　there　was　at　least　novelty　in　a　new　place；　if　no　improvement。　　That　if　she　sank　into　deeper　gloom　she　would　soon　not　have　energy　to　go；　and　she　was　too　far　from　home　for　her　friends　to　hear　of　her　condition　and　order　her　home　as　they　had　done　from　Miss　W…'s。　　She　wrote　that　I　had　done　her　a　great　service；　that　she　should　certainly　follow　my　advice；　and　was　much　obliged　to　me。　　I　have　often　wondered　at　this　letter。　　Though　she　patiently　tolerated　advice；　she　could　always　quietly　put　it　aside；　and　do　as　she　thought　fit。　　More　than　once　afterwards　she　mentioned　the　'service'　I　had　done　her。　　She　sent　me　10L。　to　New　Zealand；　on　hearing　some　exaggerated　accounts　of　my　circumstances；　and　told　me　she　hoped　it　would　come　in　seasonably；　it　was　a　debt　she　owed　me　'for　the　service　I　had　done　her。'　　I　should　think　10L。　was　a　quarter　of　her　income。　　The　'service'　was　mentioned　as　an　apology；　but　kindness　was　the　real　motive。〃

The　first　break　in　this　life　of　regular　duties　and　employments　came　heavily　and　sadly。　　Marthapretty；　winning；　mischievous；　tricksome　Marthawas　taken　ill　suddenly　at　the　Chateau　de　Koekelberg。　　Her　sister　tended　her　with　devoted　love；　but　it　was　all　in　vain；　in　a　few　days　she　died。　　Charlotte's　own　short　account　of　this　event　is　as　follows：…

〃Martha　T。's　illness　was　unknown　to　me　till　the　day　before　she　died。　　I　hastened　to　Koekelberg　the　next　morningunconscious　that　she　was　in　great　dangerand　was　told　that　it　was　finished。　　She　had　died　in　the　night。　　Mary　was　taken　away　to　Bruxelles。　　I　have　seen　Mary　frequently　since。　　She　is　in　no　ways　crushed　by　the　event；　but　while　Martha　was　ill；　she　was　to　her　more　than　a　mothermore　than　a　sister：　　watching；　nursing；　cherishing　her　so　tenderly；　so　unweariedly。　　She　appears　calm　and　serious　now；　no　bursts　of　violent　emotion；　no　exaggeration　of　distress。　　I　have　seen　Martha's　gravethe　place　where　her　ashes　lie　in　a　foreign　country。〃

Who　that　has　read　〃Shirley〃　does　not　remember　the　few　lines　perhaps　half　a　pageof　sad　recollection？


〃He　has　no　idea　that　little　Jessy　will　die　young；　she　is　so　gay；　and　chattering；　and　archoriginal　even　now；　passionate　when　provoked；　but　most　affectionate　if　caressed；　by　turns　gentle　and　rattling；　exacting　yet　generous；　fearless　。　。　。　yet　reliant　on　any　who　will　help　her。　　Jessy；　with　her　little　piquant　face；　engaging　prattle；　and　winning　ways；　is　made　to　be　a　pet。

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〃Do　you　know　this　place？　　No；　you　never　saw　it；　but　you　recognise　the　nature　of　these　trees；　this　foliagethe　cypress；　the　willow；　the　yew。　　Stone　crosses　like　these　are　not　unfamiliar　to　you；　nor　are　these　dim　garlands　of　everlasting　flowers。　　Here　is　the　place：　green　sod　and　a　grey　marble　head…stoneJessy　sleeps　below。　　She　lived　through　an　April　day；　much　loved　was　she；　much　loving。　　She　often；　in　her　brief　life；　shed　tearsshe　had　frequent　sorrows；　she　smiled　between；　gladdening　whatever　saw　her。　　Her　death　was　tranquil　and　happy　in　Rose's　guardian　arms；　for　Rose　had　been　her　stay　and　defence　through　many　trials；　the　dying　and　the　watching　English　girls　were　at　that　hour　alone　in　a　foreign　country；　and　the　soil　of　that　country　gave　Jessy　a　grave。

*　*　*

〃But；　Jessy；　I　will　write　about　you　no　more。　　This　is　an　autumn　evening；　wet　and　wild。　　There　is　only　one　cloud　in　the　sky；　but　it　curtains　it　from　pole　to　pole。　　The　wind　cannot　rest；　it　hurries　sobbing　over　hills　of　sullen　outline；　colourless　with　twilight　and　mist。　　Rain　has　beat　all　day　on　that　church　tower〃　（Haworth）：　　〃it　rises　dark　from　the　stony　enclosure　of　its　graveyard：　　the　nettles；　the　long　grass；　and　the　tombs　all　drip　with　wet。　　This　evening　reminds　me　too　forcibly　of　another　evening　some　years　ago：　a　howling；　rainy　autumn　evening　toowhen　certain　who　had　that　day　performed　a　pilgrimage　to　a　grave　new　made　in　a　heretic　cemetery；　sat　near　a　wood　fire　on　the　hearth　of　a　foreign　dwelling。　　They　were　merry　and　social；　but　they　each　knew　that　a　gap；　never　to　be　filled；　had　been　made　in　their　circle。　　They　knew　they　had　lost　something　whose　absence　could　never　be　quite　atoned　for；　so　long　as　they　lived；　and　they　knew　that　heavy　falling　rain　was　soaking　into　the　wet　earth　which　covered　their　lost　darling；　and　that　the　sad；　sighing　gale　was　mourning　above　her　buried　head。　　The　fire　warmed　them；　Life　and　Friendship　yet　blessed　them：　　but　Jessy　lay　cold；　coffined；　solitaryonly　the　sod　screening　her　from　the　storm。〃

This　was　the　first　death　that　had　occurred　in　the　small　circle　of　Charlotte's　immediate　and　intimate　friends　since　the　loss　of　her　two　sisters　long　ago。　　She　was　still　in　the　midst　of　her　deep　sympathy　with　〃Mary；〃　when　word　came　from　home　that　her　aunt；　Miss　Branwell；　was　ailingwas　very　ill。　　Emily　and　Charlotte　immediately　resolved　to　go　home　straight；　and　hastily　packed　up　for　England；　doubtful　whether　they　should　ever　return　to　Brussels　or　not；　leaving　all　their　relations　with　M。　and　Madame　Heger；　and　the　pensionnat；　uprooted；　and　uncertain　of　any　future　existence。　Even　before　their　departure；　on　the　morning　after　they　received　the　first　intelligence　of　illnesswhen　they　were　on　the　very　point　of　startingcame　a　second　letter；　telling　them　of　their　aunt's　death。　　It　could　not　hasten　their　movements；　for　every　arrangement　had　been　made　for　speed。　　They　sailed　from　Antwerp；　they　travelled　night　and　day；　and　got　home　on　a　Tuesday　morning。　The　funeral　and　all　was　over；　and　Mr。　Bronte　and　Anne　were　sitting　together；　in　quiet　grief　for　the　loss　of　one　who　had　done　her　part　well　in　their　household　for　nearly　twenty　years；　and　earned　the　regard　and　respect　of　many　who　never　knew　how　much　they　should　miss　her　till　she　was　gone。　　The　small　property　which　she　had　accumulated；　by　dint　of　personal　frugality　and　self…denial；　was　bequeathed　to　her　nieces。　　Branwell；　her　darling；　was　to　have　had　his　share；　but　his　reckless　expenditure　had　distressed　the　good　old　lady；　and　his　name　was　omitted　in　her　will。

When　the　first　shock　was　over；　the　three　sisters　began　to　enjoy　the　full　relish　of　meeting　again；　after　the　longest　separation　they　had　had　in　their　lives。　　They　had　much　to　tell　of　the　past；　and　much　to　settle　for　the　future。　　Anne　had　been　for　some　little　time　in　a　situation；　to　which　she　was　to　return　at　the　end　of　the　Christmas　holidays。　　For　another　year　or　so　they　were　again　to　be　all　three　apart；　and；　after　that；　the　happy　vision　of　being　together　and　opening　a　school　was　to　be　realised。　　Of　course　they　did　not　now　look　forward　to　settling　at　Burlington；　or　any　other　place　which　would　take　them　away　from　their　father；　but　the　small　sum　which　they　each　independently　possessed　would　enable　them　to　effect　such　alterations　in　the　parsonage…house　at　Haworth　as　would　adapt　it　to　the　reception　of　pupils。　　Anne's　plans　for　the　interval　were　fixed。　　Emily　quickly　decided　to　be　the　daughter　to　remain　at　home。　　About　Charlotte　there　was　much　deliberation　and　some　discussion。

Even　in　all　the　haste　of　their　sudden　departure　from　Brussels；　M。　Heger　had　found　time　to　write　a　letter　of　sympathy　to　Mr。　Bronte　on　the　loss　which　he　had　just　sustained；　a　letter　containing　such　a　graceful　appreciation　of　the　daughters'　characters；　under　the　form　of　a　tribute　of　respect　to　their　father；　that　I　should　have　been　tempted　to　copy　it；　even　had　there　not　also　been　a　proposal　made　in　it　respecting　Charlotte；　which　deserves　a　place　in　the　record　of　her　life。

〃Au　Reverend　Monsieur　Bronte；　Pasteur　Evangelique；　&c；　&c。

〃Samedi；　5　Obre。

〃MONSIEUR；

〃Un　evenement　bien　triste　decide　mesdemoiselles　vas　filles　e　retourner　brusquement　en　Angleterre；　ce　depart　qui　nous　afflige　beaucoup　a　cependant　ma　complete　approbation；　il　est　bien　naturel　qu'elles　cherchent　e　vous　consoler　de　ce　que　le　ciel　vient　de　vous　oter；　on　se　serrant　autour　de　vous；　poui　mieux　vous　faire　apprecier　ce　que　le　ciel　vous　a　donne　et　ce　qu'il　vous　laisse　encore。　　J'espere　que　vous　me　pardonnerez；　Monsieur；　de　profiter　de　cette　circonstance　pour　vous　faire　parvenir　l'expression　de　mon　respect；　je　n'ai　pas　l'honneur　de　vous　connaitre　personnellement；　et　cependant　j'eprouve　pour　votre　personne　un　sentiment　de　sincere　veneration；　car　en　jugeant　un　pere　de　famille　par　ses　enfants　on　ne　risque　pas　de　se　tromper；　et　sous　ce　rapport　l'education　et　les　sentiments　que　nous　avons　trouves　dans　mesdemoiselles　vos　filles　n'ont　pu　que　nous　donner　une　tres…haute　idee　de　votre　merite　et　de　votre　caractere。　　Vous　apprendrez　sans　doute　avec　plaisir　que　vos　enfants　ont　fait　du　progres　tresremarquable　dans　toutes　les　branches　de　l'enseignenient；　et　que　ces　progres　sont　entierement　du　e　leur　amour　pour　le　travail　et　e　leur　perseverance；　nous　n'avons　eu　que　bien　peu　e　faire　avec　de　pareilles　eleves；　leur　avancement　est　votre　oeuvre　bien　plus　que　la　notre；　nous　n'avons　pas　eu　e　leur　apprendre　le　prix　du　temps　et　de　l'instruction；　elles　avaient　appris　tout　cela　dans　la　maison　paternelle；　et　nous　n'avons　eu；　pour　notre　part；　que　le　faible　mer