the story of an african farm-第3章
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wicked。 His physical heart had pain also； it seemed full of little bits of
glass； that hurt。 He had sat there for half an hour； and he dared not go
back to the close house。
He felt horribly lonely。 There was not one thing so wicked as he in all
the world； and he knew it。 He folded his arms and began to crynot aloud；
he sobbed without making any sound； and his tears left scorched marks where
they fell。 He could not pray； he had prayed night and day for so many
months； and tonight he could not pray。 When he left off crying； he held
his aching head with his brown hands。 If one might have gone up to him and
touched him kindly； poor； ugly little thing！ Perhaps his heart was almost
broken。
With his swollen eyes he sat there on a flat stone at the very top of the
kopje； and the tree； with every one of its wicked leaves； blinked； and
blinked； and blinked at him。 Presently he began to cry again； and then
stopped his crying to look at it。 He was quiet for a long while； then he
knelt up slowly and bent forward。 There was a secret he had carried in his
heart for a year。 He had not dared to look at it； he had not whispered it
to himself； but for a year he had carried it。 〃I hate God！〃 he said。 The
wind took the words and ran away with them； among the stones； and through
the leaves of the prickly pear。 He thought it died away half down the
kopje。 He had told it now！
〃I love Jesus Christ； but I hate God。〃
The wind carried away that sound as it had done the first。 Then he got up
and buttoned his old coat about him。 He knew he was certainly lost now； he
did not care。 If half the world were to be lost； why not he too？ He would
not pray for mercy any more。 Better sobetter to know certainly。 It was
ended now。 Better so。
He began scrambling down the sides of the kopje to go home。
Better so！ But oh； the loneliness； the agonized pain！ for that night； and
for nights on nights to come！ The anguish that sleeps all day on the heart
like a heavy worm； and wakes up at night to feed！
There are some of us who in after years say to Fate； 〃Now deal us your
hardest blow； give us what you will； but let us never again suffer as we
suffered when we were children。〃
The barb in the arrow of childhood's suffering is this： its intense
loneliness； its intense agony。
Chapter 1。II。 Plans and Bushman Paintings。
At last came the year of the great drought； the year of eighteen…sixty…two。
From end to end of the land the earth cried for water。 Man and beast
turned their eyes to the pitiless sky； that like the roof of some brazen
oven arched overhead。 On the farm； day after day； month after month； the
water in the dams fell lower and lower； the sheep died in the fields； the
cattle； scarcely able to crawl； tottered as they moved from spot to spot in
search of food。 Week after week； month after month； the sun looked down
from the cloudless sky； till the karoo…bushes were leafless sticks； broken
into the earth； and the earth itself was naked and bare； and only the milk…
bushes； like old hags； pointed their shrivelled fingers heavenward； praying
for the rain that never came。
。。。
It was on an afternoon of a long day in that thirsty summer； that on the
side of the kopje furthest from the homestead the two girls sat。 They were
somewhat grown since the days when they played hide…and…seek there； but
they were mere children still。
Their dress was of dark； coarse stuff； their common blue pinafores reached
to their ankles； and on their feet they wore home…made velschoen。
They sat under a shelving rock； on the surface of which were still visible
some old Bushman paintings； their red and black pigments having been
preserved through long years from wind and rain by the overhanging ledge；
grotesque oxen； elephants； rhinoceroses； and a one…horned beast； such as no
man ever has seen or ever shall。
The girls sat with their backs to the paintings。 In their laps were a few
fern and ice…plant leaves； which by dint of much searching they had
gathered under the rocks。
Em took off her big brown kapje and began vigorously to fan her red face
with it； but her companion bent low over the leaves in her lap； and at last
took up an ice…plant leaf and fastened it on to the front of her blue
pinafore with a pin。
〃Diamonds must look as these drops do；〃 she said； carefully bending over
the leaf； and crushing one crystal drop with her delicate little nail。
〃When I；〃 she said； 〃am grown up； I shall wear real diamonds； exactly like
these in my hair。〃
Her companion opened her eyes and wrinkled her low forehead。
〃Where will you find them； Lyndall？ The stones are only crystals that we
picked up yesterday。 Old Otto says so。〃
〃And you think that I am going to stay here always？〃
The lip trembled scornfully。
〃Ah； no；〃 said her companion。 〃I suppose some day we shall go somewhere；
but now we are only twelve； and we cannot marry till we are seventeen。
Four years； fivethat is a long time to wait。 And we might not have
diamonds if we did marry。〃
〃And you think that I am going to stay here till then？〃
〃Well； where are you going？〃 asked her companion。
The girl crushed an ice…plant leaf between her fingers。
〃Tant Sannie is a miserable old woman；〃 she said。 〃Your father married her
when he was dying； because he thought she would take better care of the
farm； and of us； than an English woman。 He said we should be taught and
sent to school。 Now she saves every farthing for herself； buys us not even
one old book。 She does not ill…use uswhy？ Because she is afraid of your
father's ghost。 Only this morning she told her Hottentot that she would
have beaten you for breaking the plate； but that three nights ago she heard
a rustling and a grunting behind the pantry door； and knew it was your
father coming to spook her。 She is a miserable old woman；〃 said the girl；
throwing the leaf from her； 〃but I intend to go to school。〃
〃And if she won't let you？〃
〃I shall make her。〃
〃How？〃
The child took not the slightest notice of the last question； and folded
her small arms across her knees。
〃But why do you want to go； Lyndall？〃
〃There is nothing helps in this world；〃 said the child slowly； 〃but to be
very wise； and to know everythingto be clever。〃
〃But I should not like to go to school！〃 persisted the small freckled face。
〃And you do not need to。 When you are seventeen this Boer…woman will go；
you will have this farm and everything that is upon it for your own； but
I；〃 said Lyndall； 〃will have nothing。 I must learn。〃
〃Oh； Lyndall！ I will give you some of my sheep；〃 said Em； with a sudden
burst of pitying generosity。
〃I do not want your sheep；〃 said the girl slowly； 〃I want things of my own。
When I am grown up；〃 she added； the flush on her delicate features
deepening at every word； 〃there will be nothing that I do not know。 I
shall be rich； very rich； and I shall wear not only for best； but every
day； a pure white silk； and little rose…buds； like the lady in Tant
Sannie's bedroom； and my petticoats will be embroidered； not only at the
bottom； but all through。〃
The lady in Tant Sannie's bedroom was a gorgeous creature from a fashion…
sheet； which the Boer…woman； somewhere obtaining； had pasted up at the foot
of her bed； to be profoundly admired by the children。
〃It would be very nice；〃 said Em； but it seemed a dream of quite too
transcendent a glory ever to be realized。
At this instant there appeared at the foot of the kopje two figuresthe
one； a dog； white and sleek； one yellow ear hanging down over his left eye；
the other； his master； a lad of fourteen； and no other than the boy Waldo；
grown into a heavy； slouching youth of fourteen。 The dog mounted the kopje
quickly； his master followed slowly。 He wore an aged jacket much too large
for him； and rolled up at the wrists； and； as of old； a pair of dilapidated
velschoens and a felt hat。 He stood before the two girls at last。
〃What have you been doing today？〃 asked Lyndall； lifting her eyes to his
face。
〃Looking after ewes and lambs below the dam。 Here！〃 he said； holding out
his hand awkwardly； 〃I brought them for you。〃
There were a few green blades of tender grass。
〃Where did you find them？〃
〃On the dam wall。〃
She fastened them beside the leaf on her blue pinafore。
〃They look nice there；〃 said the boy； awkwardly rubbing his great hands and
watching her。
〃Yes； but the pinafore spoils it all； it is not pretty。〃
He looked at it closely。
〃Yes； the squares are ugly； but it looks nice upon youbeautiful。〃
He now stood silent before them； his great hands hanging loosely at either
side。
〃Some one has come today；〃 he mumbled out suddenly； when the idea struck
him。
〃Who？〃 asked both girls。
〃An Englishman on foot。〃
〃What does he look like？〃 asked Em。
〃I did not notice； but he has a very large nose；〃 said the boy slowly。 〃He
asked the way to the house。〃
〃Didn't he tell you his name？〃
〃YesBonaparte Blenkins。〃
〃Bonaparte！〃 said Em； 〃why that is like the reel Hottentot Hans plays on
the violin
'Bonaparte； Bonaparte； my wife is sick；
In the middle of the week； but Sundays not；
I give her rice and beans for soup'
It is a funny name。〃
〃There was a living man called Bonaparte once；〃 said she of the great eyes。
〃Ah yes； I know；〃 said Em〃the poor prophet whom the lions ate。 I am
always so sorry for him。〃
Her companion cast a quiet glance upon her。
〃He was the greatest man who ever lived；〃 she said； 〃the man I like best。〃
〃And what did he do？〃 asked Em； conscious that she had made a mistake； and
that her prophet was not the man。
〃He was one man； only one；〃 said her little companion slowly； 〃yet all the
people in the world feared him。 He was not born great； he was common as we
are； yet he was master of the world at last。 Once he was only a little
child； then he was a lieutenant； then he was a general； then he was an
emperor。 When he said a thing to himself he never forgot it。 He waited；
and waited and waited； and it came at last。〃
〃He must have been very happy；〃 said Em。
〃I do not know；〃 said Lyndall； 〃but he had what he said he would have； and
that is better than being happy。 He was their master； and all the people
were white with fear of him。 They joined together to fight him。 He was
one and they were many； and they got him down at last。 They were like the
wild cats when their teeth are fast in a great dog； like cowardly wild
cats；〃 said the child； 〃they would not let him go。 There were many； he was
only one。 They sent him to an island on the sea； a lonely island； and kept
him there fast。 He was one man； and they were many； and they were
terrified at him。 It was glorious！〃 said
