the story of an african farm-第36章

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never　despairs；　never　forgets　her　end；　moves　straight　toward　it；　bending

men　and　things　most　unlikely　to　her　purposeshe　must　succeed　at　last。　　Men

and　things　are　plastic；　they　part　to　the　right　and　left　when　one　comes

among　them　moving　in　a　straight　line　to　one　end。　　I　know　it　by　my　own

little　experience；〃　she　said。　　〃Long　years　ago　I　resolved　to　be　sent　to

school。　　It　seemed　a　thing　utterly　out　of　my　power；　but　I　waited；　I

watched；　I　collected　clothes；　I　wrote；　took　my　place　at　the　school；　when

all　was　ready　I　bore　with　my　full　force　on　the　Boer…woman；　and　she　sent　me

at　last。　　It　was　a　small　thing；　but　life　is　made　up　of　small　things；　as　a

body　is　built　up　of　cells。　　What　has　been　done　in　small　things　can　be　done

in　large。　　Shall　be；〃　she　said　softly。



Waldo　listened。　　To　him　the　words　were　no　confession；　no　glimpse　into　the

strong；　proud；　restless　heart　of　the　woman。　　They　were　general　words　with　a

general　application。　　He　looked　up　into　the　sparkling　sky　with　dull　eyes。



〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃but　when　we　lie　and　think；　and　think；　we　see　that　there　is

nothing　worth　doing。　　The　universe　is　so　large；　and　man　is　so　small〃



She　shook　her　head　quickly。



〃But　we　must　not　think　so　far；　it　is　madness；　it　is　a　disease。　　We　know

that　no　man's　work　is　great；　and　stands　forever。　　Moses　is　dead；　and　the

prophets　and　the　books　that　our　grandmothers　fed　on　the　mould　is　eating。　

Your　poet　and　painter　and　actor；before　the　shouts　that　applaud　them　have

died　their　names　grow　strange；　they　are　milestones　that　the　world　has

passed。　　Men　have　set　their　mark　on　mankind　forever；　as　they　thought；　but

time　has　washed　it　out　as　it　has　washed　out　mountains　and　continents。〃　　She

raised　herself　on　her　elbow。　　〃And　what　if　we　could　help　mankind；　and　leave

the　traces　of　our　work　upon　it　to　the　end？　　Mankind　is　only　an　ephemeral

blossom　on　the　tree　of　time；　there　were　others　before　it　opened；　there　will

be　others　after　it　has　fallen。　　Where　was　man　in　the　time　of　the

dicynodont；　and　when　hoary　monsters　wallowed　in　the　mud？　　Will　he　be　found

in　the　aeons　that　are　to　come？　　We　are　sparks；　we　are　shadows；　we　are

pollen；　which　the　next　wind　will　carry　away。　　We　are　dying　already；　it　is

all　a　dream。



〃I　know　that　thought。　　When　the　fever　of　living　is　on　us；　when　the　desire

to　become；　to　know；　to　do；　is　driving　us　mad；　we　can　use　it　as　an　anodyne；

to　still　the　fever　and　cool　our　beating　pulses。　　But　it　is　a　poison；　not　a

food。　　If　we　live　on　it　it　will　turn　our　blood　to　ice；　we　might　as　well　be

dead。　　We　must　not；　Waldo；　I　want　your　life　to　be　beautiful；　to　end　in

something。　　You　are　nobler　and　stronger　than　I；〃　she　said；　〃and　as　much

better　as　one　of　God's　great　angels　is　better　than　a　sinning　man。　　Your

life　must　go　for　something。〃



〃Yes；　we　will　work；〃　he　said。



She　moved　closer　to　him　and　lay　still；　his　black　curls　touching　her　smooth

little　head。



Doss；　who　had　lain　at　his　master's　side；　climbed　over　the　bench；　and　curled

himself　up　in　her　lap。　　She　drew　her　skirt　up　over　him；　and　the　three　sat

motionless　for　a　long　time。



〃Waldo；〃　she　said；　suddenly；　〃they　are　laughing　at　us。〃



〃Who？〃　he　asked；　starting　up。



〃Theythe　stars！〃　she　said；　softly。　　〃Do　you　not　see？　　There　is　a　little

white；　mocking　finger　pointing　down　at　us　from　each　one　of　them！　　We　are

talking　of　tomorrow　and　tomorrow；　and　our　hearts　are　so　strong；　we　are　not

thinking　of　something　that　can　touch　us　softly　in　the　dark　and　make　us

still　forever。　　They　are　laughing　at　us　Waldo。〃



Both　sat　looking　upward。



〃Do　you　ever　pray？〃　he　asked　her　in　a　low　voice。



〃No。〃



〃I　never　do；　but　I　might　when　I　look　up　there。　　I　will　tell　you；〃　he　added；

in　a　still　lower　voice；　〃where　I　could　pray。　　If　there　were　a　wall　of　rock

on　the　edge　of　a　world；　and　one　rock　stretched　out　far；　far　into　space；　and

I　stood　alone　upon　it；　alone；　with　stars　above　me；　and　stars　below　me；I

would　not　say　anything；　but　the　feeling　would　be　prayer。〃



There　was　an　end　to　their　conversation　after　that；　and　Doss　fell　asleep　on

her　knee。　　At　last　the　night…wind　grew　very　chilly。



〃Ah；〃　she　said；　shivering；　and　drawing　the　skirt　about　her　shoulders；　〃I　am

cold。　　Span…in　the　horses；　and　call　me　when　you　are　ready。〃



She　slipped　down　and　walked　toward　the　house；　Doss　stiffly　following　her；

not　pleased　at　being　roused。　　At　the　door　she　met　Gregory。



〃I　have　been　looking　for　you　everywhere；　may　I　not　drive　you　home？〃　he

said。



〃Waldo　drives　me；〃　she　replied；　passing　on；　and　it　appeared　to　Gregory　that

she　looked　at　him　in　the　old　way；　without　seeing　him。　　But　before　she　had

reached　the　door　an　idea　had　occurred　to　her；　for　she　turned。



〃If　you　wish　to　drive　me　you　may。〃



Gregory　went　to　look　for　Em；　whom　he　found　pouring　out　coffee　in　the　back

room。　　He　put　his　hand　quickly　on　her　shoulder。



〃You　must　ride　with　Waldo；　I　am　going　to　drive　your　cousin　home。〃



〃But　I　can't　come　just　now；　Greg；　I　promised　Tant　Annie　Muller　to　look

after　the　things　while　she　went　to　rest　a　little。〃



〃Well；　you　can　come　presently；　can't　you？　　I　didn't　say　you　were　to　come

now。　　I'm　sick　of　this　thing；〃　said　Gregory；　turning　sharply　on　his　heel。

〃Why　must　I　sit　up　the　whole　night　because　your　stepmother　chooses　to　get

married？〃



〃Oh；　it's　all　right；　Greg；　I　only　meant〃



But　he　did　not　hear　her；　and　a　man　had　come　up　to　have　his　cup　filled。



An　hour　after　Waldo　came　in　to　look　for　her；　and　found　her　still　busy　at

the　table。



〃The　horses　are　ready；〃　he　said；　〃but　if　you　would　like　to　have　one　dance

more　I　will　wait。〃



She　shook　her　head　wearily。



〃No；　I　am　quite　ready。　　I　want　to　go。〃



And　soon　they　were　on　the　sandy　road　the　buggy　had　travelled　an　hour

before。　　Their　horses；　with　heads　close　together；　nodding　sleepily　as　they

walked　in　the　starlight；　you　might　have　counted　the　rise　and　fall　of　their

feet　in　the　sand；　and　Waldo　in　his　saddle　nodded　drowsily　also。　　Only　Em

was　awake；　and　watched　the　starlit　road　with　wide…open　eyes。　　At　last　she

spoke。



〃I　wonder　if　all　people　feel　so　old；　so　very　old；　when　they　get　to　be

seventeen？〃



〃Not　older　than　before；〃　said　Waldo　sleepily；　pulling　at　his　bridle。



Presently　she　said　again：



〃I　wish　I　could　have　been　a　little　child　always。　　You　are　good　then。　　You

are　never　selfish；　you　like　every　one　to　have　everything；　but　when　you　are

grown　up　there　are　some　things　you　like　to　have　all　to　yourself；　you　don't

like　any　one　else　to　have　any　of　them。〃



〃Yes；〃　said　Waldo　sleepily；　and　she　did　not　speak　again。



When　they　reached　the　farmhouse　all　was　dark；　for　Lyndall　had　retired　as

soon　as　they　got　home。



Waldo　lifted　Em　from　her　saddle；　and　for　a　moment　she　leaned　her　head　on

his　shoulder　and　clung　to　him。



〃You　are　very　tired；〃　he　said；　as　he　walked　with　her　to　the　door；　〃let　me

go　in　and　light　a　candle　for　you。〃



〃No；　thank　you；　it　is　all　right；〃　she　said。　　〃Good　night；　Waldo；　dear。〃



But　when　she　went　in　she　sat　long　alone　in　the　dark。





Chapter　2。VII。　　Waldo　Goes　Out　to　Taste　Life；　and　Em　Stays　At　Home　and

Tastes　It。



At　nine　o'clock　in　the　evening；　packing　his　bundles　for　the　next　morning's

start；　Waldo　looked　up；　and　was　surprised　to　see　Em's　yellow　head　peeping

in　at　his　door。　　It　was　many　a　month　since　she　had　been　there。　　She　said

she　had　made　him　sandwiches　for　his　journey；　and　she　stayed　a　while　to　help

him　put　his　goods　into　the　saddlebags。



〃You　can　leave　the　old　things　lying　about；〃　she　said；　〃I　will　lock　the

room；　and　keep　it　waiting　for　you　to　come　back　some　day。〃



To　come　back　some　day！　　Would　the　bird　ever　return　to　its　cage？　　But　he

thanked　her。　　When　she　went　away　he　stood　on　the　doorstep　holding　the

candle　till　she　had　almost　reached　the　house。　　But　Em　was　that　evening　in

no　hurry　to　enter；　and；　instead　of　going　in　at　the　back　door；　walked　with

lagging　footsteps　round　the　low　brick　wall　that　ran　before　the　house。　

Opposite　the　open　window　of　the　parlour　she　stopped。　　The　little　room；　kept

carefully　closed　in　Tant　Sannie's　time；　was　well　lighted　by　a　paraffin

lamp；　books　and　work　lay　strewn　about　it；　and　it　wore　a　bright；　habitable

aspect。　　Beside　the　lamp　at　the　table　in　the　corner　sat　Lyndall；　the　open

letters　and　papers　of　the　day's　post　lying　scattered　before　her；　while　she

perused　the　columns　of　a　newspaper。　　At　the　centre　table；　with　his　arms

folded　on　an　open　paper；　which　there　was　not　light　enough　to　read；　sat

Gregory。　　He　was　looking　at　her。　　The　light　from　the　open　window　fell　on

Em's　little　face　under　its　white　kapje　as　she　looked　in；　but　no　one　glanced

that　way。



〃Go　and　fetch　me　a　glass　of　water！〃　Lyndall　said；　at　last。



Gregory　went　out　to　find　it；　when　he　put　it　down　at　her　side　she　merely

moved　her　head　in　recognition；　and　he　went　back　to　his　seat　and　his　old

occupation。　　Then　Em　moved　slowly　away　from　the　window；　and　through　it　came

in　spotted；　hard…winged　insects；　to　play　round　the　lamp；　till；　one　by　one；

they　stuck　to　its　glass；　and　fell　to　the　foot　dead。



Ten　o'clock　struck。　　Then　Lyndall　rose；　gathered　up　her　papers　and　letters；

and　wished　Gregory　good　night。　　Some　time　after　Em　entered；　she　had　been

sitting　all　the　while　on　the　loft　ladder；　and　had　drawn　her　kapje　down　very

much　over　her　face。



Gregory　was　piecing　together　the　bits　of　an　envelope　when　she　came　in。



〃I　thought　you　were　never　coming；〃　he　said；　turning　round　quickly；　and

throwing　the　fragments　onto　the　floor。　　〃You　know　I　have　been　shearing　all

day；　and　it　is　ten　o'clock　already。〃



〃I'm　sorry。　　I　did　not　think　you　would　be　going　so　soon；〃　she　said　in　a　low

voice。



〃I　can't　hear　what　you　say。　　What　makes　you　mumble　so？　　Well；　good　night；

Em。〃



He　stooped　down　hastily　to　kiss　her。



〃I　want　to　talk　to　you；　Gregory。〃



〃Well；　make　haste；〃　he　said　pettishly。　　〃I'm　awfully　tired。　　I've　been

sitting　here　all　the　evening。　　Why　couldn't　　you　come　and　talk　before？〃



〃I　will　not　keep　you　long；〃　she　answered　very　steadily　now。　　〃I　think；

Gregory；　it　would　be　better　if　you　and　I　were　never　to　be　married。〃



〃Good　Heaven！　　Em；　what　do　you　mean？　　I　thought　you　were　so　fond　of　me？　

You　always　professed　to　be。　　What　on　earth　have　you　taken　into　your　head

now？〃



〃I　think　it　would　be　better；〃　she　said；　folding　her　hands　over　each　other；

very　much　as　though　she　were　praying。



〃Better；　Em！　　What　do　you　mean？　　Even　a　woman　can't　take　a　freak　all　about

nothing！　　You　must　have　some　reason　for　it；　and　I'm　sure　I've　done　nothing

to　offend　you。　　I　wrote　only　today　to　my　sister　to　tell　her　to　come　up　next

month　to　our　wedding；　and　I've　been　as　affectionate　and　happy　as　possible。

Comewhat's　the　matter？〃



He　put　his　arm　half　round　her　shoulder；　very　loosely。



〃I　think　it　would　be　better；〃　she　answered；　slowly。



〃Oh；　well；〃　he　said；　drawing　himself　up；　〃if　you　won't　enter　into

exp