the story of an african farm-第38章

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things　I　do　not　understand；　but　I　have　heard　two　opinions。　　Some　say　the

devil　carried　the　seed　from　hell　and　planted　it　on　the　earth　to　plague　men

and　make　them　sin；　and　some　say；　that　when　all　the　plants　in　the　garden　of

Eden　were　pulled　up　by　the　roots；　one　bush　that　the　angels　planted　was　left

growing；　and　it　spread　its　seed　over　the　whole　earth；　and　its　name　is　love。

I　do　not　know　which　is　rightperhaps　both。　　There　are　different　species

that　go　under　the　same　name。　　There　is　a　love　that　begins　in　the　head；　and

goes　down　to　the　heart；　and　grows　slowly；　but　it　lasts　till　death；　and　asks

less　than　it　gives。　　There　is　another　love；　that　blots　out　wisdom；　that　is

sweet　with　the　sweetness　of　life　and　bitter　with　the　bitterness　of　death；

lasting　for　an　hour；　but　it　is　worth　having　lived　a　whole　life　for　that

hour。　　I　cannot　tell；　perhaps　the　old　monks　were　right　when　they　tried　to

root　love　out；　perhaps　the　poets　are　right　when　they　try　to　water　it。　　It

is　a　blood…red　flower；　with　the　colour　of　sin；　but　there　is　always　the

scent　of　a　god　about　it。〃



Gregory　would　have　made　a　remark；　but　she　said；　without　noticing：



〃There　are　as　many　kinds　of　loves　as　there　are　flowers；　everlastings　that

never　wither；　speedwells　that　wait　for　the　wind　to　fan　them　out　of　life；

blood…red　mountain…lilies　that　pour　their　voluptuous　sweetness　out　for　one

day；　and　lie　in　the　dust　at　night。　　There　is　no　flower　has　the　charm　of

allthe　speedwell's　purity；　the　everlasting's　strength；　the　mountain…

lily's　warmth；　but　who　knows　whether　there　is　no　love　that　holds　all

friendship；　passion；　worship？



〃Such　a　love；〃　she　said；　in　her　sweetest　voice；　〃will　fall　on　the　surface

of　strong；　cold；　selfish　life　as　the　sunlight　falls　on　a　torpid　winter

world；　there；　where　the　trees　are　bare；　and　the　ground　frozen；　till　it

rings　to　the　step　like　iron；　and　the　water　is　solid；　and　the　air　is　sharp

as　a　two…edged　knife　that　cuts　the　unwary。



〃But　when　its　sun　shines　on　it；　through　its　whole　dead　crust　a　throbbing

yearning　wakes：　　the　trees　feel　him；　and　every　knot　and　bud　swell；　aching

to　open　to　him。　　The　brown　seeds；　who　have　slept　deep　under　the　ground；

feel　him；　and　he　gives　them　strength；　till　they　break　through　the　frozen

earth；　and　lift　two　tiny；　trembling　green　hands　in　love　to　him。　　And　he

touches　the　water；　till　down　to　its　depths　it　feels　him　and　melts；　and　it

flows；　and　the　things；　strange　sweet　things　that　were　locked　up　in　it；　it

sings　as　it　runs；　for　love　of　him。　　Each　plant　tries　to　bear　at　least　one

fragrant　little　flower　for　him；　and　the　world　that　was　dead　lives；　and　the

heart　that　was　dead　and　self…centred　throbs；　with　an　upward；　outward

yearning；　and　it　has　become　that　which　it　seemed　impossible　ever　to　become。　

There；　does　that　satisfy　you？〃　she　asked；　looking　down　at　Gregory。　　〃Is

that　how　you　like　me　to　talk？〃



〃Oh；　yes；〃　said　Gregory；　〃that　is　what　I　have　already　thought。　　We　have　the

same　thoughts　about　everything。　　How　strange！〃



〃Very；〃　said　Lyndall；　working　with　her　little　toe　at　a　stone　in　the　ground

before　her。



Gregory　felt　he　must　sustain　the　conversation。　　The　only　thing　he　could

think　of　was　to　recite　a　piece　of　poetry。　　He　knew　he　had　learnt　many　about

love；　but　the　only　thing　that　would　come　into　his　mind　now　was　the　〃Battle

of　Hohenlinden；〃　and　〃Not　a　drum　was　heard；〃　neither　of　which　seemed　to

bear　directly　on　the　subject　on　hand。



But　unexpected　relief　came　to　him　from　Doss；　who；　too　deeply　lost　in

contemplation　of　his　crevice；　was　surprised　by　the　sudden　descent　of　the

stone　Lyndall's　foot　had　loosened；　which；　rolling　against　his　little　front

paw；　carried　away　a　piece　of　white…skin。　　Doss　stood　on　three　legs；　holding

up　the　paw　with　an　expression　of　extreme　self…commiseration；　he　then

proceeded　to　hop　slowly　upward　in　search　of　sympathy。



〃You　have　hurt　that　dog；〃　said　Gregory。



〃Have　I？〃　she　replied　indifferently；　and　re…opened　the　book；　as　though　to

resume　her　study　of　the　play。



〃He's　a　nasty；　snappish　little　cur！〃　said　Gregory；　calculating　from　her

manner　that　the　remark　would　be　endorsed。　　〃He　snapped　at　my　horse's　tail

yesterday；　and　nearly　made　it　throw　me。　　I　wonder　his　master　didn't　take

him；　instead　of　leaving　him　here　to　be　a　nuisance　to　all　of　us！〃



Lyndall　seemed　absorbed　in　her　play；　but　he　ventured　another　remark。



〃Do　you　think　now；　Miss　Lyndall；　that　he'll　ever　have　anything　in　the

worldthat　German。　　I　meanmoney　enough　to　support　a　wife　on；　and　all

that　sort　of　thing？　　I　don't。　　He's　what　I　call　soft。〃



She　was　spreading　her　skirt　out　softly　with　her　left　hand　for　the　dog　to

lie　down　on　it。



〃I　think　I　should　be　rather　astonished　if　he　ever　became　a　respectable

member　of　society；〃　she　said。　　I　don't　expect　to　see　him　the　possessor　of

bank…shares；　the　chairman　of　a　divisional　council；　and　the　father　of　a

large　family；　wearing　a　black　hat；　and　going　to　church　twice　on　a　Sunday。　

He　would　rather　astonish　me　if　he　came　to　such　an　end。〃



〃Yes；　I　don't　expect　anything　of　him　either；〃　said　Gregory；　zealously。



〃Well；　I　don't　know；〃　said　Lyndall；　〃there　are　some　small　things　I　rather

look　to　him　for。　　If　he　were　to　invent　wings；　or　carve　a　statue　that　one

might　look　at　for　half　an　hour　without　wanting　to　look　at　something　else；　I

should　not　be　surprised。　　He　may　do　some　little　thing　of　that　kind　perhaps；

when　he　has　done　fermenting　and　the　sediment　has　all　gone　to　the　bottom。〃



Gregory　felt　that　what　she　said　was　not　wholly　intended　as　blame。



〃Well；　I　don't　know；〃　he　said　sulkily；　〃to　me　he　looks　like　a　fool。　　To

walk　about　always　in　that　dead…and…alive　sort　of　way；　muttering　to　himself

like　an　old　Kaffer　witchdoctor！　　He　works　hard　enough；　but　it's　always　as

though　he　didn't　know　what　he　was　doing。　　You　don't　know　how　he　looks　to　a

person　who　sees　him　for　the　first　time。〃



Lyndall　was　softly　touching　the　little　sore　foot　as　she　read；　and　Doss；　to

show　he　liked　it；　licked　her　hand。



〃But；　Miss　Lyndall；〃　persisted　Gregory；　〃what　do　you　really　think　of　him？〃



〃I　think；〃　said　Lyndall；　〃that　he　is　like　a　thorn…tree；　which　grows　up　very

quietly；　without　any　one's　caring　for　it；　and　one　day　suddenly　breaks　out

into　yellow　blossoms。〃



〃And　what　do　you　think　I　am　like？〃　asked　Gregory；　hopefully。



Lyndall　looked　up　from　her　book。



〃Like　a　little　tin　duck　floating　on　a　dish　of　water；　that　comes　after　a

piece　of　bread　stuck　on　a　needle；　and　the　more　the　needle　pricks　it　the

more　it　comes　on。〃



〃Oh；　you　are　making　fun　of　me　now；　you　really　are！〃　said　Gregory　feeling

wretched。　　〃You　are　making　fun；　aren't　you；　now？〃



〃Partly。　　It　is　always　diverting　to　make　comparisons。〃



〃Yes；　but　you　don't　compare　me　to　anything　nice；　and　you　do　other　people。　

What　is　Em　like；　now？〃



〃The　accompaniment　of　a　song。　　She　fills　up　the　gaps　in　other　people's

lives；　and　is　always　number　two；　but　I　think　she　is　like　many

accompanimentsa　great　deal　better　than　the　song　she　is　to　accompany。〃



〃She　is　not　half　so　good　as　you　are！〃　said　Gregory；　with　a　burst　of

uncontrollable　ardour。



〃She　is　so　much　better　than　I；　that　her　little　finger　has　more　goodness　in

it　than　my　whole　body。　　I　hope　you　may　not　live　to　find　out　the　truth　of

that　fact。〃



〃You　are　like　an　angel；〃　he　said；　the　blood　rushing　to　his　head　and　face。



〃Yes；　probably；　angels　are　of　many　orders。〃



〃You　are　the　one　being　that　I　love！〃　said　Gregory　quivering。　　〃I　thought　I

loved　before；　but　I　know　now！　　Do　not　be　angry　with　me。　　I　know　you　could

never　like　me；　but；　if　I　might　but　always　be　near　you　to　serve　you；　I　would

be　utterly；　utterly　happy。　　I　would　ask　nothing　in　return！　　If　you　could

only　take　everything　I　have　and　use　it；　I　want　nothing　but　to　be　of　use　to

you。〃



She　looked　at　him　for　a　few　moments。



〃How　do　you　know；〃　she　said　slowly；　〃that　you　could　not　do　something　to

serve　me？　　You　could　serve　me　by　giving　me　your　name。〃



He　started；　and　turned　his　burning　face　to　her。



〃You　are　very　cruel；　you　are　ridiculing　me；〃　he　said。



〃No；　I　am　not；　Gregory。　　What　I　am　saying　is　plain；　matter…of…fact

business。　　If　you　are　willing　to　give　me　your　name　within　three　weeks'

time；　I　am　willing　to　marry　you；　if　not；　well。　　I　want　nothing　more　than

your　name。　　That　is　a　clear　proposal；　is　it　not？〃



He　looked　up。　　Was　it　contempt；　loathing；　pity；　that　moved　in　the　eyes

above！　　He　could　not　tell；　but　he　stooped　over　the　little　foot　and　kissed

it。



She　smiled。



〃Do　you　really　mean　it？〃　he　whispered。



〃Yes。　　You　wish　to　serve　me；　and　to　have　nothing　in　return！you　shall　have

what　you　wish。〃　　She　held　out　her　fingers　for　Doss　to　lick。　　〃Do　you　see

this　dog？　　He　licks　my　hand　because　I　love　him；　and　I　allow　him　to。　　Where

I　do　not　love　I　do　not　allow　it。　　I　believe　you　love　me；　I　too　could　love

so；　that　to　lie　under　the　foot　of　the　thing　I　loved　would　be　more　heaven

than　to　lie　in　the　breast　of　another。　　Come！　let　us　go。　　Carry　the　dog；〃

she　added；　〃he　will　not　bite　you　if　I　put　him　in　your　arms。　　Sodo　not　let

his　foot　hang　down。〃



They　descended　the　kopje。　　At　the　bottom；　he　whispered：



〃Would　you　not　take　my　arm？　the　path　is　very　rough。〃



She　rested　her　fingers　lightly　on　it。



〃I　may　yet　change　my　mind　about　marrying　you　before　the　time　comes。　　It　is

very　likely。　　Mark　you！〃　she　said；　turning　round　on　him；　〃I　remember　your

words：　　You　will　give　everything；　and　expect　nothing。　　The　knowledge　that

you　are　serving　me　is　to　be　your　reward；　and　you　will　have　that。　　You　will

serve　me；　and　greatly。　　The　reasons　I　have　for　marrying　you　I　need　not

inform　you　of　now；　you　will　probably　discover　some　of　them　before　long。〃



〃I　only　want　to　be　of　some　use　to　you；〃　he　said。



It　seemed　to　Gregory　that　there　were　pulses　in　the　soles　of　his　feet；　and

the　ground　shimmered　as　on　a　summer's　day。　　They　walked　round　the　foot　of

the　kopje　and　past　the　Kaffer　huts。　　An　old　Kaffer　maid　knelt　at　the　door

of　one　grinding　mealies。　　That　she　should　see　him　walking　so　made　his　heart

beat　so　fast；　that　the　hand　on　his　arm　felt　its　pulsation。　　It　seemed　that

she　must　envy　him。



Just　then　Em　looked　out　again　at　the　back　window　and　saw　them　coming。　　She

cried　bitterly　all　the　while　she　sorted　the　skins。



But　that　night　when　Lyndall　had　blown　her　candle　out；　and　half　turned　round

to　sleep；　the　door　of　Em's　bedroom　opened。



〃I　want　to　say　good　night　to　you；　Lyndall；〃　she　said；　coming　to　the　bedside

and　kneeling　down。



〃I　thought　you　were　asleep；〃　Lyndall　replied。



〃Yes；　I　have　been　asleep；　but　I　had　such　a　vivid　dream；〃　she　said；　holding

the　other's　hands；　〃and　that　woke　me。　　I　never　had　so　vivid　a　dream　before。



〃It　seemed　I　was　a　little　girl　again；　and　I　came　somewhere　into　a　large

room。　　On　a　bed　in　the　corner　there　was　something　lying　dressed　in　white；

and　its　little　eyes　were　shut；　and　its　little　face　was　l