the story of an african farm-第47章

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So；　the　little　doctor；　edged　on　and　on；　went　in　at　last。　　When　he　came　out

of　the　room　he　shook　his　fist　in　the　landlady's　face。



〃The　next　time　you　have　any　devil's　work　to　do；　do　it　yourself；〃　he　said；

and　he　shook　his　fist　in　her　face　again；　and　went　away　swearing。



When　Gregory　went　into　the　bedroom　he　only　found　her　moved；　her　body　curled

up；　and　drawn　close　to　the　wall。　　He　dared　not　disturb　her。　　At　last；　after

a　long　time；　she　turned。



〃Bring　me　food；〃　she　said；　〃I　want　to　eat。　　Two　eggs；　and　toast；　and　meat

two　large　slices　of　toast；　please。〃



Wondering；　Gregory　brought　a　tray　with　all　that　she　had　asked　for。



〃Sit　me　up；　and　put　it　close　to　me；〃　she　said；　〃I　am　going　to　eat　it　all。〃　

She　tried　to　draw　the　things　near　her　with　her　fingers；　and　re…arranged　the

plates。　　She　cut　the　toast　into　long　strips；　broke　open　both　eggs；　put　a

tiny　morsel　of　bread　into　her　own　mouth；　and　fed　the　dog　with　pieces　of

meat　put　into　his　jaws　with　her　fingers。



〃Is　it　twelve　o'clock　yet？〃　she　said；　〃I　think　I　do　not　generally　eat　so

early。　　Put　it　away；　please；　carefullyno；　do　not　take　it　awayonly　on

the　table。　　When　the　clock　strikes　twelve　I　will　eat　it。〃



She　lay　down　trembling。　　After　a　little　while　she　said：



〃Give　me　my　clothes。〃



He　looked　at　her。



〃Yes；　I　am　going　to　dress　tomorrow。　　I　should　get　up　now；　but　it　is　rather

late。　　Put　them　on　that　chair。　　My　collars　are　in　the　little　box；　my　boots

behind　the　door。〃



Her　eyes　followed　him　intently　as　he　collected　the　articles　one　by　one；　and

placed　them　on　the　chair　as　she　directed。



〃Put　it　nearer；〃　she　said；　〃I　cannot　see　it；〃　and　she　lay　watching　the

clothes；　with　her　hand　under　her　cheek。



〃Now　open　the　shutter　wide；〃　she　said；　〃I　am　going　to　read。〃



The　old；　old　tone　was　again　in　the　sweet　voice。　　He　obeyed　her；　and　opened

the　shutter；　and　raised　her　up　among　the　pillows。



〃Now　bring　my　books　to　me；〃　she　said；　motioning　eagerly　with　her　fingers；

〃the　large　book；　and　the　reviews　and　the　playsI　want　them　all。〃



He　piled　them　round　her　on　the　bed；　she　drew　them　greedily　closer；　her　eyes

very　bright；　but　her　face　as　white　as　a　mountain　lily。



〃Now　the　big　one　off　the　drawers。　　No；　you　need　not　help　me　to　hold　my

book；〃　she　said；　〃I　can　hold　it　for　myself。〃



Gregory　went　back　to　his　corner；　and　for　a　little　time　the　restless　turning

over　of　leaves　was　to　be　heard。



〃Will　you　open　the　window；〃　she　said；　almost　querulously；　〃and　throw　this

book　out？　　It　is　so　utterly　foolish。　　I　thought　it　was　a　valuable　book；　but

the　words　are　merely　strung　together；　they　make　no　sense。　　Yesso！〃　she

said　with　approval；　seeing　him　fling　it　out　into　the　street。　　〃I　must　have

been　very　foolish　when　I　thought　that　book　good。〃



Then　she　turned　to　read；　and　leaned　her　little　elbows　resolutely　on　the

great　volume；　and　knit　her　brows。　　This　was　Shakespeareit　must　mean

something。



〃I　wish　you　would　take　a　handkerchief　and　tie　it　tight　round　my　head；　it

aches　so。〃



He　had　not　been　long　in　his　seat　when　he　saw　drops　fall　from　beneath　the

hands　that　shaded　the　eyes；　on　to　the　page。



〃I　am　not　accustomed　to　so　much　light；　it　makes　my　head　swim　a　little；〃　she

said。　　〃Go　out　and　close　the　shutter。〃



When　he　came　back；　she　lay　shrivelled　up　among　the　pillows。



He　heard　no　sound　of　weeping；　but　the　shoulders　shook。　　He　darkened　the

room　completely。



When　Gregory　went　to　his　sofa　that　night；　she　told　him　to　wake　her　early；

she　would　be　dressed　before　breakfast。　　Nevertheless；　when　morning　came；

she　said　it　was　a　little　cold；　and　lay　all　day　watching　her　clothes　upon

the　chair。　　Still　she　sent　for　her　oxen　in　the　country；　they　would　start　on

Monday　and　go　down　to　the　Colony。



In　the　afternoon　she　told　him　to　open　the　window　wide；　and　draw　the　bed

near　it。



It　was　a　leaden　afternoon；　the　dull　rain…clouds　rested　close　to　the　roofs

of　the　houses；　and　the　little　street　was　silent　and　deserted。　　Now　and　then

a　gust　of　wind　eddying　round　caught　up　the　dried　leaves；　whirled　them

hither　and　thither　under　the　trees；　and　dropped　them　again　into　the　gutter；

then　all　was　quiet。　　She　lay　looking　out。



Presently　the　bell　of　the　church　began　to　toll；　and　up　the　village　street

came　a　long　procession。　　They　were　carrying　an　old　man　to　his　last　resting…

place。　　She　followed　them　with　her　eyes　till　they　turned　in　among　the　trees

at　the　gate。



〃Who　was　that？〃　she　asked。



〃An　old　man；〃　he　answered；　〃a　very　old　man；　they　say　he　was　ninety…four；

but　his　name　I　do　not　know。〃



She　mused　a　while；　looking　out　with　fixed　eyes。



〃That　is　why　the　bell　rang　so　cheerfully；〃　she　said。　　〃When　the　old　die　it

is　well；　they　have　had　their　time。　　It　is　when　the　young　die　that　the　bells

weep　drops　of　blood。〃



〃But　the　old　love　life？〃　he　said；　for　it　was　sweet　to　hear　her　speak。



She　raised　herself　on　her　elbow。



〃They　love　life；　they　do　not　want　to　die；〃　she　answered；　〃but　what　of　that？

They　have　had　their　time。　　They　knew　that　a　man's　life　is　three…score　years

and　ten；　they　should　have　made　their　plans　accordingly！



〃But　the　young；〃　she　said；　〃the　young；　cut　down；　cruelly；　when　they　have

not　seen；　when　they　have　not　knownwhen　they　have　not　foundit　is　for

them　that　the　bells　weep　blood。　　I　heard　in　the　ringing　it　was　an　old　man。　

When　the　old　die　　Listen　to　the　bell！　it　is　laughing'It　is　right；　it　is

right；　he　has　had　his　time。'　　They　cannot　ring　so　for　the　young。〃



She　fell　back　exhausted；　the　hot　light　died　from　her　eyes；　and　she　lay

looking　out　into　the　street。　　By　and　by　stragglers　from　the　funeral　began

to　come　back　and　disappear　here　and　there　among　the　houses；　then　all　was

quiet；　and　the　night　began　to　settle　down　upon　the　village　street。　

Afterward；　when　the　room　was　almost　dark；　so　that　they　could　not　see　each

other's　faces；　she　said；　〃It　will　rain　tonight；〃　and　moved　restlessly　on

the　pillows。　　〃How　terrible　when　the　rain　falls　down　on　you。〃



He　wondered　what　she　meant；　and　they　sat　on　in　the　still　darkening　room。　

She　moved　again。



〃Will　you　presently　take　my　cloakand　new　grey　cloak　from　behind　the　door…

…and　go　out　with　it。　　You　will　find　a　little　grave　at　the　foot　of　the　tall

gum…tree；　the　water　drips　off　the　long；　pointed　leaves；　you　must　cover　it

up　with　that。〃



She　moved　restlessly　as　though　in　pain。



Gregory　assented；　and　there　was　silence　again。　　It　was　the　first　time　she

had　ever　spoken　of　her　child。



〃It　was　so　small；〃　she　said；　〃it　lived　such　a　little　whileonly　three

hours。　　They　laid　it　close　by　me；　but　I　never　saw　it；　I　could　feel　it　by

me。〃　　She　waited；　〃its　feet　were　so　cold；　I　took　them　in　my　hand　to　make

them　warm；　and　my　hand　closed　right　over　them　they　were　so　little。〃　　There

was　an　uneven　trembling　in　the　voice。　　〃It　crept　close　to　me；　it　wanted　to

drink；　it　wanted　to　be　warm。〃　　She　hardened　herself〃I　did　not　love　it；

its　father　was　not　my　prince；　I　did　not　care　for　it；　but　it　was　so　little。〃　

She　moved　her　hand。　　〃They　might　have　kissed　it；　one　of　them；　before　they

put　it　in。　　It　never　did　any　one　any　harm　in　all　its　little　life。　　They

might　have　kissed　it；　one　of　them。〃



Gregory　felt　that　some　one　was　sobbing　in　the　room。



Late　on　in　the　evening；　when　the　shutter　was　closed　and　the　lamp　lighted；

and　the　rain…drops　beat　on　the　roof；　he　took　the　cloak　from　behind　the　door

and　went　away　with　it。　　On　his　way　back　he　called　at　the　village　post…

office　and　brought　back　a　letter。　　In　the　hall　he　stood　reading　the

address。　　How　could　he　fail　to　know　whose　hand　had　written　it？　　Had　he　not

long　ago　studied　those　characters　on　the　torn　fragments　of　paper　in　the　old

parlour？　　A　burning　pain　was　at　Gregory's　heart。　　If　now；　now　at　the　last；

one　should　come；　should　step　in　between！　　He　carried　the　letter　into　the

bedroom　and　gave　it　to　her。　　〃Bring　me　the　lamp　nearer；〃　she　said。　　When

she　had　read　it　she　asked　for　her　desk。



Then　Gregory　sat　down　in　the　lamp…light　on　the　other　side　of　the　curtain；

and　heard　the　pencil　move　on　the　paper。　　When　he　looked　round　the　curtain

she　was　lying　on　the　pillow　musing。　　The　open　letter　lay　at　her　side；　she

glanced　at　it　with　soft　eyes。　　The　man　with　the　languid　eyelids　must　have

been　strangely　moved　before　his　hand　set　down　those　words：



〃Let　me　come　back　to　you！　　My　darling；　let　me　put　my　hand　round　you；　and

guard　you　from　all　the　world。　　As　my　wife　they　shall　never　touch　you。　　I

have　learnt　to　love　you　more　wisely；　more　tenderly；　than　of　old；　you　shall

have　perfect　freedom。　　Lyndall；　grand　little　woman；　for　your　own　sake　be　my

wife！



〃Why　did　you　send　that　money　back　to　me？　　You　are　cruel　to　me；　it　is　not

rightly　done。〃



She　rolled　the　little　red　pencil　softly　between　her　fingers；　and　her　face

grew　very　soft。　　Yet：



〃It　cannot　be；〃　she　wrote；　〃I　thank　you　much　for　the　love　you　have　shown

me；　but　I　cannot　listen。　　You　will　call　me　mad；　foolishthe　world　would　do

so；　but　I　know　what　I　need　and　the　kind　of　path　I　must　walk　in。　　I　cannot

marry　you。　　I　will　always　love　you　for　the　sake　of　what　lay　by　me　those

three　hours；　but　there　it　ends。　　I　must　know　and　see；　I　cannot　be　bound　to

one　whom　I　love　as　I　love　you。　　I　am　not　afraid　of　the　worldI　will　fight

the　world。　　One　dayperhaps　it　may　be　far　offI　shall　find　what　I　have

wanted　all　my　life；　something　nobler；　stronger　than　I；　before　which　I　can

kneel　down。　　You　lose　nothing　by　not　having　me　now；　I　am　a　weak；　selfish；

erring　woman。　　One　day　I　shall　find　something　to　worship；　and　then　I　shall

be〃



〃Nurse；〃　she　said；　〃take　my　desk　away；　I　am　suddenly　so　sleepy；　I　will

write　more　tomorrow。〃　　She　turned　her　face　to　the　pillow；　it　was　the　sudden

drowsiness　of　great　weakness。　　She　had　dropped　asleep　in　a　moment；　and

Gregory　moved　the　desk　softly；　and　then　sat　in　the　chair　watching。　　Hour

after　hour　passed；　but　he　had　no　wish　for　rest；　and　sat　on；　hearing　the

rain　cease；　and　the　still　night　settle　down　everywhere。　　At　a　quarter…past

twelve　he　rose；　and　took　a　last　look　at　the　bed　where　she　lay　sleeping　so

peacefully；　then　he　turned　to　go　to　his　couch。　　Before　he　had　reached　the

door　she　had　started　up　and　was　calling　him　back。



〃You　are　sure　you　have　put　it　up？〃　she　said；　with　a　look　of　blank　terror　at

the　window。　　〃It　will　not　fall　open　in　the　night；　the　shutteryou　are

sure？〃



He　comforted　her。　　Yes；　it　was　tightly　fastened。



〃Even　if　it　is　shut；〃　she　said；　in　a　whisper；　〃you　cannot　keep　it　out！　　You

feel　it　coming　in　at　four　o'clock；　creeping；　creeping；　up；　up；　deadly

cold！〃　　She　shuddered。



He　thought　she　was　wandering；　and　laid　her　little　trembling　body　down　among

the　blankets。



〃I　dreamed　just　now　that　it　was　not　put　up；〃　she　said；　looking　into　his

eyes；　〃and　it　crept　right　in　and　I　was　alone　with　it。〃



〃What　do　you　fear？〃　he　asked；　tenderly。



〃The　Grey　Dawn；〃　she　said；　glancing　round　at　the　windo