the story of an african farm-第48章

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〃What　do　you　fear？〃　he　asked；　tenderly。



〃The　Grey　Dawn；〃　she　said；　glancing　round　at　the　window。　　〃I　was　never

afraid　of　anything；　never；　when　I　was　a　little　child；　but　I　have　always

been　afraid　of　that。　　You　will　not　let　it　come　in　to　me？〃



〃No；　no；　I　will　stay　with　you；〃　he　continued。



But　she　was　growing　calmer。　　〃No；　you　must　go　to　bed。　　I　only　awoke　with　a

start；　you　must　be　tired。　　I　am　childish；　that　is　all；〃　but　she　shivered

again。



He　sat　down　beside　her；　after　some　time　she　said：　　〃Will　you　not　rub　my

feet？〃



He　knelt　down　at　the　foot　of　the　bed　and　took　the　tiny　foot　in　his　hand；　it

was　swollen　and　unsightly　now；　but　as　he　touched　it　he　bent　down　and

covered　it　with　kisses。



〃It　makes　it　better　when　you　kiss　it；　thank　you。　　What　makes　you　all　love

me　so？〃　　Then　dreamily　she　muttered　to　herself：　　〃Not　utterly　bad；　not

quite　badwhat　makes　them　all　love　me　so？〃



Kneeling　there；　rubbing　softly；　with　his　cheek　pressed　against　the　little

foot；　Gregory　dropped　to　sleep　at　last。　　How　long　he　knelt　there　he　could

not　tell；　but　when　he　started　up　awake　she　was　not　looking　at　him。　　The

eyes　were　fixed　on　the　far　corner；　gazing　wide　and　intent；　with　an

unearthly　light。



He　looked　round　fearfully。　　What　did　she　see　there？　　God's　angels　come　to

call　her？　　Something　fearful？　　He　saw　only　the　purple　curtain　with　the

shadows　that　fell　from　it。　　Softly　he　whispered；　asking　what　she　saw　there。



And　she　said；　in　a　voice　strangely　unlike　her　own：　　〃I　see　the　vision　of　a

poor；　weak　soul　striving　after　good。　　It　was　not　cut　short；　and　in　the　end

it　learnt；　through　tears　and　much　pain；　that　holiness　is　an　infinite

compassion　for　others；　that　greatness　is　to　take　the　common　things　of　life

and　walk　truly　among　them；　that〃She　moved　her　white　hand　and　laid　it　on

her　forehead〃happiness　is　a　great　love　and　much　serving。　　It　was　not　cut

short；　and　it　loved　what　it　had　learntit　lovedand〃



Was　that　all　she　saw　in　the　corner？



Gregory　told　the　landlady　the　next　morning　that　she　had　been　wandering　all

night。　　Yet；　when　he　came　in　to　give　her　her　breakfast；　she　was　sitting　up

against　the　pillows；　looking　as　he　had　not　seen　her　look　before。



〃Put　it　close　to　me；〃　she　said；　〃and　when　I　have　had　breakfast　I　am　going

to　dress。〃



She　finished　all　he　had　brought　her　eagerly。



〃I　am　sitting　up　quite　by　myself；〃　she　said。　　〃Give　me　his　meat；〃　and　she

fed　the　dog　herself；　cutting　his　food　small　for　him。　　She　moved　to　the　side

of　the　bed。



〃Now　bring　the　chair　near　and　dress　me。　　It　is　being　in　this　room　so　long；

and　looking　at　that　miserable　little　bit　of　sunshine　that　comes　in　through

the　shutter；　that　is　making　me　so　ill。　　Always　that　lion's　paw！〃　she　said；

with　a　look　of　disgust　at　it。　　〃Come　and　dress　me。〃　　Gregory　knelt　on　the

floor　before　her；　and　tried　to　draw　on　one　stocking；　but　the　little　swollen

foot　refused　to　be　covered。



〃It　is　very　funny　that　I　should　have　grown　so　fat　since　I　have　been　so

ill；〃　she　said；　peering　down　curiously。　　〃Perhaps　it　is　want　of　exercise。〃　

She　looked　troubled　and　said　again；　〃Perhaps　it　is　want　of　exercise。〃　　She

wanted　Gregory　to　say　so　too。　　But　he　only　found　a　larger　pair；　and　then

tried　to　force　the　shoes；　oh；　so　tenderly；　on　to　her　little　feet。



〃There；〃　she　said；　looking　down　at　them　when　they　were　on；　with　the　delight

of　a　small　child　over　its　first　shoes；　〃I　could　walk　far　now。　　How　nice　it

looks！〃



〃No；〃　she　said；　seeing　the　soft　gown　he　had　prepared　for　her；　〃I　will　not

put　that　on。　　Get　one　of　my　white　dressesthe　one　with　the　pink　bows。　　I

do　not　even　want　to　think　I　have　been　ill。　　It　is　thinking　and　thinking　of

things　that　makes　them　real；〃　she　said。　　〃When　you　draw　your　mind　together；

and　resolve　that　a　thing　shall　not　be；　it　gives　way　before　you；　it　is　not。

Everything　is　possible　if　one　is　resolved；〃　she　said。　　She　drew　in　her

little　lips　together；　and　Gregory　obeyed　her；　she　was　so　small　and　slight

now　it　was　like　dressing　a　small　doll。　　He　would　have　lifted　her　down　from

the　bed　when　he　had　finished；　but　she　pushed　him　from　her；　laughing　very

softly。　　It　was　the　first　time　she　had　laughed　in　those　long；　dreary

months。



〃No；　no；　I　can　get　down　myself；〃　she　said；　slipping　cautiously　on　to　the

floor。　　〃You　see！〃　　She　cast　a　defiant　glance　of　triumph　when　she　stood

there。　　〃Hold　the　curtain　up　high；　I　want　to　look　at　myself。〃



He　raised　it；　and　stood　holding　it。　　She　looked　into　the　glass　on　the

opposite　wall。



Such　a　queenly　little　figure　in　its　pink　and　white。　　Such　a　transparent

little　face；　refined　by　suffering　into　an　almost　angel…like　beauty。　　The

face　looked　at　her；　she　looked　back；　laughing　softly。　　Doss；　quivering　with

excitement；　ran　round　her；　barking。　　She　took　one　step　toward　the　door；

balancing　herself　with　outstretched　hands。



〃I　am　nearly　there；〃　she　said。



Then　she　groped　blindly。



〃Oh；　I　cannot　see！　　I　cannot　see！　　Where　am　I？〃　she　cried。



When　Gregory　reached　her　she　had　fallen　with　her　face　against　the　sharp

foot　of　the　wardrobe　and　cut　her　forehead。　　Very　tenderly　he　raised　the

little　crushed　heap　of　muslin　and　ribbons；　and　laid　it　on　the　bed。　　Doss

climbed　up；　and　sat　looking　down　at　it。　　Very　softly　Gregory's　hands

disrobed　her。



〃You　will　be　stronger　tomorrow；　and　then　we　shall　try　again；〃　he　said；　but

she　neither　looked　at　him　nor　stirred。



When　he　had　undressed　her；　and　laid　her　in　bed；　Doss　stretched　himself

across　her　feet　and　lay　whining　softly。



So　she　lay　all　that　morning；　and　all　that　afternoon。



Again　and　again　Gregory　crept　close　to　the　bedside　and　looked　at　her；　but

she　did　not　speak　to　him。　　Was　it　stupor　or　was　it　sleep　that　shone　under

those　half…closed　eyelids。　　Gregory　could　not　tell。



At　last　in　the　evening　he　bent　over　her。



〃The　oxen　have　come；〃　he　said；　〃we　can　start　tomorrow　if　you　like。　　Shall　I

get　the　wagon　ready　tonight？〃



Twice　he　repeated　his　question。　　Then　she　looked　up　at　him；　and　Gregory　saw

that　all　hope　had　died　out　of　the　beautiful　eyes。　　It　was　not　stupor　that

shone　there；　it　was　despair。



〃Yes；　let　us　go；〃　she　said。



〃It　makes　no　difference；〃　said　the　doctor；　〃staying　or　going；　it　is　close

now。〃



So　the　next　day　Gregory　carried　her　out　in　his　arms　to　the　wagon　which

stood　inspanned　before　the　door。　　As　he　laid　her　down　on　the　kartel　she

looked　far　out　across　the　plain。　　For　the　first　time　she　spoke　that　day。



〃That　blue　mountain；　far　away；　let　us　stop　when　we　get　to　it；　not　before。〃　

She　closed　her　eyes　again。　　He　drew　the　sails　down　before　and　behind；　and

the　wagon　rolled　away　slowly。　　The　landlady　and　the　niggers　stood　to　watch

it　from　the　stoep。



Very　silently　the　great　wagon　rolled　along　the　grass…covered　plain。　　The

driver　on　the　front　box　did　not　clap　his　whip　or　call　to　his　oxen；　and

Gregory　sat　beside　him　with　folded　arms。　　Behind　them；　in　the　closed　wagon；

she　lay　with　the　dog　at　her　feet；　very　quiet；　with　folded　hands。　　He；

Gregory；　dared　not　be　in　there。　　Like　Hagar；　when　she　laid　her　treasure

down　in　the　wilderness；　he　sat　afar　off：〃For　Hagar　said；　Let　me　not　see

the　death　of　the　child。〃



Evening　came；　and　yet　the　blue　mountain　was　not　reached；　and　all　the　next

day　they　rode　on　slowly；　but　still　it　was　far　off。　　Only　at　evening　they

reached　it；　not　blue　now；　but　low　and　brown；　covered　with　long　waving

grasses　and　rough　stones。　　They　drew　the　wagon　up　close　to　its　foot　for　the

night。　　It　was　a　sheltered；　warm　spot。



When　the　dark　night　had　come；　when　the　tired　oxen　were　tied　to　the　wheels；

and　the　driver　and　leader　had　rolled　themselves　in　their　blankets　before

the　fire；　and　gone　to　sleep；　then　Gregory　fastened　down　the　sails　of　the

wagon　securely。　　He　fixed　a　long　candle　near　the　head　of　the　bed；　and　lay

down　himself　on　the　floor　of　the　wagon　near　the　back。　　He　leaned　his　head

against　the　kartel；　and　listened　to　the　chewing　of　the　tired　oxen；　and　to

the　crackling　of　the　fire；　till；　overpowered　by　weariness；　he　fell　into　a

heavy　sleep。　　Then　all　was　very　still　in　the　wagon。　　The　dog　slept　on　his

mistress'　feet；　and　only　two　mosquitoes；　creeping　in　through　a　gap　in　the

front　sail；　buzzed　drearily　round。



The　night　was　grown　very　old　when　from　a　long；　peaceful　sleep　Lyndall

awoke。　　The　candle　burnt　at　her　head；　the　dog　lay　on　her　feet；　but　he

shivered；　it　seemed　as　though　a　coldness　struck　up　to　him　from　his　resting…

place。　　She　lay　with　folded　hands；　looking　upward；　and　she　heard　the　oxen

chewing；　and　she　saw　the　two　mosquitoes　buzzing　drearily　round　and　round；

and　her　thoughtsher　thoughts　ran　far　back　into　the　past。



Through　these　months　of　anguish　a　mist　had　rested　on　her　mind；　it　was

rolled　together　now；　and　the　old　clear　intellect　awoke　from　its　long

torpor。　　It　looked　back　into　the　past；　it　saw　the　present；　there　was　no

future　now。　　The　old　strong　soul　gathered　itself　together　for　the　last

time；　it　knew　where　it　stood。



Slowly　raising　herself　on　her　elbow；　she　took　from　the　sail　a　glass　that

hung　pinned　there。　　Her　fingers　were　stiff　and　cold。　　She　put　the　pillow　on

her　breast；　and　stood　the　glass　against　it。　　Then　the　white　face　on　the

pillow　looked　into　the　white　face　in　the　glass。　　They　had　looked　at　each

other　often　so　before。　　It　had　been　a　child's　face　once；　looking　out　above

its　blue　pinafore；　it　had　been　a　woman's　face；　with　a　dim　shadow　in　the

eyes；　and　a　something　which　had　said；　〃We　are　not　afraid；　you　and　I；　we　are

together；　we　will　fight；　you　and　I。〃　　Now　tonight　it　had　come　to　this。



The　dying　eyes　on　the　pillow　looked　into　the　dying　eyes　in　the　glass；　they

knew　that　their　hour　had　come。　　She　raised　one　hand　and　pressed　the　stiff

fingers　against　the　glass。　　They　were　growing　very　stiff。　　She　tried　to

speak　to　it；　but　she　would　never　speak　again。　　Only　the　wonderful　yearning

light　was　in　the　eyes　still。　　The　body　was　dead　now；　but　the　soul；　clear

and　unclouded；　looked　forth。



Then　slowly；　without　a　sound；　the　beautiful　eyes　closed。　　The　dead　face

that　the　glass　reflected　was　a　thing　of　marvelous　beauty　and　tranquillity。

The　Grey　Dawn　crept　in　over　it　and　saw　it　lying　there。



Had　she　found　what　she　sought　forsomething　to　worship？　　Had　she　ceased

from　being？　　Who　shall　tell　us？　　There　is　a　veil　of　terrible　mist　over　the

face　of　the　Hereafter。





Chapter　2。XIII。　　Dreams。



〃Tell　me　what　a　soul　desires；　and　I　will　tell　you　what　it　is。〃　　So　runs　the

phrase。



〃Tell　me　what　a　man　dreams；　and　I　will　tell　you　what　he　loves。〃　　That　also

has　its　truth。



For；　ever　from　the　earliest　childhood　to　the　latest　age；　day　by　day；　and

step　by　step；　the　busy　waking　life　is　followed　and　reflected　by　the　life　of

dreamswaking　dreams；　sleeping　dreams。　　Weird；　misty；　and　distorted　as　the

inverted　image　of　a　mirage；　or　a　figure　seen　through　the　mountain　mist；

they　are　still　the　reflections　of　a　reality。



On　the