the story of an african farm-第49章

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they　are　still　the　reflections　of　a　reality。



On　the　night　when　Gregory　told　his　story　Waldo　sat　alone　before　the　fire；

his　untasted　supper　before　him。　　He　was　weary　after　his　day's　worktoo

weary　to　eat。　　He　put　the　plate　down　on　the　floor　for　Doss；　who　licked　it

clean；　and　then　went　back　to　his　corner。　　After　a　time　the　master　threw

himself　across　the　foot　of　the　bed　without　undressing；　and　fell　asleep

there。　　He　slept　so　long　that　the　candle　burnt　itself　out；　and　the　room　was

in　darkness。　　But　he　dreamed　a　lovely　dream　as　he　lay　there。



In　his　dream；　to　his　right　rose　high　mountains；　their　tops　crowned　with

snow；　their　sides　clothed　with　bush　and　bathed　in　the　sunshine。　　At　their

feet　was　the　sea；　blue　and　breezy；　bluer　than　any　earthly　sea；　like　the　sea

he　had　dreamed　of　in　his　boyhood。　　In　the　narrow　forest　that　ran　between

the　mountains　and　the　sea　the　air　was　rich　that　the　scent　of　the　honey…

creeper　that　hung　from　dark　green　bushes；　and　through　the　velvety　grass

little　streams　ran　purling　down　into　the　sea。



He　sat　on　a　high　square　rock　among　the　bushes；　and　Lyndall　sat　by　him　and

sang　to　him。　　She　was　only　a　small　child；　with　a　blue　pinafore；　and　a

grave；　grave；　little　face。　　He　was　looking　up　at　the　mountains；　then

suddenly　when　he　looked　round　she　was　gone。　　He　slipped　down　from　his　rock；

and　went　to　look　for　her；　but　he　found　only　her　little　footmarks；　he　found

them　on　the　bright　green　grass；　and　in　the　moist　sand；　and　there　where　the

little　streams　ran　purling　down　into　the　sea。　　In　and　out；　in　and　out；　and

among　the　bushes　where　the　honey…creeper　hung；　he　went　looking　for　her。　　At

last；　far　off；　in　the　sunshine；　he　saw　her　gathering　shells　upon　the　sand。

She　was　not　a　child　now；　but　a　woman；　and　the　sun　shone　on　her　soft　brown

hair；　and　in　her　white　dress　she　put　the　shells　she　gathered。　　She　was

stooping；　but　when　she　heard　his　step　she　stood　up；　holding　her　skirt　close

about　her；　and　waited　for　his　coming。　　One　hand　she　put　in　his；　and

together　they　walked　on　over　the　glittering　sand　and　pink　sea…shells；　and

they　heard　the　leaves　talking；　and　they　heard　the　waters　babbling　on　their

way　to　the　sea；　and　they　heard　the　sea　singing　to　itself；　singing；　singing。



At　last　they　came　to　a　place　where　was　a　long　reach　of　pure　white　sand；

there　she　stood　still；　and　dropped　on　to　the　sand　one　by　one　the　shells

that　she　had　gathered。　　Then　she　looked　up　into　his　face　with　her　beautiful

eyes。　　She　said　nothing；　but　she　lifted　one　hand　and　laid　it　softly　on　his

forehead；　the　other　she　laid　on　his　heart。



With　a　cry　of　suppressed　agony　Waldo　sprung　from　the　bed；　flung　open　the

upper　half　of　the　door；　and　leaned　out；　breathing　heavily。



Great　God！　it　might　be　only　a　dream；　but　the　pain　was　very　real；　as　though

a　knife　ran　through　his　heart；　as　though　some　treacherous　murderer　crept　on

him　in　the　dark！　　The　strong　man　drew　his　breath　like　a　frightened　woman。



〃Only　a　dream；　but　the　pain　was　very　real；〃　he　muttered；　as　he　pressed　his

right　hand　upon　his　breast。　　Then　he　folded　his　arms　on　the　door；　and　stood

looking　out　into　the　starlight。



The　dream　was　with　him　still；　the　woman　who　was　his　friend　was　not

separated　from　him　by　yearsonly　that　very　night　he　had　seen　her。　　He

looked　up　into　the　night　sky　that　all　his　life　long　had　mingled　itself　with

his　existence。　　There　were　a　thousand　faces　that　he　loved　looking　down　at

him；　a　thousand　stars　in　their　glory；　in　crowns；　and　circles；　and　solitary

grandeur。　　To　the　man　they　were　not　less　dear　than　to　the　boy　they　had　been

not　less　mysterious；　yet　he　looked　up　at　them　and　shuddered；　at　last　turned

away　from　them　with　horror。　　Such　countless　multitudes　stretching　out　far

into　space；　and　yet　not　in　one　of　them　all　was　she！　　Though　he　searched

through　them　all；　to　the　furthest；　faintest　point　of　light；　nowhere　should

he　ever　say；　〃She　is　here！〃　　Tomorrow's　sun　would　rise　and　gild　the　world's

mountains；　and　shine　into　its　thousand　valleys；　it　would　set　and　the　stars

creep　out　again。　　Year　after　year；　century　after　century；　the　old　changes

of　nature　would　go　on；　day　and　night；　summer　and　winter；　seed…time　and

harvest；　but　in　none　of　them　all　would　she　have　part！



He　shut　the　door　to　keep　out　their　hideous　shining；　and　because　the　dark

was　intolerable　lit　a　candle；　and　paced　the　little　room；　faster　and　faster

yet。　　He　saw　before　him　the　long　ages　of　eternity　that　would　roll　on；　on；

on；　and　never　bring　her。　　She　would　exist　no　more。　　A　dark　mist　filled　the

little　room。



〃Oh；　little　hand！　oh；　little　voice！　oh；　little　form！〃　he　cried；　oh；　little

soul　that　walked　with　mine！　oh；　little　soul；　that　looked　so　fearlessly　down

into　the　depths；　do　you　exist　no　more　for　everfor　all　time？〃　　He　cried

more　bitterly：　　〃It　is　for　this　hourthisthat　men　blind　reason；　and

crush　out　thought！　　For　this　hourthis；　thisthey　barter　truth　and

knowledge；　take　any　lie；　any　creed；　so　it　does　not　whisper　to　them　of　the

dead　that　they　are　dead！　　Oh；　God！　for　a　Hereafter！〃



Pain　made　his　soul　weak；　it　cried　for　the　old　faith。　　They　are　the　tears

that　fall　into　the　new…made　grave　that　cement　the　power　of　the　priest。　　For

the　cry　of　the　soul　that　loves　and　loses　is　this；　only　this：　　〃Bridge　over

Death；　blend　the　Here　with　the　Hereafter；　cause　the　mortal　to　robe　himself

in　immortality；　let　me　not　say　of　my　Dead　that　it　is　dead！　　I　will　believe

all　else；　bear　all　else；　endure　all　else！〃



Muttering　to　himself；　Waldo　walked　with　bent　head；　the　mist　in　his　eyes。



To　the　soul's　wild　cry　for　its　own　there　are　many　answers。　　He　began　to

think　of　them。　　Was　not　there　one　of　them　all　from　which　he　might　suck　one

drop　of　comfort？



〃You　shall　see　her　again；〃　says　the　Christian；　the　true　Bible　Christian。　

〃Yes；　you　shall　see　her　again。　　'And　I　saw　the　dead；　great　and　small；　stand

before　God。　　And　the　books　were　opened；　and　the　dead　were　judged　from　those

things　which　were　written　in　the　books。　　And　whosoever　was　not　found

written　in　the　book　of　life　was　cast　into　the　lake　of　fire；　which　is　the

second　death。'　　Yes；　you　shall　see　her　again。　　She　died　sowith　her　knee

unbent；　with　her　hand　unraised；　with　a　prayer　unuttered；　in　the　pride　of

her　intellect　and　the　strength　of　her　youth。　　She　loved　and　she　was　loved；

but　she　said　no　prayer　to　God；　she　cried　for　no　mercy；　she　repented　of　no

sin！　　Yes；　you　shall　see　her　again。〃



In　his　bitterness　Waldo　laughed　low：



Ah；　he　had　long　ceased　to　hearken　to　the　hellish　voice。



But　yet　another　speaks。



〃You　shall　see　her　again；〃　said　the　nineteenth…century　Christian；　deep　into

whose　soul　modern　unbelief　and　thought　have　crept；　though　he　knows　it　not。

He　it　is　who　uses　his　Bible　as　the　pearl…fishers　use　their　shells；　sorting

out　gems　from　refuse；　he　sets　his　pearls　after　his　own　fashion；　and　he　sets

them　well。　　〃Do　not　fear；〃　he　says；　〃hell　and　judgment　are　not。　　God　is

love。　　I　know　that　beyond　this　blue　sky　above　us　is　a　love　as　wide…

spreading　over　all。　　The　All…Father　will　show　her　to　you　again；　not　spirit

onlythe　little　hands；　the　little　feet　you　loved；　you　shall　lie　down　and

kiss　them　if　you　will。　　Christ　arose；　and　did　eat　and　drink；　so　shall　she

arise。　　The　dead；　all　the　dead；　raised　incorruptible！　　God　is　love。　　You

shall　see　her　again。〃



It　is　a　heavenly　song；　this　of　the　nineteenth…century　Christian。　　A　man

might　dry　his　tears　to　listen　to　it；　but　for　this　one　thingWaldo　muttered

to　himself　confusedly：



〃The　thing　I　loved　was　a　woman　proud　and　young；　it　had　a　mother　once；　who；

dying；　kissed　her　little　baby；　and　prayed　God　that　she　might　see　it　again。

If　it　had　lived　the　loved　thing　would　itself　have　had　a　son；　who；　when　he

closed　the　weary　eyes　and　smoothed　the　wrinkled　forehead　of　his　mother；

would　have　prayed　God　to　see　that　old　face　smile　again　in　the　Hereafter。　

To　the　son　heaven　will　be　no　heaven　if　the　sweet　worn　face　is　not　in　one　of

the　choirs；　he　will　look　for　it　through　the　phalanx　of　God's　glorified

angels；　and　the　youth　will　look　for　the　maid；　and　the　mother　for　the　baby。　

'And　whose　then　shall　she　be　at　the　resurrection　of　the　dead？'〃



〃Ah；　God！　ah；　God！　a　beautiful　dream；〃　he　cried；　〃but　can　any　one　dream　it

not　sleeping？〃



Waldo　paced　on；　moaning　in　agony　and　longing。



He　heard　the　Transcendentalist's　high　answer。



〃What　have　you　to　do　with　flesh；　the　gross　and　miserable　garment　in　which

spirit　hides　itself？　　You　shall　see　her　again。　　But　the　hand；　the　foot；　the

forehead　you　loved；　you　shall　see　no　more。　　The　loves；　the　fears；　the

frailties　that　are　born　with　the　flesh；　with　the　flesh　they　shall　die。　　Let

them　die！　　There　is　that　in　man　that　cannot　diea　seed；　a　germ　an　embryo；

a　spiritual　essence。　　Higher　than　she　was　on　earth；　as　the　tree　is　higher

than　the　seed；　the　man　than　the　embryo；　so　shall　you　behold　her；　changed；

glorified！〃



High　words；　ringing　well；　they　are　the　offering　of　jewels　to　the　hungry；　of

gold　to　the　man　who　dies　for　bread。　　Bread　is　corruptible；　gold　is

incorruptible；　bread　is　light；　gold　is　heavy；　bread　is　common；　gold　is

rare；　but　the　hungry　man　will　barter　all　your　mines　for　one　morsel　of

bread。　　Around　God's　throne　there　may　be　choirs　and　companies　of　angels；

cherubim　and　seraphim；　rising　tier　above　tier；　but　not　for　one　of　them　all

does　the　soul　cry　aloud。　　Only　perhaps　for　a　little　human　woman　full　of

sin；　that　it　once　loved。



〃Change　is　death；　change　is　death！〃　he　cried。　　〃I　want　no　angel；　only　she；

no　holier　and　no　better；　with　all　her　sins　upon　her；　so　give　her　me　or　give

me　nothing！〃



And；　truly；　does　not　the　heart　love　its　own　with　the　strongest　passion　for

their　very　frailties？　　Heaven　might　keep　its　angels　if　men　were　but　left　to

men。



〃Change　is　death；〃　he　cried；　〃change　is　death！　　Who　dares　to　say　the　body

never　dies；　because　it　turns　again　to　grass　and　flowers？　　And　yet　they　dare

to　say　the　spirit　never　dies；　because　in　space　some　strange　unearthly　being

may　have　sprung　up　upon　its　ruins。　　Leave　me！　　Leave　me！〃　he　cried　in

frantic　bitterness。　　〃Give　me　back　what　I　have　lost；　or　give　me　nothing。〃



For　the　soul's　fierce　cry　for　immortality　is　thisonly　this：　　Return　to　me

after　death　the　thing　as　it　was　before。　　Leave　me　in　the　Hereafter　the

being　that　I　am　today。　　Rob　me　of　the　thoughts；　the　feelings；　the　desires

that　are　my　life；　and　you　have　left　nothing　to　take。　　Your　immortality　is

annihilation；　your　Hereafter　is　a　lie。



Waldo　flung　open　the　door；　and　walked　out　into　the　starlight；　his　pain…

stricken　thoughts　ever　driving　him　on　as　he　paced　there。



〃There　must　be　a　Hereafter　because　man　longs　for　it！〃　he　whispered。　　〃Is

not　all　life　from　the　cradle　to　the　grave　one　long　yearning　for　that　which

we　never　touch？　　There　must　be　a　Hereafter　because　we　cannot　think　of　any

end　to　life。　　Can　we　think　of　a　beginning？　　Is　it　easier　to　say　'I　was　not'

than　to　say　'I　shall　not　be'？　　And　yet；　where　were　we　nine