安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第24章

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ces；　he　replied　that　either　one　would　do。　mother；　having　cast　herself　in　the　role　of　peacemaker；　made　no　headway　whatsoever；　and　the　situation　finally　ended　in　a　draw。

i　can　say　without　exaggeration　that　dussel　has　definitely　got　a　screw　loose。　we　often　laugh　to　ourselves　because　he　has　no　memory；　no　fixed　opinions　and　no　mon　sense。　hes　amused　us　more　than　once　by　trying　to　pass　on　the　news　hes　just　heard；　since　the　message　invariably　gets　garbled　in　transmission。　furthermore；　he　answers　every　reproach　or　accusation　with　a　load　of　fine　1　promises；　which　he　never　manages　to　keep。

〃der　mann　hat　einen　grossen　geist　una　ist　so　klein　van　taten！〃*　＇*a　well…known　expression：

〃the　spirit　of　the　man　is　great；　how　puny　are　his　deeds。鈥�

yours；　anne　

saturday；　november　27；　1943

dearest　kitty；

last　night；　just　as　i　was　falling　asleep；　hanneli　suddenly　appeared　before　me。

i　saw　her　there；　dressed　in　rags；　her　face　thin　and　worn。　she　looked　at　me　with　such　sadness　and　reproach　in　her　enormous　eyes　that　i　could　read　the　message　in　them：

〃oh；　anne；　why　have　you　deserted　me？　help　me；　help　me；　rescue　me　from　this　hell！鈥�

and　i　cant　help　her。　i　can　only　stand　by　and　watch　while　other　people　suffer　and　die。

all　i　can　do　is　pray　to　god　to　bring　her　back　to　us。　i　saw　hanneli；　and　no　one　else；　and　i　understood　why。　i　misjudged　her；　wasnt　mature　enough　to　understand　how　difficult　it　was　for　her。　she　was　devoted　to　her　girlfriend；　and　it　must　have　seemed　as　though　i　were　trying　to　take　her　away。　the　poor　thing；　she　must　have　felt　awful！　i　know；　because　i　recognize　the　feeling　in　myself！　i　had　an　occasional　flash　of　understanding；　but　then　got　selfishly　wrapped　up　again　in　my　own　problems　and　pleasures。

it　was　mean　of　me　to　treat　her　that　way；　and　now　she　was　looking　at　me；　oh　so　helplessly；　with　her　pale　face　and　beseeching　eyes。　if　only　i　could　help　her！　dear　god；　i　have　everything　i　could　wish　for；　while　fate　has　her　in　its　deadly　clutches。　she　was　as　devout　as　i　am；　maybe　even　more　so；　and　she　too　wanted　to　do　what　was　right。

but　then　why　have　i　been　chosen　to　live；　while　shes　probably　going　to　die？　whats　the　difference　between　us？　why　are　we　now　so　far　apart？

to　be　honest；　i　hadnt　thought　of　her　for　months　　no；　for　at　least　a　year。　i　hadnt　forgotten　her　entirely；　and　yet　it　wasnt　until　i　saw　her　before　me　that　i　thought　of　all　her　suffering。

oh；　hanneli；　i　hope　that　if　you　live　to　the　end　of　the　war　and　return　to　us；　ill　be　able　to　take　you　in　and　make　up　for　the　wrong　ive　done　you。

but　even　if　i　were　ever　in　a　position　to　help；　she　wouldnt　need　it　more　than　she　does　now。　i　wonder　if　she　ever　thinks　of　me；　and　what　shes　feeling？

merciful　god；　fort　her；　so　that　at　least　she　wont　be　alone。　oh；　if　only　you　could　tell　her　im　thinking　of　her　with　passion　and　love；　it　might　help　her　go　on。

ive　got　to　stop　dwelling　on　this。　it　wont　get　me　anywhere。　i　keep　seeing　her　enormous　eyes；　and　they　haunt　me。　does　hanneli　really　and　truly　believe　in　god；　or　has　religion　merely　been　foisted　upon　her？　i　dont　even　know　that。　i　never　took　the　trouble　to　ask。

hanneli；　hanneli；　if　only　i　could　take　you　away；　if　only　i　could　share　everything　i　have　with　you。　its　too　late。　i　cant　help；　or　undo　the　wrong　ive　done。　but　ill　never　forget　her　again　and　ill　always　pray　for　her！

yours；　anne　

锛穡w。xiaosh锛祇txt。c锛痬



DECEMBER；　1943

锛屽皬璇达伎t锛縳t澶╁爞
monday；　december　6；　1943

dearest　kitty；

the　closer　it　got　to　st。　nicholas　day；　the　more　we　all　thought　back　to　last　years　festively　decorated　basket。

more　than　anyone；　i　thought　it　would　be　terrible　to　skip　a　celebration　this　year。　after　long　deliberation；　i　finally　came　up　with　an　idea；　something　funny。　i　consulted　rim；　and

a　week　ago　we　set　to　work　writing　a　verse　for　each　person。

sunday　evening　at　a　quarter　to　eight　we　trooped　upstairs　carrying　the　big　laundry　basket；　which　had　been　decorated　with　cutouts　and　bows　made　of　pink　and　blue　carbon　paper。　on　top　was　a　large　piece　of　brown　wrapping　paper　with　a　note　attached。

everyone　was　rather　amazed　at　the　sheer　size　of　the　gift。　i　removed　the　note　and　read　it　aloud：

〃once　again　st。　nicholas　day　has　even　e　to　our　hideaway；

it　wont　be　quite　as　jun；　i　fear；　as　the　happy　day　we　had　last　year。

then　we　were　hopeful；　no　reason　to　doubt　that　optimism　would　win　the　bout；　and　by　the　time　this　year　came　round；　wed　all　be　free；　and　s*　and　sound。

still；　lets　not　jorget　its　st。　nicholas　day；　though　weve　nothing　left　to　give　away。

well　have　to　find　something　else　to　do：

so　everyone　please　look　in　their　shoe！鈥�

as　each　person　took　their　own　shoe　out　of　the　basket；　there　was　a　roar　of　laughter。

inside　each　shoe　was　a　little　wrapped　package　addressed　to　its　owner。

yours；　anne　

dearest　kitty；

a　bad　case　of　flu　has　prevented　me　from　writing　to　you　until　today。　being　sick　here　is　dreadful。　with　every　cough；　i　had　to　duck　under　the　blanket　　once；　twice；　three　times　　and　try　to　keep　from　coughing　anymore。

most　of　the　time　the　tickle　refused　to　go　away；　so　i　had　to　drink　milk　with　honey；　sugar　or　cough　drops。　i　get　dizzy　just　thinking　about　all　the　cures　ive　been　subjected　to：　sweating　out　the　fever；　steam　treatment；　wet　presses；　dry　presses；　hot　drinks；　swabbing　my　throat；　lying　still；　heating　pad；　hot…water　bottles；　lemonade　and；　every　two　hours；　the　thermometer。　will　these　remedies　really　make　you　better？　the　worst　part　was　when　mr。　dussel　decided　to　play　doctor　and　lay　his　pomaded　head　on　my　bare　chest　to　listen　to　the　sounds。　not　only　did　his　hair　tickle；　but　i　was　embarrassed；　even　though　he　went　to　school　thirty　years　ago　and　does　have　some　kind　of　medical　degree。　why　should　he　lay　his　head　on　my　heart？　after　all；　hes　not　my

boyfriend！　for　that　matter；　he　wouldnt　be　able　to　tell　a　healthy　sound　from　an　unhealthy　one。

hed　have　to　have　his　ears　cleaned　first；　since　hes　being　alarmingly　hard　of　hearing。　but　enough　about　my　illness。　im　fit　as　a　fiddle　again。　ive　grown　almost　half　an　inch　and　gained　two　pounds。　im　pale；　but　itching　to　get　back　to　my　books。

ausnahmsweise*　（the　only　word　that　will　do　here　＇*　by　way　of　exception＇）；　were　all　getting　on　well　together。　no　squabbles；　though　that　probably　wont　last　long。　there　hasnt　been　such　peace　and　quiet　in　this　house　for　at　least　six　months。

bep　is　still　in　isolation；　but　any　day　now　her　sister　will　no　longer　be　contagious。

for　christmas；　were　getting　extra　cooking　oil；　candy　and　molasses。　for　hanukkah；　mr。

dussel　gave　mrs。　van　daan　and　mother　a　beautiful　cake；　which　hed　asked　miep　to　bake。　on　top　of　all　the　work　she　has　to　do！　margot　and　i　received　a　brooch　made　out　of　a　penny；　all　bright　and　shiny。　i　cant　really　describe　it；　but　its　lovely。

i　also　have　a　christmas　present　for　miep　and　bep。　for　a　whole　month　ive　saved　up　the　sugar　i　put　on　my　hot　cereal；　and　mr。　kleiman　has　used　it　to　have　fondant　made。

the　weather　is　drizzly　and　overcast；　the　stove　stinks；　and　the　food　lies　heavily　on　our　stomachs；　producing　a　variety　of　rumbles。

the　war　is　at　an　impasse；　spirits　are　low。

yours；　anne　

friday；　december　24；　1943

dear　kitty；

as　ive　written　you　many　times　before；　moods　have　a　tendency　to　affect　us　quite　a　bit　here；　and　in　my　case　its　been　getting　worse　lately。　〃himmelhoch　jauchzend；　zu　tode　betrubt〃*　＇*　a　famous　line　from　goethe：　〃on　top　of　the　world；　or　in　the　depths　of　despair。〃＇　certainly　applies　to　me。　im　〃on　top　of　the　world〃　when　i　think　of　how　fortunate　we　are　and　pare　myself　to　other　jewish　children；　and　〃in　the　depths　of　despair〃　when；　for　example；　mrs。　kleiman　es　by　and　talks　about　jopies　hockey　club；　canoe　trips；　school　plays　and　afternoon　teas　with　friends。

i　dont　think　im　jealous　of　jopie；　but　i　long　to　have　a　really　good　time　for　once　and

to　laugh　so　hard　it　hurts。

were　stuck　in　this　house　like　lepers；　especially　during　winter　and　the　christmas　and　new　years　holidays。　actually；　i　shouldnt　even　be　writing　this；　since　it　makes　me　seem　so　ungrateful；　but　i　cant　keep　everything　to　myself；　so　ill　repeat　what　i　said　at　the　beginning：　〃paper　is　more　patient　than　people。鈥�

whenever　someone　es　in　from　outside；　with　the　wind　in　their　clothes　and　the　cold　on　their　cheeks；　i　feel　like　burying　my　head　under　the　blankets　to　keep　from　thinking；　〃when　will　we　be　allowed　to　breathe　fresh　air　again？〃　i　cant　do　that　　on　the　contrary；　i　have　to　hold　my　head　up　high　and　put　a　bold　face　on　things；　but　the　thoughts　keep　ing　anyway。　not　just　once；　but　over　and　over。

believe　me；　if　youve　been　shut　up　for　a　year　and　a　half；　it　can　get　to　be　too　much　for　you　sometimes。　but　feelings　cant　be　ignored；　no　matter　how　unjust　or　ungrateful　they　seem。　i　long　to　ride　a　bike；　dance；　whistle；　look　at　the　world；　feel　young　and　know　that　im　free；　and　yet　i　cant　let　it　show。　just　imagine　what　would　happen　if　all　eight　of　us　were　to　feel　sorry　for　ourselves　or　walk　around　with　the　discontent　clearly　visible　on　our　faces。　where　would　that　get　us？　i　sometimes　wonder　if　anyone　will　ever　understand　what　i　mean；　if　anyone　will　ever　overlook　my　ingratitude　and　not　worry　about　whether　or　not　im　jewish　and　merely　see　me　as　a　teenager　badly　in　need　of　some　good　plain　fun。　i　dont　know；　and　i　wouldnt　be　able　to　talk　about　it　with　anyone；　since　im　sure　id　start　to　cry。　crying　can　bring　relief；　as　long　as　you　dont　cry　alone。　despite　all　my　theories　and　efforts；　i　miss　　every　day　and　every　hour　of　the　day　　having　a　mother　who　understands　me。　thats　why　with　everything　i　do　and　write；　i　imagine　the　kind　of　mom　id　like　to　be　to　my　children　later　on。　the　kind　of　mom　who　doesnt　take　everything　people　say　too　seriously；　but　who　does　take　me　seriously。　i　find　it　difficult　to　describe　what　i　mean；　but　the　word　mom〃　says　it　all。

do　you　know　what　ive　e　up　with？　in　order　to　give　me　the　feeling　of　calling　my　mother　something　that　sounds　like　〃mom；〃　i　often　call　her〃　momsy。〃　sometimes　i　shorten　it　to　〃moms〃；　an　imperfect　〃mom。〃　i　wish　i　could　honor　her　by　removing　the　〃s。〃　its　a　good　thing　she　doesnt　realize　this；　since　it　would　only　make　her　unhappy。

well；　thats　enough　of　that。　my　writing　has　raised　me　somewhat　from　〃the　depths　of　despair。鈥�

yours；　anne　

its　the　day　after　christmas；　and　i　cant　help　thinking　about　pim　and　the　story　he　told　me　this　time　last　year。　i　didnt　understand　the　meaning　of　his　words　then　as　well　as　i　do　now。　if　only　hed　bring　it　up　again；　i　might　be　able　to　show　him　i　understood　what

he　meant！

i　think　pim　told　me　because　he；　who　knows　the　〃intimate　secrets〃　of　so　many　others；　needed　to　express　his　own　feelings　for　once；　pim　never　talks　about　himself；　and　i　dont　think　margot　has　any　inkling　of　what　hes　been　through。　poor　pim；　he　cant　fool　me　into　thinking　hes　forgotten　that　girl。　he　never　will。　its　made　him　very　acmodating；　since　hes　not　blind　to　mothers　faults。　i　hope　im　going　to　be　a　little　like　him；　without　having　to　go　through　what　he　has！

anne　monday；　december　27；　1943

friday　evening；　for　the　first　time　in　my　life；　i　received　a　christmas　present。　mr。

kleiman；　mr。　kugler　and　the　girls　had　prepared　a　wonderful　surprise　for　us。　miep　made　a　delicious　christmas　cake　with　〃peace　1944〃　written　on　top；　and　bep　provided　a　batch　of　cookies　that　was　up　to　prewar　standards。

there　was　a　jar　of　yogur