安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第35章

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first　we　talked　about　the　quarrels　and　how　i　see　them　in　a　very　different　light　these　days；　and　then　about　how　weve　bee　alienated　from　our　parents。　i　told　peter　about　mother　and　father　and　margot　and　myself。　at　one　point　he　asked；　〃you　always　give　each　other　a　good…night　kiss；　dont　you？鈥�

〃one？　dozens　of　them。　you　dont；　do　you？鈥�

〃no；　ive　never　really　kissed　anyone。鈥�

〃not　even　on　your　birthday？〃

〃yeah；　on　my　birthday　i　have。鈥�

we　talked　about　how　neither　of　us　really　trusts　our　parents；　and　how　his　parents　love　each　other　a　great　deal　and　wish　hed　confide　in　them；　but　that　he　doesnt　want　to。

how　i　cry　my　heart　out　in　bed　and　he　goes　up　to　the　loft　and　swears。　how　margot　and　i　have　only　recently　gotten　to　know　each　other　and　yet　still　tell　each　other　very　little；　since　were　always　together。　we　talked　about　every　imaginable　thing；　about　trust；　feelings　and　ourselves。　oh；　kitty；　he　was　just　as　i　thought　he　would　be。

then　we　talked　about　the　year　1942；　and　how　different　we　were　back　then；　we　dont　even　recognize　ourselves　from　that　period。　how　we　couldnt　stand　each　other　at　first。

hed　thought　i　was　a　noisy　pest；　and　id　quickly　concluded　that　he　was　nothing　special。

i　didnt　understand　why　he　didnt　flirt　with　me；　but　now　im　glad。　he　also　mentioned　how　he　often　used　to　retreat　to　his　room。　i　said　that　my　noise　and　exuberance　and　his　silence　were　two　sides　of　the　same　coin；　and　that　i　also　liked　peace　and　quiet　but　dont　have　anything　for　myself　alone；　except　my　diary；　and　that　everyone　would　rather　see　the　back　of　me；　starting　with　mr。　dussel；　and　that　i　dont　always　want　to　sit　with　my　parents。　we　discussed　how　glad　he　is　that　my　parents　have　children　and　how　glad　i　am　that　hes　here。

how　i　now　understand　his　need　to　withdraw　and　his　relationship　to　his　parents；　and　how　much　id　like　to　help　him　when　they　argue。

〃but　youre　always　a　help　to　me！〃　he　said。

〃how？〃　i　asked；　greatly　surprised。

〃by　being　cheerful。鈥�

that　was　the　nicest　thing　he　said　all　evening。　he　also　told　me　that　he　didnt　mind　my　ing　to　his　room　the　way　he　used　to；　in　fact；　he　liked　it。　i　also　told　him　that　all　of　fathers　and　mothers　pet　names　were　meaningless；　that　a　kiss　here　and　there　didnt　automatically　lead　to　trust。　we　also　talked　about　doing　things　your　own　way；　the　diary；　loneliness；　the　difference　between　everyones　inner　and　outer　selves；　my　mask；　etc。

it　was　wonderful。　he　must　have　e　to　love　me　as　a　friend；　and；　for　the　time　being；　thats　enough。　im　so　grateful　and　happy；　i　cant　find　the　words。　i　must　apolo…　gize；　kitty；　since　my　style　is　not　up　to　my　usual　standard　today。　ive　just　written　whatever　came　into　my　head！

i　have　the　feeling　that　peter　and　i　share　a　secret。　whenever　he　looks　at　me　with　those　eyes；　with　that　smile　and　that　wink；　its　as　if　a　light　goes　on　inside　me。　i　hope　things　will　stay　like　this　and　that　well　have　many；　many　more　happy　hours　together。

your　grateful　and　happy　anne　monday；　march　20；　1944

dearest　kitty；

this　morning　peter　asked　me　if　id　e　again　one　evening。　he　swore　i　wouldnt　be　disturbing　him；　and　said　that　where　there　was　room　for　one；　there　was　room　for　two。

i　said　i　couldnt　see　him　every　evening；　since　my　parents　didnt　think　it　was　a　good　idea；　but　he　thought　i　shouldnt　let　that　bother　me。　so　i　told　him　id　like　to　e　some　saturday　evening　and　also　asked　him　if　hed　let　me　know　when　you　could　see　the　moon。

〃sure；〃　he　said；　〃maybe　we　can　go　downstairs　and　look　at　the　moon　from　there。〃　i　agreed；　im　not　really　so　scared　of　burglars。

in　the　meantime；　a　shadow　has　fallen　on　my　happiness。　for　a　long　time　ive　had　the　feeling　that　margot　likes　peter。　just　how　much　i　dont　know；　but　the　whole　situation　is　very　unpleasant。　now　every　time　i　go　see　peter　im　hurting　her；　without　meaning　to。

the　funny　thing　is　that　she　hardly　lets　it　show。　i　know　id　be　insanely　jealous；　but　margot　just　says　i　shouldnt　feel　sorry　for　her。

〃i　think　its　so　awful　that　youve　bee　the　odd　one　out；〃　i　added。

〃im　used　to　that；〃　she　replied；　somewhat　bitterly。

i　dont　dare　tell　peter。　maybe　later　on；　but　he　and　i　need　to　discuss　so　many　other　things　first。

mother　slapped　me　last　night；　which　i　deserved。　i　mustnt　carry　my　indifference　and　contempt　for　her　too　far。　in　spite　of　everything；　i　should　try　once　again　to　be　friendly　and　keep　my　remarks　to　myself！

even　pim　isnt　as　nice　as　he　used　to　be。　hes　been　trying　not　to　treat　me　like　a　child；　but　now　hes　much　too　cold。　well　just　have　to　see　what　es　of　it！　hes　warned　me　that　if　i　dont　do　my　algebra；　i　wont　get　any　tutoring　after　the　war。　i　could　simply　wait　and　see　what　happens；　but　id　like　to　start　again；　provided　i　get　a　new　book。

thats　enough　for　now。　i　do　nothing　but　gaze　at　peter；　and　im　filled　to　overflowing！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

evidence　of　margots　goodness。　i　received　this　today；　march　20；　1944：

anne；　yesterday　when　i　said　i　wasnt　jeal…　ous　of　you；　i　wasnt　being　entirely　honest。

the　situation　is　this：　im　not　jealous　of　either　you　or　peter。　im　just　sorry　i　havent　found　anyone　willi　whom　to　share　my　thoughts　and　feelings；　and　im　not　likely　to　in　the　near　future。　but　thats　why　i　wish；　from　the　bottom　of　my　heart；　that　you　will　both　be　able　to　place　your　trust　in　each　other。　youre　already　missing　out　on　so　much　here；　things　other　people　take　for　granted。

on　the　other　hand；　im　certain　id　never　have　gotten　as　far　with　peter；　because　i　think　id　need　to　feel　very　close　to　a　person　before　i　could　share　my　thoughts。　id　want　to　have　the　feeling　that　he　understood　me　through　and　through；　even　if　i　didnt　say　much。

for　this　reason　it　would　have　to　be　someone　i　felt　was　intellectually　superior　to　me；　and　that　isnt　the　case　with　peter。　but　i　can　imagine　your　feeling　close　to　him。

so　theres　no　need　for　you　to　reproach　yourself　because　you　think　you　te　taking　something　i　was　entitled　to；　nothing　could　be　further　from　the　truth。　you　and　peter　have　everything　to　gain　by　your　friendship。

my　answer：

dearest　margot；　your　letter　was　extremely　kind；　but　i　still　dont　feel　pletely　happy　about　the　situation；　and　i　dont　think　i　ever　will。

at　the　moment；　peter　and　i　dont　trust　each　other　as　much　as　you　seem　to　think。　its　just　that　when　youre　standing　beside　an　open　window　at　twthght；　you　can　say　more　to　each　other　than　in　bright　sunshine。　its　also　easier　to　whisper　your　feelings　than　to　shout　them　from　the　rooftops。　i　think　youve　begun　to　feel　a　kind　of　sisterly　affection　for　peter　and　would　like　to　help　him；　just　as　much　as　i　would。　perhaps　youll　be　able　to　do　that　someday；　though　thats　not　the　kind　of　trust　we　have　in　mind。　i　believe　that　trust　has　to　corne　from　both　sides；　i　also　think　thats　the　reason　why　father　and　i　have　never　really　grown　so　close。　but　lets　not　talk　about　it　anymore。　if　theres　anything　you　still　want　to　discuss；　please　write；　because　its　easier　for　me　to　say　what　i　mean　as　on　paper　than　face…to…face。　you　know　how　le　much　i　admire　you；　and　only

hope　that　some　of　your　goodness　and　fathers　goodness　will　rub　off　on　me；　because；　in　that　sense；　you　two　are　a　lot　alike。

yours；　anne　

wednesday；　march　22；1944

dearest　kitty；

i　received　this　letter　last　night　from　margot：

dear　anne；　after　your　letter　of　yesterday　i　have　the　unpleasant　feeling　that　your　conscience　bothers　you　whenever　you　go　to　peters　to　work　or　talk；　theres　really　no　reason　for　that。　in　my　heart；　i　know　theres　someone　who　deserves　t　my　trust　（as　i　do　his）；　and　i　wouldnt　be　able　to　tolerate　peter　in　his　place。

however；　as　you　wrote；　i　do　think　of　peter　as　a　kind　of　brother。　。　。　a　younger　brother；　weve　been　sending　out　feelers；　and　a　brotherly　and　sisterly　affection　mayor　may　not　develop　at　some　later　date；　but　its　certainly　not　reached　that　stage　yet。　so　theres　no　need　for　you　to　feel　sorry　for　me。　now　that　youve　found　panionship；　enjoy　it　as　much　as　you　can。

in　the　meantime；　things　are　getting　more　and　more　wonderful　here。　i　think；　kitty；　that　true　love　may　be　developing　in　the　annex。　all　those　jokes　about　marrying　peter　if　we　stayed　here　long　enough　werent　so　silly　after　all。　not　that　im　thinking　of　marrying　him；　mind　you。　i　dont　even　know　what　hell　be　like　when　he　grows　up。　or　if　well　even　love　each　other　enough　to　get　married。

im　sure　now　that　peter　loves　me　too；　i　just　dont　know　in　what　way。　i　cant　figure　out　if　he　wants　only　a　good　friend；　or　if　hes　attracted　to　me　as　a　girl　or　as　a　sister。

when　he　said　i　always　helped　him　when　his　parents　were　arguing；　i　was　tremendously　happy；　it　was　one　step　toward　making　me　believe　in　his　friendship。　i　asked　him　yesterday　what　hed　do　if　there　were　a　dozen　annes　who　kept　popping　in　to　see　him。

his　answer　was：　〃if　they　were　all　like　you；　it　wouldnt　be　so　bad。〃　hes　extremely　hospitable；　and　i　think　he　really　likes　to　see　me。　mean…　while；　hes　been　working　hard　at　learning　french；　even　studying　in　bed　until　ten…fifteen。

oh；　when　i　think　back　to　saturday　night；　to　our　words；　our　voices；　i　feel　satisfied　with　myself　for　the　very　first　time；　what　i　mean　is；　id　still　say　the　same　and　wouldnt

want　to　change　a　thing；　the　way　i　usually　do。　hes　so　handsome；　whether　hes　smthng　or　just　sitting　still。　hes　so　sweet　and　good　and　beautiful。　i　think　what　surprised　him　most　about　me　was　when　he　discovered　that　im　not　at　all　the　superficial；　worldly　anne　i　appear　to　be；　but　a　dreamer；　like　he　is；　with　just　as　many　troubles！

last　night　after　the　dinner　dishes；　i　waited　for　him　to　ask　me　to　stay　upstairs。　but　nothing　happened；　i　went　away。　he　came　downstairs　to　tell　dussel　it　was　time　to　listen　to　the　radio　and　hung　around　the　bathroom　for　a　while；　but　when　dussel　took　too　long；　he　went　back　upstairs。　he　paced　up　and　down　his　room　and　went　to　bed　early。

the　entire　evening　i　was　so　restless　i　kept　going　to　the　bathroom　to　splash　cold　water　on　my　face。　i　read　a　bit；　daydreamed　some　more；　looked　at　the　clock　and　waited；　waited；　waited；　all　the　while　listening　to　his　foot…　steps。　i　went　to　bed　early；　exhausted。

tonight　i　have　to　take　a　bath；　and　tomorrow？

tomorrows　so　far　away！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

my　answer：

dearest　margot；　i　think　the　best　thing　is　simply　to　wait　and　see　what　happens。　it　cant　be　much　longer　before　peter　and　i　will　have　to　decide　whether　to　go　back　to　the　way　we　were　or　do　some…　thing　else。　i　dont　know　how　itll　turn　out；　i　cant　see　any　farther　than　the　end　of　my　nose。

but　im　certain　of　one　thing：　if　peter　and　i　do　bee　friends；　im　going　to　tell　him　youre　also　very　fond　of　him　and　are　prepared　to　help　him　if　he　needs　you。　you　wouldnt　want　me　to；　im　sure；　but　i　dont　care；　i　dont　know　what　peter　thinks　of　you；　but　ill　ask　him　when　the　time　es。　its　certainly　nothing　bad　　on　the　contrary！　youre　wele　to　join　us　in　the　attic；　or　wherever　we　are。　you　wont　be　disturbing　us；　because　we　have　an　unspoken　agreement　to　talk　only　in　the　evenings　when　its　dark。

keep　your　spirits　up！　im　doing　my　best；　though　its　not　always　easy。　your　time　may　e　sooner　than　you　think。

yours；　anne　

thursday；　march　23；　1944

dearest　kitty；

things　are　more　or　less　back　to　normal　here。　our　coupon　men　have　been　released　from　prison；　thank　goodness！

mieps　been　back　since　yesterday；　but　today　it　was　her　husbands　turn　to　take　to　his　bed…chills　and　fever；　the　usual　flu　symptoms。　bep　is　better；　tho