安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第39章

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　it　was　open。　we　can　no　longer　flush　the　toilet　after　nine…thirty　at　night。　mr。　sleegers　has　been　hired　as　night　watchman；　and　tonight　a　carpenter　from　the　underground　is　ing　to　make　a　barricade　out　of　our　white　frankfurt　bedsteads。　debates　are　going　on　left　and　right　in　the　annex。　mr。　kugler　has　reproached　us　for　our　carelessness。　jan　also　said　we　should　never　go　downstairs。　what　we　have　to　do　now　is　find　out　whether　sleegers　can　be　trusted；　whether　the　dogs　will　bark　if　they　hear　someone　behind　the　door；　how　to　make　the　barricade；　all　sorts　of　things。

weve　been　strongly　reminded　of　the　fact　that　were　jews　in　chains；　chained　to　one　spot；　without　any　rights；　but　with　a　thousand　obligations。　we　must　put　our　feelings　aside；　we　must　be　brave　and　strong；　bear　disfort　with…　out　plaint；　do　whatever　is　in　our　power　and　trust　in　god。　one　day　this　terrible　war　will　be　over。　the　time　will　e　when　well　be　people　again　and　not　just　jews！

who　has　inflicted　this　on　us？　who　has　set　us　apart　from　all　the　rest？　who　has　put　us

through　such　suffering？　its　god　who　has　made　us　the　way　we　are；　but　its　also　god　who　will　lift　us　up　again。　in　the　eyes　of　the　world；　were　doomed；　but　if；　after　all　this　suffering；　there　are　still　jews　left；　the　jewish　people　will　be　held　up　as　an　example。

who　knows；　maybe　our　religion　will　teach　the　world　and　all　the　people　in　it　about　goodness；　and　thats　the　reason；　the　only　reason；　we　have　to　suffer。　we　can　never　be　just　dutch；　or　just　english；　or　whatever；　we　will　always　be　jews　as　well。　and　well　have　to　keep　on　being　jews；　but　then；　well　want　to　be。

be　brave！　lets　remember　our　duty　and　perform　it　without　plaint。　there　will　be　a　way　out。　god　has　never　deserted　our　people。　through　the　ages　jews　have　had　to　suffer；　but　through　the　ages　theyve　gone　on　living；　and　the　centuries　of　suffering　have　only　made　them　stronger。　the　weak　shall　fall　and　the　strong　shall　survive　and　not　be　defeated！

that　night　i　really　thought　i　was　going　to　die。　i　waited　for　the　police　and　i　was　ready　for　death；　like　a　soldier　on　a　battlefield。　id　gladly　have　given　my　life　for　my　country。

but　now；　now　that　ive　been　spared；　my　first　wish　after　the　war　is　to　bee　a　dutch　citizen。　i　love　the　dutch；　i　love　this　country；　i　love　the　language；　and　i　want　to　work　here。　and　even　if　i　have　to　write　to　the　queen　herself；　i　wont　give　up　until　ive　reached　my　goal！

im　being　more　and　more　independent　of　my　parents。　young　as　i　am；　i　face　life　with　more　courage　and　have　a　better　and　truer　sense　of　justice　than　mother。　i　know　what　i　want；　i　have　a　goal；　i　have　opinions；　a　religion　and　love。　if　only　i　can　be　myself；　ill　be　satisfied。　i　know　that　im　a　woman；　a　woman　with　inner　strength　and　a　great　deal　of　courage！

if　god　lets　me　live；　ill　achieve　more　than　mother　ever　did；　ill　make　my　voice　heard；　ill　go　out　into　the　world　and　work　for　mankind！

i　now　know　that　courage　and　happiness　are　needed　first！

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

friday；　april　14；　1944

dear　kitty；

everyone　here　is　still　very　tense。　pim　has　nearly　reached　the　bothng　point；　mrs。　van　d。　is　lying　in　bed　with　a　cold；　grumbling；　mr。　van　d。　is　growing　pale　without　his　cigarettes；　dussel；　whos　having　to　give　up　many　of　his　forts；　is　carping　at

everyone；　etc。；　etc。　we　seem　to　have　run　out　of　luck　lately。　the　toilets　leaking；　and　the　faucets　stuck。　thanks　to　our　many　connections；　well　soon　be　able　to　get　these　repaired。

im　occasionally　sentimental；　as　you　know；　but　from　time　to　time　i　have　reason　to　be：

when　peter　and　i　are　sitting　close　together　on　a　hard　wooden　crate　among　the　junk　and　dust；　our　arms　around　each　others　shoulders；　peter　toying　with　a　lock　of　my　hair；

when　the　birds　outside　are　trilling　their　songs；　when　the　trees　are　in　bud；　when　the　sun　beckons　and　the　sky　is　so　blueoh；　thats　when　i　wish　for　so　much！

all　i　see　around　me　are　dissatisfied　and　grumpy　faces；　all　i　hear　are　sighs　and　stifled　plaints。　youd　think　our　lives　had　taken　a　sudden　turn　for　the　worse。　honestly；　things　are　only　as　bad　as　you　make　them。　here　in　the　annex　no　one　even　bothers　to　set　a　good　example。　we　each　have　to　figure　out　how　to　get　the　better　of　our　own　moods！

every　day　you　hear；　〃if　only　it　were　all　over！鈥�

work；　love；　courage　and　hope；　make　me　good　and　help　me　cope！

i　really　believe；　kit；　that　im　a　little　nutty　today；　and　i　dont　know　why。　my　writings　all　mixed　up；　im　jump…　ing　from　one　thing　to　another；　and　sometimes　i　seriously　doubt　whether　anyone　will　ever　be　interested　in　this　drivel。　theyll　probably　call　it　〃the　musings　of　an　ugly　duckling。〃　my　diaries　certainly　wont　be　of　much　use　to　mr。

bolkestein　or　mr。　gerbrandy。*　＇*　gerrit　bolkestein　was　the　minister　of　education　and　pieter　gerbrandy　was　the　prime　minister　of　the　dutch　government　in　exile　in　london。

see　annes　letter　of　march　29；　1944。＇　yours；　anne　

m。　frank

saturday；　april　15；　1944

dearest　kitty；

〃theres　just　one　bad　thing　after　another。　when　will　it　all　end？〃　you　can　sure　say　that　again。　guess　whats　happened　now？　peter　forgot　to　unbolt　the　front　door。　as　a　result；　mr。　kugler　and　the　warehouse　employees　couldnt　get　in。　he　went　to　kegs；　smashed　in　our　office　kitchen　window　and　got　in　that　way。　the　windows　in　the　annex　were　open；　and　the　keg　people　saw　that　too。　what　must　they　be　thinking？　and　van　maaren？

mr。　kuglers　furious。　we　accuse　him　of　not　doing　anything　to　reinforce　the　doors；　and

then　we　do　a　stupid　thing　like　this！　peters　extremely　upset。　at　the　table；　mother　said　she　felt　more　sorry　for　peter　than　for　anyone　else；　and　he　nearly　began　to　cry。　were　equally　to　blame；　since　we　usually　ask　him　every　day　if　hes　unbolted　the　door；　and　so　does　mr。　van　daan。　maybe　i　can　go　fort　him　later　on。　i　want　to　help　him　so　much！

here　are　the　latest　news　bulletins　about　life　in　the　secret　annex　over　the　last　few　weeks：

a　week　ago　saturday；　boche　suddenly　got　sick。　he　sat　quite　still　and　started　drooling。

miep　immediately　picked　him　up；　rolled　him　in　a　towel；　tucked　him　in　her　shopping　bag　and　brought　him　to　the　dog…and…cat　clinic。　boche　had　some　kind　of　intestinal　problem；　so　the　vet　gave　him　medicine。　peter　gave　it　to　him　a　few　times；　but　boche　soon　made　himself　scarce。　ill　bet　he　was　out　courting　his　sweetheart。　but　now　his　nose　is　swollen　and　he　meows　whenever　you　pick　him　up…he　was　probably　trying　to　steal　food　and　somebody　smacked　him。　mouschi　lost　her　voice　for　a　few　days。　just　when　we　decided　she　had　to　be　taken　to　the　vet　too；　she　started　getting　better。

we　now　leave　the　attic　window　open　a　crack　every　night。　peter　and　i　often　sit　up　there　in　the　evening。

thanks　to　rubber　cement　and　oil　paint；　our　toilet　；　could　quickly　be　repaired。　the　broken　faucet　has　been　replaced。

luckily；　mr。　kleiman　is　feeling　better。　hes　going　to　see　a　specialist　soon。　we　can　only　hope　he　wont　need　an　operation。

this　month　we　received　eight　tation　books。　unfortunately；　for　the　next　two　weeks　beans　have　been　substituted　for　oatmeal　or　groats。　our　latest　delicacy　is　piccalilli。　if　youre　out　of　luck；　all　you　get　is　a　jar　full　of　cucumber　and　mustard　sauce。

vegetables　are　hard　to　e　by。　theres　only　lettuce；　lettuce　and　more　lettuce。　our　meals　consist　entirely　of　potatoes　and　imitation　gravy。

the　russians　are　in　possession　of　more　than　half　the　crimea。　the　british　arent　advancing　beyond　cassino。　well　have　to　count　on　the　western　wall。　there　have　been　a　lot　of　unbelievably　heavy　air　raids。　the　registry　of　births；　deaths　and　marriages　in　the　hague　was　bombed。　all　dutch　people　will　be　issued　new　ration　registration　cards。

enough　for　today。

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

sunday；　april　16；　1944

my　dearest　kitty；

remember　yesterdays　date；　since　it　was　a　red…letter　day　for　me。　isnt　it　an　important　day　for　every　girl　when　she　gets　her　first　kiss？　well　then；　its　no　less　important　to　me。　the　time　bram　kissed　me　on　my　right　cheek　or　mr。　woudstra　on　my　right　hand　doesnt　count。　how　did　i　suddenly　e　by　this　kiss？　ill　tell　you。

last　night　at　eight　i　was　sitting　with　peter　on　his　divan　and　it　wasnt　long　before　he　put　an　arm　around　me。　（since　it　was　saturday；　he　wasnt　wearing　his　overalls。）〃why　don　t　we　move　over　a　little；〃　i　said；　〃so　won　t　keep　bumping　my　head　against　the　cupboard。鈥�

he　moved　so　far　over　he　was　practically　in　the　corner。　i　slipped　my　arm　under　his　and　across　his　back；　and　he　put　his　arm　around　my　shoulder；　so　that　i　was　nearly　engulfed　by　him。　weve　sat　like　this　on　other　occasions；　but　never　so　close　as　we　were　last　night。　he　held　me　firmly　against　him；　my　left　side　against　his　chest；　my　heart　had　already　begun　to　beat　faster；　but　there　was　more　to　e。　he　wasnt　satisfied　until　my　head　lay　on　his　shoulder；　with　his　on　top　of　mine。　i　sat　up　again　after　about　five　minutes；　but　before　long　he　took　my　head　in　his　hands　and　put　it　back　next　to　his。　oh；　it　was　so　wonderful。　i　could　hardly　talk；　my　pleasure　was　too　intense；

he　caressed　my　cheek　and　arm；　a　bit　clumsily；　and　played　with　my　hair。　most　of　the　time　our　heads　were　touching。

i　cant　tell　you；　kitty；　the　feeling　that　ran　through　me。　i　was　too　happy　for　words；　and　i　think　he　was　too。

at　nine…thirty　we　stood　up。　peter　put　on　his　tennis　shoes　so　he　wouldnt　make　much　noise　on　his　nightly　round　of　the　building；　and　i　was　standing　next　to　him。　how　i　suddenly　made　the　right　movement；　i　dont　know；　but　before　we　went　downstairs；　he　gave　me　a。　kiss；　through　my　hair；　half　on　my　left　cheek　and　half　on　my　ear。　i　tore　downstairs　without　looking　back；　and　i　long　so　much　for　today。

sunday　morning；　just　before　eleven。

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

monday；　april　17；　1944

dearest　kitty；

do　you　think　father　and　mother　would　approve　of　a　girl　my　age　sitting　on　a　divan　and　kissing　a　seventeen…and…　a…half…year…old　boy？　i　doubt　they　would；　but　i　have　to　trust　my　own　judgment　in　this　matter。　its　so　peaceful　and　safe；　lying　in　his　arms　and　dreaming；　its　so　thrilling　to　feel　his　cheek　against　mine；　its　so　wonderful　to　know　theres　someone　waiting　for　me。　but；　and　there　is　a　but；　will　peter　want　to　leave　it　at　that？　i　havent　forgotten　his　promise；　but。　。　。　he　is　a　boy！

i　know　im　starting　at　a　very　young　age。　not　even　fifteen　and　already　so　independent　　thats　a　little　hard　for　other　people　to　understand。　im　pretty　sure　margot　would　never　kiss　a　boy　unless　there　was　some　talk　of　an　engagement　or　marriage。　neither　peter　nor　i　has　any　such　plans。　im　also　sure　that　mother　never　touched　a　man　before　she　met　father。　what　would　my　girlfriends　or　jacque　say　if　they　knew　id　lain　in　peters　arms　with　my　heart　against　his　chest；　my　head　on　his　shoulder　and　his　head　and　face　against　mine！

oh；　anne；　how　terribly　shocking！　but　seriously；　i　dont　think　its　at　all　shocking；　were　cooped　up　here；　cut　off　from　the　world；　anxious　and　fearful；　especially　lately。　why　should　we　stay　apart　when　we　love　each　other？　why　shouldnt　we　kiss　each　other　in　times　like　these？　why　should　we　wait　until　weve　reached　a　suitable　age？　why　should　we　ask　anybodys　permission？

ive　decided　to　look　out　for　my　own　interests。　hed　never　want　to　hurt　me　or　make　me　unhappy。　why　shouldnt　i　do　what　my　heart　tells　me　and　makes　both　of　us　happy？

yet　i　have　a　feeling；　kitty；　that　you　can　sense　my　doubt。　it　must　be　my　honesty　rising　in　revolt　against　all　this　sneaking　around。　do　you　think　its　my　d