english stories-london-第15章

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expect　man　to　be　grand。〃



〃You　know　we　don't　agree　there；〃　she　answered。　〃/I/　expect　everything

grand　and　great　from　man。〃



They　went　out　of　the　gallery；　and　into　Trafalgar　Square。　It　was　a

scorching　afternoon　in　August；　but　there　was　some　cooling　comfort　in

seeing　the　dancing　water　of　the　fountains　sparkling　so　brightly　in　the

sunshine。



〃Do　you　mind　stopping　here　a　few　minutes？〃　he　said。　〃I　should　like　to

sit　down　and　watch。　There　is　so　much　to　see。〃



She　led　the　way　to　a　seat；　one　end　of　which　was　occupied　by　a　workman；

who　was　sleeping　soundly；　and　snoring　too；　his　arms　folded　tightly

together。　He　had　a　little　clay　pipe　in　the　corner　of　his　mouth；　it

seemed　to　be　tucked　in　so　snugly　that　there　was　not　much　danger　of　its

falling　to　the　ground。　At　last　Helen　spoke　to　her　companion。



〃What　do　you　mean　by　saying　that　you　will　not　be　able　to　finish　your

picture？　Perhaps　you　are　not　well。　Indeed；　you　don't　look　well。　You

make　me　anxious；　for　I　have　a　great　regard　for　you。〃



〃I　am　ill　and　suffering；〃　he　answered；　quietly。　〃I　thought　I　should

have　died　yesterday；　but　I　made　up　my　mind　to　live　until　I　saw　you

again；　and　I　thought　I　would　ask　you　to　spend　the　afternoon　with　me；

and　go　with　me　to　Westminster　Abbey；　and　sit　with　me　in　the　cloisters。

I　do　not　feel　able　to　go　by　myself；　and　I　know　of　no　one　to　ask　except

you；　and　I　believed　you　would　not　refuse　me；　for　you　have　been　very

kind　to　me。　I　do　not　quite　understand　why　you　have　been　kind　to　me；

but　I　am　wonderfully　grateful　to　you。　Today　I　heard　some　one　in　the

gallery　say　that　you　were　plain。　I　turned　round　and　I　said；　'I　beg

your　pardon；　/I/　think　she　is　very　beautiful。'　I　think　they　laughed；

and　that　puzzled　me；　for　you　have　always　seemed　to　me　a　very　beautiful

person。〃



At　that　moment　the　little　clay　pipe　fell　from　the　workman's　mouth　and

was　broken　into　bits。　He　awoke　with　a　start；　gazed　stupidly　at　the　old

man　and　his　companion；　and　at　the　broken　clay　pipe。



〃Curse　my　luck！〃　he　said；　yawning。　〃I　was　fond　of　that　damned　little

pipe。〃



The　old　man　drew　his　own　pipe　and　his　own　tobacco…pouch　from　his

pocket。



〃Take　these；　stranger；〃　he　said。　〃I　don't　want　them。　And　good　luck　to

you。〃



The　man's　face　brightened　up　as　he　took　the　pipe　and　pouch。



〃You're　uncommon　kind；〃　he　said。　〃Can　you　spare　them？〃　he　added；

holding　them　out　half　reluctantly。



〃Yes；〃　answered　the　old　man；　〃I　shall　not　smoke　again。　You　may　as　well

have　these　matches　too。〃



The　labourer　put　them　in　his　pocket；　smiled　his　thanks；　and　walked

some　little　distance　off；　and　Helen　watched　him　examine　his　new　pipe；

and　then　fill　it　with　tobacco　and　light　it。



Mr。　Lindall　proposed　that　they　should　be　getting　on　their　way　to

Westminster；　and　they　soon　found　themselves　in　the　abbey。　They　sat

together　in　the　Poets'　Corner；　a　smile　of　quiet　happiness　broke　over

the　old　man's　tired　face　as　he　looked　around　and　took　in　all　the

solemn　beauty　and　grandeur　of　the　resting…place　of　the　great。



〃You　know；〃　he　said；　half　to　himself；　half　to　his　companion；　〃I　have

no　belief　of　any　kind；　and　no　hopes　and　no　fears；　but　all　through　my

life　it　has　been　a　comfort　to　me　to　sit　quietly　in　a　church　or　a

cathedral。　The　graceful　arches；　the　sun　shining　through　the　stained

windows；　the　vaulted　roof；　the　noble　columns；　have　helped　me　to

understand　the　mystery　which　all　our　books　of　philosophy　cannot　make

clear；　though　we　bend　over　them　year　after　year；　and　grow　old　over

them；　old　in　age　and　in　spirit。　Though　I　myself　have　never　been

outwardly　a　worshipper；　I　have　never　sat　in　a　place　of　worship　but

that；　for　the　time　being；　I　have　felt　a　better　man。　But　directly　the

voice　of　doctrine　or　dogma　was　raised　the　spell　was　broken　for　me；　and

that　which　I　hoped　was　being　made　clear　had　no　further　meaning　for　me。

There　was　only　one　voice　which　ever　helped　me；　the　voice　of　the　organ；

arousing　me；　thrilling　me；　filling　me　with　strange　longing；　with

welcome　sadness；　with　solemn　gladness。　I　have　always　thought　that

music　can　give　an　answer　when　everything　else　is　of　no　avail。　I　do　not

know　what　you　believe。〃



〃I　am　so　young　to　have　found　out；〃　she　said；　almost　pleadingly。



〃Don't　worry　yourself；〃　he　answered；　kindly。　〃Be　brave　and　strong；　and

let　the　rest　go。　I　should　like　to　live　long　enough　to　see　what　you

will　make　of　your　life。　I　believe　you　will　never　be　false　to　yourself

or　to　any　one。　That　is　rare。　I　believe　you　will　not　let　any　lower

ideal　take　the　place　of　your　high　ideal　of　what　is　beautiful　and　noble

in　art；　in　life。　I　believe　that　you　will　never　let　despair　get　the

upper　hand　of　you。　If　it　does　you　may　as　well　die；　yes；　you　may　as

well。　And　I　entreat　you　not　to　lose　your　entire　faith　in　humanity。

There　is　nothing　like　that　for　withering　up　the　very　core　of　the

heart。　I　tell　you；　humanity　and　nature　have　so　much　in　common　with

each　other　that　if　you　lose　part　of　your　pleasure　in　the　latter；　you

will　see　less　beauty　in　the　trees；　the　flowers；　and　the　fields；　less

grandeur　in　the　mighty　mountains　and　the　sea。　The　seasons　will　come

and　go；　and　you　will　scarcely　heed　their　coming　and　going：　winter　will

settle　over　your　soul；　just　as　it　settled　over　mine。　And　you　see　what

I　am。〃



They　had　now　passed　into　the　cloisters；　and　they　sat　down　in　one　of

the　recesses　of　the　windows；　and　looked　out　upon　the　rich　plot　of

grass　which　the　cloisters　enclose。　There　was　not　a　soul　there　except

themselves；　the　cool　and　the　quiet　and　the　beauty　of　the　spot

refreshed　these　pilgrims；　and　they　rested　in　calm　enjoyment。



Helen　was　the　first　to　break　the　silence。



〃I　am　glad　you　have　brought　me　here；〃　she　said；　〃I　shall　never　grumble

now　at　not　being　able　to　afford　a　fortnight　in　the　country。　This　is

better　than　anything　else。〃



〃It　has　always　been　my　summer　holiday　to　come　here；〃　he　said。　〃When　I

first　came　I　was　like　you；　young　and　hopeful；　and　I　had　wonderful

visions　of　what　I　intended　to　do　and　to　be。　Here　it　was　I　made　a　vow

that　I　would　become　a　great　painter；　and　win　for　myself　a　resting

place　in　this　very　abbey。　There　is　humour　in　the　situation；　is　there

not？〃



〃I　don't　like　to　hear　you　say　that；〃　she　answered。　〃It　is　not　always

possible　for　us　to　fulfil　all　our　ambitions。　Still；　it　is　better　to

have　had　them；　and　failed　of　them；　than　not　to　have　had　them　at　all。〃



〃Possibly；〃　he　replied；　coldly。　Then　he　added；　〃I　wish　you　would　tell

me　about　yourself。　You　have　always　interested　me。〃



〃I　have　nothing　to　tell　you　about　myself；〃　she　answered；　frankly。　〃I

am　alone　in　the　world；　without　friends　and　without　relations。　The　very

name　I　use　is　not　a　real　name。　I　was　a　foundling。　At　times　I　am　sorry

I　do　not　belong　to　any　one；　and　at　other　times　I　am　glad。　You　know　I

am　fond　of　books　and　of　art；　so　my　life　is　not　altogether　empty；　and　I

find　my　pleasure　in　hard　work。　When　I　saw　you　at　the　gallery　I　wished

to　know　you；　and　I　asked　one　of　the　students　who　you　were。　He　told　me

you　were　a　misanthrope。　Then　I　did　not　care　so　much　about　knowing　you；

until　one　day　you　spoke　to　me　about　my　painting；　and　that　was　the

beginning　of　our　friendship。〃



〃Forty　years　ago；〃　he　said；　sadly；　〃the　friend　of　my　boyhood　deceived

me。　I　had　not　thought　it　possible　that　he　could　be　false　to　me。　He

screened　himself　behind　me；　and　became　prosperous　and　respected　at　the

expense　of　my　honour。　I　vowed　I　would　never　again　make　a　friend。　A　few

years　later；　when　I　was　beginning　to　hold　up　my　head；　the　woman　whom　I

loved　deceived　me。　Then　I　put　from　me　all　affection　and　all　love。

Greater　natures　than　mine　are　better　able　to　bear　these　troubles；　but

my　heart　contracted　and　withered　up。〃



He　paused　for　a　moment；　many　recollections　overpowering　him。　Then　he

went　on　telling　her　the　history　of　his　life；　unfolding　to　her　the

story　of　his　hopes　and　ambitions；　describing　to　her　the　very　home

where　he　was　born；　and　the　dark…eyed　sister　whom　he　had　loved；　and

with　whom　he　had　played　over　the　daisied　fields；　and　through　the

carpeted　woods；　and　all　among　the　richly　tinted　bracken。　One　day　he

was　told　she　was　dead；　and　that　he　must　never　speak　her　name；　but　he

spoke　it　all　the　day　and　all　the　night；Beryl；　nothing　but　Beryl；

and　he　looked　for　her　in　the　fields　and　in　the　woods　and　among　the

bracken。　It　seemed　as　if　he　had　unlocked　the　casket　of　his　heart；

closed　for　so　many　years；　and　as　if　all　the　memories　of　the　past　and

all　the　secrets　of　his　life　were　rushing　out；　glad　to　be　free　once

more；　and　grateful　for　the　open　air　of　sympathy。



〃Beryl　was　as　swift　as　a　deer！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃You　would　have　laughed

to　see　her　on　the　moor。　Ah；　it　was　hard　to　give　up　all　the　thoughts　of

meeting　her　again。　They　told　me　I　should　see　her　in　heaven；　but　I　did

not　care　about　heaven。　I　wanted　Beryl　on　earth；　as　I　knew　her；　a　merry

laughing　sister。　I　think　you　are　right：　we　don't　forget；　we　become

resigned　in　a　dead；　dull　kind　of　way。〃



Suddenly　he　said；　〃I　don't　know　why　I　have　told　you　all　this。　And　yet

it　has　been　such　a　pleasure　to　me。　You　are　the　only　person　to　whom　I

could　have　spoken　about　myself；　for　no　one　else　but　you　would　have

cared。〃



〃Don't　you　think；〃　she　said　gently；　〃that　you　made　a　mistake　in

letting　your　experiences　embitter　you？　Because　you　had　been　unlucky　in

one　or　two　instances　it　did　not　follow　that　all　the　world　was　against

you。　Perhaps　you　unconsciously　put　yourself　against　all　the　world；　and

therefore　saw　every　one　in　an　unfavourable　light。　It　seems　so　easy　to

do　that。　Trouble　comes　to　most　people；　doesn't　it？　And　your　philosophy

should　have　taught　you　to　make　the　best　of　it。　At　least；　that　is　my

notion　of　the　value　of　philosophy。〃



She　spoke　hesitatingly；　as　though　she　gave　utterance　to　these　words

against　her　will。



〃I　am　sure　you　are　right；　child；〃　he　said；　eagerly。



He　put　his　hands　to　his　eyes；　but　he　could　not　keep　back　the　tears。



〃I　have　been　such　a　lonely　old　man；〃　he　sobbed；　〃no　one　can　tell　what

a　lonely；　loveless　life　mine　has　been。　If　I　were　not　so　old　and　so

tired　I　should　like　to　begin　all　over　again。〃



He　sobbed　for　many　minutes；　and　she　did　not　know　what　to　say　to　him　of

comfort；　but　she　took　his　hand　within　her　own；　and　gently　caressed　it；

as　one　might　do　to　a　little　child　in　pain。　He　looked　up　and　smiled

through　his　tears。



〃You　have　been　very　good　to　me；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　dare　say　you　have

thought　me　ungrateful。　You　mended　my　coat　for　me　one　morning；　and　not

a　day　has　passed　but　that　I　have　looked　at　that　darn　and　thought　of

you。　I　liked　to　remember　that　you　had　done　it　for　me。　But　you　have

done　far　more　than　this　for　me：　you　have　put　some　sweetness　into　my

life。　Whatever　becomes　of　me　hereafter；　I　shall　never　be　able　to　think

of　my　life　on　earth　as　anything　but　beautiful；　because　you　thought

kindly　of　me　and　acted　kindly　for　me。　The　other　night；　when　this

terrible　pain　came　over　me；　I　wished