mary stuart-第8章
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by anyone。
〃He has told me more than a hundred pretty things that I cannot
repeat to you； and at which you yourself would be surprised： he did
not want to let me go； he wanted to make me sit up with him all
night。 As for me； I pretended to believe everything； and I seemed to
interest myself really in him。 Besides； I have never seen him so
small and humble； and if I had not known how easily his heart
overflows； and how mine is impervious to every other arrow than those
with which you have wounded it； I believe that I should have allowed
myself to soften； but lest that should alarm you； I would die rather
than give up what I have promised you。 As for you； be sure to act in
the same way towards those traitors who will do all they can to
separate you from me。 I believe that all those people have been cast
in the same mould： this one always has a tear in his eye； he bows
down before everyone； from the greatest to the smallest； he wishes to
interest them in his favour； and make himself pitied。 His father
threw up blood to…day through the nose and mouth； think what these
symptoms mean。 I have not seen him yet； for he keeps to the house。
The king wants me to feed him myself； he won't eat unless I do。 But；
whatever I may do； you will be deceived by it no more than I shall be
deceiving myself。 We are united； you and I； to two kinds of very
detestable people ＇Mary means Miss Huntly； Bothwell's wife； whom he
repudiated； at the king's death； to marry the queen。＇： that hell may
sever these knots then； and that heaven may form better ones； that
nothing can break； that it may make of us the most tender and
faithful couple that ever was； there is the profession of faith in
which I would die。
〃Excuse my scrawl： you must guess more than the half of it； but I
know no help for this。 I am obliged to write to you hastily while
everyone is asleep here： but be easy； I take infinite pleasure in my
watch； for I cannot sleep like the others； not being able to sleep as
I would likethat is to say； in your arms。
〃I am going to get into bed； I shall finish my letter tomorrow： I
have too many things to tell to you； the night is too far advanced：
imagine my despair。 It is to you I am writing； it is of myself that
I converse with you； and I am obliged to make an end。
〃I cannot prevent myself； however； from filling up hastily the rest
of my paper。 Cursed be the crazy creature who torments me so much！
Were it not for him； I could talk to you of more agreeable things： he
is not greatly changed； and yet he has taken a great deal o f ％t。
But he has nearly killed me with the fetid smell of his breath； for
now his is still worse than your cousin's： you guess that this is a
fresh reason for my not approaching him； on the contrary； I go away
as far as I can； and sit on a chair at the foot of his bed。
〃Let us see if I forget anything。
His father's messenger on the road；
The question about Joachim；
The…state of my house；
The people of my suite；
Subject of my arrival；
Joseph；
Conversation between him and me；
His desire to please me and his repentance；
The explanation of his letter；
Mr。 Livingston。
〃Ah！ I was forgetting that。 Yesterday Livingston during supper told
de Rere in a low voice to drink to the health of one I knew well； and
to beg me to do him the honour。 After supper； as I was leaning on
his shoulder near the fire； he said to me； 'Is it not true that there
are visits very agreeable for those who pay them and those who
receive them？ But； however satisfied they seem with your arrival； I
challenge their delight to equal the grief of one whom you have left
alone to…day； and who will never be content till he sees you again。'
I asked him of whom he wished to speak to me。 He then answered me by
pressing my arm： 'Of one of those who have not followed you； and
among those it is easy for you to guess of whom I want to speak。'
〃I have worked till two o'clock at the bracelet； I have enclosed a
little key which is attached by two strings： it is not as well worked
as I should like； but I have not had time to make it better； I will
make you a finer one on the first occasion。 Take care that it is not
seen on you； for I have worked at it before everyone； and it would be
recognised to a certainty。
〃I always return； in spite of myself； to the frightful attempt that
you advise。 You compel me to concealments； and above all to
treacheries that make me shudder； I would rather die； believe me；
than do such things； for it makes my heart bleed。 He does not want
to follow me unless I promise him to have the selfsame bed and board
with him as before； and not to abandon him so often。 If I consent to
it； he says he will do all I wish； and will follow me everywhere； but
he has begged me to put off my departure for two days。 I have
pretended to agree to all he wishes； but I have told him not to speak
of our reconciliation to anyone； for fear it should make some lords
uneasy。 At last I shall take him everywhere I wish。。。。 Alas！ I have
never deceived anyone； but what would I not do to please you？
Command； and whatever happens； I shall obey。 But see yourself if one
could not contrive some secret means in the shape of a remedy。 He
must purge himself at Craigmiller and take baths there； he will be
some days without going out。 So far as I can see； he is very uneasy；
but he has great trust in what I tell him： however； his confidence
does not go so far as to allow him to open his mind to me。 If you
like； I will tell him every thing： I can have no pleasure in
deceiving someone who is trusting。 However； it will be just as you
wish： do not esteem me the less for that。 It is you advised it；
never would vengeance have taken me so far。 Sometimes he attacks me
in a very sensitive place； and he touches me to the quick when he
tells me that his crimes are known； but that every day greater ones
are committed that one uselessly attempts to hide； since all crimes；
whatsoever they be； great or small； come to men's knowledge and form
the common subject of their discourse。 He adds sometimes； in
speaking to me of Madame de Rere； 'I wish her services may do you
honour。' He has assured me that many people thought； and that he
thought himself； that I was not my own mistress； this is doubtless
because I had rejected the conditions he offered me。 Finally； it is
certain that he is very uneasy about you know what； and that he even
suspects that his life is aimed at。 He is in despair whenever the
conversation turns on you； Livingston； and my brother。 However； he
says neither good nor ill of absent people； but； on the contrary； he
always avoids speaking of them。 His father keeps to the house： I
have not seen him yet。 A number of the Hamiltons are here； and
accompany me everywhere； all the friends of the other one follow me
each time I go to see him。 He has begged me to be at his rising to…
morrow。 My messenger will tell you the rest。
〃Burn my letter： there would be danger in keeping it。 Besides； it is
hardly worth the trouble； being filled only with dark thoughts。
〃As for you； do not be offended if I am sad and uneasy to…day； that
to please you I rise above honour； remorse； and dangers。 Do not take
in bad part what I tell you； and do not listen to the malicious
explanations of your wife's brother； he is a knave whom you ought not
to hear to the prejudice of the most tender and most faithful
mistress that ever was。 Above all； do not allow yourself to be moved
by that woman： her sham tears are nothing in comparison with the real
tears that I shed； and with what love and constancy make me suffer at
succeeding her； it is for that alone that in spite of myself I betray
all those who could cross my love。 God have mercy on me； and send
you all the prosperity that a humble and tender friend who awaits
from you soon another reward wishes you。 It is very late； but it is
always with regret that I lay down my pen when I write to you；
however； I shall not end my letter until I shall have kissed your
hands。 Forgive me that it is so ill…written： perhaps I do so
expressly that you may be obliged to re…read it several times： I have
transcribed hastily what I had written down on my tablets； and my
paper has given out。 Remember a tender friend； and write to her
often： love me as tenderly as I love you； and remember
Madame de Rere's words；
The English；
His mother；
The Earl of Argyll；
The Earl of Bothwell；
The Edinburgh dwelling。〃
SECOND LETTER
〃It seems that you have forgotten me during your absence； so much the
more that you had promised me； at setting out； to let me know in
detail everything fresh that should happen。 The hope of receiving
your news was giving me almost as much delight as your return could
have brought me： you have put it off longer than you promised me。 As
for me； although you do not write； I play my part always。 I shall
take him to Craigmiller on Monday； and he will spend the whole of
Wednesday there。 On that day I shall go to Edinburgh to be bled
there； unless you arrange otherwise at least。 He is more cheerful
than usual； and he is better than ever。
He says everything he can to persuade me that he loves me； he has a
thousand attentions for me； and he anticipates me in everything： all
that is so pleasant for me； that I never go to him but the pain in my
side comes on again； his company weighs on me so much。 If Paris
brought me what I asked him； I should be soon cured。 If you have not
yet returned when I go you know where； write to me； I beg you； and
tell me what you wish me to do； for if you do not manage things
prudently； I foresee that the whole burden will fall on me： look into
everything and weigh the affair maturely。 I send you my letter by
Beaton； who will set out the day which has been assigned to Balfour。
It only remains for me to beg you to inform me of your journey。
〃Glasgow； this Saturday morning。〃
THIRD LETTER
〃I stayed you know where longer than I should have done； if it had
not been to get from him something that the bearer of these presents
will tell you it was a good opportunity for covering up our designs：
I have promised him to bring the person you know to…morrow。 Look
after the rest； if you think fit。 Alas！ I have failed in our
agreement； for you have forbidden me to write to you； or to despatch
a messenger to you。 However； I do not intend to offend you： if you
knew with what fears I am agitated； you would not have yourself so
many doubts and suspicions。 But I take them in good part； persuaded
as I am that they have no other cause than lovelove that I esteem
more than anything on earth。
〃My feelings and my favours are to me sure warrants for that love；
and answer to me for your heart； my trust
