战争与和平(上)-第117章

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ng　parquet；　but　at　each　step　bending　her　foot　from　the　heel　to　the　toe　（she　had　on　some　new　shoes　she　particularly　liked）；　and　listening　to　the　regular　tap　of　the　heel　and　creak　of　the　toe　with　the　same　pleasure　with　which　she　had　listened　to　the　sound　of　her　own　voice。　Passing　by　the　looking…glass；　she　glanced　into　it。　“Yes；　that’s　me！”　the　expression　of　her　face　seemed　to　say　at　the　sight　of　herself。　“Well；　and　very　nice　too。　And　I　need　nobody。”
A　footman　would　have　come　in　to　clear　away　something　in　the　room；　but　she　would　not　let　him　come　in。　She　shut　the　door　after　him；　and　continued　her　promenade　about　the　room。　She　had　come　back　that　morning　to　her　favourite　mood　of　loving　herself　and　being　ecstatic　over　herself。　“What　a　charming　creature　that　Natasha　is！”　she　said　again　of　herself；　speaking　as　some　third　person；　a　generic；　masculine　person。
“Pretty；　a　voice；　young；　and　she’s　in　nobody’s　way；　only　leave　her　in　peace。”　But；　however　much　she　might　be　left　in　peace；　she　could　not　now　be　at　peace；　and　she　felt　that　immediately。
In　the　vestibule　the　hall…door　opened；　someone　was　asking；　“At　home？”　and　steps　were　audible。　Natasha　was　looking　at　herself　in　the　glass；　but　she　did　not　see　herself。　She　heard　sounds　in　the　vestibule。　When　she　saw　herself；　her　face　was　pale。　It　was　he。　She　knew　it　for　certain；　though　she　herself　caught　the　sound　of　his　voice　at　the　opened　door。
Natasha；　pale　and　panic…stricken；　flew　into　the　drawing…room。
“Mamma；　Bolkonsky　has　come；”　she　said。　“Mamma；　this　is　awful；　unbearable！　…　I　don’t　want　…　to　be　tortured！　What　am　I　to　do？”
The　countess　had　not　time　to　answer　her　before　Prince　Andrey　with　a　troubled　and　serious　face　walked　into　the　drawing…room。　As　soon　as　he　saw　Natasha　his　face　beamed　with　delight。　He　kissed　the　countess’s　hand　and　Natasha’s；　and　sat　down　beside　the　sofa。
“It’s　a　long　while　since　we　have　had　the　pleasure　…”　the　countess　was　beginning；　but　Prince　Andrey　cut　her　short；　answering　her　implied　question；　and　obviously　in　haste　to　say　what　he　had　to　say。
“I　have　not　been　to　see　you　all　this　time　because　I　have　been　to　see　my　father；　I　had　to　talk　over　a　very　important　matter　with　him。　I　only　returned　last　night；”　he　said；　glancing　at　Natasha。　“I　want　to　have　a　talk　with　you；　countess；”　he　added　after　a　moment’s　silence。
The　countess　dropped　her　eyes；　sighing　heavily。
“I　am　at　your　disposal；”　she　brought　out。
Natasha　knew　she　ought　to　go；　but　she　was　unable　to　do　so：　something　seemed　gripping　her　throat；　and；　regardless　of　civility；　she　stared　straight　at　Prince　Andrey　with　wide…open　eyes。
“At　once？　…　This　minute？　…　No；　it　cannot　be！”　she　was　thinking。
He　glanced　at　her　again；　and　that　glance　convinced　her　that　she　was　not　mistaken。　Yes；　at　once；　this　very　minute　her　fate　was　to　be　decided。
“Run　away；　Natasha；　I　will　call　you；”　the　countess　whispered。
With　frightened　and　imploring　eyes　Natasha　glanced　at　Prince　Andrey　and　at　her　mother；　and　went　out。
“I　have　come；　countess；　to　ask　for　your　daughter’s　hand；”　said　Prince　Andrey。
The　countess’s　face　flushed　hotly；　but　she　said　nothing。
“Your　offer　…”　the　countess　began　at　last；　sedately。　He　sat　silent；　looking　into　her　face。　“Your　offer”　…　（she　hesitated　in　confusion）　“is　agreeable　to　us；　and　…　I　accept　your　offer。　I　am　glad　of　it。　And　my　husband　…　I　hope　…　but　it　must　rest　with　herself　…”
“I　will　speak　to　her；　when　I　have　received　your　consent。…Do　you　give　it　me？”　said　Prince　Andrey。
“Yes；”　said　the　countess；　and　she　held　out　her　hand　to　him；　and　with　mingled　feelings　of　aversion　and　tenderness　she　pressed　her　lips　to　his　forehead　as　he　bent　to　kiss　her　hand。　Her　wish　was　to　love　him　as　a　son；　but　she　felt　that　he　was　a　man　alien　to　her；　and　that　she　was　afraid　of　him。
“I　am　sure　my　husband　will　consent；”　said　the　countess；　“but　your　father　…”
“My　father；　whom　I　have　informed　of　my　plans；　has　made　it　an　express　condition　that　the　marriage　should　not　take　place　for　a　year。　That　too；　I　meant　to　speak　of　to　you；”　said　Prince　Andrey。
“It　is　true　that　Natasha　is　very　young；　but—so　long　as　that？”
“It　could　not　be　helped；”　said　Prince　Andrey　with　a　sigh。
“I　will　send　her　to　you；”　said　the　countess；　and　she　went　out　of　the　room。
“Lord；　have　mercy　upon　us！”　she　kept　repeating　as　she　looked　for　her　daughter。
Sonya　told　her　that　Natasha　was　in　her　bedroom。　She　was　sitting　on　her　bed；　with　a　pale　face　and　dry　eyes；　she　was　gazing　at　the　holy　picture；　and　murmuring　something　to　herself　as　she　rapidly　crossed　herself。　Seeing　her　mother　she　leaped　up　and　flew　towards　her。
“Well；　mamma；　…　well？”
“Go；　go　to　him。　He　asks　your　hand；”　said　the　countess；　coldly　it　seemed　to　Natasha。…“Yes　…　go　…”　the　mother　murmured　mournfully　and　reproachfully　with　a　deep　sigh　as　her　daughter　ran　off。
Natasha　could　not　have　said　how　she　reached　the　drawing…room。　As　she　entered　the　door　and　caught　sight　of　him；　she　stopped　short：　“Is　it　possible　that　this　stranger　has　now　become　everything　to　me？”　she　asked　herself；　and　instantly　answered：　“Yes；　everything：　he　alone　is　dearer　to　me　now　than　everything　in　the　world。”　Prince　Andrey　approached　her　with　downcast　eyes。
“I　have　loved　you　from　the　first　minute　I　saw　you。　Can　I　hope？”
He　glanced　at　her　and　was　struck　by　the　serious；　impassioned　look　in　her　face。　Her　face　seemed　to　say：　“Why　ask？　Why　doubt　of　what　you　cannot　but　know？　Why　talk　when　no　words　can　express　what　one　feels？”
She　came　nearer　to　him　and　stopped。　He　took　her　hand　and　kissed　it。
“Do　you　love　me？”
“Yes；　yes；”　said　Natasha；　almost　angrily　it　seemed。　She　drew　a　deep　sigh；　and　another；　her　breathing　came　more　and　more　quickly；　and　she　burst　into　sobs。
“What　is　it？　What’s　the　matter？”
“Oh；　I　am　so　happy；”　she　answered；　smiling　through　her　tears。　She　bent　over　closer　to　him；　thought　a　second；　as　though　wondering　whether　it　were　possible；　and　then　kissed　him。
Prince　Andrey　held　her　hands；　looked　into　her　eyes　and　could　find　no　trace　of　his　former　love　for　her　in　his　heart。　Some　sudden　reaction　seemed　to　have　taken　place　in　his　soul；　there　was　none　of　the　poetic　and　mysterious　charm　of　desire　left　in　it；　instead　of　that　there　was　pity　for　her　feminine　and　childish　weakness；　terror　at　her　devotion　and　trustfulness；　an　irksome；　yet　sweet；　sense　of　duty；　binding　him　to　her　for　ever。　The　actual　feeling；　though　not　so　joyous　and　poetical　as　the　former　feeling；　was　more　serious　and　deeper。
“Did　your　mamma　tell　you　that　it　cannot　be　for　a　year？”　said　Prince　Andrey；　still　gazing　into　her　eyes。
“Can　this　be　I；　the　baby…girl　（as　every　one　used　to　call　me）？”　Natasha　was　thinking。　“Can　I　really　be　from　this　minute　a　wife；　on　a　level　with　this　unknown；　charming；　intellectual　man；　who　is　looked　up　to　even　by　my　father？　Can　it　be　true？　Can　it　be　true　that　now　there　can　be　no　more　playing　with　life；　that　now　I　am　grown　up；　that　now　a　responsibility　is　laid　upon　me　for　every　word　and　action？　Oh；　what　did　he　ask　me？”
“No；”　she　answered；　but　she　had　not　understood　his　question。
“Forgive　me；”　said　Prince　Andrey；　“but　you　are　so　young；　and　I　have　had　so　much　experience　of　life。　I　am　afraid　for　you。　You　don’t　know　yourself。”
Natasha　listened　with　concentrated　attention；　trying　to　take　in　the　meaning　of　his　words；　but　she　did　not　understand　them
“Hard　as　that　year　will　be　to　me；　delaying　my　happiness；”　continued　Prince　Andrey；　“in　that　time　you　will　be　sure　of　yourself。　I　beg　you　to　make　me　happy　in　a　year；　but　you　are　free；　our　engagement　shall　be　kept　a　secret；　and　if　you　should　find　out　that　you　do　not　love　me；　or　if　you　should　come　to　love　…”　said　Prince　Andrey　with　a　forced　smile。
“Why　do　you　say　that？”　Natasha　interrupted。　“You　know　that　from　the　very　day　when　you　first　came　to　Otradnoe；　I　have　loved　you；”　she　said；　firmly　persuaded　that　she　was　speaking　the　truth。
“In　a　year　you　will　learn　to　know　yourself。…”
“A　who…ole　year！”　cried　Natasha　suddenly；　only　now　grasping　that　their　marriage　was　to　be　deferred　for　a　year。　“But　why　a　year？　…　Why　a　year？…”
Prince　Andrey　began　to　explain　to　her　the　reasons　for　this　delay。　Natasha　did　not　hear　him。
“And　can’t　it　be　helped？”　she　asked。　Prince　Andrey　made　no　reply；　but　his　face　expressed　the　impossibility　of　altering　this　decision。
“That’s　awful！　Oh；　it’s　awful；　awful！”　Natasha　cried　suddenly；　and　she　broke　into　sobs　again。　“I　shall　die　if　I　have　to　wait　a　year；　it’s　impossible；　it’s　awful。”　She　glanced　at　her　lover’s　face　and　saw　the　look　of　sympathetic　pain　and　perplexity　on　it。
“No；　no；　I’ll　do　anything；”　she　said；　suddenly　checking　her　tears；　“I’m　so　happy！”
Her　father　and　mother　came　into　the　room　and　gave　the　betrothed　couple　their　blessing。　From　that　day　Prince　Andrey　began　to　visit　the　Rostovs　as　Natasha’s　affianced　lover。


Chapter　24
THERE　WAS　NO　formal　betrothal　and　no　announcement　was　made　of　the　engagement　of　Bolkonsky　and　Natasha；　Prince　Andrey　insisted　upon　that。　He　said　that　since　he　was　responsible　for　the　delay　of　their　marriage；　he　ought　to　bear　the　whole　burden　of　it。　He　said　that　he　was　bound　for　ever　by　his　word；　but　he　did　not　want　to　bind　Natasha　and　would　leave　her　perfect　freedom。　If　in　another　six　months　she　were　to　feel　that　she　did　not　love　him；　she　would　have　a　perfect　right　to　refuse　him。　It　need　hardly　be　said　that　neither　Natasha　nor　her　parents　would　hear　of　this　possibility；　but　Prince　Andrey　insisted　on　having　his　own　way。　Prince　Andrey　came　every　day　to　the　Rostovs’；　but　he　did　not　behave　with　Natasha　as　though　he　were　engaged　to　her；　he　addressed　her　formally　and　kissed　only　her　hand。　From　the　day　of　his　proposal　Prince　Andrey’s　relations　with　Natasha　had　become　quite　different　from　what　had　existed　between　them　before：　their　relations　were　simple　and　intimate。　It　seemed　as　though　till　then　they　had　not　known　each　other。　Both　loved　to　recall　how　they　had　regarded　one　another　when　they　were　nothing　to　each　other。　Now　they　both　felt　utterly　different　creatures—then　affected；　now　simple　and　sincere。　At　first　there　had　been　a　feeling　of　awkwardness　in　the　family　in　regard　to　Prince　Andrey。　He　seemed　a　man　from　another　world；　and　Natasha　used　for　a　long　while　to　try　and　make　her　people　understand　Prince　Andrey；　and　declared　to　every　one　with　pride　that　he　only　seemed　to　be　so　different；　that　he　was　really　like　every　one　else；　and　that　she　was　not　afraid　of　him　and　no　one　need　be。　After　a　few　days；　the　rest　of　the　family　got　accustomed　to　seeing　him；　and　went　on　without　constraint　with　their　usual　manner　of　life；　in　which　he　took　part。　He　knew　how　to　talk　to　the　count　about　the　management　of　his　estates；　to　the　countess　and　Natasha　about　dress；　and　to　Sonya　about　her　album　and　embroidery。　Sometimes　the　Rostovs　among　themselves；　and　in　Prince　Andrey’s　presence；　expressed　their　wonder　at　the　way　it　had　all　happened；　and　at　the　events　that　obviously　betokened　that　it　was　to　be：　Prince　Andrey’s　coming　to　Otradnoe；　and　their　coming　to　Petersburg；　and　the　resemblance　between　Natasha　and　Prince　Andrey；　which　the　old　nurse　had　remarked　on　Prince　Andrey’s　first　visit；　and　the　meeting　in　1805　between　Andrey　and　Nikolay；　and　many　other　incidents　betokening　that　it　was　to　be；　were　observed　by　the　family。
The　house　was　full　of　that