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战争与和平(上)-第242章

小说: 战争与和平(上) 字数: 每页3500字

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At the Troitsa monastery they had spoken of the past; and he had told her that if he were to live he should thank God for ever for his wound; which had brought them together again; but since then they had never spoken of the future。
“Could it be; or could it not?” he was wondering now as he watched her and listened to the slight steel click of the needles。 “Can fate have brought us together so strangely only for me to die? … Can the truth of life have been revealed to me only for me to have spent my life in falsity? I love her more than anything in the world! But what am I to do if I love her?” he said; and suddenly he unconsciously moaned from the habit he had fallen into in the course of his sufferings。
Hearing the sound; Natasha laid down her stocking; and bent down closer to him; and suddenly noticing his shining eyes; went up to him with a light step and stooped down。
“You are not asleep?”
“No; I have been looking at you for a long while。 I felt when you came in。 No one but you gives me the same soft peace … the same light。 I want to weep with gladness!”
Natasha moved closer to him。 Her face beamed with rapturous delight。
“Natasha; I love you too much! More than everything in the world!”
“And I?” She turned away for a second。 “Why too much?” she said。
“Why too much? … Well; what do you think; what do you feel in your heart; your whole heart; am I going to live? What do you think?”
“I am sure of it; sure of it!” Natasha almost cried out; taking both his hands with a passionate gesture。
He was silent for a while。
“How good it would be!” And taking her hand; he kissed it。
Natasha was happy and deeply stirred; and she recollected at once that this must not be; and that he must have quiet。
“But you are not asleep;” she said; subduing her joy。 “Try and sleep … please do。”
He pressed her hand and let it go; and she moved back to the candle and sat down in the same position as before。 Twice she glanced round at him; his eyes were bright as she met them。 She set herself a task on her stocking; and told herself she would not look round till she had finished it。
He did; in fact; soon after shut his eyes and fall asleep。 He did not sleep long; and woke up suddenly in a cold sweat of alarm。
As he fell asleep he was still thinking of what he had been thinking about all the time—of life and of death。 And most of death。 He felt he was closer to it。
“Love? What is love?” he thought。
“Love hinders death。 Love is life。 All; all that I understand; I understand only because I love。 All is; all exists only because I love。 All is bound up in love alone。 Love is God; and dying means for me a particle of love; to go back to the universal and eternal source of love。” These thoughts seemed to him comforting。 But they were only thoughts。 Something was wanting in them; there was something one…sided and personal; something intellectual; they were not self…evident。 And there was uneasiness; too; and obscurity。 He fell asleep。
He dreamed that he was lying in the very room in which he was lying in reality; but that he was not ill; but quite well。 Many people of various sorts; indifferent people of no importance; were present。 He was talking and disputing with them about some trivial matter。 They seemed to be preparing to set off somewhere。 Prince Andrey had a dim feeling that all this was of no consequence; and that he had other matters of graver moment to think of; but still he went on uttering empty witticisms of some sort that surprised them。 By degrees all these people began to disappear; and the one thing left was the question of closing the door。 He got up and went towards the door to close it and bolt it。 Everything depended on whether he were in time to shut it or not。 He was going; he was hurrying; but his legs would not move; and he knew that he would not have time to shut the door; but still he was painfully straining every effort to do so。 And an agonising terror came upon him。 And that terror was the fear of death; behind the door stood It。 But while he is helplessly and clumsily struggling towards the door; that something awful is already pressing against the other side of it; and forcing the door open。 Something not human—death—is forcing the door open; and he must hold it to。 He clutches at the door with a last straining effort—to shut it is impossible; at least to hold it—but his efforts are feeble and awkward; and; under the pressure of that awful thing; the door opens and shuts again。
Once more It was pressing on the door from without。 His last; supernatural efforts are vain; and both leaves of the door are noiselessly opened。 It comes in; and it is death。 And Prince Andrey died。
But at the instant when in his dream he died; Prince Andrey recollected that he was asleep; and at the instant when he was dying; he made an effort and waked up。
“Yes; that was death。 I died and I waked up。 Yes; death is an awakening;” flashed with sudden light into his soul; and the veil that had till then hidden the unknown was lifted before his spiritual vision。 He felt; as it were; set free from some force that held him in bondage; and was aware of that strange lightness of being that had not left him since。
When he waked up in a cold sweat and moved on the couch; Natasha went up and asked him what was the matter。 He did not answer; and looked at her with strange eyes; not understanding her。
That was the change that had come over him two days before Princess Marya’s arrival。 The doctor said that from that day the wasting fever had assumed a more serious aspect; but Natasha paid little heed to what the doctor said; she saw the terrible moral symptoms; that for her were far more convincing。
With his awakening from sleep that day there began for Prince Andrey an awakening from life。 And in relation to the duration of life it seemed to him not more prolonged than the awakening from sleep in relation to the duration of a dream。 There was nothing violent or terrible in this relatively slow awakening。
His last days and hours passed in a simple and commonplace way。 Princess Marya and Natasha; who never left his side; both felt that。 They did not weep nor shudder; and towards the last they both felt they were waiting not on him (he was no more; he had gone far away from them); but on the nearest memory of him—his body。 The feelings of both of them were so strong that the external; horrible side of death did not affect them; and they did not find it needful to work up their grief。 They did not weep either in his presence nor away from him; and they never even talked of him together。 They felt that they could not express in words what they understood。
They both saw that he was slowly and quietly slipping further and further away from them; and both knew that this must be so; and that it was well。 He received absolution and extreme unction; every one came to bid him good…bye。 When his son was brought in to him; he pressed his lips to him and turned away; not because it was painful or sad to him (Princess Marya and Natasha saw that); but simply because he supposed he had done all that was required of him。 But he was told to give him his blessing; he did what was required; and looked round as though to ask whether there was anything else he must do。 When the body; deserted by the spirit; passed through its last struggles; Princess Marya and Natasha were there。
“It is over!” said Princess Marya; after the body had lain for some moments motionless; and growing cold before them。 Natasha went close; glanced at the dead eyes; and made haste to shut them。 She closed them; and did not kiss them; but hung over what was the nearest memory of him。 “Where has he gone? Where is he now? …”
When the body lay; dressed and washed; in the coffin on the table every one came to take leave of him; and every one cried。 Nikolushka cried from the agonising bewilderment that was rending his heart。 The countess and Sonya cried from pity for Natasha; and from grief that he was gone。 The old count cried because he felt that he too must soon take the same terrible step。
Natasha and Princess Marya wept too now。 But they did not weep for their personal sorrow; they wept from the emotion and awe that filled their souls before the simple and solemn mystery of death that had been accomplished before their eyes。


Part Thirteen
Chapter 1
THE COMBINATION of causes of phenomena is beyond the grasp of the human intellect。 But the impulse to seek causes is innate in the soul of man。 And the human intellect; with no inkling of the immense variety and complexity of circumstances conditioning a phenomenon; any one of which may be separately conceived of as the cause of it; snatches at the first and most easily understood approximation; and says here is the cause。 In historical events; where the actions of men form the subject of observation; the most primitive conception of a cause was the will of the gods; succeeded later on by the will of those men who stand in the historical foreground—the heroes of history。 But one had but to look below the surface of any historical event; to look; that is; into the movement of the whole mass of men taking part in that event; to be convinced that the will of the hero of history; so far from controlling the actions of the multitude; is continually controlled by them。 It may be thought that it is a matter of no importance whether historical events are interpreted in one way or in another。 But between the man who says that the peoples of the West marched into the East; because Napoleon willed they should do so; and the man who says that that movement came to pass because it was bound to come to pass; there exists the same difference as between the men who maintained that the earth was stationary and the planets revolved about it; and the men who said that they did not know what holds the earth in its place; but they did know that there were laws controlling its motions and the motions of the other planets。 Causes of historical events—there are not and cannot be; save the one cause of all causes。 But there are laws controlling these events; laws partly unknown; partly accessible to us。 The discovery of these laws is only possible when we entirely give up looking for a cause in the will of one man; just as the discovery of the laws of the motions of the planets has only become possible since men have given up the conception of the earth being stationary。
After the battle of Borodino; and the taking and burning of Moscow; historians consider the most important episode of the war of 1812 to be the movement of the Russian army from the Ryazan to the Kaluga road and to the Tarutino camp; the so…called oblique march behind Krasnaya Pahra。 Historians ascribe the credit of this stroke of genius to various persons; and dispute to whom it is rightfully due。 Even foreign; even French historians; admit the genius of the Russian generals when they mention this flank march。 But why military writers; and others following their lead; assume this oblique movement to be a project profoundly planned by some one person for the deliverance of Russia and the overthrow of Napoleon it is very difficult to see。 It is difficult in the first place to see wherein the profound wisdom and genius of this march lies; for no great intellectual ef

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