战争与和平(上)-第85章

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“Oh；　yes；”　said　Pierre；　with　an　unnatural　smile。　“Very　much　obliged　to　you　…　where　have　you　been　travelling　from？”　The　stranger’s　face　was　not　cordial；　it　was　even　cold　and　severe；　but　in　spite　of　that；　both　the　speech　and　the　face　of　his　new　acquaintance　were　irresistibly　attractive　to　Pierre。
“But　if　for　any　reason　you　dislike　conversing　with　me；”　said　the　old　man；　“then　you　say　so；　sir。”　And　suddenly　he　smiled　a　quite　unexpected　smile　of　fatherly　kindliness。
“Oh；　no；　not　at　all；　on　the　contrary；　I　am　very　glad　to　make　your　acquaintance；”　said　Pierre；　and　glancing　once　more　at　the　stranger’s　hands；　he　examined　the　ring　more　closely。　He　saw　the　head　of　Adam；　the　token　of　masonry。
“Allow　me　to　inquire；”　he　said；　“are　you　a　mason？”
“Yes；　I　belong　to　the　brotherhood　of　the　freemasons；”　said　the　stranger；　looking　now　more　searchingly　into　Pierre’s　eyes。　“And　from　myself　and　in　their　name　I　hold　out　to　you　a　brotherly　hand。”
“I　am　afraid；”　said　Pierre；　smiling　and　hesitating　between　the　confidence　inspired　in　him　by　the　personality　of　the　freemason　and　the　habit　of　ridiculing　the　articles　of　the　masons’　creed；　“I　am　afraid　that　I　am　very　far　from　a　comprehension—how　shall　I　say—I　am　afraid　that　my　way　of　thinking　in　regard　to　the　whole　theory　of　the　universe　is　so　opposed　to　yours　that　we　shall　not　understand　one　another。”
“I　am　aware　of　your　way　of　thinking；”　said　the　freemason；　“and　that　way　of　thinking　of　which　you　speak；　which　seems　to　you　the　result　of　your　own　thought；　is　the　way　of　thinking　of　the　majority　of　men；　and　is　the　invariable　fruit　of　pride；　indolence；　and　ignorance。　Excuse　my　saying；　sir；　that　if　I　had　not　been　aware　of　it；　I　should　not　have　addressed　you。　Your　way　of　thinking　is　a　melancholy　error。”
“Just　as　I　may　take　for　granted　that　you　are　in　error；”　said　Pierre；　faintly　smiling。
“I　would　never　be　so　bold　as　to　say　I　know　the　truth；”　said　the　mason；　the　definiteness　and　decision　of　whose　manner　of　speaking　impressed　Pierre　more　and　more。　“No　one　alone　can　attain　truth；　only　stone　upon　stone；　with　the　co…operation　of　all；　by　the　millions　of　generations　from　our　first　father　Adam　down　to　our　day　is　that　temple　being　reared　that　should　be　a　fitting　dwelling…place　of　the　Great　God；”　said　the　freemason；　and　he　shut　his　eyes。
“I　ought　to　tell　you　that　I　don’t　believe；　don’t　…　believe　in　God；”　said　Pierre　regretfully　and　with　effort；　feeling　it　essential　to　speak　the　whole　truth。
The　freemason　looked　intently　at　Pierre　and　smiled　as　a　rich　man；　holding　millions　in　his　hands；　might　smile　to　a　poor　wretch；　who　should　say　to　him　that　he；　the　poor　man；　has　not　five　roubles　that　would　secure　his　happiness。
“Yes；　you　do　not　know　Him；　sir；”　said　the　freemason。　“You　cannot　know　Him。　You　know　not　Him；　that　is　why　you　are　unhappy。”
“Yes；　yes；　I　am　unhappy；”　Pierre　assented；　“but　what　am　I　to　do？”
“You　know　not　Him；　sir；　and　that’s　why　you　are　very　unhappy。　You　know　not　Him；　but　He　is　here；　He　is　within　me；　He　is　in　my　words；　He　is　in　thee；　and　even　in　these　scoffing　words　that　thou　hast　just　uttered；”　said　the　mason　in　a　stern；　vibrating　voice。
He　paused　and　sighed；　evidently　trying　to　be　calm。
“If　He　were　not；”　he　said　softly；　“we　should　not　be　speaking　of　Him；　sir。　Of　what；　of　whom　were　we　speaking？　Whom　dost　thou　deny？”　he　said　all　at　once；　with　enthusiastic　austerity　and　authority　in　his　voice。　“Who　invented　Him；　if　He　be　not？　How　came　there　within　thee　the　conception　that　there　is　such　an　incomprehensible　Being？　How　comes　it　that　thou　and　all　the　world　have　assumed　the　existence　of　such　an　inconceivable　Being；　a　Being　all　powerful；　eternal　and　infinite　in　all　His　qualities？　…”　He　stopped　and　made　a　long　pause。
Pierre　could　not　and　would　not　interrupt　this　silence。
“He　exists；　but　to　comprehend　Him　is　hard；”　the　mason　began　again；　not　looking　into　Pierre’s　face；　but　straight　before　him；　while　his　old　hands；　which　could　not　keep　still　for　inward　emotion；　turned　the　leaves　of　the　book。　“If　it　had　been　a　man　of　whose　existence　thou　hadst　doubts；　I　could　have　brought　thee　the　man；　taken　him　by　the　hand；　and　shown　him　thee。　But　how　am　I；　an　insignificant　mortal；　to　show　all　the　power；　all　the　eternity；　all　the　blessedness　of　Him　to　one　who　is　blind；　or　to　one　who　shuts　his　eyes　that　he　may　not　see；　may　not　understand　Him；　and　may　not　see；　and　not　understand　all　his　own　vileness　and　viciousness。”　He　paused。　“Who　art　thou？　What　art　thou？　Thou　dreamest　that　thou　art　wise　because　thou　couldst　utter　those　scoffing　words；”　he　said；　with　a　gloomy　and　scornful　irony；　“while　thou　art　more　foolish　and　artless　than　a　little　babe；　who；　playing　with　the　parts　of　a　cunningly　fashioned　watch；　should　rashly　say　that　because　he　understands　not　the　use　of　that　watch；　he　does　not　believe　in　the　maker　who　fashioned　it。　To　know　Him　is　a　hard　matter。　For　ages；　from　our　first　father　Adam　to　our　day；　have　we　been　striving　for　this　knowledge；　and　are　infinitely　far　from　the　attainment　of　our　aim；　but　in　our　lack　of　understanding　we　see　only　our　own　weakness　and　His　greatness　…”
Pierre　gazed　with　shining　eyes　into　the　freemason’s　face；　listening　with　a　thrill　at　his　heart　to　his　words；　he　did　not　interrupt　him；　nor　ask　questions；　but　with　all　his　soul　he　believed　what　this　strange　man　was　telling　him。　Whether　he　believed　on　the　rational　grounds　put　before　him　by　the　freemason；　or　believed；　as　children　do；　through　the　intonations；　the　conviction；　and　the　earnestness；　of　the　mason’s　words；　the　quiver　in　his　voice　that　sometimes　almost　broke　his　utterance；　or　the　gleaming　old　eyes　that　had　grown　old　in　that　conviction；　or　the　calm；　the　resolution；　and　the　certainty　of　his　destination；　which　were　conspicuous　in　the　whole　personality　of　the　old　man；　and　struck　Pierre　with　particular　force；　beside　his　own　abjectness　and　hopelessness；—any　way；　with　his　whole　soul　he　longed　to　believe；　and　believed　and　felt　a　joyful　sense　of　soothing；　of　renewal；　and　of　return　to　life。
“It　is　not　attained　by　the　reason；　but　by　life；”　said　the　mason。
“I　don’t　understand；”　said　Pierre；　feeling　with　dismay　that　doubt　was　stirring　within　him。　He　dreaded　obscurity　and　feebleness　in　the　freemason’s　arguments；　he　dreaded　being　unable　to　believe　in　him。　“I　don’t　understand；”　he　said；　“in　what　way　human　reason　cannot　attain　that　knowledge　of　which　you　speak。”
The　freemason　smiled　his　mild；　fatherly　smile。
“The　highest　wisdom　and　truth　is　like　the　purest　dew；　which　we　try　to　hold　within　us；”　said　he。　“Can　I　hold　in　an　impure　vessel　that　pure　dew　and　judge　of　its　purity？　Only　by　the　inner　purification　of　myself　can　I　bring　that　dew　contained　within　me　to　some　degree　of　purity。”
“Yes；　yes；　that’s　so；”　Pierre　said　joyfully。
“The　highest　wisdom　is　founded　not　on　reason　only；　not　on　those　worldly　sciences；　of　physics；　history；　chemistry；　etc。；　into　which　knowledge　of　the　intellect　is　divided。　The　highest　wisdom　is　one。　The　highest　wisdom　knows　but　one　science—the　science　of　the　whole；　the　science　that　explains　the　whole　creation　and　the　place　of　man　in　it。　To　instil　this　science　into　one’s　soul；　it　is　needful　to　purify　and　renew　one’s　inner　man；　and　so；　before　one　can　know；　one　must　believe　and　be　made　perfect。　And　for　the　attainment　of　these　aims　there　has　been　put　into　our　souls　the　light　of　God；　called　the　conscience。”
“Yes；　yes；”　Pierre　assented。
“Look　with　the　spiritual　eye　into　thy　inner　man；　and　ask　of　thyself　whether　thou　art　content　with　thyself。　What　hast　thou　attained　with　the　guidance　of　the　intellect　alone？　What　art　thou？　You　are　young；　you　are　wealthy；　you　are　cultured；　sir。　What　have　you　made　of　all　the　blessings　vouchsafed　you？　Are　you　satisfied　with　yourself　and　your　life？”
“No；　I　hate　my　life；”　said　Pierre；　frowning。
“Thou　hatest　it；　then　change　it；　purify　thyself；　and　as　thou　art　purified；　thou　wilt　come　to　know　wisdom。　Look　at　your　life；　sir。　How　have　you　been　spending　it？　In　riotous　orgies　and　debauchery；　taking　everything　from　society　and　giving　nothing　in　return。　You　have　received　wealth。　How　have　you　used　it？　What　have　you　done　for　your　neighbour？　Have　you　given　a　thought　to　the　tens　of　thousands　of　your　slaves；　have　you　succoured　them　physically　and　morally？　No。　You　have　profited　by　their　toil　to　lead　a　dissipated　life。　That’s　what　you　have　done。　Have　you　chosen　a　post　in　the　service　where　you　might　be　of　use　to　your　neighbour？　No。　You　have　spent　your　life　in　idleness。　Then　you　married；　sir；　took　upon　yourself　the　responsibility　of　guiding　a　young　woman　in　life；　and　what　have　you　done？　You　have　not　helped　her；　sir；　to　find　the　path　of　truth；　but　have　cast　her　into　an　abyss　of　deception　and　misery。　A　man　injured　you；　and　you　have　killed　him；　and　you　say　you　do　not　know　God；　and　that　you　hate　your　life。　There　is　no　wisdom　in　all　that；　sir。”
After　these　words　the　freemason　leaned　his　elbow　again　on　the　back　of　the　sofa　and　closed　his　eyes；　as　though　weary　of　prolonged　talking。　Pierre　gazed　at　that　stern；　immovable；　old；　almost　death…like　face；　and　moved　his　lips　without　uttering　a　sound。　He　wanted　to　say；　“Yes；　a　vile；　idle；　vicious　life；”　and　he　dared　not　break　the　silence。　The　freemason　cleared　his　throat　huskily；　as　old　men　do；　and　called　his　servant。
“How　about　horses？”　he　asked；　without　looking　at　Pierre。
“They　have　brought　round　some　that　were　given　up；”　answered　the　old　man。　“You　won’t　rest？”
“No；　tell　them　to　harness　them。”
“Can　he　really　be　going　away　and　leaving　me　all　alone；　without　telling　me　everything　and　promising　me　help？”　thought　Pierre；　getting　up　with　downcast　head；　beginning　to　walk　up　and　down　the　room；　casting　a　glance　from　time　to　time　at　the　freemason。　“Yes；　I　had　not　thought　of　it；　but　I　have　led　a　contemptible；　dissolute　life；　but　I　did　not　like　it；　and　I　didn’t　want　to；”　thought　Pierre；　“and　this　man　knows　the　truth；　and　if　he　liked　he　could　reveal　it　to　me。”　Pierre　wanted　to　say　this　to　the　freemason　and　dared　not。　After　packing　his　things　with　his　practised　old　hands；　the　traveller　buttoned　up　his　sheepskin。　On　finishing　these　preparations；　he　turned　to　Bezuhov；　and　in　a　polite；　indifferent　tone；　said　to　him：
“Where　are　you　going　now；　sir？”
“I？　…　I’m　going　to　Petersburg；”　answered　Pierre　in　a　tone　of　childish　indecision。　“I　thank　you。　I　agree　with　you　in　everything。　But　do　not　suppose　that　I　have　been　so　bad。　With　all　my　soul　I　have　desired　to　be　what　you　would　wish　me　to　be；　but　I　have　never　met　with　help　from　any　one。…　Though　I　was　myself　most　to　blame　for　everything。　Help　me；　instruct　me；　and　perhaps　I　shall　be　able　…”
Pierre　could　not　say　more；　his　voice　broke　and　he　turned　away。
The　freemason　was　silent；　obviously　pondering　something。
“Help　comes　only　from　God；”　he　said；　“but　such　measure　of　aid　as　it　is　in　the　power　of　our　order　to　give　you；　it　will　give　you；　sir。　You　go　to　Petersburg；　and　give　this　to　Count　Villarsky”　（he　took　out　his　notebook　and　wrote　a　few　words　on　a　large　sheet　of　paper　folded　into　four）。　“One　piece　of　advice　let　me　give　you。　When　you　reach　the　capital；　devote　your　time　at　first　there　to　solitude　and　to　self…examination；　and　do　not　return　to　your　old　manner　of　life。　Therewith　I　wish　you　a　good　journey；　sir；”　he　added；　noticing　that　his　servant　had　entered　t