droll stories-3-第2章

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In　this　work　are　to　be　met　with　necessity；　virtue；　whim；　the　desire　of

a　woman；　the　votive　offering　of　a　stout　Pantagruelist；　all　are　here。

Hold　your　peace；　then；　drink　to　the　author；　and　let　his　inkstand　with

the　double　cup　endow　the　Gay　Science　with　a　hundred　glorious　Droll

Tales。



Stand　back　then；　curs；　strike　up　the　music！　Silence；　bigots；　out　of

the　way；　dunces！　step　forward　my　merry　wags！my　little　pages！　give

your　soft　hand　to　the　ladies；　and　tickle　theirs　in　the　centre　in　a

pretty　manner；　saying　to　them；　〃Read　to　laugh。〃　Afterwards　you　can

tell　them　some　mere　jest　to　make　them　roar；　since　when　they　are

laughing　their　lips　are　apart；　and　they　make　but　a　faint　resistance　to

love。







PERSEVERANCE　IN　LOVE



During　the　first　years　of　the　thirteenth　century　after　the　coming　of

our　Divine　Saviour　there　happened　in　the　City　of　Paris　an　amorous

adventure；　through　the　deed　of　a　man　of　Tours；　of　which　the　town　and

even　the　king's　court　was　never　tired　of　speaking。　As　to　the　clergy；

you　will　see　by　that　which　is　related　the　part　they　played　in　this

history；　the　testimony　of　which　was　by　them　preserved。　This　said　man；

called　the　Touranian　by　the　common　people；　because　he　had　been　born　in

our　merry　Touraine；　had　for　his　true　name　that　of　Anseau。　In　his

latter　days　the　good　man　returned　into　his　own　country　and　was　mayor

of　St。　Martin；　according　to　the　chronicles　of　the　abbey　of　that　town；

but　at　Paris　he　was　a　great　silversmith。



But　now　in　his　prime；　by　his　great　honesty；　his　labours；　and　so　forth；

he　became　a　citizen　of　Paris　and　subject　of　the　king；　whose　protection

he　bought；　according　to　the　custom　of　the　period。　He　had　a　house　built

for　him　free　of　all　quit…rent；　close　the　Church　of　St。　Leu；　in　the　Rue

St。　Denis；　where　his　forge　was　well…known　by　those　in　want　of　fine

jewels。　Although　he　was　a　Touranian；　and　had　plenty　of　spirit　and

animation；　he　kept　himself　virtuous　as　a　true　saint；　in　spite　of　the

blandishments　of　the　city；　and　had　passed　the　days　of　his　green　season

without　once　dragging　his　good　name　through　the　mire。　Many　will　say

this　passes　the　bounds　of　that　faculty　of　belief　which　God　has　placed

in　us　to　aid　that　faith　due　to　the　mysteries　of　our　holy　religion；　so

it　is　needful　to　demonstrate　abundantly　the　secret　cause　of　this

silversmith's　chastity。　And；　first　remember　that　he　came　into　the　town

on　foot；　poor　as　Job；　according　to　the　old　saying；　and　unlike　all　the

inhabitants　of　our　part　of　the　country；　who　have　but　one　passion；　he

had　a　character　of　iron；　and　persevered　in　the　path　he　had　chosen　as

steadily　as　a　monk　in　vengeance。　As　a　workman；　he　laboured　from　morn

to　night；　become　a　master；　he　laboured　still；　always　learning　new

secrets；　seeking　new　receipts；　and　in　seeking；　meeting　with　inventions

of　all　kinds。　Late　idlers；　watchmen；　and　vagrants　saw　always　a　modest

lamp　shining　through　the　silversmith's　window；　and　the　good　man

tapping；　sculpting；　rounding；　distilling；　modeling；　and　finishing；

with　his　apprentices；　his　door　closed　and　his　ears　open。　Poverty

engendered　hard　work；　hard　work　engendered　his　wonderful　virtue；　and

his　virtue　engendered　his　great　wealth。　Take　this　to　heart；　ye

children　of　Cain　who　eat　doubloons　and　micturate　water。　If　the　good

silversmith　felt　himself　possessed　with　wild　desires；　which　now　in　one

way；　now　another；　seize　upon　an　unhappy　bachelor　when　the　devil　tries

to　get　hold　of　him；　making　the　sign　of　the　cross；　the　Touranian

hammered　away　at　his　metal；　drove　out　the　rebellious　spirits　from　his

brain　by　bending　down　over　the　exquisite　works　of　art；　little

engravings；　figures　of　gold　and　silver　forms；　with　which　he　appeased

the　anger　of　his　Venus。　Add　to　this　that　this　Touranian　was　an　artless

man；　of　simple　understanding；　fearing　God　above　all　things；　then

robbers；　next　to　that　of　nobles；　and　more　than　all；　a　disturbance。

Although　if　he　had　two　hands；　he　never　did　more　than　one　thing　at　a

time。　His　voice　was　as　gentle　as　that　of　a　bridegroom　before　marriage。

Although　the　clergy；　the　military；　and　others　gave　him　no　reputation

for　knowledge；　he　knew　well　his　mother's　Latin；　and　spoke　it　correctly

without　waiting　to　be　asked。　Latterly　the　Parisians　had　taught　him　to

walk　uprightly；　not　to　beat　the　bush　for　others；　to　measure　his

passions　by　the　rule　of　his　revenues；　not　to　let　them　take　his　leather

to　make　other's　shoes；　to　trust　no　one　farther　then　he　could　see　them；

never　to　say　what　he　did；　and　always　to　do　what　he　said；　never　to

spill　anything　but　water；　to　have　a　better　memory　than　flies　usually


have；　to　keep　his　hands　to　himself；　to　do　the　same　with　his　purse；　to

avoid　a　crowd　at　the　corner　of　a　street；　and　sell　his　jewels　for　more

than　they　cost　him；　all　things；　the　sage　observance　of　which　gave　him

as　much　wisdom　as　he　had　need　of　to　do　business　comfortably　and

pleasantly。　And　so　he　did；　without　troubling　anyone　else。　And　watching

this　good　little　man　unobserved；　many　said；



〃By　my　faith；　I　should　like　to　be　this　jeweller；　even　were　I　obliged

to　splash　myself　up　to　the　eyes　with　the　mud　of　Paris　during　a　hundred

years　for　it。〃



They　might　just　as　well　have　wished　to　be　king　of　France；　seeing　that

the　silversmith　had　great　powerful　nervous　arms；　so　wonderfully　strong

that　when　he　closed　his　fist　the　cleverest　trick　of　the　roughest

fellow　could　not　open　it；　from　which　you　may　be　sure　that　whatever　he

got　hold　of　he　stuck　to。　More　than　this；　he　had　teeth　fit　to　masticate

iron；　a　stomach　to　dissolve　it；　a　duodenum　to　digest　it；　a　sphincter

to　let　it　out　again　without　tearing；　and　shoulders　that　would　bear　a

universe　upon　them；　like　that　pagan　gentleman　to　whom　the　job　was

confided；　and　whom　the　timely　arrival　of　Jesus　Christ　discharged　from

the　duty。　He　was；　in　fact；　a　man　made　with　one　stroke；　and　they　are

the　best；　for　those　who　have　to　be　touched　are　worth　nothing；　being

patched　up　and　finished　at　odd　times。　In　short；　Master　Anseau　was　a

thorough　man；　with　a　lion's　face；　and　under　his　eyebrows　a　glance　that

would　melt　his　gold　if　the　fire　of　his　forge　had　gone　out；　but　a

limpid　water　placed　in　his　eyes　by　the　great　Moderator　of　all　things

tempered　this　great　ardour；　without　which　he　would　have　burnt　up

everything。　Was　he　not　a　splendid　specimen　of　a　man？



With　such　a　sample　of　his　cardinal　virtues；　some　persist　in　asking　why

the　good　silversmith　remained　as　unmarried　as　an　oyster；　seeing　that

these　properties　of　nature　are　of　good　use　in　all　places。　But　these

opinionated　critics；　do　they　know　what　it　is　to　love？　Ho！　Ho！　Easy！

The　vocation　of　a　lover　is　to　go；　to　come；　to　listen；　to　watch；　to

hold　his　tongue；　to　talk；　to　stick　in　a　corner；　to　make　himself　big；

to　make　himself　little；　to　agree；　to　play　music；　to　drudge；　to　go　to

the　devil　wherever　he　may　be；　to　count　the　gray　peas　in　the　dovecote；

to　find　flowers　under　the　snow；　to　say　paternosters　to　the　moon；　to

pat　the　cat　and　pat　the　dog；　to　salute　the　friends；　to　flatter　the

gout；　or　the　cold　of　the　aunt；　to　say　to　her　at　opportune　moments　〃You

have　good　looks；　and　will　yet　write　the　epitaph　of　the　human　race。〃　To

please　all　the　relations；　to　tread　on　no　one's　corns；　to　break　no

glasses；　to　waste　no　breath；　to　talk　nonsense；　to　hold　ice　in　his

hand；　to　say；　〃This　is　good！〃　or；　〃Really；　madam；　you　are　very

beautiful　so。〃　And　to　vary　that　in　a　hundred　different　ways。　To　keep

himself　cool；　to　bear　himself　like　a　nobleman；　to　have　a　free　tongue

and　a　modest　one；　to　endure　with　a　smile　all　the　evils　the　devil　may

invent　on　his　behalf；　to　smother　his　anger；　to　hold　nature　in　control；

to　have　the　finger　of　God；　and　the　tail　of　the　devil；　to　reward　the

mother；　the　cousin；　the　servant；　in　fact；　to　put　a　good　face　on

everything。　In　default　of　which　the　female　escapes　and　leaves　you　in　a

fix；　without　giving　a　single　Christian　reason。　In　fact；　the　lover　of

the　most　gentle　maid　that　God　ever　created　in　a　good…tempered　moment；

had　he　talked　like　a　book；　jumped　like　a　flea；　turned　about　like　dice；

played　like　King　David；　and　built　for　the　aforesaid　woman　the

Corinthian　order　of　the　columns　of　the　devil；　if　he　failed　in　the

essential　and　hidden　thing　which　pleases　his　lady　above　all　others；

which　often　she　does　not　know　herself　and　which　he　has　need　to　know；

the　lass　leaves　him　like　a　red　leper。　She　is　quite　right。　No　one　can

blame　her　for　so　doing。　When　this　happens　some　men　become　ill…

tempered；　cross；　and　more　wretched　than　you　can　possibly　imagine。　Have

not　many　of　them　killed　themselves　through　this　petticoat　tyranny？　In

this　matter　the　man　distinguishes　himself　from　the　beast；　seeing　that

no　animal　ever　yet　lost　his　senses　through　blighted　love；　which　proves

abundantly　that　animals　have　no　souls。　The　employment　of　a　lover　is

that　of　a　mountebank；　of　a　soldier；　of　a　quack；　of　a　buffoon；　of　a

prince；　of　a　ninny；　of　a　king；　of　an　idler；　of　a　monk；　of　a　dupe；　of　a

blackguard；　of　a　liar；　of　a　braggart；　of　a　sycophant；　of　a　numskull；

of　a　frivolous　fool；　of　a　blockhead；　of　a　know…nothing；　of　a　knave。　An

employment　from　which　Jesus　abstained；　in　imitation　of　whom　folks　of

great　understanding　likewise　disdain　it；　it　is　a　vocation　in　which　a

man　of　worth　is　required　to　spend　above　all　things；　his　time；　his

life；　his　blood；　his　best　words；　besides　his　heart；　his　soul；　and　his

brain；　things　to　which　the　women　are　cruelly　partial；　because　directly

their　tongues　begin　to　go；　they　say　among　themselves　that　if　they　have

not　the　whole　of　a　man　they　have　none　of　him。　Be　sure；　also；　that

there　are　cats；　who；　knitting　their　eyebrows；　complain　that　a　man　does

but　a　hundred　things　for　them；　for　the　purpose　of　finding　out　if　there

be　a　hundred；　at　first　seeing　that　in　everything　they　desire　the　most

thorough　spirit　of　conquest　and　tyranny。　And　this　high　jurisprudence

has　always　flourished　among　the　customs　of　Paris；　where　the　women

receive　more　wit　at　their　baptism　than　in　any　other　place　in　the

world；　and　thus　are　mischievous　by　birth。



But　our　silversmith；　always　busy　at　his　work；　burnishing　gold　and

melting　silver；　had　no　time　to　warm　his　love　or　to　burnish　and　make

shine　his　fantasies；　nor　to　show　off；　gad　about；　waste　his　time　in

mischief；　or　to　run　after　she…males。　Now　seeing　that　in　Paris　virgins

do　not　fall　into　the　beds　of　young　men　any　more　than　roast　pheasants

into　the　streets；　not　even　when　the　young　men　are　royal　silversmiths；

the　Touranian　had　the　advantage　of　having；　as　I　have　before　observed；

a　continent　member　in　his　shirt。　However；　the　good　man　could　not　close

his　eyes　to　the　advantage　of　nature　with　which　were　so　amply　furnished

the　ladies　with　whom　he　dilated　upon　the　value　of　his　jewels。　So　it

was　that；　after　listening　to　the　gentle　discourse　of　the　ladies；　who

tried　to　wheedle　and　to　fondle　him　to　obtain　a　favour　from　him；　the

good　Touranian　would　return　to　his　home；　dreamy　as　a　poet；　wretched　as

a　restless　cuckoo；　and　would　say　to　himself；　〃I　m