droll stories-3-第7章

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must　get　out　of　this　scrape　in　some　way。　Then　turning　towards　the

provost；　he　went　double　or　quits　on　the　risk；　reasoning　thus　with　the

cuckold：



〃My　friend；　you　know　that　I　consider　you　but　as　gallant　a　man　as　it　is

possible　for　a　provost　to　be　in　the　discharge　of　his　duty。　Now；　can　I

have　confidence　in　you？　I　have　here　with　me　the　fairest　lady　of　the

court。　As　for　Englishmen；　I　have　not　sufficient　of　one　to　make　the

breakfast　of　the　constable；　M。　de　Richmond；　who　sends　you　here。　This

is　（to　be　candid　with　you）　the　result　of　a　bet　made　between　myself　and

the　constable；　who　shares　it　with　the　King。　Both　have　wagered　that

they　know　who　is　the　lady　of　my　heart；　and　I　have　wagered　to　the

contrary。　No　one　more　than　myself　hates　the　English；　who　took　my

estates　in　Piccadilly。　Is　it　not　a　knavish　trick　to　put　justice　in

motion　against　me？　Ho！　Ho！　my　lord　constable；　a　chamberlain　is　worth

two　of　you；　and　I　will　beat　you　yet。　My　dear　Petit；　I　give　you

permission　to　search　by　night　and　by　day；　every　nook　and　cranny　of　my

house。　But　come　in　here　alone；　search　my　room；　turn　the　bed　over；　do

what　you　like。　Only　allow　me　to　cover　with　a　cloth　or　a　handkerchief

this　fair　lady；　who　is　at　present　in　the　costume　of　an　archangel；　in

order　that　you　may　not　know　to　what　husband　she　belongs。〃



〃Willingly；〃　said　the　provost。　〃But　I　am　an　old　bird；　not　easily

caught　with　chaff；　and　would　like　to　be　sure　that　it　is　really　a　lady

of　the　court；　and　not　an　Englishman；　for　these　English　have　flesh　as

white　and　soft　as　women；　and　I　know　it　well；　because　I've　hanged　so

many　of　them。〃



〃Well　then；〃　said　the　lord；　〃seeing　of　what　crime　I　am　suspected；　from

which　I　am　bound　to　free　myself；　I　will　go　and　ask　my　lady…love　to

consent　for　a　moment　to　abandon　her　modesty。　She　is　too　fond　of　me　to

refuse　to　save　me　from　reproach。　I　will　beg　her　to　turn　herself　over

and　show　you　a　physiognomy；　which　will　in　no　way　compromise　her；　and

will　be　sufficient　to　enable　you　to　recognise　a　noble　woman；　although

she　will　be　in　a　sense　upside　down。〃



〃All　right；〃　said　the　provost。



The　lady　having　heard　every　word；　had　folded　up　all　her　clothes；　and

put　them　under　the　bolster；　had　taken　off　her　chemise；　that　her

husband　should　not　recognise　it；　had　twisted　her　head　up　in　a　sheet；

and　had　brought　to　light　the　carnal　convexities　which　commenced　where

her　spine　finished。



〃Come　in；　my　friend；〃　said　the　lord。



The　provost　looked　up　the　chimney；　opened　the　cupboard；　the　clothes'

chest；　felt　under　the　bed；　in　the　sheets；　and　everywhere。　Then　he

began　to　study　what　was　on　the　bed。



〃My　lord；〃　said　he；　regarding　his　legitimate　appurtenances；　〃I　have

seen　young　English　lads　with　backs　like　that。　You　must　forgive　me

doing　my　duty；　but　I　must　see　otherwise。〃



〃What　do　you　call　otherwise？〃　said　the　lord。



〃Well；　the　other　physiognomy；　or；　if　you　prefer　it；　the　physiognomy　of

the　other。〃



〃Then　you　will　allow　madame　to　cover　herself　and　arrange　only　to　show

you　sufficient　to　convince　you；〃　said　the　lover；　knowing　that　the　lady

had　a　mark　or　two　easy　to　recognise。　〃Turn　your　back　a　moment；　so　that

my　dear　lady　may　satisfy　propriety。〃



The　wife　smiled　at　her　lover；　kissed　him　for　his　dexterity；　arranging

herself　cunningly；　and　the　husband　seeing　in　full　that　which　the　jade

had　never　let　him　see　before；　was　quite　convinced　that　no　English

person　could　be　thus　fashioned　without　being　a　charming　Englishwoman。



〃Yes；　my　lord；〃　he　whispered　in　the　ear　of　his　lieutenant；　〃this　is

certainly　a　lady　of　the　court；　because　the　towns…women　are　neither　so

well　formed　nor　so　charming。〃



Then　the　house　being　thoroughly　searched；　and　no　Englishman　found；　the

provost　returned；　as　the　constable　had　told　him；　to　the　king's

residence。



〃Is　he　slain？〃　said　the　constable。



〃Who？〃



〃He　who　grafted　horns　upon　your　forehead。〃



〃I　only　saw　a　lady　in　his　couch；　who　seemed　to　be　greatly　enjoying

herself　with　him。〃



〃You；　with　your　own　eyes；　saw　this　woman；　cursed　cuckold；　and　you　did

not　kill　your　rival？〃



〃It　was　not　a　common　woman；　but　a　lady　of　the　court。〃



〃You　saw　her？〃



〃And　verified　her　in　both　cases。〃



〃What　do　you　mean　by　those　words？〃　cried　the　king；　who　was　bursting

with　laughter。



〃I　say；　with　all　the　respect　due　to　your　Majesty；　that　I　have　verified

the　over　and　the　under。〃



〃You　do　not；　then；　know　the　physiognomies　of　your　own　wife；　you　old

fool　without　memory！　You　deserve　to　be　hanged。〃



〃I　hold　those　features　of　my　wife　in　too　great　respect　to　gaze　upon

them。　Besides　she　is　so　modest　that　she　would　die　rather　than　expose

an　atom　of　her　body。〃



〃True；〃　said　the　king；　〃it　was　not　made　to　be　shown。〃



〃Old　coquedouille！　that　was　your　wife；〃　said　the　constable。



〃My　lord　constable；　she　is　asleep；　poor　girl！〃



〃Quick；　quick；　then！　To　horse！　Let　us　be　off；　and　if　she　be　in　your

house　I'll　forgive　you。〃



Then　the　constable；　followed　by　the　provost；　went　to　the　latter's

house　in　less　time　than　it　would　have　taken　a　beggar　to　empty　the

poor…box。



〃Hullo！　there；　hi！〃



Hearing　the　noise　made　by　the　men；　which　threatened　to　bring　the　walls

about　their　ears；　the　maid…servant　opened　the　door；　yawning　and

stretching　her　arms。　The　constable　and　the　provost　rushed　into　the

room；　where；　with　great　difficulty；　they　succeeded　in　waking　the　lady；

who　pretended　to　be　terrified；　and　was　so　soundly　asleep　that　her　eyes

were　full　of　gum。　At　this　the　provost　was　in　great　glee；　saying　to　the

constable　that　someone　had　certainly　deceived　him；　that　his　wife　was　a

virtuous　woman；　and　was　more　astonished　than　any　of　them　at　these

proceedings。　The　constable　turned　on　his　heel　and　departed。　The　good

provost　began　directly　to　undress　to　get　to　bed　early；　since　this

adventure　had　brought　his　good　wife　to　his　memory。　When　he　was

harnessing　himself；　and　was　knocking　off　his　nether　garments；　madame；

still　astonished；　said　to　him



〃Oh；　my　dear　husband；　what　is　the　meaning　of　all　this　uproarthis

constable　and　his　pages；　and　why　did　he　come　to　see　if　I　was　asleep？

Is　it　to　be　henceforward　part　of　a　constable's　duty　to　look　after

our　。　。　。〃



〃I　do　not　know；〃　said　the　provost；　interrupting　her；　to　tell　her　what

had　happened　to　him。



〃And　you　saw　without　my　permission　a　lady　of　the　court！　Ha！　ha！　heu！

heu！　hein！〃



Then　she　began　to　moan；　to　weep；　and　to　cry　in　such　a　deplorable

manner　and　so　loudly；　that　her　lord　was　quite　aghast。



〃What's　the　matter；　my　darling？　What　is　it？　What　do　you　want？〃



〃Ah！　You　won't　love　me　any　more　are　after　seeing　how　beautiful　court

ladies　are！〃



〃Nonsense；　my　child！　They　are　great　ladies。　I　don't　mind　telling　you

in　confidence；　they　are　great　ladies　in　every　respect。〃



〃Well；〃　said　she；　〃am　I　nicer？〃



〃Ah；〃　said　he；　〃in　a　great　measure。　Yes！〃



〃They　have；　then；　great　happiness；〃　said　she；　sighing；　〃when　I　have　so

much　with　so　little　beauty。〃



Thereupon　the　provost　tried　a　better　argument　to　argue　with　his　good

wife；　and　argued　so　well　that　she　finished　by　allowing　herself　to　be

convinced　that　Heaven　has　ordained　that　much　pleasure　may　be　obtained

from　small　things。



This　shows　us　that　nothing　here　below　can　prevail　against　the　Church

of　Cuckolds。







ABOUT　THE　MONK　AMADOR；　WHO　WAS　A　GLORIOUS　ABBOT　OF　TURPENAY



One　day　that　it　was　drizzling　with　raina　time　when　the　ladies　remain

gleefully　at　home；　because　they　love　the　damp；　and　can　have　at　their

apron　strings　the　men　who　are　not　disagreeable　to　themthe　queen　was

in　her　chamber；　at　the　castle　of　Amboise；　against　the　window　curtains。

There；　seated　in　her　chair；　she　was　working　at　a　piece　of　tapestry　to

amuse　herself；　but　was　using　her　needle　heedlessly；　watching　the　rain

fall　into　the　Loire；　and　was　lost　in　thought；　where　her　ladies　were

following　her　example。　The　king　was　arguing　with　those　of　his　court

who　had　accompanied　him　from　the　chapelfor　it　was　a　question　of

returning　to　dominical　vespers。　His　arguments；　statements；　and

reasonings　finished；　he　looked　at　the　queen；　saw　that　she　was

melancholy；　saw　that　the　ladies　were　melancholy　also；　and　noted　the

fact　that　they　were　all　acquainted　with　the　mysteries　of　matrimony。



〃Did　I　not　see　the　Abbot　of　Turpenay　here　just　now？〃　said　he。



Hearing　these　words；　there　advanced　towards　the　king　the　monk；　who；　by

his　constant　petitions；　rendered　himself　so　obnoxious　to　Louis　the

Eleventh；　that　that　monarch　seriously　commanded　his　provost…royal　to

remove　him　from　his　sight；　and　it　has　been　related　in　the　first　volume

of　these　Tales；　how　the　monk　was　saved　through　the　mistake　of　Sieur

Tristan。　The　monk　was　at　this　time　a　man　whose　qualities　had　grown

rapidly；　so　much　so　that　his　wit　had　communicated　a　jovial　hue　to　his

face。　He　was　a　great　favourite　with　the　ladies；　who　crammed　him　with

wine；　confectioneries；　and　dainty　dishes　at　the　dinners；　suppers；　and

merry…makings；　to　which　they　invited　him；　because　every　host　likes

those　cheerful　guests　of　God　with　nimble　jaws；　who　say　as　many　words

as　they　put　away　tit…bits。　This　abbot　was　a　pernicious　fellow；　who

would　relate　to　the　ladies　many　a　merry　tale；　at　which　they　were　only

offended　when　they　had　heard　them；　since；　to　judge　them；　things　must

be　heard。



〃My　reverend　father；〃　said　the　king；　〃behold　the　twilight　hour；　in

which　ears　feminine　may　be　regaled　with　certain　pleasant　stories；　for

the　ladies　can　laugh　without　blushing；　or　blush　without　laughing；　as

it　suits　them　best。　Give　us　a　good　storya　regular　monk's　story。　I

shall　listen　to　it；　i'faith；　with　pleasure；　because　I　want　to　be

amused；　and　so　do　the　ladies。〃



〃We　only　submit　to　this；　in　order　to　please　your　lordship；〃　said　the

queen；　〃because　our　good　friend　the　abbot　goes　a　little　too　far。〃



〃Then；〃　replied　the　king；　turning　towards　the　monk；　〃read　us　some

Christian　admonition；　holy　father；　to　amuse　madame。〃



〃Sire；　my　sight　is　weak；　and　the　day　is　closing。〃



〃Give　us　a　story；　then；　that　stops　at　the　girdle。〃



〃Ah；　sire！〃　said　the　monk；　smiling；　〃the　one　I　am　thinking　of　stops

there；　but　it　commences　at　the　feet。〃



The　lords　present　made　such　gallant　remonstrances　and　supplications　to

the　queen　and　her　ladies；　that；　like　the　good　Bretonne　that　she　was；

she　gave　the　monk　a　gentle　smile；　and　said



〃As　you　will；　my　father；　but　you　must　answer　to　God　for　our　sins。〃



〃Willingly；　madame；　if　it　be　your　pleasure　to　take　mine；　you　will　be　a

gainer。〃



Everyone　laughed；　and　so　did　queen。　The　king　went　and　sat　by　his　dear

wife；　well　beloved　by　him；　as　everyone　knows。　The　courtiers　received

permission　to　be　seatedthe　old　courtiers；　of　course；　understood；　for

the　young　ones　stood；　by　the　ladies'　permission；　beside　their　chairs；

to　laugh　at　the　same　time　as　they　did。　Then　the　Abbot　of　Turpenay

gracefully　delivered　himself　of　the　following