droll stories-3-第9章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



Mademoiselle　de　Cande；　who　had　the　charge　of　the　young　heiress　of　the

house；　aged　about　sixteen　years；　came　and　sat　in　their　chairs　at　the

head　of　the　table；　far　from　the　common　people；　according　to　the　old

custom　usual　among　the　lords　of　the　period；　much　to　their　discredit。



The　Sieur　de　Cande；　paying　no　attention　to　the　monk；　let　him　sit　at

the　extreme　end　of　the　table；　in　a　corner；　where　two　mischievous　lads

had　orders　to　squeeze　and　elbow　him。　Indeed　these　fellows　worried　his

feet；　his　body；　and　his　arms　like　real　torturers；　poured　white　wine

into　his　goblet　for　water；　in　order　to　fuddle　him；　and　the　better　to

amuse　themselves　with　him；　but　they　made　him　drink　seven　large　jugfuls

without　making　belch；　break　wind；　sweat　or　snort；　which　horrified　them

exceedingly；　especially　as　his　eye　remained　as　clear　as　crystal。

Encouraged；　however；　by　a　glance　from　their　lord；　they　still　kept

throwing；　while　bowing　to　him；　gravy　into　his　beard；　and　wiping　it　dry

in　a　manner　to　tear　every　hair　of　it　out。　The　varlet　who　served　a

caudle　baptised　his　head　with　it；　and　took　care　to　let　the　burning

liquor　trickle　down　poor　Amador's　backbone。　All　this　agony　he　endured

with　meekness；　because　the　spirit　of　God　was　in　him；　and　also　the　hope

of　finishing　the　litigation　by　holding　out　in　the　castle。

Nevertheless；　the　mischievous　lot　burst　out　into　such　roars　of

laughter　at　the　warm　baptism　given　by　the　cook's　lad　to　the　soaked

monk；　even　the　butler　making　jokes　at　his　expense；　that　the　lady　of

Cande　was　compelled　to　notice　what　was　going　on　at　the　end　of　the

table。　Then　she　perceived　Amador；　who　had　a　look　of　sublime

resignation　upon　his　face；　and　was　endeavouring　to　get　something　out

of　the　big　beef　bones　that　had　been　put　upon　his　pewter　platter。　At

this　moment　the　poor　monk；　who　had　administered　a　dexterous　blow　of

the　knife　to　a　big　ugly　bone；　took　it　into　his　hairy　hands；　snapped　it

in　two；　sucked　the　warm　marrow　out　of　it；　and　found　it　good。



〃Truly；〃　said　she　to　herself；　〃God　has　put　great　strength　into　this

monk！〃



At　the　same　time　she　seriously　forbade　the　pages；　servants；　and　others

to　torment　the　poor　man；　to　whom　out　of　mockery　they　had　just　given

some　rotten　apples　and　maggoty　nuts。　He；　perceiving　that　the　old　lady

and　her　charge；　the　lady　and　the　servants　had　seen　him　manoeuvring　the

bone；　pushed　backed　his　sleeve；　showed　the　powerful　muscles　of　his

arm；　placed　nuts　near　his　wrist　on　the　bifurcation　of　the　veins；　and

crushed　them　one　by　one　by　pressing　them　with　the　palm　of　his　hand　so

vigorously　that　they　appeared　like　ripe　medlars。　He　also　crunched　them

between　his　teeth；　white　as　the　teeth　of　a　dog；　husk；　shell；　fruit；

and　all；　of　which　he　made　in　a　second　a　mash　which　he　swallowed　like

honey。　He　crushed　them　between　two　fingers；　which　he　used　like

scissors　to　cut　them　in　two　without　a　moment's　hesitation。



You　may　be　sure　that　the　women　were　silent；　that　the　men　believed　the

devil　to　be　in　the　monk；　and　had　it　not　been　for　his　wife　and　the

darkness　of　the　night；　the　Sieur　de　Cande；　having　the　fear　of　God

before　his　eyes；　would　have　kicked　him　out　of　the　house。　Everyone

declared　that　the　monk　was　a　man　capable　of　throwing　the　castle　into

the　moat。　Therefore；　as　soon　as　everyone　had　wiped　his　mouth；　my　lord

took　care　to　imprison　this　devil；　whose　strength　was　terrible　to

behold；　and　had　him　conducted　to　a　wretched　little　closet　where

Perrotte　had　arranged　her　machine　in　order　to　annoy　him　during　the

night。　The　tom…cats　of　the　neighbourhood　had　been　requested　to　come

and　confess　to　him；　invited　to　tell　him　their　sins　in　embryo　towards

the　tabbies　who　attracted　their　affections；　and　also　the　little　pigs

for　whom　fine　lumps　of　tripe　had　been　placed　under　the　bed　in　order　to

prevent　them　becoming　monks；　of　which　they　were　very　desirous；　by

disgusting　them　with　the　style　of　libera；　which　the　monk　would　sing　to

them。　At　every　movement　of　poor　Amador；　who　would　find　short　horse…

hair　in　the　sheets；　he　would　bring　down　cold　water　on　to　the　bed；　and

a　thousand　other　tricks　were　arranged；　such　are　usually　practised　in

castles。　Everyone　went　to　bed　in　expectation　of　the　nocturnal　revels

of　the　monk；　certain　that　they　would　not　be　disappointed；　since　he　had

been　lodged　under　the　tiles　at　the　top　of　a　little　tower；　the　guard　of

the　door　of　which　was　committed　to　dogs　who　howled　for　a　bit　of　him。

In　order　to　ascertain　what　language　the　conversations　with　the　cats

and　pigs　would　be　carried　on；　the　Sire　came　to　stay　with　his　dear

Perrotte；　who　slept　in　the　next　room。



As　soon　as　he　found　himself　thus　treated；　Amador　drew　from　his　bag　a

knife；　and　dexterously　extricated　himself。　Then　he　began　to　listen　in

order　to　find　out　the　ways　of　the　place；　and　heard　the　master　of　the

house　laughing　with　his　maid…servant。　Suspecting　their　manoeuvres；　he

waited　till　the　moment　when　the　lady　of　the　house　should　be　alone　in

bed；　and　made　his　way　into　her　room　with　bare　feet；　in　order　that　his

sandals　should　not　be　in　his　secrets。　He　appeared　to　her　by　the　light

of　the　lamp　in　the　manner　in　which　monks　generally　appear　during　the

nightthat　is；　in　a　marvellous　state；　which　the　laity　find　it

difficult　long　to　sustain；　and　the　thing　is　an　effect　of　the　frock；

which　magnifies　everything。　Then　having　let　her　see　that　he　was　all　a

monk；　he　made　the　following　little　speech



〃Know；　madame；　that　I　am　sent　by　Jesus　and　the　Virgin　Mary　to　warn　you

to　put　an　end　to　the　improper　perversities　which　are　taking　placeto

the　injury　of　your　virtue；　which　is　treacherously　deprived　of　your

husband's　best　attention；　which　he　lavishes　upon　your　maid。　What　is

the　use　of　being　a　lady　if　the　seigneurial　dues　are　received

elsewhere。　According　to　this；　your　servant　is　the　lady　and　you　are　the

servant。　Are　not　all　the　joys　bestowed　upon　her　due　to　you？　You　will

find　them　all　amassed　in　our　Holy　Church；　which　is　the　consolation　of

the　afflicted。　Behold　in　me　the　messenger；　ready　to　pay　these　debts　if

you　do　not　renounce　them。〃



Saying　this；　the　good　monk　gently　loosened　his　girdle　in　which　he　was

incommoded；　so　much　did　he　appear　affected　by　the　sight　of　those

beauties　which　the　Sieur　de　Cande　disdained。



〃If　you　speak　truly；　my　father；　I　will　submit　to　your　guidance；〃　said

she；　springing　lightly　out　of　bed。　〃You　are　for　sure；　a　messenger　of

God；　because　you　have　been　in　a　single　day　that　which　I　had　not

noticed　here　for　a　long　time。〃



Then　she　went；　accompanied　by　Amador；　whose　holy　robe　she　did　not　fail

to　run　her　hand　over；　and　was　so　struck　when　she　found　it　real；　that

she　hoped　to　find　her　husband　guilty；　and　indeed　she　heard　him　talking

about　the　monk　in　her　servant's　bed。　Perceiving　this　felony；　she　went

into　a　furious　rage　and　opened　her　mouth　to　resolve　it　into　words

which　is　the　usual　method　of　womenand　wished　to　kick　up　the　devil's

delight　before　handing　the　girl　over　to　justice。　But　Amador　told　her

that　it　would　be　more　sensible　to　avenge　herself　first；　and　cry　out

afterwards。



〃Avenge　me　quickly；　then；　my　father；〃　said　she；　〃that　I　may　begin　to

cry　out。〃



Thereupon　the　monk　avenged　her　most　monastically　with　a　good　and　ample

vengeance；　that　she　indulged　in　as　a　drunkard　who　puts　his　lips　to　the

bunghole　of　a　barrel；　for　when　a　lady　avenges　herself；　she　should　get

drunk　with　vengeance；　or　not　taste　it　at　all。　And　the　chatelaine　was

revenged　to　that　degree　that　she　could　not　move；　since　nothing

agitates；　takes　away　the　breath；　and　exhausts；　like　anger　and

vengeance。　But　although　she　were　avenged；　and　doubly　and　trebly

avenged；　yet　would　she　not　forgive；　in　order　that　she　might　reserve

the　right　of　avenging　herself　with　the　monk；　now　here；　now　there。

Perceiving　this　love　for　vengeance；　Amador　promised　to　aid　her　in　it

as　long　as　her　ire　lasted；　for　he　informed　her　that　he　knew　in　his

quality　of　a　monk；　constrained　to　meditate　long　on　the　nature　of

things；　an　infinite　number　of　modes；　methods；　and　manners　of

practicing　revenge。



Then　he　pointed　out　to　her　canonically　what　a　Christian　thing　it　is　to

revenge　oneself；　because　all　through　the　Holy　Scriptures　God　declares

Himself；　above　all　things；　to　be　a　God　of　vengeance；　and　moreover；

demonstrates　to　us；　by　his　establishment　in　the　infernal　regions；　how

royally　divine　a　thing　vengeance　is；　since　His　vengeance　is　eternal。

From　which　it　followed；　that　women　with　monks　ought　to　revenge

themselves；　under　pain　of　not　being　Christians　and　faithful　servants

of　celestial　doctrines。



This　dogma　pleased　the　lady　much；　and　she　confessed　that　she　had　never

understood　the　commandments　of　the　Church；　and　invited　her　well…

beloved　monk　to　enlighten　her　thoroughly　concerning　them。　Then　the

chatelaine；　whose　vital　spirits　had　been　excited　by　the　vengeance

which　had　refreshed　them；　went　into　the　room　where　the　jade　was

amusing　herself；　and　by　chance　found　her　with　her　hand　where　she；　the

chatelaine；　often　had　her　eyelike　the　merchants　have　on　their　most

precious　articles；　in　order　to　see　that　they　were　not　stolen。　They

wereaccording　to　President　Lizet；　when　he　was　in　a　merry　mooda

couple　taken　in　flagrant　delectation；　and　looked　dumbfounded；　sheepish

and　foolish。　The　sight　that　met　her　eyes　displeased　the　lady　beyond

the　power　of　words　to　express；　as　it　appeared　by　her　discourse；　of

which　to　roughness　was　similar　to　that　of　the　water　of　a　big　pond　when

the　sluice…gates　were　opened。　It　was　a　sermon　in　three　heads；

accompanied　with　music　of　a　high　gamut；　varied　in　tones；　with　many

sharps　among　the　keys。



〃Out　upon　virtue！　my　lord；　I've　had　my　share　of　it。　You　have　shown　me

that　religion　in　conjugal　faith　is　an　abuse；　this　is　then　the　reason

that　I　have　no　son。　How　many　children　have　you　consigned　to　this

common　oven；　this　poor…box；　this　bottomless　alms…purse；　this　leper's

porringer；　the　true　cemetery　of　the　House　of　Cande？　I　will　know　if　I

am　childless　from　a　constitutional　defect；　or　through　your　fault。　I

will　have　handsome　cavaliers；　in　order　that　I　may　have　an　heir。　You

can　get　the　bastards；　I　the　legitimate　children。〃



〃My　dear；〃　said　the　bewildered　lord；　〃don't　shout　so。〃



〃But；〃　replied　the　lady；　〃I　will　shout；　and　shout　to　make　myself

heard；　heard　by　the　archbishop；　heard　by　the　legate；　by　the　king；　by

my　brothers；　who　will　avenge　this　infamy　for　me。〃



〃Do　not　dishonour　your　husband！〃



〃This　is　dishonour　then？　You　are　right；　but；　my　lord；　it　is　not

brought　about　by　you；　but　by　this　hussy；　whom　I　will　have　sewn　up　in　a

sack；　and　thrown　into　the　Indre；　thus　your　dishonour　will　be　washed

away。　Hi！　there；〃　she　called　out。



〃Silence；　madame！〃　said　the　sire；　as　shamefaced　as　a　blind　man's　dog；

because　this　great　warrior；　so　ready　to　kill　others；　was　like　a　child

in　the　hands　of　his　wife；　a　state　of　affairs　to　which　soldiers　are

accustomed；　because　in　them　lies　the　strength　and　is　found　all　the

dull　carnality　of　matter；　while；　o